EDITED: 6/17/21
I'm over at my boyfriend's place to study for the exams. I'm not good with my studies, but he is, so I asked him to help me out. It did take a few convincing and bribing.
"Kei..?" I call out, and he just hums. "Help me with Math."
"What are you having trouble with?" I show him my notebook, and he starts explaining what to do. "Eyes on your notes." He says, lightly knocking his pen on my forehead. "Focus."
"Hey.." He raises his brow, and I can feel myself sink in. "Can we take a break?"
"From what?" What else..?
"Studying." He nods and starts putting things aside. "Will you get us snacks from the kitchen? I'm a bit.. hungry.."
"You want food?" I nod, and he heads out.
I look around his room, feeling a bit upset but happy that all I see in his room are dinosaur figures. There's nothing of us in here. I guess it's because he's male, and they tend to be.. less, especially him with his attitude.
It's cute how he has dinosaur figures and magazines all over his room. Kei never said he likes them. I never found out about it before coming here today. He's secretive about himself.
Kei heads inside with a tray of food, and I smile at the look of everything being strawberry. Another thing I just found out about... he likes strawberries, but I never knew because he never told me.
I take a few snacks, and he sits on the other end of the bed as he goes through his phone. It feels really awkward. This wasn't what I had in mind when I thought of coming here.. I might've thought too much.
"Kei.." He glances at me, and I sigh. "Do you love me?" I hate myself for not having enough self-esteem and self-confidence.
"Stop that."
I put the snacks back and continue studying. He's not minding me at all. I can't stop overthinking. I just want to be assured. He can at least just.. say something.
I head to the bathroom and try to calm down. If I break down in front of him, he'll be mad. I need to calm down. He's not someone who's happy with crybabies.
I return to his room, and he checks on me by taking glances, but I just ignore him and continue studying. He takes the seat next to me and starts studying again.
My head is not getting any new information from the stress. I shouldn't have asked him to study with me. It was a bad idea.. I shouldn't have.. This is a bad idea. I can't stop thinking about it.
I brush my hair back in frustration and take a deep breath. "(Y/n), do you need help?" I shake my head, and he just looks at me. "I can help if.."
"I'm fine." He brings a hand to my face, and I swat it off. "I said I'm fine, Kei."
"Then why are you crying?" I wipe my cheeks and find them wet. I turn away from him and continue studying as I wipe my cheeks. "(Y/n), you have to tell me what's wrong--"
"Just leave me alone, Kei." He grabs my wrists and turns me to him. "Kei, please.." I hand my head low, letting my tears fall to my lap.
"Is it because I told you not to ask--"
"No! That's just.. no..." I mean, it can give me some assurance, but it's not why I'm upset. "Just leave me alone.. I don't want to talk about it.."
I take deep breaths as I try to calm myself, and he lets go of my wrists and holds my hands. Why is he even holding my hands like that? He won't even.. Does he hate me now?
"What's wrong?" I shake my head. "(Y/n), you should go home." I look up to him, and he sighs. "If you're not going to tell me, then you should go home and rest."
"No.."
"Then you have to tell me."
I bite my lip, and he wipes my lips to keep me from biting. I don't even know what to say to him. If I explain, will he actually listen to me..?
"What do you think about me..?" He raises his brow, and I hide my face with my hair. "H-How do you think of me a-and Aiko?"
"(Y/n), what kind of crap.. are we talking about?" I furrow my brows, and he sighs. "How do you think I think about you? My girlfriend?"
"Don't answer with a question.."
"But what of Aiko? The girl who wears excessive makeup and completely thinks it's not obvious?" Why is he playing dumb? "I don't like her.."
"Then why kiss her?" I ask in a very quiet voice, my breath hitching as my chest aches. "Why kiss her if you don't..?"
"You saw.." I nod, and he sighs. "A kiss doesn't weigh a lot--"
"I wouldn't be crying if it didn't, Kei.. or... maybe you just have an incredibly lame girlfriend who worries about everything... that you'd probably get sick of.."
Kei just stays silent, and I wipe my cheeks. I wait for him to speak as I continue to cry and attempt to calm down. He hasn't given me an explanation. Does he even want to..?
I look at him and sigh, pulling my hands away from his to put my things away. "I'm going home.."
"(Y/n).."
I head outside and head home, going straight to my room. I skipped dinner. I fell asleep from crying. I told myself I'd stop crying, but it wasn't happening.
I planned on ignoring calls and messages, but none even came. Kei's really not going to explain to me. That's.. that's fine. That's alright. Totally not giving more things to stress about.
School came, and I wasn't able to study. We have quizzes to act like mock exams to prepare us for the actual exams. I tried studying during homeroom, but I couldn't remember anything while I took the exam.
It's been three days since we haven't spoken to each other. I want him to be the one explaining to me, but he hasn't even tried to send me a single text. Just one.. but none.
The teachers gave the results to the mock exams. I didn't check them one by one. I waited until I had all of them before checking, but maybe.. I shouldn't have.
They all came back.. red marks everywhere. I don't like this. I want to rip my exam papers, but they're essential for review.. I want to rip them, burn them, and throw them away.
"(Y/n)?" I force a smile, and Yamaguchi frowns. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine.. I just need to study. I failed all of my mock exams." I explain, seeing his eyes widen in shock. "Don't be so surprised.. This is my true nature." I laugh, and he just looks at me with worry. "I'm alright.."
"Tsukki and y--"
"If you have nothing else to say, I have to go home and study." I hurry outside and head home.
I studied and studied. I studied continuously for five days to try and get myself a better grade. I don't want to be welcomed by failing grades. I don't want to experience that ever again.
But no matter how many sleepless nights of studying, reviewing notes, rewriting notes, and countless cups of caffeine to stay awake.. I still couldn't remember great amounts of knowledge.
During the exams, I blanked out at the sound of the bell. It made me panic. I was tired and jittery, and it was just.. the amount of caffeine made me hyperventilate a lot.
Results came in soon after, and they were hell. I don't know how to tell my parents. I have no idea how I'll explain to them what the reason behind everything is.
A week and a half... I rest my head on my arms and just stare out the window. It's frustrating. Him.. and the exams, they're all frustrating. Why can't he just move forward to me?
"(Y/n).." Oh, nice timing. "Shortcake--"
I smack his hand off and glare. "Just leave me alone.. like you have for the past few days."
tsukishima
It's not everyday that you get attacked with kisses all of a sudden. (Y/n) only does that two or three times a week, so to be jumped on by someone who's not even my girlfriend is incredibly insane.
I was on my own when someone suddenly came to me and approached me for no reason. If it was (Y/n), I would've been fine.. but then they suddenly start kissing me. Incredibly gross.
I didn't think she saw. I didn't tell her because she's already doubtful of many things. She worries a lot, and if I tell her.. well, maybe it would've been better.
I didn't reach out to her because I had no idea what I was going to say. I can't think of ways of telling her the truth. She already does..
A week and a half, and she hasn't called. I thought she'd at least send me a message, but she didn't. I screwed up. I should've at least tried to do something.
It was this morning when the results came in, I went to the bulletin board to check mine. I checked out for hers after, but her name wasn't exactly showed. She didn't get into the top.
"Looking for my name?" I walk away, and she follows me. "Kei--"
"Please.. only my family and (Y/n)'s allowed to call me that way." I complain, and she continues to follow me.
"We kissed.. don't you think--?"
"Yeah, thanks for ruining my relationship."
I head to her room and find her napping on her desk. Should I..? She'll get mad if I try to wake her up. I should try to at least do something.
I waited the whole day to try and talk to her, but she glared at me and left. So much for trying. I can't get pissed at her.. it was my fault after all. I should've been honest when I could.
Last night I tried to call, but she never picked up. I have no idea about what to do to get her to talk to me. I can just try.. tch, this wouldn't have happened if I explained to her before she left to go home.
"(Y/n), please.." She just plugs her ears with earphones, and I want to hide under a rock. "(Y/n).." I try taking one off, and she smacks my hand like she did yesterday.
Food might catch her attention.. I went out to get her chocolate milk and a croissant. Will she really look... I think I know what to do, and I probably will regret it in a few days.
I place them on her desk, and finally.. she looks at me. "I'm sorry.." I also wrote that on the note that she just read. "I'll explain everything.."
She takes her earphones off, and I take a chair from one of the desks nearby so I can sit with her. She's not saying anything. What am I supposed to do?
"She's not.. she's nothing.. I.." What am I supposed to tell her? "I have no idea what to explain, but it was completely nothing.. I'm sorry if I didn't tell you.."
"You admit to your faults..?" I nod, and she sighs.
"Forgive me so I can help you with your studies.. show me your exams.." She hesitantly takes them out, and I read through them.
I read through the papers, and she was really not herself. Normally, she'd get half of them right, but she got half of half.. I should've talked to her sooner.
I hold her hand under her desk and whisper, "I love you."
She links her arm with mine, and I turn to her, earning myself a kiss on my lips. Sudden kisses.. from you are okay. I like them after all.. not.
She rests her head on my shoulder and smiles. "I love you too, and I forgive you." I kiss the top of her head, and she sneaks a kiss on my cheek.
I just smile and continue reading though her exams. "I know that you do." And I know that I love you more than what I show you.