Laura stopped in the position she was in. Thoughts tumbled through her mind. "No," she muttered quietly, "No." She swung her legs round and sat up, her eyes meeting Ricky's as he stood by the window holding the packet of biscuits. Laura swallowed hard. "No," she said for a third time.
"Are you..." Ricky bit his lip not wanting to say anymore.
"Late? No I'm not." Her hand went to her mouth as she thought. She waved it away. "I'm not." She grabbed at her handbag at the bottom of the bed, scrabbling for her phone and her calendar app. "It was just before you went on tour..." She allowed the phone in her hand to fall into her lap.
"Four weeks ago,"Ricky calculated. He moved to sit next to her on the bed as steam was released from the kettle and the switch flicked off.
"Then no, I'm not late. Tomorrow, I'm due tomorrow," she pointed at the calendar. "And besides... you don't get sick that quickly, no you don't." It was as if Laura was holding a conversation with herself; trying to convince herself it couldn't possibly be happening. She turned to look at him. "It's something I've eaten," she told him defiantly.
Ricky held up his hands to her, "Ok, I hear you. But," he was nervous to say anymore, "We ate the same thing this morning." His hand came down on her back, rubbing it gently. He could see the tears welling up in her eyes.
"We're careful though, always careful." Her eyes fell to the ground. How could this be happening? Laura had made sure she took her pill the same time every day. No deviation.
"You are with your pill..." he began and Laura knew what he meant. They'd discussed it at length. But now it seemed stupid that 99% effective was enough for them if passion ever overcame sense. "That weekend when I came back off tour, we didn't use..." But he didn't need to say anymore, the flood gate had opened and Laura was in tears. Ricky’s other arm encompassed her body, drawing her nearer to him. "Hey, don't," he whispered, but it was no use. "Laura, what are you actually crying for?" he questioned. Her noise halted momentarily, watching him, confused by the question.
"What do you mean?"
Ricky wiped her cheek as he answered. "I mean what if you are pregnant? Why is that such a bad thing?" Laura continued to snivel, computing what he'd just said.
"Well....it would mean....we haven't." Every sentence she tried to begin, she couldn't find an ending to. "I don't know," she finally conceded. Ricky got up and knelt on the floor in front of her. "Oh no Ricky not now please." Realising how it must appear he shook his head.
"I'm not going to propose! Two knees on the ground, look." He pointed to the floor, "I want you to look at me. Laura, look at me!" She brought her eyes up to his. "Listen to me. You listening?" Laura nodded. "You are the most important person in my life. If you are pregnant, then I will be the happiest man alive right now. I mean it. I want us to be together and a baby in the mix as well, well," he shrugged, "a baby Ricky would just make us complete."
"Or Laura," she said, a short laugh bursting out at his oversight of the other option.
"Just imagine how beautiful that would be." He smiled at her and Laura could not have felt more loved at that precise moment. "And imagine us, as parents." The thought hit Laura with a shock. Parents, her and Ricky.
"We're jumping the gun here aren't we. I'm not even due until tomorrow," she said, wiping her tears and sniffing. Ricky leant and grabbed a tissue passing it to her.
"So if you're not, well, you know how I feel when you are." Laura couldn't help herself and placing both hands on his face she pulled him to her.
"I love you, you know that don't you?" she whispered.
"I know you do. But I love you more!" he replied.
"Do you want to fight about that?" she smiled releasing her grip.
"I don't fight possibly pregnant women!" He sat up on the bed next to her again.
"There is something we could do, to find out once and for all." Laura suggested.
"A test?" Ricky asked. She nodded. "It's too early isn't it. Like you say, you're not even due."
Laura shrugged, "They do ones that give you an early reading. But you're right. We can wait a day or two. I guess it's sort of exciting." How the idea had changed in her mind with so few words from Ricky.
"A day or two," Ricky thought about what she'd said. That will seem like an iternity. I'm off to Leeds Monday. I won't be with you." Laura could see he was considering the situation.
"Wouldn't you rather know now?" she asked him, her finger at her lip. He sighed.
"Laura it's your body, it's your choice." He put the ball in her court. She bit on her nail considering the two options. "You're nervous aren't you?" he asked.
"Of course I am. I've gone from thinking I ate a dodgy sausage this morning to possibly bringing another life in to the world in an hour." She breathed out heavily. Shall we go and get one then?" She put a hand on his knee and smiled.
"Come on then." But he didn't move. "Either way, remember!" Laura nodded and began putting her shoes back on. Ricky tapped at his phone. "There's a chemist a couple of streets away," he said collecting his jacket and pulling on his baseball cap.
They made their way their, each with their own thoughts on how life could be changing within a matter of minutes. Ricky hesitated as they arrived outside. He'd been thinking, "Laura, shall I wait, you know, out here." Laura looked puzzled as he continued, "It's just if someone sees me buying that with you then it will be all over social media before you can say Mothercare!" She understood completely what he was saying.
"Wait round the corner then. No I don't want anyone else knowing. Not that there's probably anything to know, but, yeah, wait round there." Ricky planted a kiss on her forehead before disappearing.
As Laura turned to walk into the shop she felt as if her legs had turned to jelly. What was she doing? Sick once and not even due her period until tomorrow, they had both decided a baby was the only option. She suddenly stopped still in the doorway. It wasn’t once was it. She thought about the DLR yesterday. She'd felt sick then. It had never effected her that way before. Well, a test would solve it, once and for long.
She walked down the aisles of the shop, not wanting to ask anyone where to find them. Eventually she saw the packets, a myriad of boxes of all colours making various claims. Laura cast her eyes across them, looking for the word 'early'. She saw one. It contained two in the pack; a chance to double check. Picking up the box and heading for the counter she had convinced herself that all eyes were on her. See fished in her purse for the money and stood waiting her turn in line. She glanced out of the window. She could see Ricky on the corner opposite, pacing up and down. What an unexpected event this was for their weekend.
Ricky as a father. The thought had never really crossed her mind. He'd be a great dad. Full of energy, up for going to the park and clever enough to help with homework once their children got older. Their child. Laura felt a wetness in her eyes. She swallowed, resisting any more tears. It was her turn to pay.
Putting her purchase into her bag, Laura left the shop, walking down the road a little way before Ricky caught her up.
"What took you so long?" he asked, "I was worried." It had only seemed like a matter of minutes to Laura.
"There was lots to choose from and then there was a queue at the till." They crossed the road and headed back to the hotel, Laura's hand clasped firmly in Ricky's. Once in the room, Laura took the box from her bag and laid it on the side, both of them staring at it.
"It says it can be used up to six days before you're missed period." Ricky just nodded, believing anything he was told.
"Are you going to do it then?" The nervousness in his voice was evident. He took her hand and gave it a squeeze. Laura picked up the box and opened it, removing one of the sticks sealed in it's foil. She tapped it on her hand.
"I'll be back in a minute then." She turned towards the bathroom.
"Do you want me to... you know?" Ricky stepped from side to side, his usual nervous dance.
"No," she smiled at him, "I think I can manage this bit on my own." Laura walked away as Ricky sat down on the bed, before standing straight up again and pacing the floor. "Ricky!" He looked at her startled, as if just realising her presence. "Either way right?" He ran his fingers through his hair.
"Either way," he repeated.
Laura walked into the bathroom and shut the door. She sat down on the closed toilet seat and placed the test at the back of the sink. Her breathing was light and quick, her head feeling a jumble of emotions. Baby. The word hadn't been in her lexicon. Yes she had friends with babies, but since her split with Aidan, babies hadn’t been something that she'd thought about. Her and Ricky had spoken briefly about it one night but that was it. They had just begun their life together and someone joining them hadn't come in to the equation. She picked up the test and turned it in her fingers. She was sure it would be negative. Just an upset stomach. They were over reacting. But there was a corner of Laura's heart that now the seed had been sown hoped that it was positive. A child of her own, their own.
She ripped at the packaging and pulled it away. She was about to put it in the bin, but stopped herself. She didn't want to leave any evidence behind her.
Two minutes later she walked out of the bathroom, holding the white stick in her hand, like an offering. She sat down on the bed.
"We have to wait don't we?" Ricky came to sit next to her.
"Five minutes it says," Laura looked at the accompanying leaflet. "It says it might say negative even if you are pregnant."
"What's the point of the test then?" Ricky questioned.
"It says to do another a few days after your period was due." She folded the leaflet back up, her other hand still clamped around the results window of the test. "I'll do it Tuesday when you're back, if I haven't already, you know."
"Ok," Ricky looked at his watch. "Shall we look then?" His eyes were expectant. Laura's hands were shaking.
"I'm scared to," she breathed in."Right." They both looked down as Laura slowly unpeeled her fingers.