AN: Sometimes a bottle builds up so much pressure, it has to pop...much like Harry...
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Nervousness began pooling in my stomach as I exited the doctors surgery, clutching onto the rose pink bag my mother pact me. She was just as worried as I was, but she packed all the essentials I might need; loose PJs, deodorant, a toothbrush, a sports bra and Barry my teddy bear. Why name it Barry? Well, I was young and it rhymes with Harry. I'm not childish...well maybe just a little, but Barry's been with me through all this; he's like my anchor. He was there for me, when no one else was. Sounds strange seen as he's a stuffed bear, but yeah, 5 year old me confined in him about everything. Hopefully he can help me through tonight.
Speaking of, I should probably call Liam. Damn, I'm terrified. I don't want to tell them I'm trans, they are obviously into guys. And by guys I mean dudes with penises, something I'm unfortunately lacking. Despite this lingering fear, I pressed call.
The dull ringing only increased my anxiousness. It soon stopped as rustling met my ear. "Hello?". My heart rate increased at the realisation, it was Louis. His rustic voice brought chills to my body. God, these boys effect my so much, soon I won't be able to function.
"Hello?" He repeated. Oh god, I forgot to reply! Why do I keep doing that? They must find it annoying. "Harry?"
"Y-yeah. Hi, Lou." Stumbled out of my quivering mouth. I'm reacting like a hormonal pregnant person; well... I did just get some hormones put inside my body. Wait, that sounds wrong.
"Are you finished up at the doctors?" He began to question, "do you want us to come get you, curly?"
"If that's okay?" I asked. What if they don't want me to go round anymore? I don't want to bother them or anything. I feel like I just irritate people by being in their presence.
"Hey, of course. We would love to come get you. Stay put and we'll be there in a couple of minutes, love." With that, the call went dead. The muffled speaker rested on my ear as my mind was still spinning. This is all happening so fast.
I've heard stories before, it common knowledge that you just click when you meet your mate(s). But still, I'm baby stepping. I've only just met them! They've already seen me have a breakdown! Are they getting too close too fast? I'm staying the night for crying out loud; if that's not moving fast, I don't know what is!
Suddenly, a sharp pain started in my thigh, drawing my attention away from the conflict happening in my head. Well, no surprise there; I just received my hormones for the week. You'd think I'd be used to needles by now, seeing as I have them quite often, but every time I get my T shot I keep my eyes shut. Them things are sharp you know! But yeah, my leg is going to be aching for a couple of hours. People would probably say that I'm insane for going to such lengths for self acceptance and happiness, but I'll finally be the man I want to be.
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As Louis said, they pulled up out side the doctors surgery in no time. One of the cars back doors flew open, which I took as an invitation to make my way over.
Now or never.
A strong yet soft hand reached out for me, helping me get in. As I shimmed my way in, Niall beamed back at me with his award winning smile; he really is quite charming. The thought made me blush.
"Why so flustered, Princess?" Liam chuckled from the drivers seat, which caused my almost comfortable mood to vanish and leave dread in its place.
Princess? Why did he call me Princess? Does he know?
They must have picked up on my increasing pulse, it was so loud I could hear it pumping through my ears!
Niall glanced at me, concern messing up his features. "Are you okay, Harry? Is something wrong?" He was so captivating and his worry felt like a hand squeezing the heart inside my chest.
This has always been the problem. People who know or don't know about me being trans, persistently use feminine pronouns and words to address me. It hurts. It's like every time someone refer to me as "she" they are stabbing me in the gut. It hurts and you have no control over it. Just the thought of my mates using these pronouns, makes my stomach feel none existent.
Before I knew it, Liam pulled to the side of the road. They all directed their attention to me.
"Do you mind not calling me that?" Quietly I asked, too scared to say it any louder. They all looked at me with confusion written over their faces.
"Call you what, love?" Louis voiced, causing me to clutch my bag closer as if it was my life support. They are going to think I'm stupid. I'm probably the only one that would get upset by a pet name.
"Ermm," I began to fiddle with the straps on my bag, obviously trying to rid myself of all this nervous energy building up inside me. "Could you not call me, Princess?". I felt so small. I closed myself up more, covering my chest even though I was wearing my binder. Even though it might be an innocent misunderstanding, it made me more aware of my feminine body.
Out of no where, I felt someone's finger on my chin, bringing it up to look into Liam's enchanting eyes."That's completely fine love." Liam smiled. "If you don't like something, or we say something wrong, just tell us." With that, he dropped his hand.
I could feel my dimple making an appearance. This must have caught Lou's attention. "God, you're so adorable." Louis brought his hand to my thigh and squeezed it. I know he is doing it to cheer me up, but that didn't stop me hissing though gritted teeth. Louis pulled his hand away instantly. He had to pick the thigh thats just been stabbed; God that hurt!
As is unison, they all sniffed the air; pain. They could sense it and probably smell a drop of blood from the injection. "You're hurt, where does it hurt?" Niall, who was the closest, began scanning me, checking for any injuries I might have. It warmed my heart, but I hate this constant worry they have about me. I know I'm very secretive, but I'm alright; well I think I am anyway.
"Niall, I'm okay. I just got an injection, I'm okay." This seemed to settle them slightly, yet I know they were all curious now. Hell, I would be too.
"What for?" Louis questioned. "Are you ill?"
"No, not at all. I'm fine." I turned my head to look out the window, trying to indicate I want to drop the topic.
Liam huffed then turned around, starting the car up and began to drive. "Okay then." He said through gritted teeth.
Was he annoyed at me? Did I say something wrong?
The rest of the ride went by in silence, until we pulled up outside a humungous house. I would've mistaken it for a mansion! "Home sweet home." Zayn mumbled.
"This is your house?" I gasped in shocked. How did a pair of 18 year olds own such a huge house? How did they get the money?
Louis chuckled. "Yes love, we all live here." I looked at all of them, still taking it in. Liam was the only one not acknowledging me. The last thing I wanted to do was piss off an alpha, especially one that was my mate.
"Come on, love, let's get you inside." Louis said whilst taking my bag off me. He got out and came round to my side, opening the door and helping me out. "Thanks." I spoke so quietly, if they weren't alphas they wouldn't have heard it.
"You're so very welcome, Curly." Louis shot back with a wink, deepening my blush even further.
We all made our way up to the pitch door. It was etched so carefully, it was quite beautiful. Once it was open and we're all inside. Zayn shut the door, making me feel more vulnerable. I haven't made my mind up if they are actually as nice as they seem. Trusting people has never been one of my strong points.
"Let's get more comfortable shall we?" Louis spoke up; All of us nodding in response. "Alright then, let's go to the basement."
My eyes went comically wide. The basement! That never ends well.
Louis obviously caught sight of the horror etched on my face and laughed. "Don't worry Haz, it's not some kinky sex dungeon."
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The basement looked so comfy! The whole floor was like a mattress, whilst there were bean bags dotted around. There was also a flat screen and a gaming console on one side of the room whilst the other was artsy. The walls had a graffiti style to it, they looked amazing.
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see all their names connected up on a tree painted in the corner. What really caught my attention was the fact that there was an empty space awaiting a name. They knew I was coming.
"Let's sit down, yeah?" Suggested Zayn. He placed his hand on my lower back, guiding me over to the corner with the tree in it.
We all sat down; me leaning where the walls met, Louis and Zayn either side of me and Liam and Niall in front.
"So," Liam began. I grew tense. All I could think about was how annoyed he appeared to me in the car. "Can we please talk about what's going on? And don't give me that look, you know what I'm on about."
My body closed up, my arms crossing over my chest, trying to hide away from everything.
Louis leaned forward,"Liam, stop. You're scaring him. You know that's no way to get through to him."
"I'm sorry," he apologised "I just want to know the truth. Please don't be scared of us Harry. Why do you have to lie to us, we'll love you no matter what." I looked up to him sadly.
"I-I-" nothing would come out. Tears began to well up in my eyes. The pressure was getting too much and It's getting hard to breath. I think I'm having a panic attack. Damn, the binder didn't help! When they say it's restricting, they mean it.
Liam was instantly in front of me, holding my face in his hand. "Oh no, baby, no. Please don't cry. Breath with me okay. It's going to be fine." My hand was on his chest, with his placed on top of mine.
After a few minutes my breathing began to sink in time with his, making me feeling drained.
"I'm sorry." I spoke, to ashamed to look any of them in the eye. I still wasn't breathing completely normal yet. I'm causing so much of a mess for them. Why do I have to be so problematic?
"Hey, hey, no. There's nothing to be sorry about." Liam sushed," If anyone has to apologies, it should be me." I chanced a glance, utterly confused as to why he was apologising. "I just couldn't be patient. I just threw it at you. I should've been easier with you. I'm sorry."
An alpha admitting he's done wrong- what the hell is going on? This is not how alphas are supposed to act. I should be in trouble for wasting there time.
I brought my hand up and wiped my eyes, making my hands all wet. "It's okay Liam, I'm being annoying. I'm just terrified." I clutched my chest, trying to see if it would ease my breathing.
At this point, all of them gathered round, looks of sadness on their faces. I could hear them all whining. "Are you scared of us because we're alphas?" Niall looked deep into my eyes, the hurt was killing me.
I shuck my head, "No, I know you aren't like that. I'm terrified because you're going to think I'm a freak."
Gasps filled my ears, "Harry, you are not a freak. Don't you ever say that. We love you, no matter what, remember? We'll always stick by you." I shuck my head, trying to stop the tears from falling again.
I brought my knees up, hugging them close to my body. My heart was hurting, I can't describe it. I buried my head in my arms, too scared to face them.
But they will love me no matter what. I can't help how I feel though. They will hate me, they will hate me.
"Harry, we want to help. What can we do to help?" I could hear Niall asked, worry lacing his voice.
"You can't!" I shouted. Bringing my head up once again, tears spilling down my face. I kept my arms tightly wrapped around my knees as I stared at them.
They all jumped slightly, taken aback by how I was acting.
Liam being the most dominant became furious and exploded back, "Why the hell not?!"
Without even thinking, I screamed back at him.
"Because I'm trans!"
.
.
Dun, dun, dun!
He finally said it! What's going to happen? How will they react?!
I hope this chapter wasn't too bad, what did you think?
As always, if you have any suggestion as to what you want to happen in this story, please comment ; it does help me out and speed up updates :)
Well, I guess I'll see you guys next time! Until then, stay classy and remain beautiful ;)
-Sam