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Helloo!
I'm back!
This chapter has a song, and if you want to listen to it, it is "Tides" by Jack and Jack!
(PS. The edit above was made by Cupcake_yenkhanh . Thanks for letting me use it! 😊)
Enjoy :)
Xxx,
Sara
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Sadie's POV:
"Now, could you please take your agendas out and write down that you have a test tomorrow, so you won't forget about it." Mrs. Abbott announces.
Don't. Go. Mental. Someone will do it for you.
"What the freak! I mean, I am sorry Mrs. Abbott, but can't you at least please postpone the test? We have so many tests, I can't even find time to breathe!" Nick complains, trying to control his frustration.
"I'm sorry Nick, but it is your duty to organize your schedule." Mrs. Abbott responds with the typical teacher answer. I doubt that they would be saying that if they were in our place.
As I write down on my agenda with so much anger that I nearly punch a whole in the paper, Bailey and Violet observe me through the corner of their eyes, prepared to control me in case I flip.
Breathe Sadie, things will get better. It is Thursday already, and tomorrow I would have this Geography test and a History test, and then, off you go for the weekend. No tests were assigned for next week, just an essay. No biggie.
No biggie? Do you freaking hear yourself Sadie? After having two tests today I will have more two tomorrow, and then yesterday I had three tests and that other essay and I am so overloaded that I think that my head might burst with so much studying.
I just can't take this anymore. This won't ever be over. I might have not so busy weeks coming up, but what about afterwards? I would get tests and projects and exams and presentations thrown at me, over and over and over again.
Maybe this isn't worth it. Maybe I just should give up on trying to be the perfect student.
Coming back to the present, I realize that my breathing is ragged, and that a knot has been formed in my throat, threatening to make me break down right here and now.
"Sadie?" I look to where the voice came from, and see that it is Bailey who is calling me. "You are shaking." Looking down, I see that it was true. I had to get away from here.
"Mrs. Abbott?" I say raising my hand, gulping to try to control the tone of my voice. "May I go to the restroom?"
"Yes, Sadie." Standing up, I walk as fast as I can towards the door without having to run. But this all changes the second I am out of the room. I start running as fast as I can to the restroom, making my way to the nearest stall, and locking myself inside it.
Sitting down in the closed toilet lid, I let the little that there was of the shield that protects me crumble, and I let it all out.
With the tears streaming down my face, I try my best to tune down my sobs and my hiccups, in case someone was there. But it doesn't work.
I just couldn't take any of this anymore. I simply couldn't.
I tried my best to be the perfect student, to make my parents proud and to have a bright future. A future I had no clue what I was going to do with.
Why did things have to be this way?
Clutching the key that was around my neck so tightly in my hand that the outline of the key stayed marked on my hand, I tried to find some comfort in it, remembering of Shawn.
Shawn, the boy who's hug could fix me. The only person who could understand me. And that was thousands of miles away.
Calm down Sadie. You can do this. You just have lunch time and one more lesson in front of you, and you will be going home after that.
I need to try a new method. I worry too much. I pay attention to lessons, so why don't I just try to do the tests with just a quick 10 minute revision in the morning? Yes, that was what I would do.
With my breathing regulating and my sobs and hiccups ceasing, I take out my phone, popping in my ears my earphones. The lesson was nearly over, so there wouldn't be a big problem. Finding "A Little Too Much" in my playlist, I play it, closing my eyes and hugging my knees as I let the song envelop me and sooth me.
She would not show that she was afraid
But being and feeling alone was too much to face
Though everyone said that she was so strong
What they didn't know is that she could barely carry on
But that she knew that she would be okay
So she didn't let it get in her way
Sometimes it all gets a little too much,
But you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up,
And you don't have to be afraid, because we're all the same,
And we know that sometimes it all gets a little too much,
She would always tell herself she could do this
She would use no help it would be just fine
But when it got hard she would lose her focus
So take my hand and we'll be alright
And she knew that she would be okay,
So she didn't let it get in her way,
Sometimes it all gets a little too much,
But you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up,
And you don't have to be afraid, because we're all the same,
And we know that sometimes it all gets a little too much, yeah.
A little too much, I said a little too much, oh
Sometimes it all gets a little too much,
But you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up,
And you don't have to be afraid, because we're all the same,
And we know that sometimes it all gets a little too much yeah
Sometimes it all gets a little too much,
But you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up,
And you don't have to be afraid, because we're all the same,
And we know that sometimes it all gets a little too much
This song just fits with what is happening to me so perfectly. Everyone thinks that I am this quiet, perfect good girl that follows all the rules, that is the teacher's pet and gets perfect grades. But inside, I'm just a broken girl.
When things started getting hard in school, at first, I was fine with it. However, with time, things started to get to me, just as they do every time. But with this song, I find hope. It makes me realize that it will be over at some point, that I am not alone in this. That probably many people have gone through this, and they made it.
Always remember... Things will get better, I promise.
"Sadie? Are you in there?" Someone says, banging at the door. Releasing the key from my hands and putting my phone away, I stand up, recomposing myself.
"Yes, I'm here." I say, opening the door and finding myself face to face with Bailey and Violet. Pretending that my face being all red and puffy was no big deal, I march over to the sink, splashing some water on my face to refresh myself. They just stare at me blankly, waiting for me to say something about this. But I don't.
"Can we go and eat something please?" I say, and guessing correctly that I wanted to avoid talking about what had happened, they nod.
Before we go to the dining hall, we walk to the classroom, where I had left my things. Picking them up and putting in my bag, I think that this day couldn't get worse. Apparently, I was wrong.
"Sadie? Could I speak to you?" Someone says, and looking up, I see it's Jason. We haven't talked much since I turned him down.
"Ok." I answer, facing Violet and Bailey. "I'll meet you guys in the dining hall?" I ask, and after they nod, they leave, making the two of us alone.
"So?" I ask, after some moments of silence.
"I just really want to know something. You can be honest with me, I won't get hurt. What was that I did wrong? What does this guy you like have that I don't?"
Sighing, I look down. I didn't know what to say. There was just so, so many things that Shawn and I had that Jason and I didn't, that I just felt bad for starting.
"Can't you come up with at least one thing?" He asks. When I continue looking down, he says, "Sadie, I can make you forget this guy, ok? Just come on a date with me."
Seriously, what is wrong with boys? No one ever had an interest in me, and all of a sudden, they have? Are they blind or something? It is as if they were playing Mario Kart, and someone had attacked them with bloopers, that ink from a squid that make the driver partly blind.
"Jason, I can't, I'm sorry ok?" I say, looking back up at him. I felt bad, but I couldn't go.
Slowly, he starts shaking his head. "I'll make you change your mind. You'll see." He says, looking at me with the most determined look I had ever seen. He backs away slowly, and then turns around, leaving me alone.
Finally, after a terrible lunch of not so tasty food, the cherry to the top of this marvellous sundae that this day is, my last lesson of the day came to an end. Rushing to my locker to get my things, I go to a shaded wall where I like to stay everytime that Roger takes some time to arrive. Violet follows me, but we don't exchange much words, each one of us deep in our thoughts. I lean against the wall, and putting my phone to my ear, I call the one person I wanted to talk so much to.
The phone beeps, and beeps, but no one answers. I had known that this could happen. Still, I couldn't help but feel worse.
I put my earphones in my ears again, shutting out the world around me. The music was very load, however, I could hear some girls shouting and chatting animatedly over something, but I don't even care enough to look over. Probably it was about some gossip, or they were just especially excited cause Aria's party was closer now.
Aria always makes a big party every year for her birthday, and it was always the subject of everyone's conversations every time it came around. It was always with 500+ people, and even though I had always been invited, I had only went once, had been dragged to it by Ella, Violet and Bailey. This year, they were trying again to make me go, which I unfortunately was considering, as I have stayed quite close to Aria due to the Music lessons, and it was her brithday after all.
Abruptly, the song I was listening to changes to "Aftertaste", which at first, I don't realize was actually my phone ringing. But after, I look down, and bounce slightly at the sight of "Guitar Boy🎸" flashing on my screen. Taking my earphones off, I unplug them, and put my phone to my ear.
"Hi princess!" He says cheerfully, and just by hearing his voice, I feel slightly better.
"Shawn! I'm so glad you called."
"Sadie? What's going on?" He asks, his cheerful tone changing to one of worry.
"It's just... " I say, taking a deep breath. "I really can't take this anymore! It all is really getting to me, and I feel like my head is about to explode, and I just want to give up on everything..." I say, feeling the knot in my throat form again.
"Everything will be alright, ok? I know you can do this! You've gone so far, and now you will give up? I won't let you do that. I'll be here for you." He says, and with my heart expanding with emotion, the knot unties itself.
"Thanks Shawn. I know you are." I say, looking down at the key and wrapping it in my hand again. "I just sometimes wish you could be here, next to me."
"What if I told you that wish is coming true?" He asks, confusing me. I feel Violet shake my arm, but too focused on what Shawn had said, I ignore her.
"What- what do you mean by that?" I ask, incredulous of what I was understanding from his words. Was it possible?
"Look up." He says, before he finishes the call, and the line goes silent.
My heart skipping with anticipation, I look up, and see that near where I had previously seen a group of screaming girls, was now a tall, handsome brunette boy. Rubbing my eyes to see clearer, I lock my eyes with his, that smile that melts my heart forming on his face. A thousand emotions went through me, my heart not knowing if it stopped or accelerated, the butterlies in my stomach wanting to break free.
I couldn't believe it. Shawn was here.
He starts to walk towards me, and with every step of his, the whole situation sinks more and more.
"Shawn!"
The world all around me fades away, only Shawn and I existing. Throwing my backpack to the floor, I break into a run, not caring about the people around. I had never been so happy to see someone in my whole life.
Finally getting close enough, I swing my arms around him, the force of our encounter making me jump in the air slightly, Shawn supporting my weight for a few seconds. He wraps his arms around me, the arms I had longed for so much, that make me feel safe, shielding me from the world around me.
Burying my face in his chest, I could feel his arms pulling all my pieces together, fitting them together one by one, repairing me completely. He had once been the guy who fixed me, and he still is.
"Shawn, I can't believe it. You're here!" I say, looking up at those eyes that are filled with warmth and made my insides smile. How I missed that lazy eye. Beaming back at me, he moves one of his hands up to my cheek, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.
"Yes Sadie, I'm here. With you."