captain underpants
oh my god
Sebastian FUCKING Stan
sunbastian
last time i checked, i did not have a middle name
captain underpants
whatever
so i'm hanging out w your girl right?? actually she invited me for lunch but that's not the point
so we're playing fuck, marry, kill with explanations and i throw her cap, the winter soldier, and falcon and do u wanna know what she said?????
sunbastian
what??
captain underpants
well, she starts off by saying she'll marry cap bc she thinks he would be the ideal husband, all chivalrous and stuff
and
she said
she would fuck winter because, and i quote, "can you imagine all the things he's capable of with that metal arm???" and i just about choke on my soup
and she finishes off by killing falcon bc "i don't need aladdin to show me the world"
sunbastian
oh my god
oh my GOD
jesus
holy
I have no words
captain underpants
my GOODNESS
YOUR GIRL IS SO DIRTY
I GAVE HER LANCE TUCKER, THE WINTER SOLDIER, AND TJ HAMMOND
AND SHE GOES STRAIGHT FOR FUCKING LANCE TUCKER WITH THE JUSTIFICATION OF "chris did you even SEE that sex scene??? shit got me all hot and bothered" AND PROCEEDED TO WIPE HER FOREHEAD
and then she would marry tj bc "he deserved better"
captain underpants
and i asked if i could tell u, and she just laUGHS AND SAYS "GO AHEAD"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sunbastian
what the funk in my trunk
wish i was there with you guys💔
tell her i say hi
captain underpants
man it's not our fault you have press
mo says hi back and she misses you
aw the happy couple spends their first time apart
sunbastian
ok I'm gonna stop texting you and text her instead
bye ugly