Chapter Ten – Long, Awkward and Weird
“The circle,” I say hesitantly. After making a note, Trevor places the Zener card onto the guessed pile and picks up a fresh one. “…Wavy lines?”
“And the last one?”
“Uh,” I rack my mind hoping to get some sort of clue. Even though Trevor said the answers would just come to me, all I’ve drawn from my thoughts so far have been blanks. “Circle again?”
Trevor finishes writing down his notes and I’m left on the couch tired of guessing shapes on cards. Twenty-five cards in a deck of five different cards in which there are five cards each. Then there are the percentages of actually getting them right which have to be tallied up. And this is the fourth test we did today.
“I fucking hate math,” I mumble into the pillow.
“You did a little better this time,” says Trevor attempting to cheer me up. I groan into the couch cushion but lift my head up again for round five. Even though I am putting effort into this, I get the same results as my first horrible test. My flip-flops slap on the floor as I march frustratingly into the kitchen refusing to do anymore. My refrigerator is opened roughly to reveal nothing in particular that I want. Trevor follows me after putting the Zener cards away and takes a seat at the stools around the kitchen’s island.
“I don’t get why this will help,” I spit at him. “The amber is blocking my powers anyway.”
All this guessing has put me in a foul mood. I’m tempted to rip my new amber charm bracelet off but it stays on my wrist. The Emerald was furious to learn I had given it away but I wasn’t going to play take-backsies with my best friend. She eventually gave up and handed me one with an eagle on it instead of the butterfly. It suits me more.
“You’re supposed to be channeling your power through the stone, not guessing at cards.”
I place a jug of ice tea heatedly on the counter and grab two glasses from the cabinets. It’s not long until I’m downing my tea faster than Trevor picks his up. My empty glass put is thumped and my face follows suit. Can I quit being a witch now?!
“No, you can’t,” Trevor replies to me. With my head down, I blindly find the napkins in the center of the table and throw a few at my mentor. The Emerald said if I wanted to study at home I’d have to have someone with me. And out of the many witches I know, guess who I am stuck with?
“I thought you said you weren’t going to read my mind. That was the deal, remember?”
Trevor takes the napkins on the table and folds them up into a neat pile. He clearly is getting as frustrated as I am. We sit with only the kids playing in my neighbor’s yard to break the silence. Trevor takes another sip of his tea.
“Maybe we’ll call it a day,” he says after clearing his throat. “Or at least take a break an hour or longer. You’re mentally drained and that’s probably why you can’t focus.”
“That and I’m Miss Grumpy today.”
“Yeah, a negative attitude can be one of the factors,” he chuckles at me. My head pops up at his clever-sounding remark and I look into his brown eyes. I’m using every single ounce of my channeling to keep my emotions in check which is probably why I’m not getting the cards right. Wiping my face with my hands and tweaking with my septum ring, I decide to employ my emergency protocol with Katie.
She and I have a system for which I am super grateful for. Katie knows I have self-esteem issues. Knowing Trevor was coming over and that I’m crushing on him hard, she and Xander are only minutes away from my house today. Taking out my phone and texting her, I signal an A.N.N. (Assistance Needed Now). It takes them all of two minutes to get to my house. The doorbell rings before Trevor is done with his tea and Katie plows me with a hug before I can greet her hello.
“Gail! I’m so happy to see you,” Katie says obnoxiously loud. I can hear Trevor spit his drink from the surprise guests. Katie walks in wearing her denim mini skirt and a low cut band t-shirt. Xander is next to get hugged and I invite them in to stay. “It’s been too long.”
“You were here yesterday!”
I lead the couple into the living room where Trevor waits leaning on the wall. He’s a little angry at me and I see it but I’m not giving him any opening to read my mind. I think of fun times with Katie to keep him from knowing what I’m up to. We all take a seat where my bestie moves next to me and Xander is left on the recliner by himself.
“This one said she needed to borrow something,” Xander says plopping in the seat. His feet automatically heave themselves on the table and behind him, Trevor’s gaze looks intently at Katie. The witch boy’s forehead wrinkles in confusion from not getting any read on her. It’s clearly putting him off. I gesture to my wrist an inconspicuous as possible but Trevor doesn’t follow. Sighing, I remind him another way.
“Still wearing my bracelet, huh?” Katie looks down to her wrist and holds it to her chest. She loves my first amber charm and I don’t think I’ve seen her take it off yet.
“Yes I am and I will treasure it always,” she beams. Rummaging through her purse, she’s overlooked and Trevor turns to Xander’s thoughts. Too bad the poor boy was left in the dark of our girly plan. I’m completely safe with my crush not finding anything out. I finally feel like my old self; the self I was before I found out I’m a witch.
Trevor takes out his phone and checks the time. “I guess I’ll be going now.”
“No, no,” Katie answers for me. She takes her hands out of her purse and replaces its strap on her shoulder. “You stay here. We’ll just be a minute. I have super secret stuff to tell her so we’re just going to go upstairs.”
“I—”
“You said we just needed to stop by to pick something up,” Xander complains as he throws a pillow in our direction. He knows how Katie can gossip for hours and he doesn’t want to be stuck by himself. He should know by now his girlfriend is absolutely insane.
“And I am,” Katie answers. I shrug my shoulders at him while my hyper best friend pulls me up the stairs, into my room and slams my door shut. For a moment we stand there and I sigh from the pent up tension. But as soon as our eyes meet, we both burst out laughing. This is why I love my best friend. Our weirdness is so compatible.
“So,” she eyes me up after a minute of hysterics. “What have you two been doing all day? Spare no details. I mean, you had to have tried something by now.”
“We’ve just been hanging,” I tell her uncertainly. I fiddle with the rips of my shredded shirt as she jumps into my blankets and pillows. Katie knows I’m hiding something but how can I tell her I’ve been practicing witch skills. Even I hardly believe it.
“Well that sounds total fun.” She lies on my bed with her head hanging upside down and her feet in the air. It doesn’t matter that she has a skirt on; Katie does what she wants when she wants. “You haven’t done anything? Like, not even a little peck on the cheek?”
I shake my head no and Katie goes big sister crazy on me. The next thing I know is I’m listening to a speech about confidence and not caring about the consequences. I smile as she blabs on. No one thinks it but Katie can be very intelligent. She has a way with words that make you follow her into doing stupid stuff. But most of the time the stupid stuff we’ve done turned into pretty incredible things. I’m glad she’s here to tell me I’m stronger than I know.
“Just take a breath and do it,” she says to end her lecture. “I still don’t know why you want the freak but if he makes you happy, go for it.”
“Thanks,” I say dryly. Katie happily gives me a thumbs-up and I know it’s time for her to go. We slowly make our way into the hall and down the steps giggling like the secretive girls we are. Our hushed laughing stops as soon as we reach the last few steps.
My finger points at the scene suspiciously with both mine and Katie’s head cocked to the side. I wouldn’t have guessed this ever happening. I bite my fingernail and Katie covers her mouth from downright cackling. Trevor and Xander are sitting in the middle of the living room doing the Zener card test and my guy best friend is doing better than I ever did.
“The cross,” Katie’s boyfriend says. Trevor, whose back faces us so we can see the cards as well, puts the cross card face down on the second pile and picks up a… “Square.”
“And the last one is…?”
“Uh, Star.”
“You did a lot better than Gail did today,” he tells him with an impressed tone. The wavy lines card is put back and Trevor makes his last note. “She barely made eight correct guesses at most.”
“Hey!” Trevor turns around to my insulted face. “I was not that bad.”
Katie glances from me to Xander to the freak and back again. I have no explanation so I shrug my shoulders and head back to the kitchen. The boys stay in the living room and go for a round two and I am left to defend my weird day with my best friend.
“He’s such a nutcase! Who the hell brings psycho cards to a date?”
“Well…” Katie sees my downturned face and looses all the excitement she had a minute ago. It just makes me more nervous to tell even part of the truth. “I told him to bring them,” I explain. “I, uh, wanted to get him over somehow.”
“He doesn’t even know this is supposed to be a date,” she whispers quickly. “Well does he?”
My expression says it all; he didn’t know anything. But how can I tell my best friend he’s here to train me? I can’t. So being the weirdo who wants to be psychic is my only option. She’s not too thrilled with it and her disappointment in me hurts. Katie flings her purse strap onto her shoulder and high tails it out of the kitchen.
“Xander,” she calls to her boyfriend without taking her accusing eyes off of me. I wish I could tell her everything. We don’t keep secrets and we never really have. My other best friend leaves the Zener cards with Trevor and comes like the whipped dog Katie made him to be. “We’re leaving. Now!”
“Whoa,” Xan tries to calm her. “Wait a sec. What happened?”
Katie doesn’t explain. I jog after her but she forces Xander out the front door and to the car to take her home. He looks back to me with sympathetic eyes as he opens his car door. Twiddling his thumbs signals me to text him later. I nod as he slams the car door shut and revs the engine. The two leave and I’m left hurt by the girl I consider to be my sister.
“What was that about?” Trevor comes up behind me and leans on the door frame.
“Nothing. Just some dumb argument,” I answer him. I slam the front door closed and run back to the couch where the pile of Zener cards awaits. “Hurry up, I have shapes to predict.”
Trevor doesn’t do anything. He stands there with his muscular arms folded over his chest and a knowing expression. Stretching the truth a bit, I explain Katie’s point of view about today. Of course, I’m leaving out the part where this should have been a date but Trevor is told how she thinks he’s unforgivably weird.
“The worst part is I can’t blame her,” I mumble. “I don’t know. Maybe one day I can tell her the truth but if I say it now she’ll freak out on me.”
“For being someone so proud of being strange, you really look down on yourself.” I glance at Trevor as he stands next to me. “You parade yourself as an uncaring person just so you don’t get hurt but you still hurt inside. Why don’t you just admit she’s a bitch? It’ll help you feel better and less scared when or if you do tell her the truth.”
“Because she’s my best friend,” I reply. Trevor doesn’t let up. He pokes at my side until I finally give in to his cheering up attempts. “Okay, okay. Katie’s a bitch. She’s the bitchiest bitch alive. But I still love her and want her bitchy self around.”
“Was that so hard?”
My hand goes to smack him in his stomach but he catches my wrist and pulls me on my feet instead. I keep my eyes to the floor and my left hand in my back pocket.
“Come on,” my witch mentor says to me. “You know you can’t stay mad. You’re too cool for that.”
I stand there forcing my smile down. He’s already won me over but I’m not letting him see it quite yet. Trevor grabs me and takes me in his arms for a hug. It completely obliterates all negative feelings from today. Butterflies stir in my stomach at his warm touch and I melt in my heart.
This is it. I’m going to take Katie’s advice, I tell myself. Take a breath and just do it.
“Just do what,” Trevor responds to my screaming thoughts. We loosen our hold on each other but I stay pressed against him. He stares at me with his sexy eyes but I close mine and take my mouth to his. I feel the force of his energy and the taste of the tea on his lips. It makes me feel so alive and in this moment I’m the happiest I’ve felt in a long while.
But Trevor isn’t.
Trevor pushes me off right away making me stumble back over my feet a little. I can feel my heart shatter across the floor. Damn it, I’m such an idiot. He doesn’t even like me. I would have run out of the house by now if we were anywhere else.
“I am so sorry,” I apologize. My eyes stare at the wall behind him in embarrassment. How is it that I feel so drawn toward him but he doesn’t feel the same? He must have a girlfriend. I should have known since he’s so attractive and funny and sweet. Either that or I’m just too young for him. He is four years older than me. I’ve made such a huge mistake. But the way Trevor rubs his face lets me know this is an uncomfortable moment for the both of us.
“Don’t be,” he says. “Really, it’s not your fault.”
“No, it is—”
Trevor grabs my arms and sits with me side by side on the couch. I cradle my knees to my chest and he sits hunched over the table taking a long sip from his tea. He laughs a little making me feel that much more insecure.
“I have to tell you something,” he says very seriously. “But you have to promise to keep it quiet.”
My eyebrows pinch together as Trevor makes everything clear. I feel both ten times worse and so much better but no matter what we feel, we have to stay seated for this long talk. This long, awkward, weird-as-hell kind of talk.
~*~
“I’ll see you this weekend,” Trevor calls back to me. I nod my head solemnly and watch him walk to his car. My emotions are running amuck in my mind but he’s leaving before my tears spill over the dam of indifference. And just when I think things can’t get any more embarrassing, Michelle and Scott pull up back from their shopping day. Scott’s overprotective dad face is on as soon as he sees the boy in the driveway. Michelle shakes her head in the passenger seat. She knows I’ll tell her about it later since we’re too close not to share secrets.
“Hello, Mr. Anderson,” Trevor greets him. The boy gives a quick wave before getting in his van and driving off. My palm hits my forehead and waits for the uncomfortable talk I know I’m about to have with my foster dad. This day is just perfect. Simply perfect.
I help Scott and Michelle put the groceries away trying to keep everything inside. It does me no good. Trying not to cry just makes you want to cry even harder. Mascara is smeared under and around my lashes and both of them can see it. After telling Michelle to go bring her dirty laundry down, my foster dad looks to me with concern behind his eyes.
“Is there something I should know,” he asks me. I stay quiet. Scott sighs and sits on the counter stool next me speaking in a hushed tone. “We agreed on no boys in the house when I’m not home. I don’t want you dirtying up your sheets since I’m the one who usually has to wash them.”
My eyes narrow at him and my jaw drops to the floor. It’s not fair to him that’s I’m freaking out because he’s just being fatherly but the shouting starts from my raging emotions inside. “No! Oh god no!”
I stand up and wave my arms trying to rid myself of the memories of today. Scott lifts his hands in defense and watches me as I squirm around the kitchen like some demented duck.
“I know you are growing up and your body is chang—”
“Scott! It’s not happening with Trevor,” I shoot back at him. My arms grabs at my sides and storm out of the room. But knowing Scott deserves an actual explanation, I stomp back in the kitchen saying one thing before leaving to lock myself in my bedroom to cry.
“Trevor won’t ever be that boy. You want to know why? Because we bat for the same team!”
And with that I angrily leave behind my last shred of normality and one very confused foster parent.