Jimin's POV
I woke up to a sound of someone yelling. I yawned and my eyes fluttered open. There was a weird sight in front of me. An arm, and I was sure it wasn't mine. Then I realized something warm was pressed up against my back. I had a feeling I should remember how this all happened. When I turned around and saw still-sleeping Jungkook, it all came back. Him yelling in his sleep and then crying. Now he looked peaceful and young, just like he was supposed to look.
I put my head back on my pillow and look at his arms. The sun was up and you could easily see in the room even when the curtains were closed. I my gaze followed his arm to the top of his fingers but then something caught my attention. The light got reflected from his arm in a strange way.
I sat up carefully, making sure not to wake Jungkook up. I couldn't recall why I was up anymore but I shrugged it off and looked closely Jungkook's arm. A scar. Actually, now that I was close, I could see so many scars breaking his otherwise perfect skin. I lifted up his arm slowly, just to check his wrist. There were no scars and I let out a relived sigh. He wasn't harming himself.
But why did he have so many scars? I hadn't noticed them before because Jungkook had always worn a long-sleeved shirt. Then I remembered how yesterday he had covered himself with the towel. I had thought it was just because he was insecure. And he was always already under the covers when I went to sleep or it had been too dark for me to see. If it wasn't self-harm – which it didn't look like – why was he hiding it? Right now it looked like he had walked through a spikey bush in a tank top. Well, a very spikey bush, because some of the scars looked deeper and older than the others.
Did Sumin know about this? Did anyone?
Sumin...
"GUYS, I'M GOING TO GET YOU IF YOU DON'T GET DOWN HERE SOON! WE NEED TO LEAVE IN 5!" Sumin shouted from downstairs.
That was what I had woken up at.
I rubbed my eyes and turned to face Jungkook. "Wake up", I muttered under my breath and pushed him from his shoulder. That only caused him to pulling himself closer to me from my waits. Oh, c'mon. I leaned closer and yelled: "Jungkook!"
"What?" he asked, not opening his eyes.
"You need to get up, we're going to be late from school."
"Huh?" He sat up slowly and rubbed his eyes. He opened them just a little bit. His eyes widened when he realized I was so close – I couldn't bring myself to push his arm from around me, he had been so upset last night – and he pulled back. He took his arm from around me. He reached for the blanket and hid his arms under it. He had no idea that I had already seen them. I didn't say a thing as he blushed but I stood up and started to get dressed.
"How much time we have?" he asked. He collapsed back to the bed, hitting his head to the headboard. He groaned and pulled the blanked over his head when I laughed at him.
It felt funny, but not as weird as last time. This time I didn't want to cry afterwards. But then came the doubts. The certainty that this wouldn't last long, that Jungkook would notice there was nothing in me and would more gladly cry in his own bed than wake up having arms around me. Then these laughs and smiles would be gone again.
He's damaged too, said a voice inside my head. He was. I didn't know what it was or why and I wasn't going to ask. I knew how unpleasant the questions were.
"Less than five minutes", I answered. "I'm going to go to eat something." As I exited the room I heard Jungkook mutter something I couldn't hear.
"Wow. You're up", Sumin said sarcastically. She handed me a cup of coffee and a fruit. "Eat."
"Thanks..." She looked like she was ready to go but Jungkook hadn't come yet.
"Kookie!" she yelled.
"I'm here." He yawned as he walked down the stairs. He was wearing a hoodie again. I glanced at Sumin who smiled at him and gave him his cup of coffee and a fruit. He drank it quickly and then we were out of the door.
When we arrived to school, my friends were already at the doors waiting for us. Well, they were probably waiting for Jungkook or Sumin since they had never waited me. Tae smiled sweetly at Sumin and Jungkook looked like he wanted to hit Tae so I did him a favor. When Tae tried to put his arm around Sumin's shoulders, I cut between them and pushed Tae against the lockers. It made a loud noise and people turned to look at pissed Tae but I smiled. I didn't genuinely care who Tae hit on as long as it wasn't my cousin.
"Jimin?" Tae asked from behind me.
"What?" I didn't bother to look at him.
"Can I have a word with you?"
"No."
Sumin giggled quietly. Yoongi tried to ignore Hoseok who was talking about Jin and Namjoon like they weren't next to them, about their kiss yesterday. Yoongi looked like he was done with the subject so he came to walk next to me. "Jimin, are you not going to let any of us date your cousin?" he asked as soon as Sumin found her friends and went with them.
"Why would I want you guys to date Sumin?" I rolled my eyes.
"I don't know, because we're funny and nice people." Really? "Are you going to let anyone date her?"
"Of course I'm going to let someone date her."
Yoongi raised his left brow. "Who?"
I shrugged. How could I know?
"Oh... Is Jungkook in love with her or something? OH NO, YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH HER!"
I pinched the bridge of my nose. "No! Where is this coming from? You can date anyone except her. Why does everyone even want to date her?"
"She's hot", he said.
"Okay?"
"Okay? You're allowed to say she's hot even though she's your cousin."
"I know. I just think she's pretty, that's it", I said, telling the truth.
Yoongi's eyes were full of disbelief. "Times like this make me wonder if you're gay, Jimin."
"Being gay is okay", Jungkook said over my shoulder.
Oh my God. "I'm not gay! Now drop it, please." I crossed my arms on my chest and looked at the floor. I had nothing against being gay, I just didn't like to be called as one. I started to feel bad again. I didn't want to, so I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to take deep breaths. It didn't work.
The bell rang and I knew I had math with Jungkook. I walked behind him towards the classroom, head low and trying to fight the unpleasant feeling in my chest that begged me to start crying. Under that was panic. I didn't want anyone to notice I wanted to burst into tears. I wasn't sure if this was all about Yoongi's comment. I had the right to think that my cousin wasn't hot. Why did I want to cry, then? Was I really that pathetic?
I stepped into the classroom and walked to my seat. I sat down and stared at my desk. Jungkook sat next to me and I felt his eyes on me.
"Jimin, are you okay?"
I couldn't speak. I nodded.
"What is it?" he asked, clearly not believing my answer.
I needed to leave. This was too much. Jungkook being so nice to me and I could still feel his arms around me, it had been a long time since anyone had hugged me. Sumin making me coffee and yelling from downstairs that I needed to leave to school, doing stuff my mom should do.
I glanced up and saw that people were still coming to the class and the teacher hadn't arrived. I didn't want to cause much attention so it was perfect. I jumped up from the chair and took my books. I ran out of the classroom, hearing Jungkook shouting my name after me. I ran down the hall, which was almost empty, only last students trying to be on time. I reached the restrooms and opened the door. I locked myself to one of the toilet cubicles and leaned my back to the door. The tears were running down my cheeks. I kept trying to sweep them away but new ones replaced them too quickly.
Why did I have to be like this? I asked from myself. No answer. I didn't know. I sat on the toilet and put my head to my hands. I wasn't in a hurry getting out of here since there was no way I was going back to math when everybody was going to stare at me.
I heard a door open and footsteps. I held my breath, trying to be as quiet as possible. "Jimin?" Jungkook asked. I could see his shoes from under the door as he slowly knocked. "Are you okay?"
I guessed there was no one else in the restrooms because he had immediately known I was here. I swallowed a lump in my throat and answered with that unsteady voice I hated. "Yes."
"You're not." He knocked again.
Please, go away.
"Open the door. Please."
"No." I took some toilet paper to dry my face with in case he would take the door down. I could never be too careful.
"Please? I know you're crying. Tell me why, maybe I can help." I could hear that he actually wanted to help me, a pathetic loser. I couldn't figure out why.
I let out a shaky breath. "You can't." Nobody could. I wasn't something that could be fixed. This was me. Nothing could be done.
"Okay..." He sounded sad. "Can you still tell me why?"
"Will you tell me then why you have terrible nightmares and arms full of scars?"
Silence.
"That's what I thought."