Jimin's POV
"I've survived my first day in your school, Jimin!" Sumin screamed as she saw me and Jungkook leaving school together. She joined us and smiled at Jungkook. "How was your day?"
He smiled back. "Fine, I guess. Though one of Jimin's friends was giving me a headache."
I glared at him and rubbed the back of my head. "Giving you a headache?" Tae had not been happy about my comment about him and how he treated girls. So, he had given me hard time at gym. I had the bump in my head reminding me of that. Lucky to him, we had played basketball and he had "accidently" thrown the ball straight to my head more than a few times. He didn't even bother to make it look like he hadn't meant to do that. He had said: "Jimin, your head was on my way" and continued playing. I wished he would grow up but while I was waiting that to happen I tried to come up with things to annoy him with even more.
Maybe I should grow up.
Sumin looked over at me. "Mm... Yeah, Jimin, your friends..."
"They're fine. At least some of them. I'm sorry Tae was such a jerk."
Sumin looked amazed that I wasn't being grumpy anymore. It may have had something to do with the fact that I had laughed the whole gym class – well, almost full, I haven't enjoyed the ball hitting the back of my head every five minutes – to Tae's childish behavior. Sumin nodded. "It's fine. Thank you for standing up for me."
I waved her off. I didn't want her to feel thankful. That would mean she would try to do something back. I didn't like people doing stuff for me, it made them wonder later why they had bothered.
When we arrived home Sumin went to the kitchen and shouted that there was a letter on the table. I walked to the kitchen already knowing whom it was from. Mum. I sigh when I saw I was right. The note was the usual. She said that she was sorry for being away (without meaning it) and that she had left some money. She had. There were bills next to the letter.
Jungkook read the note behind me, across my shoulder. He watched as my hold tightened and I wrinkled the letter to a ball with my hand. I went to the garbage and dropped it to it without thinking much. Jungkook eyed my hardened expression and so did Sumin. I walked past them and started to climb the stairs.
"Jimin?" Sumin asked.
"Yes?" There it was, my cold voice again. I was just waiting for the moment she asked why she hadn't met my mother and where she was. I closed my eyes, telling myself that it was fine. She was allowed to ask. I was the problem, I wasn't ready to answer.
Why was I always the problem? Why couldn't it be someone else?
"Can I go buy some food with the money? You don't have much..."
I was so surprised by her quiet voice I turned around and stared at her with a frown for a moment. It looked a lot like she was afraid of my reaction.
I nodded. "Yes. The money is for food. You can go if you want. You find the store if you walk to the other way than when we went to school, then turn to right and then left. You should find there."
She smiled a little. "Thank you. I'll leave then."
I nodded again and continued my way to my room. Once I closed the door behind me, I let myself fall on my bed. I felt my eyes wet but I refused to cry. I had felt good for a while, this was the universe's way of telling me I wasn't allowed to. Maybe there was a reason to this never-ending pain, but I didn't really believe so. I turned on my bed so I was now looking at the ceiling. It was plain white, no cracks or spots on it to break the ocean of whiteness. I hated it. That's how the world was supposed to be. Everybody was supposed to be the same as in the ceiling. Every centimeter was the same as the one's around it.
I hated it. I hated the world. I hated how I was so hurt all the time and that I had to hold it inside me, because otherwise I would stand out and people would think I was even weirder than what they thought now.
A knock on my door pulled me out of my thoughts. I raised my head enough to see Jungkook's head peaking. "Can I come in?" he asked, sounding hesitant.
"It's your room, too", I said and laid back.
I heard footsteps and then saw Jungkook leaning over me. He tilted his head when he looked at me. "Are you okay?"
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Yes."
"You don't seem like it."
"To you I don't seem like that most of the time."
"That's what scares me." His worried face made me sit up and he sat next to me.
"I'm okay", I assumed even though I wasn't. My mother had yet again come and left before I could see her, only to leave a crappy note and money behind.
"You don't look like you're fine." He rubbed his next while trying to figure me out.
I almost gave him an eye-roll. "Maybe it's just my face."
"It's not." He smiled and I felt easier for a moment. "You're sad."
I shook my head. "I think it's just my face."
Jungkook looked at his hands on his lap. "I know it's not that."
"Jungkook." He lifted his gaze to me and I curved my mouth into a smile just for him. "Go shopping with Sumin."
He stared at me for a moment before getting up and leaving the room.
The evening went quickly after that. I did my math homework while Jungkook and Sumin were buying food. I had a lot to do since it had taken me two eternities to get the point of the exercises. I knew at least Jungkook didn't have much homework but I still felt bad for not going to the store with them. Though, I didn't know what they liked so maybe it was better this way. I ate basically everything because for years I had eaten what I had found from the cabinets. No chance to be picky.
When Jungkook and Sumin came back, they started making food. Well, Sumin made food and yelled at Jungkook when he did everything wrong. I found it very amusing and watched them laughing and shouting at each other. Sumin caught me staring at them from the top of the stairs and waved me to join them. I didn't know how to cook much so Sumin tried to teach me but I was just as hopeless as Jungkook. Sumin's disappointed look hurt me for a second but then Jungkook started laughing about how bad we both were and I smiled. Jungkook stopped for a moment just to look at me and then smiled widely.
We had a great meal, despite the fact that Jungkook and I had almost ruined it a couple of times. Sumin was a great cook and it had been a long time since I had eaten food made for me. After dinner we parted to our rooms and did our own things. I played with my phone and listened music, staring at the stupid ceiling again. Jungkook was reading or something by his bed. That's why I almost had a heart attack when he jumped onto my bed.
I pulled the earphones out of my ears and turned to look at him. He was staring at me. I stared back, my expression blank. "What are you doing?"
He looked away. "Nothing. It's late, we should go to sleep."
He looked very tired, but it wasn't that late. Now that he was so close, I could see the dark circles under his eyes. He was probably just exhausted for his first day in a new school. "You can go to sleep if you want."
He shook his head. "I don't want to sleep."
I wanted to ask why but I would've not felt right doing so. I never answered to his whys. "Okay..." Maybe he didn't feel comfortable sleeping in a new place. That I could understand.
"Jimin", he said and looked at me again.
"Yeah?" I started to feel awkward because he stared at me for a long time. Why was he doing that?
"I'm sorry."
"Why?" I asked. This time I had to ask.
He shook his head a little and a lock of hair at the top pointed out in a funny way. I almost reached and patted it into its place but I stopped myself. It wasn't my job to do and I was sure Jungkook would've found it weird even though I had only wanted to help. He closed his eyes and looked sad. "You'll see."
Is he going to kill me in my sleep or...? I couldn't think a thing that he could be sorry about. Last night had been alright. Maybe he was scared he would talk in his sleep. I shifted my body so I was laying on my side and got to look at him better because he was on his back and I couldn't see his face anymore. It was even harder for me to try to get what he was feeling if I didn't see his expression. "You didn't even speak last night."
"That's because..." He sighted and moved to his side as well. He was so close now that I could feel his breath on my face. I felt my breath getting stuck in my throat but then he blushed and moved back a little and I was able to breath again. He swallowed hard but looked into my eyes. "Because..."
I nodded at him to encourage him to continue.
He opened his mouth to say something but then his gaze wondered a little down. He looked back into my eyes. I was about to ask if there was something on my face or what had he been looking at but he jumped of the bed and rubbed his neck. He looked so awkward and I had no idea why. "Never mind", he said. "I'm going to get ready to sleep." He walked out of the door and then I heard the bathroom door locking.
Okayyy... Jungkook was weird, at least I knew that for sure now.
I looked at the clock and decided that it was the time of the evening when I went to wander to the streets and cry by myself. I didn't feel like doing that today. I had an easy feeling in my chest, the same I had had when I had left school. It felt strange but good. I felt like I didn't want to cry and it was a nice change. I could sleep without the salt of my tears on my face.
I smiled one of my real smiles. It was a small smile, but still.
I heard the shower being turned off. I took my towel from the chair and went behind the bathroom door waiting Jungkook to come out. The door opened after a minute and a wet haired Jungkook walked out. With one towel he was drying his hair and another hung from his hips. When Jungkook noticed me, he yelped in surprise and covered the rest of his body with the towel in his hands. I raised my brows at him and walked to the bathroom and closed the door behind me.
I was done pretty soon and went back to my room, my hair dropping water to the floor when I shook my hair in attempt to dry it. Jungkook was already under his covers, just his head showing and a phone in his hand. He looked at me and I felt my cheeks heat up. I remembered that he had seen me just in my boxers this morning but it still made me uncomfortable. I grabbed a pair of underwear from the closet and walked back to the bathroom to change since I wasn't going to do that under his stare.
I dried my hair a little and left the towel hanging to the bathroom. I walked to Sumin's room and opened the door just a little but so she couldn't see how I was only in my boxers. "Goodnight", I said.
"Goodnight!" she said back, sounding surprised and I pulled the door close.
I turned the lights off from my and Jungkook's room and closed the curtains. Then I went to my bed and slid under the covers. I snuggled my head onto my pillow. "Goodnight, Jungkook."
"Goodnight."
I drifted to sleep soon after that because I felt peaceful and the house was soundless.
It didn't last long.
I woke up in the middle of the night to the voices. Jungkook was yelling. He sounded a lot like he was in pain and when I sat up on my bed, I could see him whirling around.
"Don't. Please don't", he cried out loud.
I didn't know what to do. His dream was obviously getting worse because the voices started to get louder and the whirling even more restless. I got of my bed and walked up to him. I could see how he was covered in sweat and his face was wet from tears.
"DON'T!" he yelled.
I reached to shake him from his shoulders. "Jungkook, wake up." He kept moving under my grip so I tightened it and shook harder. "Jungkook!"
His eyes shot open and he inhaled sharply. He looked so scared but when he realized it was me his breath started to even out. The moonlight from behind the curtains hit the tears on his face and I let go of him to wipe them away.
"Jungkook, you're okay." I sat on his bed because he still looked terrified. I didn't know what to do so I asked: "What were you dreaming about?"
He shook his head and started to cry again.
I sat there looking at a crying kid and hesitantly threw my arm around him and hug him. He put his arms around my waist and hugged me back. We sat there for a while and I listened his breath to get normal. That's when I thought crossed my mind: Was this what Jungkook had warned me about? Was he suffering from terrible nightmares? Why?
I couldn't hear Jungkook crying anymore so I took my arms from around him and looked at his face. He still looked so scared that I felt bad, but I knew I needed to go back to sleep. Hoping he was okay, I tried to get up from Jungkook's bed but a hand caught my wrist.
"Please", he whined.
I was out of words. Jungkook had to be really upset because he knew that I needed to sleep and that I wasn't really the comforting type of person.
He moved aside on his bed and I realized he wanted me to sleep with him. I shook my head. Jungkook looked down to his lap and bit his lip to stop it from trembling.
I felt bad, so bad. Jungkook looked so vulnerable and young I gave up. I grabbed his hand and pulled him up. I led us to my bed, since my bed was bigger than his, and let go of his hand, getting between the covers first. Jungkook sat on the bed, then slowly got on his back. I put the blanket over him and turned on my side so my back was facing Jungkook. I heard him move to get more comfy and then nothing.
I fell asleep once again, this time a hurt boy next to me.