Simon has always been insecure and Josh has always been there to show him how much of an amazing person he is. Josh wanted to be the one to make him feel appreciated and loved, and show him that people don't always leave or give up on Simon. But is there a reason for Josh wanting to be the one to fix his insecurities?
Word Count: 3069 Words
~✖~
Josh took care of him better than anyone. Josh knew all of Simon's insecurities and flaws, every single one. He knew exactly what upset him, what scared him and what he always needed without even asking.
Best friends do that, don't they? Best friends are always there for each other no matter what.
Simon was very insecure. He didn't like himself, not one bit - he hated himself. He hated his voice, the way he looked and he hated his body. It always felt like it was impossible to love himself, or be able to accept himself for who he is.
Ever since he was a child, he was always the chubby kid. The one who gets chosen last in gym class, or left out at break time. The one who was left behind. Simon had gotten used to the feeling of invisibility, he'd hide away in the shadows upon instinct, as if he didn't exist.
This was until he got older, he finally realised that his actions were eating him alive and killing him mentally. Sure, the rest of the Sidemen were there for him, but none of them truly knew the real Simon.
Not like Josh does anyway.
Josh made Simon feel loved and special and wanted, whenever he was feeling down. He always feels secure and comfortable when he's with Josh. Every time Simon hangs out with Josh, he feels butterflies in his stomach and he can never stop smiling.
Is this how best friends are supposed to act? Or is this the way he was supposed to feel around Josh? His heart ends up beating a mile per minute, his hands always start to sweat and become clammy, he bites his lip hard enough to draw blood, he stumbles on his words, loses his focus and can never stop blushing or giggling when he's around.
Simon had asked himself many times if it was more than just a 'best friend thing', but he ended up blocking it out of his thoughts. Well he tries to, anyway.
There's no way that Simon could like Josh more than a friend, how could he? Josh was his best friend, his other half, the only one who truly understood him. That's why he feels this way, because Josh understands him. He takes care of Simon and treats him the way he's always wanted to be treated. He makes him feel like he can do anything.
It just can't be anything more than just what best friends do
So here Simon was, lying down on the couch in the living room and watching Misfits on the TV. JJ had gone to Tobi's flat to film a video, while Josh had gone shopping with Vik earlier this morning, leaving Simon alone in the Sidemen House.
Simon stretched his legs taking advantage of the short time he had the sofa to himself, and he felt himself about to drift off when he jumped at the sudden noise of his phone beeping. The brown-haired boy dug his phone out of his pocket, and couldn't prevent the smile tugging at his features when Josh's name popped up on the screen.
From: Zerkdaddy
Vik ditched me to play that bloody Pokemon game with Ethan I'm so offended! I'm coming back sooooon :) x
Simon's heart fluttered as he read the text again and again. He quickly responded to Josh's text message and slid his phone back into his pocket.
To: Zerkdaddy
Hurry up I'm lonely :( x
He had hardly been getting any sleep these last few days due to his mind constantly racing about thoughts of Josh. Why is he always on my mind? He's my best friend, nothing more - he never will be. The thought of Josh made him smile. Remembering the times the two of them spent together, as they planned and filmed videos to post on YouTube, or the times when Josh would be there for him when no one else was.
Being in his arms, it was a feeling you get when you know you're finally where you should be.
A couple minutes later, he heard a key turn in the lock and the front door open. "Honey, I'm home!" He heard Josh's voice call. Simon sprung to his feet, beaming from ear to ear as the older boy tossed his shopping bags onto the floor.
"How'd you get here so fast?" Simon asked, raising his eyebrow slightly.
"I kinda was already on my way when I texted you." Josh shrugged. "I didn't fancy spending the rest of my day walking around Westfield catching virtual creatures, thank you very much."
Simon grinned widely and wrapped his arms around Josh, feeling the older boy hug him back just as tight automatically. Simon quickly let go of him a couple seconds later realising how incredibly awkward and weird he was being, but thankfully Josh didn't even seem to mind.
"So what have you done with yourself today then?" Josh chuckled, grabbing a can of Dr Pepper from the fridge.
Simon shrugged. "Not a lot. Filmed a quick Fifa video this morning and watched a bit of TV. That's about it, you?"
"Went to loads of shops, but we had to walk around Westfield so slowly cause Vik was playing that stupid Pokemon game! He was filming himself too, like holding his camera in one hand, and his phone in the other, looked like a right dickhead," Josh waffled on. Simon found himself drawn to Josh's lips as he spoke. "...and then Vik set me up with this girl," Simon snapped back into reality and felt his heart sink.
He coughed before forcing a grin in order to mask his disappointment. "Nice one mate, what's she like?"
Josh raised his eyebrows, ignoring his question. There was something wrong - usually Simon would smirk and asked if he'd 'scored', he seemed almost... defeated. Josh took a step forwards and lifted his hand to Simon's cheek. Josh's face was just inches away from Simon's, making his breath hitch. He could tell something was bothering him. "Talk to me. What's on your mind?"
"Nothing, really." Simon shrugged his shoulders, not being able to break Josh's gaze, even if he wanted to.
"Si..." Josh let out a light sigh and moved his hands away but continued looking straight at him. "Please talk to me. I can't read your mind and I wish I could. I'm confused. Did I say or do something wrong?"
Simon shook his head. "No, it's not that. I'm just... ugh," he stopped for a second, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes to redeem himself before speaking up again. "I'm just confused. Why do you do all this for me?"
Josh had confusion written all over his face, obviously not understanding a single word Simon was saying. "What do you mean? Why am I here for you? Because I care about you, Si."
"But I never give anything back, I just get in the way and ruin your life," Simon retorted. "I ruin your chances of ever getting a girlfriend."
With a light chuckle, Josh sat on the sofa next to Simon and shook his head. "Look Si, I know your family haven't really been that understanding. At times, the rest of the guys haven't been either. That's why I'm here to make you realise you're not alone and people do love you and care about you and especially me, I really do."
Simon looked down at the ground and sighed deeply before looking back up at Josh. "But you protect me. You make me feel loved and special and I know we're best friends so you're obligated to be here for me, but you don't have to do all this much.." The tears formed in his eyes blurring his sight. "Why do you care so much about me? I'm..I'm nothing.." Josh leaned in and wiped away a single tear from Simon's cheek which had escaped from his eye.
The older boy moved closer in and wrapped his arms around Simon tightly and kissed his forehead. "You really don't see it, do you?"
Simon shook his head and looked at him through his glassy eyes while dabbing at his face with the sleeve of his Sidemen hoodie. "You're too good to me."
"You deserve everything, Simon. You don't realise that. You're amazing - I think you're beyond that, even. Ever since I first saw you, I'd watch you from afar, how scared and insecure you looked. I didn't even know your name, but something inside me told me to be that person to be there for you even when no one else was. Eventually as you let me in, I grew to get used to the fact of being around you. I learned all about you, your family, your past, your flaws, your achievements, your everything and that's what drew me closer to you. I began to know you like the back of my hand. I know when you're happy because you smile constantly and occasionally you do that cute giggle you always do and I can't help but smile too," Josh smiled, picturing Simon's grin in his mind.
"And when you're sad, you tend to look down at the ground, with a saddened expression on your face. I know you feel like you don't deserve to have me here and you don't deserve to have me here to care about you and make you happy, but you really do deserve all of it, and more. All your life, you never really felt that love, not even for yourself. But that's why I'm here now - to make you see how amazing and wonderful you really are. Not just as a person in general, but as a best friend to me, because you're a huge part of my life and you've made more of an impact on me than you'll ever know." Josh bit his lip after he finished speaking, a slight blush tinging his cheeks.
He took a deep breath and grabbed Simon's shaky hands, his gaze not once faltering from the younger boy. "I want to make you happy. I want to be the one who makes you feel amazing and special and... and wanted."
Simon didn't know whether or not to feel extremely special and happy or just plain confused. His feelings didn't seem like something you tell one of your good friends when you have your advice or heart-to-heart talks. It seemed much more heartfelt, more special and meaningful. As in, more than a friend.
"Josh, I don't -"
Josh interrupted him by placing his index finger to his lips to shut him up. Simon pressed his lips together, his heart racing when Josh began to lean in, bring his face closer and closer to his own. He pulled his finger away, this time using his right hand to rest on the side of Simon's face. Simon's body was practically so close to Josh's, almost leaning onto him. But for some reason, neither boy made an attempt to move.
After what seemed like hours of silence, but in reality must have been nothing more than a few minutes, Josh finally spoke up, mumbling loud enough for Simon to hear. "Let me show you what love is really like. Let me make you happy; let me show you how it feels to be happy. Let me be all you ever wanted and more, "Josh bit his lip and leaned even closer, so close their lips were dauntingly close.
Simon couldn't move, he couldn't speak. He could hardly even breathe. His eyes flickered to Josh's lips before fixing back to his eyes. All he could physically muster in response was a slight nod and before he knew it, a spark of electricity ran throughout his veins as Josh began to lean in and press his lips to Simon's. Simon's eyes fluttered shut.
It was magic, the way Josh's lips connected with his own. It was right, and somehow, among all of the dizziness and the clinging to him like a life line, something inside him changed, never to be reversed. This new feeling could be dwelled upon later, because, for now, Simon was content to feel Josh's breath come and go with his. Simon kissed him back gently, instinctively wrapping his arms around Josh's neck, and Josh felt himself relax slightly as their lips touched, motions full of need, desire, want and love.
They both soon pull apart for air, resting their foreheads together. Both were trying to catch their breath and Simon opened his eyes, admiring Josh's beauty. Josh could feel him staring at him so he opened his eyes to see Simon looking right at him, a light blush tinting his cheeks. Josh grinned.
"I've wanted to do that for so long." Josh admitted, almost breathless. "I'm so glad I finally did."
Simon was confused but could hardly even think at the moment since he had just been kissed by his best friend. He's wanted to kiss me? But why? Simon bit his lip, unsure of what to say. "You've wanted to kiss me?"
Josh nodded and smiled softly, grabbing Simon's hands and placing them in his lap, gazing up at him "Yeah, believe it or not, I have. I always imagined kissing you. I know I'm weird. But I just...I can't help myself."
"Help yourself from what?" Simon's cheeks were scorching. He didn't even know what to make out of all this. Was this all a joke? One minute he was unsure of his feelings, the next his best friend was confessing his love and kissing him. Simon could hardly think and all he could do was stare back at Josh and stop himself from wanting to kiss him again.
Josh bit his lip and looked down, his cheeks turning a bright red. "From..well. Falling in love with you. In the process of, well, being here for you, I started to develop feelings for you. I knew that I felt for you much more than just a friend helping out a friend. It wasn't a job to be here, I didn't have to always be around. But it was my choice - I wanted to always be here for you. I wanted to show you that people don't always leave or give up on you. That someone can actually stay and make you feel better and well..fix you. I wanted that person to be me."
Josh squeezed Simon's hands. Simon didn't even know what to do or how to respond to that. This is something he thought would never come out of Josh's mouth. He was trying to tell himself not to fall for Josh in the process because he knew that Josh saw him as nothing more than a weak human being who needed guidance, not someone he could fall in love with. Nothing more than a friend. All kinds of thoughts were running through his mind. Surely this has to be a joke? How could he fall in love with me? Out of all people? Why me?
Simon glanced nervously at Josh who was staring right back at him, confusion and slight nervousness written all over his face. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said all this, I didn't mean to confuse or upset -"
He cut Josh off quickly. "Josh," he choked out, loving the way his name rolled off the tip of his tongue. "I just, I just can't believe you like me. Honestly, I've liked you since the first time you came over and spoke to me, and since we've been talking, I well..." Simon felt his cheeks flush a bright pink, his face heating up. "I fell for you, really hard. I tried to tell myself not to because I knew you'd never feel that way. But I couldn't help myself. When I'm with you, I feel safe and comfortable and I can't find that with anyone. No one makes me feel the way you do. No one can make me this happy and feel this secure about myself. I can't stop myself from falling for you more. I really, really like you."
Josh was grinning widely from ear to ear and he intertwined their fingers together. Simon peered down at their hands and bit his lip, feeling his cheeks turn an even brighter pink. "Perfect," he mumbled to himself.
He knew that Josh had heard because he picked their hands up and planted a kiss on Simon's knuckles, keeping his eyes locked on him. "You're perfect," he whispered to himself. "There was never really a girl, uh, I just wanted to see your reaction I guess."
Simon rolled his eyes at Josh's plan and cuddled up against him on the couch, Josh wrapping his arm around Simon's waist. Simon laid his head upon Josh's chest and closed his eyes. It was silent for a couple moments before Josh finally spoke. "So..what does this mean, for us?" Simon opened his eyes and looked up at him.
"What do you mean?"
Josh shrugged and played with Simon's fingers, a slight smile evident on his lips. "Well..I was kinda hoping you could be mine."
Simon clamped their hands together, his eyesight not leaving Josh's. "I've always been yours. It's always been you." Josh didn't even need to reply.
He grinned and their eyes stayed locked, their bodies getting closer, so close their faces were inches apart, before Simon closed the space between them and kissed him softly, melting into the kiss. Josh kissed him back with the same force, using his free hand to cup Simon's cheek, a smile widening on his lips.
Simon's heart flutters at the feeling, and he actually has the thought of possibly dating Josh. But who knows what will happen in the future? Whatever it is, Simon and Josh really hope it works out the way they want it.
Not another word needed to be said, they both knew in their hearts that they've always been each other's. They both just never expressed their feelings towards each other but they knew deep down inside, they wanted each other and needed each other more than ever before. All Josh had to do was build up Simon's confidence, and surely, he has.
Simon had never been happier to have his own best friend fall in love with him. He always believed that the best relationships start off as best friends.