Sidemen One Shots (boyxboy)

Hide With a Smile [Ksishaw]

Harry and JJ used to be best friends. That was until Harry came out as gay. He never expected JJ to leave him and he falls into a deep, dark depression. He hurts so much and he tries finding away out of it all. 

Warnings: Self Harm, Suicide.

Word Count: 2470 Words

~✖~

Harry was crying - he had been sat in the school toilets, back against the wall of the cubicle for an hour and a half. The words he'd heard just hours before kept running through his mind.

"Faggot!"

"Homo!"

"No one likes a faggot!"

"Go and kill yourself!"

Ever since he'd come out to the school, he'd lost everything. His popularity, his friends, his dignity and his confidence.

Wherever he went, he'd be greeted with either a snide remark or a punch in the face. You could say that Harry was used to all the bullying, but it hurt him more and more every day.

He was constantly being pushed closer to the edge, and even his best friends Josh and Simon didn't know his biggest secret.

He cut.

Some days were worse than others. Harry would spend hours on end withJosh and Simon. The three boys would spend the day listening to music or playing on the Playstation. Little did they know that as soon as Harry was behind closed doors, he'd lock himself in the bathroom and cut until he was dizzy from blood loss. The strain it took on his body was obvious; he started to lose the colour in his face and he was always shaky. But it felt so good to Harry, that he couldn't stop.

Harry knew that everything was his fault. He should have just kept his fucking mouth shut and nothing would have changed. The minute the two words "I'm gay" passed his lips, everything came crashing down. He'd lost everything and he hates himself for it.

Harry hates himself so much, he just wants to die.

It's a sudden decision to end it all, a sudden way out of all the pain he's feeling. He clambered to his feet and unlocked the cubicle, staggering towards the basins. He gripped the sink, swaying slightly as he became dizzy from the loss of blood.

His wrists were bleeding, not excessively, but enough to seep blood into his hoodie.

"What the fuck are you doing, Lewis!" Harry knew that voice all too well. Olajide Olatunji, one of the school's most popular boys, and one of his ex-best friends. The two boys had been friends since they were younger, and JJ was the first person that Harry had confided in about his sexuality. Because JJ was the one he was in love with.

Harry shook his head and pushed past the older boy, not even waiting to hear his reaction. He sped up, presuming that JJ would come up behind him and push him to the ground. He heard footsteps approaching him, and he broke into a run. "Harry!" JJ was following him. "Harry wait, please."

"Fuck off, Jide!" Harry's voice cracked, dashing out of the fire exit and towards his house before JJ could catch up with him. He was soon unlocking the front door with trembling hands.

He will never love you, you worthless prick. He doesn't care, he never did. He doesn't want you alive right now, leave. Do it, end it. He'll be happy.

JJ had noticed something was off with Harry for weeks. Every time he saw the younger boy in the corridors, he always looked like death. He had lost so much weight, and he had huge dark circles under his eyes which made his face appear sunken in. He knew for a fact that Josh and Simon had no idea - when JJ saw the three boys together, he would be the only one to see straight through Harry's fake smiles.