idk why dylan obrien is in this but ok
Flossy could have just as easily stayed home that next day. she didn't have any real reason to go to school that day, other than the fact that she wanted to prove that Calum hadn't affected her as much as he thought. she didn't get up until five minutes before he would have come over to wait for Gif and Cricket, which she already notified one of the two to skip her house for pick up. she simply stayed with the covers tucked up to her chin and looked out into the open hallway. her father didn't say anything to her, mostly because he was probably hung over from the previous night, she figured. Chessie almost was never downstairs until she absolutely had to grab the bus.
she was almost back to being asleep when her mother walked by her door as she put in a pair of post earrings and then slowly walked back. Rosemary looked at the child with confusion laced in every cell of the tissue on her face.
"are you not going to school today?" she inquired to the teenager that consisted more of sadness than water in her body. she wasn't making an accusation or trying to start a fight with her like usual. she was simply trying to figure out the situation which caused Flossy to be even more confused than her mother.
she shrugged to the adult hovering in the hallway and then rolled her body to face the window instead. for some reason, this was Rosemary's idea of permission to enter her sanctuary.
"do you want to talk about it?"
there were a million things racing through Flossy's mind at that moment. she wasn't sure what she wanted to actually speak of; she wasn't even sure what she was feeling about all of those things in her mind. she decided to just say the second most recent predicament to come to her mind.
"sorry, but it's really hard to love you," she blurted and immediately shut her eyes as if she could see Rosemary's reaction. "ever since I met you, you've given me a lengthy list of reasons not to."
"I understand that," Rosemary replied after some time, "and I can agree. every single time I said something horrible to you I immediately wanted to take it back and hold you in my arms and make you believe that you were mine and I loved you."
"but I'm not," she was reminded, "and you don't."
"you're right. you've been a living, breathing example of your father's infidelity and there were times when I had stop being so mean purely because I can't hate you."
"is that why ever since I started high school you've been trying to be nice to me?" Flossy always wanted to know the reasoning behind Rosemary's sudden change of attitude those few weeks when it felt like everything was changing. she had been too scared to even muster up the words but now that everything was being thrown out in the open, she desperately wanted to know.
"I realized even before then that I shouldn't hate you. I just looked at you and all that hatred just bubbled up in my throat and the meanest of mean things to say came out instead. I shouldn't have acted like this for the duration of your life. I couldn't ask you to forgive me because it isn't something you can just look away from. what I'm asking you to do is just look past all of that negative energy and we can hopefully start a new relationship."
despite herself, Flossy softly smiled as she finally threw her duvet off her legs and stood up. "can we start with you driving me into school?" Rosemary didn't respond, though she did smile and shake her head as she exited her daughter's safe haven. it was enough of an answer to get her out of bed and into a combination of clothes to nearly pass as presentable.
the car ride was nearly silent, but for once it was a sound that the two females could handle. there was no intensity in the small sumptuous vehicle, so Flossy could actually breathe easily for once while she was in the presence of the woman who raised her.
though she appreciated the silence, she mentally calculated just how much time she'd have left to have a functioning conversation with her. it felt less like reality in that moment; even though she believed Rosemary's earlier confession, she still was fearful that she'd pull up to school and hear an alarm clock that woke her up from this all too happy dream. so she asked, "if you don't hate me anymore, who do you put the blame on now?"
instead of making it easy, of course Mrs. Black had to respond with, "who do you think I cheat on every chance I get?"
"my father isn't a terrible man." it wasn't Flossy's pity that led to her defense of his character. it was just a reminder of the evidence supporting him.
"you're right, he's not. but the man who you have half of is not the same man with a bottle of liquor in his hand at the end of the day."
wordlessly, Flossy agreed with her mother, for once in her seventeen years living with her. she always knew that alcoholism was a sickness, especially when the person was in as deep as her father was. it was more plausible to say that Donny Black married a glass bottle then it was to say that he married Rosemary. the weight of that thought hit Flossy so hard that she began to mockingly laugh.
"God," she exasperatedly started, "this family is so fucked up." her mother laughed in response and seemed to not fully understand the depth in her daughter's words. "I'm serious. Chessie eats less and less every day. dad is a drunk. you're a sex addict. I can't keep anyone long enough to let them in and see the real me, without all the leather and the attitude. we're a mess. and despite the recurring salary between the two of you, it can never be enough for good enough therapists for all of us."
almost as if she was distracted by another thought, Rosemary admitted, "we all have our own ways of coping, love. some are just less destructive than others." and with that, she snapped back into reality and decided to inquire, "is that boy next door the reason why you suddenly no longer have that golden light in your eyes?"
Flossy almost felt ashamed for the expression of her feelings towards the mentioned male. she blamed it on the way that her mother used to use the things she loved against her. in reality, she was ashamed because she had the best thing she would ever get in the palm of her hand but, through selfish motives and egos, lost him in the sea of others clawing at his throat and trying to drown out the real him. wistfully, she looked out the window at the approaching hell and told her, "he's so many of the reasons why I'm not the person I used to be anymore."
not really wanting to talk anymore about the feelings locked away in the metallic heart in her chest, Flossy told her mother to pull over to where the sidewalk to the front doors started. she explained that she needed a few minutes of peace before she absolutely had to enter. instead, she played a badass playlist on 8tracks and lit a cigarette until the first period bell rang. she didn't open the front door until the color and sound excused themselves from both her cigarette and playlist. she was half an hour late and three cigarettes lighter.
❦
the English class had seen many weird things through the duration of their year. a very heterosexual jock cross dressed for a day because he lost a bet and still got a girlfriend out of it. another very heterosexual jock turned out to be not as into girls as everyone had thought. even one student who was named Joe at the beginning of the year came back from winter break a whole new person by the name of Joanna. but despite all this, nothing was as weird as the baddest bitch in the game sitting in the front of the classroom whereas her nerdy paramour sat in the back with the rest of the jocks and donned a varsity jacket specifically for the soccer team.
Flossy hadn't planned on even looking at him the entirety of that day but when she saw him come in, laughing as hard as he obnoxiously could with Colby Tradimento, she felt every cell in her body go up several degrees in fury. his eyes landed on hers like they always seemed to but he gave her a glare almost as hard as hers in reciprocation. she would have tried to trip him while he walked down the aisle, but their teacher stole her attention instead.
the class had begun going over the material needed for their test on The Great Gatsby just days away. Flossy didn't bother listening to the words coming out of his mouth, mostly because she'd read the book in seventh grade and seen the movie every time it was on TV. she knew the story almost as well as she knew her own family history. she blocked out all the natter until she heard her teacher ask whether or not the students believed Gatsby actually loved Daisy. Flossy's hand was the first to shoot up which earned a lot of aghast stares she couldn't see.
"I think that Gatsby really did love her," she stated for the class. "he had a lot of walls and secrets that he kept, but when you're in love like that, you want your partner to always see the good in you. even when Daisy kept pushing him away, he wouldn't let go of her because she was his entire world and he would've done anything to keep her happy."
the teacher told her that she had a good eye for analysis. she almost felt like she was off the hook until she heard a voice ask her, "if he loved her so much why didn't he show her enough to get her to stay?" her heart quickened its pace and she could feel the eyes on her once again, adding to the fury already fueling her.
she tried to keep up her phlegmatic facade as she responded to Calum without turning to meet his eyes, "it's more complicated than staying or leaving. she had a whole different life with someone else and just because this person who could potentially destroy everything she wanted in life says that he wants her, she's supposed to just drop everything and agree?!" she exclaimed while she realized that neither one of them were talking about the book any longer.
"Gatsby was selfish," Calum seethed. "he was always asking too much of her." everyone knew that when he said Gatsby, he was really talking about Flossy.
and suddenly, Flossy consisted of indignation and vexation. she no longer cared what anyone under that ceiling had to say about her and she especially wanted to give the only guy to break her heart a piece of her mind. she whirled on him and exclaimed right to him, "maybe Gatsby tried to love daisy enough so that everything else that was screwed up in their lives would have seemed ludicrous to entertain the thought of! maybe gatsby didn't even know how to love but he gave her everything to which she was never satisfied with!"
"she never could have been satisfied loving someone who showed too many different faces to too many different people," Calum immediately hollered back at her. it was obvious to everyone that he was just as motivated to hurt her as she was to him.
in one expeditious movement, she was on her feet at the front of her desk with her palms slammed into the wood of it, glaring at him while she leaned over it and told him with nothing less than venom in her words, "yeah? well maybe Daisy shouldn't have slept with another man practically the day after she slept with the one that she actually could've been with." without even thinking, she walked across the room and out the door while it slammed behind her.
it didn't take Calum long to join her out in the hallway with eyes dark with a harrowing emotion. the gold in her eyes reflected the same emotion. they stared at each other for almost a full minute and resembled two enemies seconds away from fighting to the death in the brown of their eyes.
"first you ignore me all day yesterday, then I see you sleeping with Ophelia, and now you're attacking me in class?! what the hell, Calum! what's your fucking problem?!"
"you!" he screamed right back. "you've always been my problem! I'm sick of you using me like I mean nothing to you and then you turn around and act like I'm your everything!"
Flossy was taken back by the accusation. "I've never used you!" she responded loud with shock.
"everything happens for a reason, Florence." his voice was low and raspy with a bestial and baleful edge. "and you're the fucking source of it all."
"oh really? so I'm the reason you slept with her and decided to rub it in my face?! I'm the reason you joined the team and decided to act like my weeks of friendship never happened?!"
"that's exactly what I'm saying!" he hollered, then rolled his eyes when he saw her astonishment and anger increase. "oh stop acting like a victim, no one wants you when you're on your knees begging for forgiveness. Alex wasn't kidding when he said there's no love for a liar."
"I'm the liar?!" she shrieked, then realized how she sounded and dropped from being hostile to being heavyhearted. "you could've just told me, but you kept all of it to yourself."
"and how would you have reacted?" Calum responded. it was clear in that moment that his fire of animosity hadn't died out since he last spoke. "would you have supported me?"
"yes!" she exclaimed in exasperation. "I would have supported you through anything and everything you put your mind to!"
the color in his cheeks and the crease in his brows faded, though she knew him well enough to see that he wasn't done with his irate words. "but I know how you feel about both the team and Ophelia." he seemed more ambivalent than antagonistic.
"yes how I feel about them, but not what they do. if you just told me I would've been so happy, but you were sneaky and that hurt more than anything."
he seemed almost stunned by her confession, but then his expression changed to yearning. "why?" he needed her to confirm all the suspicions he'd been collecting evidence on since he realized how he felt. he was in pain because she wouldn't come out and say that she was guilty of the only crime she despised of: falling in love.
"because you're my best friend," she said instead.
"best friend?!" he said the words like it was a secret so repulsive that he saw her in a light worse than before. he seemed insulted that she described their relationship in that context. the flame in his eyes and cheeks ignited once again. her words were the spark that created the forest fire of destruction about to occur.
"yes? what else?" she knew what he was asking but she wasn't ready to come out and say it. she had thought it over and over since it happened. it was something she knew better than she knew her own name. she was too scared to say it aloud. he would use it against her. he was always so cruel when he was angry. she couldn't confess that to him because he'd take that bullet in a gun and shoot it at her, using it as a poison to kill her.
"they've tormented me for years," Flossy explained. "they teased me about things that weren't even true. they made me out to be a villain, and so I give them what they ask for because that's how I've been taught. they're racist, homophobic, egotistic assholes who act like everything that comes out of their mouth is the world of the bible and their saliva has powers to cure cancer. I mean, I can't blame them because that's how their parents and society taught them to be." her chestnut eyes narrowed back on him. they reflected his anger. she told him softly with a remorseless and unforgiving tone, "so fit in with them, why don't you?! when you feel yourself recoiling because you don't believe in a word they say, don't come crawling back because I won't want you anymore.
"just remember who got you to speak to words to any other human, especially articulated sentences to those people who deserve nothing more than silence and angry eyes. remember who you were fighting against just two days ago.
"you act like you're so innocent in all of this!" he lamented just as she was about to turn and go back to class. "like I was the one who walked all over you and used you whenever. let me remind you who came to me when their life was falling apart and used me for sex to forget about it!"
at first his words didn't process. she heard them, but they weren't fully stored in her memory. as it started to ricochet off the walls of her mind. she was angry beyond everything that he thought of her like that. underneath all of that anger and resentment, there was a layer of sadness and hurt that he'd caused her and she just wanted to unleash it all at once.
she tried to keep it all in, she really did. she told herself repeatedly, don't cry. whatever you do, don't do that. don't let him see you like that. he just stared down at her with red, angry cheeks, brown eyes completely black, and veins accentuated on his skin. he could see her holding back that emotion she's given him so many times and it made the clouds of anger disappear from his sky. he saw a single tear haunt him as it fell down her now red cheeks. his heart sank, he could feel it barely pump blood as more followed. it was his own worst nightmare and it was coming true.
he'd seen her cry before, even comforted her through it. he told himself he'd never be the reason behind it, that he'd hurt himself before he'd ever hurt her. and in that moment, when she silently let this cruel angel see her at her worst, he was doing both.
"if you honestly believe that," she started, her voice small and feeble. she wiped her eyes and stared up at Calum once again, this time with so much anger that the floor beneath them was seconds away from being forced. the warmth she had in her heart had melted to cold angst as she told him, "then don't even bother looking at me ever again because the second I see you even look my way, you're a dead man walking. as a matter of fact, don't even bother thinking about me ever again because you'll never have a chance at redemption as long as you're still alive."
instead of going back to class, he stared in amazement at his words while she walked down the hallway with her hips swiveling in the anger they usually did. this time, he heard her let out sobs with every capturing step and he hated himself more than he ever had in that moment.
they were done. it was redolent in the spark between them as they continued to argue. it was as if the second that the first tear ran down her cheek, it was the water extinguishing the spark of a chance they had of getting back together. he knew that sleeping with someone else would break her and any hope they had of making it. he knew that he wanted to hurt her and he succeeded, but in doing so, made him hate and hurt himself more than any self inflicting actions ever could. he realized as she walked away that the home they so beautifully created was broken beyond repair.
❦
ok yes i'm crying pls join in with me bc I think i serial killed them :(((( idk what else to say except it only goes downhill from here oOPs. but hey look on the bright side!! Flossy and her mom are reconnecting!! it's not a main focus but I don't like leaving loose ends or coming back to things like ten chapters apart so
also dedication to @egglexis bc i love her user (bc same) and i always peep her comments that make my day every time i read them!!
shoutout to all those people who I haven't dedicated chaps to. this is your time to shine :-))))))