Chapter 48: California’s Burning Down Tonight.
¬Peasnie¬
“Y-you found your dad?” I asked in disbelief, I was in disbelief. He was looking for his dad and didn’t tell me? Why? Phil swallowed hard and nodded carefully. His face was full of sorrow and a little shame. It made me question, why? He’s been looking for his dad for years, why does it look so sad? I put my hands on my hips and furrowed my eye brows as Phil avoided eye contact with me. He kicked the ground and bit his lip.
“Well, who is he? Where is he? I wanna meet your maker.” I said eagerly, I suppose I was being a bit over powering again but I was excited for him. Phil grew up without a male figure in his life. Phil bit his bottom lip hard and looked up through his bangs at me. He shook his head and sighed. He turned on his heel and grabbed a big brown envelope that sat on the island, he handed it to me carefully. His hands were shaking with fear and nervousness. I became worried; maybe his dad is an ex-con or something. Maybe Phil is ashamed of his dad is. Phil shouldn’t be the one who’s nervous, his dad should. That man abandoned Phil and his mom to go live some free-loader life.
“You’re not gonna believe it when you read it.” Phil said calmly. I highly doubt that. I opened the envelope, the seal was already broken and the paper was crumpled. I dug my hand into the envelope and gripped the paper, pulling it out. I was a little taken back when I read the top of the paper.
Huntington Beach Sperm Bank.
Purchase made: January 3, 1995. $150.99
Phil Michael Lester; born January 30, 1995.
Mother: Zoey Amelia Lester.
Father: . . . .
My eyes grew wide as I read the paper carefully. I had to re-read it, thirteen times before it went into my head. What I was reading was true, holy shit. This is a Jerry Springer moment. I looked up at Phil, my jaw was on the floor and my eyes were giant ovals. Phil seemed a bit shy; he shrugged his shoulder a little and sank into the neck of his hoodie. He bit his lip again and stared at me with a blank expression.
“Told you.” He said softly. Holy shit.
3 hours later. . . .
“Why’d you dress him up, he’s going to bed soon anyways?” Phil complained at me as we walked up the path to my Grandparents’ house. Phil adjusted the black vest I put on James. I wanted James to be stylish; he wasn’t going to a party without turning a few heads. I put James in a nice blue Beatles tee shirt with a black vest over top and some jeans with his little baby blue anchor styled converse. He wore a jacket over top as Phil carried the little boy. James played with Phil’s hood.
“I want him to turn a few heads. Anyways I think his outfit is the cutest. Don’t you agree?” I asked making a silly face at James. His smile grew widely, showing off all of his pearly white teeth. He had Phil’s smile, I’m grateful for that. I love Phil’s smile. Phil smiled at me and nodded.
“Yes dear. He’s the cutest disguise the devil has ever worn.” Phil said jokingly. I playfully punched his arm. I made sure Phil wore something nice as well, I didn’t want to over dress him. So I put him in a baby blue dress shirt, a sports blazer and black slacks. I wore a nice blue one piece with a beige leather belt and a pair of pale pink flats. I had my long hair tied to one side and over my shoulder in one long spiral curl.
“So are you going to confront him?” I asked curiously. I wanted to know if Phil was going to confront him. Phil looked back at me and shrugged his shoulders. I was still in disbelief that his dad is his dad. Phil thought he’s never met his dad but in reality, he has.
“I dunno. I want too but how will he react?” Phil was scared and he has every right to be afraid. I smiled as I remembered I put the paper work in my purse.
“Well if you do confront him, I have the paper work for proof.” I told him calmly. Phil looked back at me and nodded once. We walked up the front steps. It was just after sun down but the air was still light with the sun’s finale rays. I knocked on the door before opening it for Phil; he walked into the house followed by me. Phil immediately set James down on the floor. James waddled over to my dad, who was sitting on the couch with a glass of juice. Or I hope its juice. He’s not supposed to be drinking anything alcoholic but he’s bit of a rebel. Hopefully he took my words into consideration. James did a waddle run over to him and pounced onto his lap, squealing loudly. My dad pretended to be frightened of James before picking the little boy up and placing him on his lap. James was in stitches. I couldn’t help but smile at the two of them. James has a lot of traits that my dad has rubbed onto him; luckily passion is one of them. I pulled off my jacket and hung it up at the door before following Phil into the house. Alfie came booking it towards me, she acted like she hasn’t seen me in year when in reality she saw me yesterday when Bailey and I went grocery shopping. Dad wanted to have some father-son time with Kier yesterday, so Bailey dropped the twins off at Luca’s and brought Alfie. Alfie is a good aunty to James; she makes sure he’s happy all the time. She’s strong so she can carry him; I can’t believe she’s going to be ten this year, well next year. It seems like yesterday she was born. And the twins will be starting school in the fall with Milo and River. Yea, the guys will finally understand what it’s like to watch your kid walk up to the school for the first time. My dad has had to do it three times, each time it gets harder. But this time he knows there will be no more first day of kindergarten. Tammer and Trystan are the last ones to attend kindergarten and let me tell you, the teacher who’s taught all of my dad’s kids is happy that there are only two more. I remember what dad told me when he bumped into her at the store. He said he was excited to register the twins in the spring and the teacher was like ‘There’s more?!’ I couldn’t help but laugh. She taught me, Kier, Alfie and now the twins. And River and Milo will be there too. I feel for this poor teacher.
Alfie wrapped herself around me tightly and smiled at me. Alfie looks just like me when I was little; apart she has naturally dark hair while I didn’t.
“Hey Alfie, where’s Kiwi and the twin terrors?” I asked as I unwrapped my arms from around her. Alfie looked back into the direction of the kitchen, the place she came from.
“Mom has the twins and Kier is getting ready to go to his boyfriend’s for the weekend.” Alfie informed me. I heard dad and our Uncles go ‘Ooooo’ in the background. I smirked and shook my head. I like how Alfie has grown up, she knows her brother doesn’t have girlfriends but rather boyfriends, she hasn’t questioned it and she hasn’t turned her nose up at it. Some kids grow up and are forced to accept one side or the other but Alfie grew up and was given a choice. Just like Tammer and Trystan, they get a choice. I’m not saying I was forced to accept it, I’m saying they get to grow up and see that it’s not all that bad. I was already well into my teens when Kier came out, I didn’t grow up with it. I grew up knowing that it’s just a way of life.
“Alright, I’m gonna go talk to him. Dad has James if you wanna go see him.” I told her. Alfie’s eyes lit up and became large ovals before she squealed and skipped off to see her nephew. I giggled and shook my head before heading towards the spare bedroom, which used to be mine. Nothing has really changed since dad and I moved out of this place. I remember the night he left; he broke a pinky promise and got into a fight at school. I told him I hated him for it, I didn’t mean it. The day started by him telling me I was going to get an arranged marriage, followed by him begging God to make me an infant, then him basically telling me that if I wore a skirt above my knees that I’d be up on the missing children’s’ board. He wanted to see my game face and I wanted to see his. I made him pinky promise that he’s never going to ever have another fight. My morning went on like normal. I met Phil and Dan, I liked them immediately. They were interesting. I knew my dad wanted to meet me outside of his school and it was just across the street from my school so at lunch I just walked across the street and saw him. I knew he broke my promise; he was bleeding and had a few bruises and bumps on his face. I was so angry at him that I wanted to run away and never see him again. My Uncles came after me; I did some serious damage to them. I kneed Brian in the crotch and scratched Zack’s arm pretty badly. I gave Matt a couple good bruises. I don’t know how or why they love me still but they do. I remember crying so hard that I made myself sick at Suzy’s house and then I was yelling at my dad. I fell asleep and when I woke up dad was packing and leaving. I blamed myself for that even though he said it wasn’t my fault. My Grandparents told me that it wasn’t my fault but I blamed myself because I told him that I hated him and he left. This house holds a lot of memories, most are good but there is the occasional bad memory that I wish I’d forget. Like just before summer was over when I was four I was asleep in my room and I heard my mom and dad arguing outside, it was really late. My mom said I ruined her life and she wished I was never born. I knew by the sound of her voice she was drunk. That was a very long time ago but I’ve never forgotten it.
I sighed as I knocked on the bedroom door before entering the room. Kier was standing by the mirror, styling his chestnut brown hair. He wore a red checkered short sleeved dress shirt with a black vest and black skinny jeans with his new white gold studded high tops. His pale cheeks were rosy with blush as he set his phone down.
“Hello Kiwi.” I said coming into the room, closing the door behind me.
“Hey Peasnie.” Kier said mindlessly. I smirked and shook my head, watching as he checked his phone again. He smiled and replied to the message. I sat down on the end of the bed and watched him carefully.
“Kier, sit down, I need to talk to you about something important.” I said bluntly. My tone was serious. Kier’s blue eyes widened slightly as he set his phone down on the dresser and sat on the bed beside me. I knew Kier and his boyfriend Adam are getting very serious; they’ve been dating for a couple years now. They were doing a Phil and me and dating behind everyone’s back. They’ve been dating since Kier was twelve. I know Kier’s been really fighting with temptation in his teen years and tonight it’s only going to be him and his boyfriend. I’m not sure Kier will be able to fight off temptation this time. I just want him to be prepared.
Kier’s finely groomed eye brows pulled together. His rosy cheeks settled at a light shade of pink on his pale complexion, he had a few spots around his mouth and forehead.
“What’s up?” He asked curiously.
“Nothing, I’m just wondering what you two have planned for tonight.” I suggested smoothly. Kier’s curious expression turned into a slick smirk that crossed his face casually. He lifted himself up off the bed and stepped back towards the mirror.
“And by that you mean you want to know weather or not we’re gonna go all the way tonight.” Kier caught me red handed. I shared a causal nod with him; Kier went back to making perfection out of his hair. He chuckled and turned to look at me with an innocent expression.
“And what do you suggest I do if we are?” Kier asked cheekily. I tried to remain calm, no blushing or smiling embarrassed. I inhaled deeply before going into my bag for the purple paper bag that I grabbed when I was at the clinic for a checkup; I told them I needed to grab some for my little brother. They said I was a good sibling for doing that.
Kier’s eyes widened in horror as I handed him the purple paper bag. He opened the bag to find a couple different kinds. He dumped them out onto the bed and began to sort through them. The little packages came in different colours.
“There’s extra safe, pleasurable, lubricated and flavoured. You can pick and choose which ones you want to use.” I said helping him sort through them. Kier grabbed them and pushed them back into the baggy, he went to shove it into his bag but something fell out. Kier’s rosy cheeks became beat red when he grabbed the blue durex bottle that had rolled out of his backpack. I arched an eye brow at you.
“Mom got that for you?” I asked curiously. Kier chuckled nervously and shook his head.
“Ugh no, dad gave me money to told me to buy it. He watched me buy it, it was so awkward. Because the cashier was giving me a funny look and dad said ‘don’t worry, no girls getting pregnant here, he likes it up the ass.’ It was so embarrassing.” Kier covered his face as he told me about what our dad made him do. I couldn’t help but pat his back and smile at him.
“Don’t worry Kier, dad stood with me when he forced me to buy condoms, I was fifteen. And then every time I was near Phil, he’d go and count them.” I told Kier my horror story about this situation.
“You could’ve bought new ones at any time though.” Kier said sullenly. I nodded in agreement.
“Yeah, dad’s not the brightest crayon in the box.” I commented a true statement. Sometimes our dad isn’t all that bright, don’t get me wrong though; he’s very intelligent and will find shit out but sometimes he’s just a little slow. Kier sighed as he zipped up the backpack and slipped on a nice cardigan.
“Don’t worry about having the talk with me; mom already beat you to it.” Kier said bluntly as he swung the backpack over one shoulder. I shrugged and smirked at him plainly.
“I know, she told me. I just brought you the protection. I don’t want you to catch anything.” I said being a concerned big sister. Kier shook his head and smiled at me.
“I’ll be fine, I promise.” Kier said softly as he left the room. “-Now I gotta go, I’m gonna be late.” Kier added calmly. I got up and followed him out of the room. Kier said Good-Bye to our family before grabbing the keys to his little car. Kier seemed eager to leave which I didn’t mind; I know what it’s like to spend a holiday with your significant other for the first time. I wandered back into the living room, James was slapping my dad’s hands happily and Phil was deep in conversation with my dad and Uncles. I decided to see if Phil was going to talk to him tonight or another night. I sat beside him on the couch and smiled softly at him before nudging his arm causally. Phil’s blue eyes wandered over to me curiously.
“Hmm?” He hummed at me.
“Are you, y’know?” I asked curiously. Phil took a long swig of his drink before sighing with a nod. He got up off the couch, I followed him carefully. I know my stomach was doing knots and my heart was pounding, I don’t want to know how Phil was feeling. My heart was in my throat, I needed to grab Phil’s hand. I’m sure he thinks it’s to reassure him but I was actually grabbing it to reassure myself. Phil looked back at me and smiled shyly. We approached the tall man as if it were any other day. He looked at us and smiled shyly before setting his drink down.
“Hey you two, what’s up?” He asked curiously. I saw Phil’s entire body tense up, his hand clamped down tightly. He was freezing up.
“Ugh, ugh, ugh, erm, ugh.” Phil stumbled over his words nervously before letting go of my hand and turning on his heel and marching away. Yeah, I had a feeling he’d do that. I was given a weird expression by him as I stood there. I sighed and pulled out the paper from my bag, handing it to him.
Huntington Beach Sperm Bank.
Purchase made: January 3, 1995. $150.99
Phil Michael Lester; born January 30, 1995.
Mother: Zoey Amelia Lester.
Father: Brian Elwin Haner JR.
Brian’s eyes widened as he gaped down at the paper in awe. His jaw was on the floor. When I said Phil has known his dad most of his life, I wasn’t lying. Phil may not look like him but that’s because his mom has blue eyes and dark hair. Brian bit his lip and inhaled deeply with watery eyes.
“I need to go take care of this.” He said rushing by me. I sighed as I bled back into the counter. Dad came in with his little cup of tropical fruit juice. He smiled at me casually and sighed.
“Hey, kiddo.” He said calmly. I nodded at him.
“Hey.” I replied shortly. He stood beside me, leaning against the counter. We were quite for a little while.
“You know what tonight is right?” He asked. I nodded and looked over at him.
“You got the stuff?” I questioned. He nodded. We both proceeded outside to the backyard; I brought James with me so he can see a little piece of my past and understand how important family is to me and how important it should be to him. The apple tree was still there and the swing was too. Dad and I dug through the dirt until we hit a box. James helped dig up the box as well. We both got on our knees and brushed the remaining dirt off the top. I rejoiced in the sight of the wooden lid that had “Oh, to be alive in such an age, when miracles are everywhere, and every inch of common air throbs a tremendous prophecy, of greater marvels yet to be” carved into the lid. So many memories filled my mind; they brought tears to my eyes. Dad’s eyes even got watery.
“Do you remember when we buried this thing?” He asked softly. I smiled as the tears fell down my cheeks. I couldn’t contain the little sobs. I brought James into my side and cuddled him.
“Yeah.” I sobbed softly. Dad pulled the box up out of the ground. He pulled the key out of a zip-lock bag that had pictures and other stuff in it. He opened the box to reveal so many memories that overwhelmed me. There were demos, pictures, letters, songs that didn’t make it on the record, drawings, our lists and of course the drum sticks. Everything made my heart swell. There were pictures that I didn’t even think existed.
“See James, that’s mommy when she was a baby.” I said to him pointing to the blonde haired blue eyed baby sitting in a paddling pool. James giggled and hid his face in my neck. I put the picture down and picked up the bright pink drum sticks that I got when I was born. I looked up at my dad and smiled shyly.
“How would you like to have a granddaughter?” I asked curiously. Dad’s usually bright blue eyes were dim in the night but they became brighter than the stars. He smiled a half smile at me casually.
“You two don’t waste any time do you?” He asked chuckling. I giggled and nodded.
“Yeah, apparently.” I said softly. Dad and I put out new stuff into the box before sealing it up. I put a copy of James and the new baby’s first ultrasound in there with James’ foot prints and hands prints. I put my vows in the box and a whole whack of items and memories. Tonight is only beginning and there is going to be more to say and do as the night goes on. I couldn’t relax and have a drink because Phil’s been drinking and we need to get home somehow. So instead of drinking I just played the songs I promised I’d play. Everybody seemed to enjoy the music; James clapped for me which made me feel 100% better.
“Me, I’m a part of your circle of friends
And we, notice you don’t come around
And me, I think it all depends
On you, touching ground with us, but...
I quit, I give up
Nothing's good enough for anybody else
It seems and...
I quit, I give up
Nothing's good enough for anybody else
It seems and...
Being alone is the, is the best way to be
When I’m by myself it’s the best way to be
When I’m all alone it’s the best way to be
When I’m by myself, nobody else can say goodbye
Everything is temporary anyway
When the streets are wet
the colors slip into the sky
But I don’t know why that means you and I are,
That means you and...
I quit, I give up
Nothing's good enough for anybody else
It seems and...
I quit, I give up
Nothing's good enough for anybody else
It seems and...
Being alone is the, is the best way to be
When I’m by myself it’s the best way to be
When I’m all alone it’s the best way to be
When I’m by myself, nobody else can say
Me, I’m a part of your circle of friends
And we notice you don’t come around” After I played a couple songs, my fingers were getting sore so I decided to have a break. Brian and Phil came back into the house and rejoined the party again. Phil came up to me and wrapped his arms around me with a shy smile.
“So, are you gonna tell me what your big secret is?” He asked softly. I felt blush settle on my cheeks. I had no idea how I was going to tell them. Maybe if I let it out then it’ll be easier. I smiled softly and curled myself into him.
“This time we’ll have a girl.” I said quietly. Phil was confused for a moment before a wave of surprise came over his face. I could hear in the back ground the count down being chanted.
10!
9!
8!
“Are you?” He asked. I nodded.
7!
6!
5!
4!
“Mhm.” I replied calmly. Phil’s eyes widened and his smile broadened.
3!
2!
1!
“I’m gonna have a little girl!” He yelled happily.
“Happy New Year!”