Week 2
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Today is the start of a new week. I'm off to my therapy session with Tim. He's the therapist. I've grown to like this guy in the week that I've spoken to him. He lets me vent, and he says the things that I don't necessarily want to hear, but need to hear.
I walk through the door and smile at him. He waits in his chair with his notepad in hand. It's game time.
I close the door and take a seat on the couch in front of him.
"Ok, Grace. This week I want to talk to you about this Tyler guy." he says to me, and I feel my heart stop in my chest. I haven't spoken about Tyler since the first day I was here.
"Why do we need to talk about him?" I ask him and the shaking in my voice is so clear that I'm afraid he hears it too.
"Because he plays a big part in your feelings."
"He's just a crush." I tell him as I drop my eyes from his.
"You know he's not. He's the one who first noticed your cutting. He's the one that offered his help to you. He's the one you fell in love with."
He is so right. I did fall in love with Tyler. He's a blessing to my life, but I have to remind myself that I'm not a blessing to his.
"I know." I say and I start to bite the inside of my cheeks to keep from crying. I haven't cried in a week, and I'm not starting now.
"Tell me about him."
"What do you want to know?" I ask as my breathing becomes hitched.
"Everything."
~*~
That therapy session was the weirdest one yet. He just let me speak about Tyler. All about Tyler. I shared everything I knew about him, and Tim listened to every single thing, but by the end of the session, his notepad was blank. He didn't write down a single thing.
I don't want to think too much about it. I make my way to the cafeteria. Group discussions were only for a week. It was to help us feel that we were not alone in our own situation, and now, most of the girls are getting better. Including me. It helps knowing you're not the only one hurting.
I make my way to where Jenna is sitting. She was kind enough to get my lunch today for me.
"So I followed your advice." she says as I take a seat next to her. "Tim said I had a breakthrough in therapy today." she says, and I can see that she's fighting back a smile. I wrap my arms around her and give her a big hug. She shouldn't have to hold back her happiness with me.
"Jenna! I am so proud of you!" I exclaim and she lets out a small laugh.
"I'm proud of me too. If I'm lucky, I'll get out with you, and maybe I'll finally get to meet this Tyler guy." she says with a laugh, and I feel it in my chest. I miss him so much.
One more week. I can do this.
~*~
Today I find out if I stay or if I go. Hopefully the therapist will give me the go. I'm ready. I want to go home. I want to be with my family and friends. I feel better. I feel better than I ever thought I would.
Ever since I walked through those doors I have felt more confident, happier, and more full of life. I can't even imagining touching a razor anymore. These people here taught me to love myself in only two weeks. It's definitely not 100%, but it's real. This is real relief.
I walk into Tim's office, and he smiles at me. So far, so good. I take a seat on the couch, but today, the notepad isn't in his lap like usual.
"Today's session will be short." he says to me. "I just have one question for you, Grace." I nod feeling the pressure building in my chest. One question. I better answer it right.
"How do you feel after the two weeks you've been here?"
I take a minute to really think about this question, and soon, there's a smile growing on my face. A genuine smile. Something I didn't do a lot before I came here.
"Happy." I say, and he smiles at me with all of his perfect teeth showing.
"Care to explain?"
"I feel like.. I just woke up from a nightmare that lasted for four years. I feel like the person I was before it all started. If anything, I feel stronger than the girl I was before. I feel.... ok again."
Tim looks at me and sits up in his chair, not once does his smile fade.
"Grace Jackson, you just earned your ticket home."
~*~
I'm going home. That doesn't even seem real. Nothing feels real right now. This place has made me better. I never thought I would get better. I thought I was meant to feel that pain for the rest of my life.
But I'm going home.
I pack my bag and immediately head out of my small room. Miranda waits for me by my door.
"Are you ready to go home, Grace?"
"Yes, I am, but can I just do something first?" I ask her and she looks confused by my sudden question, but she nods her head regardless.
I walk through the halls until I get to Jenna's room. I haven't spoken to her all day. I knock on the door, and she opens it. She gives me a small smile when she sees me.
"So I see you're going home." she says to me as she looks at my bag. I nod my head yes. The excitement never fading inside of me.
"Are you?" She looks at me and sighs.
"No, I'm not."
I feel my heart shatter into a million pieces. It hurts. It hurts all over again.
"But I thought Tim said you had a breakthrough." I say feeling the pain in my chest only grow.
"I did, but I still have a long way to go." she says as tears start to fall down her cheeks. I didn't want to leave her here. That's the one thing I didn't want to do.
Without hesitation I wrap my arms around her and hug her tight. She squeezes me harder, and right now I pray that she gets better. I pray that she gets out of this place. I hope she finds the same relief that I feel now because every person deserves this feeling. Especially Jenna.
"It's ok, Grace. I'm going to get out of here. It's just going to take me a little while." I pull away from her and wipe my now soaking wet cheeks. I know she'll get out of here, I just wanted it to be with me.
I pull out a piece of paper from the pocket of my pants and hand it to her.
"I didn't know if you were getting out of here today. I thought I'd take some precautions. Even though I really thought you'd be walking out of those doors with me." I say as my voice cracks at the last word. I watch as she unfolds the small piece of paper.
"Call me when you get out of here, Jenna. I'd like to start over with you as a friend, and not some girl I met in this place." I tell her, and I didn't think it was possible for her to cry harder. She hugs me tight one more time, and I feel myself breaking all over again.
"Go home to your Tyler." she says to me, and just like that I'm running through this long hallway all the way to the main lobby until I see them. My parents.
My mom looks me in the eyes, her whole face gleaming. I missed her beautiful face. My father, his pearly white teeth all showing with wonderful joy when he sees me. This is it. Right here.
I throw myself into their arms and they both hug me so tight as if they are never going to let go. It's funny how this time, seeing them, it feels different. It's like I can finally see these people. It's been 4 years of pulling myself back. Of pushing everyone around me away, and I don't want to push anymore. I want my family back. I want my life back.
"I missed you guys so much." I say and my mom pulls away and grabs my face with both of her hands. I don't thinks he realizes that I mean more than just the two weeks I was away.
"Oh my baby!!" she exclaims as happy tears stream down her cheeks and she hugs me tight once again. Those are the only tears I want to see run down her face again.
It's funny how two weeks can feel like a lifetime when you're away from the people you love.
~*~
She's going home!!! The next chapter is about to go down everybody!! I am so happy right now OMG!!! 👇👇👇 READ IT