"What if they don't like me?"
Mark laughs and I groan and I start knocking my head against the wall.
"Where is my camera when I need it." He pipes.
I knew I should not have gotten him that bloody camera for his last birthday. I snap my head towards him, my face was stricken with horror "Mark I will hit you."
He just laughs. "The look.." He falls on the floor. "The look on your face." Not only does he start clutching his stomach he adds rolling about to his act. "You...should... You should see it."I return to the fling with my bedroom wall. I do not want to see it. After Shane told me it was time to meet the twins I was all for it. My little offsprings. I was excited and proud. Until two this morning that is.
I am meeting my children. I have children. They are mine. Flesh and blood. I had a hand in the creation of two lives. Me, Jared the baller. The irresponsible jerk. The carefree right hook giving asshole has children. Since that realization, I have become a nervous wreck. It is weird. I feel sick. I do not know what to expect. They are just kids. But still, it has me pacing about and worrying my ass off. I called Shane at four this morning and even though she said I would be okay she laughed just like Mark is doing now.
It is pretty ridiculous, I have fathered two kids for nearly three years now, I just did not know it. They could resent me for not being there after all they are not newborns. Shut up fool. Two-year-olds do not hate. Do they? Besides all that, I am Jared Warren. Everybody loves me. I am the charmer of all trades. My kids can't be immune to that right? All this and a mountain of questions have made it impossible for me to think straight and go back to my much-loved sport of sleep.
What do I tell them? What do I do with them? What are they like? What will I be like? Will they like me? What are they gonna think of me?
A hand touches my shoulder. "Come on Jay. They will love you."
I look at him. Or worse case in which they could run away from me screaming. I am just a stranger to them after all.
"If you don't snap out of this I will call mom and a camera."If he calls mom in here I will never hear the end of her Jared and something about responsibility speech. Since I made her swear to let me deal with Angelica and the presumed baby. She just gives me this stern look but as soon as I pull out the baby pictures of her grandkids on my phone she gets all googly-eyed and that is far worse than suspicious mom.
"Shut up. I'd like to see you with your kids."
He shrugs. "Unlike you, I'll be a man about it."
"Ha, you'll faint as soon as you see the head pop.."
Mark covers his ears and moves away from me. "Uhhhh dude gross, shut up!"It's my turn to laugh now. It feels damn good too. "What's the matter afraid of a little bloody vag......"
He points at me warningly. "Don't finish that sentence, Jared."
I smirk. "Thought so."
He narrows his eyes at me. "Whatever man."
"Not so funny now huh?"
"I think I hear mom calling you."
I chuckle and head out of the room. "Later asshole."
Ever since aunt Jasmyne showed us that horrific video of a mom giving birth Mark has become touchy. I got over it but Mark, he would jump out windows just so he would not hear about it. She tried to pass it off saying Something about education but it was to stop us from having sex. Too bad it did not work.
Halfway down the stairs mom opens the door and lets Shane inside."Hi, how are you, sweetie?" Mom asks as she hugs Shane.
Shane gives mom that string tugging smile of hers. "Good, how are you?""I'll be better when I get my hands on those two grandbabies of mine."
"I promise I'll bring them over soon."
Shane and I decided that it would be a neat surprise if we just brought the kids over without telling her. It has been very hard because she keeps asking and Shane is at a point where she is close enough to bend to mom's will.
I hold onto Mom's shoulders with a grin. "Guess who's babysitting when we wanna go off to wild parties."
Mom looks at me and Shane giggles. I take her hand in mine."Excuse me...."
With Shane's hand in mine, I interrupt mom with a kiss on the cheek and head out. "Bye, mom!"
***We pull up at the Shane's. She parks the car and looks at me. I let her drive knowing I would have made several attempts to turn back.
She takes hold of my hand. "Are you ready?"
Yes. No. Yeah. Uhhh... I shake my head.
She squeezes my hand. "You'll do fine."
"Did they call him daddy?"
"No, they were pretty set on Ric as much as he wanted them to call him daddy."
I feel my pride swell. "Smart kids," I smirk.
"Do you want them to call you daddy?"
Hell yes. "They might need some time to adjust... You know."
She leans over and kisses me. "You are too cute."
I will have my revenge on her. How dare she call me cute. I am far from being defined by a word as girly as cute. I pull away. "Let's go." I huff and hop out of the car.
She comes out laughing. I roll my eyes and walk up to the door. She follows and steps in front to open the door. We step inside. Well, Shane ends up pushing me in smiling. She is getting a kick out of this. She always gets a kick out of my once in a blue moon nervous tendencies. I also have enough on my plate with mom and Mark and if my kids do not like me. I will curl up and start crying. Man up already Jared.
We walk towards the living room. I can hear my heart beating throughout my body. What ever happened in the next few moments was going to make or break me. was i ready? should I turn back? I see them playing in between tons of toys. They are two of the cutest little things I have ever seen. I can not deny them even if I want to. They look just like me. I am beyond amazed.
"Jared, meet Javed and Janaé Warren."
I look at her eyes wide and heart-melting. "You gave them my name."
She nods. "I wouldn't have it any other way... I'm sorry I didn't tell you.."
"I know now. They are adorable."
"Mama!"
She bends down and opens her arms. "Hi, babies."
The excitement that fills their faces is heartwarming. They run towards her. Squealing and laughing. I smile feeling all mushy inside. All this cuteness is bound to turn me into a puddle of sap by the end of the day.
"Say hi to my friend."
I bend down as well. Janaé is the first to greet me. Javed stays in his mother's arms. Guess he is the shy one. "Hello."
"Heh yooh"She coos
My heart melts. That is the cutest hello I have ever heard.
"Why don't you give him a hug Janny."
She jumps right into my arms almost knocking me over. I stand up with her in my arms. She is so beautiful and precious with her mother's eyes. She is going to have me burying boys in the backyard.She touches my face looking between her brother and me. "Javy."
"No Janny, that's daddy."
It is official I am a puddle of mushy sap. I want to cry, yell, dance, and sing. This is nirvana. A slice of heaven. Cloud nine if you will.
Janny, stares at me and smiles. "Daddie."
"Yes, princess." And she squeals and her face lights up even more.
"I am a tin cess."
I look at Shane and my little boy. "Thank you, Shane."
***By lunchtime, it is like I've had the kids with me since birth. They are stuck on me. I don't know what I was so worried about before. The kids are amazing. Shane is even more amazing with them. I am in love all over again. I see where my life is going and I am not going to have it any other way. Wow. I have my own little family. These three are my future and the rest of my life.My cellphone begins to ring. It is my mom. Calling to check up on me no doubt. I take it and head and out of the room.
"Hey, mom."
Silence. "Jay, Mark's in the hospital."
"What?" I freeze on the spot. "What happened?" I can not believe this. His doctor said he was improving last week. What could have caused this?
"He.. was attacked.. on his way home..." She cries losing her voice with a soft sob. "it's not looking too good....
My ears have to be deceiving me. "I'm on my way." I choke out not wanting to say anymore out loud.
It was a phone call like this that can mess my head up. Mark does not have enemies. Who the hell would attack him? Why the hell did they attack him? I head back to the kitchen. Shane notices my sudden mood change.
"What's the matter?"
I blink and rub the back of my neck. "Mark's in the hospital."
"Oh, dear." Her eyes widen. "what happened?
"
"He's been attacked." I sigh trying to hold myself together but i could feel the walls of the tough guy fading. the guy underneath was no looking too hot either. "I'm heading over there. I'll call you."
She nods and I kiss them all goodbye and take off. Mom was in tears on the phone and that is never a good sign.
***I arrive at the hospital and find mom in the emergency room. clutching her top across her chest. I run to her. She is fixated on the doctors and nurses in the room before her.I wrap my arms around her. "Ma."
"He'll be okay... I know he will." She rushes through her rapid breaths. She closes her eyes and begins to pray.
I look through the glass at the unfolding hurricane in front of us. A sudden beep makes them all start rushing around like mad people. The beep. It is coming from the heart monitor. A flat line. The air is taken from my lungs. His heart stopped. Mom bursts into tears and prays even louder.They push a machine towards him and fire it up. The first shock does nothing.They try again. Nothing. They turn the voltage up. Three. Four. Nothing. This is not real.The flat line sound fills my ears. I can hear nothing else but the shrewd sound. Not my brother. Not now. Back off angel of death. Give him back to us. It is not his time to go.They turn the voltage right up. Mom's grip on my hands tighten. They place the pads on his chest. His body jerks. Nothing. Again. Nothing.
They recharge it. I lose all sense of sound, sight, and feeling and I feel my sanity slipping. I have just seen what the miracle of bringing life into the world can do. Now all I see is the pain caused when that life is being taken back. This is not real.
The doctors are trying but they are also losing hope. I see the pity growing in their eyes. No! Keep working you fools! I am not losing my brother. Not because of some punk who took advantage of him.
No. I shake my head. "Wake up damn it."
About three pairs of hands wrap themselves around mom and I. Jordan and the potatoes. Their arms bring an overwhelming amount of comfort. Mom breaks. I sigh. I won't break. Not yet.Another shock. Nothing. The doctor starts tapping his watch. Four of the longest minutes have gone by. They turn off the machine.
One second.
"Come on Mark."
Two seconds.
Three seconds.
"Don't leave us, bro."
Beep.
Beep.
Beep beep. Beep beep. Beep beep.
The monitor comes to life again.
**********************************
Ahhhhhhhhh
(ಥ_ಥ) ಠ╭╮ಠ ಠ_ಠ (ಥ_ಥ)
Hope you didn't cry too much.. 😢
Mark has got a strong heart But it's like Jared said. Who would want to hurt him? Why would anyone want to hurt him? He has gone through enough crap to last a lifetime do why did this have to happen to sweet Mark? Answer me universe! Oh why?
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For Mark. Thank you for reading.