Song:
When We Were Young: Adele
A.J.'s POV
I listened to Sam go on and on about how stupid I was to leave without a formal goodbye, the entire time she spent applying my makeup then the entire time she forced me into a tight ass dress before she finally gave me a hug and went on about everything I had missed in the last six months that I had been gone. She tried to ask about what I had been up to, other than what I had said in the monthly emails I sent, but I managed to successfully steer the conversation back to her thriving business.
"You know, y'all always make me late," Chris announced himself, his bowtie still undone around his neck. "Ready yet?"
"Yes," I uncrossed my legs and stood up from my seat, knowing I wasn't ready at all.
"I missed this look," he smiled, taking in both of us. I missed his smile.
"Just a couple of dresses and face paint, nothing you haven't seen before," I smiled back, fighting the twitch in my lip.
"I meant, seeing my two best friends," he clarified, holding out both his arms for each of us.
Samara took his arm first, both of them looking at me with smiles and waiting eyes. I was with him. I missed this look, too. Seeing my two best friends, always there for me.
I followed Sam's lead, taking his arm, tangling one with his while I gripped with my other hand. He hadn't asked many questions, he accepted the stories I'd given him through my emails and accepted that I needed my space.
"How about you guys go ahead, I'll meet you there," I felt something pulling me back, holding me in place, not allowing me to keep moving forward.
"No chance, babe." Chris made sure he had a grip on me. "I'll be damned if you made all this progress to shut it all down now. It's an engagement party. Not just any engagement party, John's engagement party. That'd be like you missing Rob's engagement party. Or mine, would you do that?"
"Maybe," I teased, allowing myself to keep following, getting into the waiting car.
I took deep, steady breaths, settling into the back seat, trying to clear my mind. Focusing on what Chris said. This wasn't about me, this was about John and his happiness. It was only one night. I only had to plow through one night before I could head home. Or at least to Max's house until I figured out what I was going to do.
Going back to L.A. seemed like the best option. I wasn't able make London my home and I knew I wasn't welcome in New York. No matter how big either place was, both places would always feel suffocating. At least in L.A. I knew I had options.
My mind raced as we passed the brightly lit streets. I focused on the familiar landmarks, bringing back semi-happy memories. This wasn't going to be so bad after all, that's what I had to keep telling myself. No matter what happened, no matter who I saw, it was just one night and it was going to be okay.
"We're here, Kit," Chris announced, nudging me lightly.
I looked around, noticing that the car had come to a stop, Samara had already made her way up the steps, wrapping her arm around a waiting Niall. "I didn't even notice we'd stopped," I admitted, unintentionally sighing.
"If you start feeling, like, all A.J. type weird, call me. We'll ditch this place and go grab a pizza or something," he chuckled oddly, as if he didn't know how to speak to me anymore.
I only nodded, following him out of the car, allowing him to take the lead while I took my time, admiring the beautiful mansion-like home. I knew this wasn't Gemma's style, and Johnny was slowly starting to change his ways the more he spent time with her. She was changing him. In a good way. For once, he was being showed love. Actual love, not just an interest in his money.
I carefully and slowly made my way up the steps, hoping to prolong the inevitable as long as possible. In the back of my head, since the moment I received Johnny's email about his engagement, I knew this moment was going to come. Eventually, I was going to have to face him, I was didn't know if I was going to be able to handle it. I made myself believe I could, but the closer the moment got, the more my anxiety and fear began to rise.
After finally sucking in all the air that my lungs could take, I made my through the grand doors, my eyes scanning the sea of people. I kept an eye out for anyone familiar, but before I could find anyone, I head my name being called. I looked in that general direction, surprised by the lack of blond hair.
"Niall," I let out, still processing that brunet sprouting from his head, another reality check that life still went on without me. Not that I expected it to stop, but it was still a shock.
He let go of Sam, wrapping me up in his arms. "Glad you made it, Sloan."
"Me too," I offered a last back rub before letting him go, hoping he didn't notice my flinch at the name.
"No, I mean, Louis and I had a bet. He was sure you'd flake and I was positive you'd show. Or at least pop in," he shrugged, adding a small smile.
I could tell he was trying to lighten the mood, and I appreciated it. "Well, glad I could help grow those pockets, I'll be waiting for my cut," I mentioned as Sam began to pull me away.
"John's been asking for you," she explained her rush, leading me deeper into the house where the actual celebration seemed to be taking place.
I noticed a few familiar faces, most of them old family friends, barely realizing that my mom might also be here along with the rest of the family. As much as I knew Johnny couldn't stand my mother either, he always tried to incorporate every aspect of Robbie's life into every major event.
"Is Odie here?" I found myself asking, hoping both, that she was here and that she decided to skip out on tonight's events. I missed her terribly, but I don't think I'm ready for the millions of questions she's sure to ask.
"Um, yeah," Sam's answer seemed kinda awkward and evasive, with just two simple words. "She's somewhere on the dance floor, let's go see the happy couple first," she continued to usher me, with a bit of pep in here step.
As we approached them, I was surprised by how Gemma quickly let go of John's arm, taking the few strides to meet me, her arms pulling me into a hug only she and her mother knew how to give. I felt myself melt a little, some of the anxiety I was feeling beginning to flee. I half expected her to kick me out, especially after what I did to her brother.
"I'm glad you made it," she sighed, finally letting me go, Johnny right behind her, seemingly waiting his turn.
"Alright, back off, she's my sister, you have your own siblings," he playfully nudged her away, wrapping me up in another hug. "Thank you," he whispered with a more serious tone. "You okay?" He asked, releasing me, holding me at arms length.
"Don't worry about me, I'm fine," I assured him.
As he let me go, I was met by another face I didn't expect to be so friendly, Anne's. I honestly hadn't expected to see here tonight, which was a stupid idea in itself. Of course she'd be here, she was Gemma's mother. Any, normal mother would be here for their daughter on such an important evening.
"We've missed you," she greeted, kissing my cheek before she gave me my fourth hug of the night. Like, Gemma's, it was warm, welcoming, and completely undeserving. "You look, well," she smiled, also holding me at arms length, looking over me as if she was inspecting, looking for anything that may be wrong. But, it didn't feel judgy. It wasn't a Sarah type of inspection, that much I knew.
"I've missed you guys, too," I admitted, feeling my voice a little shaky, but I smiled through it, this wasn't the time or place. "Congratulations. Thank you for having me," I offered the three of them.
Anne opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by the voice that came from behind me. It was distant, but the rasp and the familiar electric current surging through me was unmistakable. I didn't have to turn around to know who was approaching. I tried to walk away, but I was soon entangled in a family gathering.
"Congratulations, sister," he spoke, his voice much closer.
Knowing I was going to have to face him eventually, I turned slightly, facing the group. For some odd reason, I expected to only see his face, but he was accompanied by a gorgeous girl attached to his arm. I quickly scanned every inch of her, trying to find any aspect of her that seemed at least remotely familiar. But, all I found was a beautiful girl from her pedicured toes to her styled blonde hair.
I don't know if it was his presence of hers, but I felt my legs going weak. I wanted to turn around and make my exit, but I was stopped by a hand on the middle of my back, it's thumb rubbing gently.
"Glad you made it, love," I recognized Louis' voice before he came to view, placing a brief kiss on my cheek before he greeted the rest of the family and congratulated the couple as everyone else had, without removing his hand.
It was a relief, really. Almost as if he were keeping me upright and keeping me from making a fool out of myself and running away like a headless chicken.
"Hello," I heard his voice again. A siren-like sound that made me look up, our eyes finally meeting.
I felt like the world around me had stopped, taking me back to the first time we'd met at the London house, over a year ago. His eyes were just as mesmerizing as they were that day, which now seemed like a lifetime ago. I felt my breath falter as I watched his eyes blink, finally releasing me from their hold.
"Interesting," Louis broke the awkward silence. "Love, how about we go get a drink." He said, as he attempted to lead me away.
"Is this your girlfriend?" The unfamiliar girl asked, Louis? I think.
"No." Harry answered for everyone, which irritated me, reminding me of the person I had left behind.
What the hell did he know? For all he knew Louis and I were a couple. Which now that I thought about it, would be very weird.
I suppressed my urge roll my eyes or make any type of comment for that matter and settled for answering for myself. "Actually, Louis is just a real good friend," I smiled at her then at Harry.
I watched as she whispered something to, Harry, who seemed to be annoyed with what she said. "This is, Katarina Sloan," he said with a sigh, waving his hand in my direction. "Katarina, this is, um." He paused, shaking his head.
"Emily," she finally said, seeing that Harry had forgotten. "His girlfriend," she made sure to add.
"Friend," Harry, Louis, Gemma and Anne said in unison, all with a hint of irritation in their voices. "If that," Louis added, sarcastically.
She seemed to ignore everyone's harsh comments as she continued to appear cheerful and happy to be with, Harry. "So do you all know each other?"
"Obviously," Louis rolled his eyes, turning his back to both, Harry and the girl.
"She's my sister," Johnny answered, casually.
She seemed to accept his answer. "How about you two," she waved her hand between Harry and I, "how do you two know each other?"
"Well," Louis turned back around, his eyes squinting, focusing on Emily, "don't you think, if he just said, that's his sister and this," he pointed at Harry, "is his fiancee's brother, that's how they might know each other?"
Before anyone could call him out on his rude behavior, a small, nearly squealing voice interrupted. "Auntie Kit," Tommy's voice reached my ears, I could hear him running, tearing my gaze away from Harry and the girl next to him. He looked semi proper in his little suit, but his bowtie was pulled away from his neck and his shirt was already untucked. "You're here, you're really here," he squealed louder, pulling, Odie behind him.
"Hi," I whispered to my sister with a small smile. I stepped forward a bit to give her a hug, but she easily dismissed me, looking over at Harry, as if I wasn't even there. I accepted her response and kneeled down to Tommy's level, his little arms immediately wrapping around my neck. "I missed you, so much, buddy," I whispered through kisses on his cheek, making him giggle. I gave him on final squeeze and a kiss before standing back up.
"Come dance with me," he begged, tugging on my dress. "Please auntie Kit, please!" He was definitely hyper.
"Excuse me," I said to Gemma, Anne and Johnny. "My date awaits."
Odie pulled on Louis's arm, "come on, that leaves me with you, dance with me." She demanded, finally hearing her voice again, making me smile.
We followed Tommy's lead to the dance floor, right in the middle of the crowd, like his parents, he enjoyed the attention. We danced about a song and a half before I began to notice, most of the people I had ran into that night had also joined the dance fest. Even Harry and his date.
I tried to focus on Tommy's animated dancing to ignore the feeling of eyes watching me and the presence of Harry getting closer by the minute. We made it all the way to the end of the second song when a multi-ringed set of fingers decided to tap Tommy on his little shoulder.
"Do you think I can have a turn with your lovely date?" He asked him. Tommy pursed his lips and looked at him for a quick minute before walking over to, Odie, stealing her from, Louis. He pretended to be appalled, but the three of them eventually ended up dancing together.
As I took notice of my sisters appearance, I felt my over protective nature start to kick in when I realized, Odie was in a room full of males staring at her. Sure she was only fifteen, but she also looked stunning, especially in that dress. Louis must have notice me starting to panic, because he offered me a small smile, reassuring me that she was safe with him. I smiled back, silently thanking him.
"So you two have a thing now?" Harry asked, harshly as he put his hands on my waist, pulling me into him, possessively.
It was an odd sensation, his hands on me, again and being so close to him. I hadn't even been in the same room as him since the day I walked out of our home we had shared. I suddenly felt my heart ache as the memory of that day played in my mind, taunting me. I took a deep breath, shaking anything from that day away. This wasn't the time or the place.
"If by thing you mean a very good friendship, then yes," I said firmly. "That's all there has ever been between us and all there ever will be." I added, taking a small jab at the reason we were so broken towards the end of our relationship. His jealousy.
He remained quiet the rest of my time, his hold on my waist growing tighter every time I tried to walk away, until one of his hands eventually found their way to the small of my back, sending a thrilling sensation throughout my entire body.
Another two songs went by before I couldn't take it anymore, I was feeling suffocated. "Your date is probably looking for you," I finally spoke, careful not to make eye contact as I turned my head.
"She can wait, I'm with you now." His voice was harsh yet amused. "You're far more important."
I rolled my eyes, I wanted to slap him so bad, just on principle alone. "You shouldn't be rude, that's how people end up leaving you." I decided on a mental slap instead.
He was about to answer back, but was stopped by a tug on my dress and his pants. Interruptions seemed to be a theme tonight. "I'm tired," Tommy said as he looked up at us both before using his tiny fists to rub his eyes. "Take me to bed," he demanded with a pout, his harms going up above his head, awaiting for someone to pick him up.
I was quick to grab him first, thankful for the clean escape. His legs and arms wrapped around my body as he rested his head on my shoulder, his curls falling off to the side.
"I want him," he pointed to Harry.
"Oh," I kissed the top of his head, suppressing the sigh of having to give him up so easily. Aside from an escape plan, I was really hoping to spend time with the little guy. I began to hand him over, but he protested.
"I want both," he whined.
"I'm sure we can manage that," Harry spoke with a smile as he took, a no longer protesting little boy into his arms.
I followed them up the staircase, smiling at Tommy who seemed utterly content despite being so tired, actually thankful that Harry was carrying him instead. As much as I wanted to hold him, I didn't know my way around enough to take him to bed on my own. Which brought up a twinge of unexpected jealousy. Again, I got a glimpse of how life carried on without me. Not that I had a right to complain or even feel jealous, but knowing Harry was able to spend enough time with Tommy that he not only knew where he slept, but Tommy himself was asking for him to tuck him in.
Following Harry's instruction, I entered Tommy's room first, turning on the lights to a dim setting, making my way to his bed to pull back the comforter and sheets, removing the excess pillows.
"He's out," Harry pointed out as he laid him down, carefully releasing himself from his grip around his neck.
"I'll get his pajamas," I announced, easily finding them already laid out on the foot of his bed.
Carefully, with Harry's help, we changed Tommy out of his, now, ratty clothes and into his warm, clean footie pajamas. Once he was nicely tucked in, I switched on his night light, kissing his forehead, lingering just a moment, thankful for this moment and that he wasn't old enough to realize why he hadn't seen me in such a long time like my sister.
"I forgot how good you are with kids," Harry spoke from behind me as we exited Tommy's room, quietly shutting the door behind him.
I crossed my arms, suddenly feeling cold and tired, myself "They're a lot easier to deal with and a lot more innocent than adults." I casually mentioned before bowing my head and turning the opposite direction. I had made it about five steps before a pair of large familiar hands were placed around my hips. "Let me go," I intended to sound demanding, but it came out more like a plea than anything else.
As if my pathetic attempt hadn't just come out of my mouth, he ignored my request, instead, he turned me around to face him. "I've missed you," he spoke so quietly as he walked us back until I could feel the wall against me and his body snug against mine.
I shut my eyes, trying to avoid his as I looked away and down at the floor. "Harry, please," I plea from earlier had become flat out begging at this point, my heart beating rapidly, my eyes searching for an escape route.
"I've had similar dreams," he whispered, to no one in general it seemed like. His hands left my hips, landing on my cheeks, cupping my face in his large hands, his thumbs circling over my cheeks. "You're even more stunning than I remember."
"Harry, let me go before I make you," I threatened, weakly. I was definitely not prepared for this. Out of all the scenarios I had played out in my head, this was never one of them. I didn't have a plan thought out for this moment.
"Just say you miss me just as much," he pleaded, resting his forehead on mine as his eyes shut.
I watched as his chest rose and fell in an uneven rhythm, his jaw tightening as he waited on my response. My own breathing began to mimic his the more attention I paid to him. I swallowed hard as I myself tried to find my answer. Of course I missed him, I still loved him with every fiber of my existence, but I couldn't tell him that. "I haven't thought about you in months," I lied. A giant lie indeed, there wasn't a moment he hadn't creeped into my mind, even if it was just a split second to wonder what he would think or say about a certain situation. Or just wondering if he was okay from time to time. I'd never escape from him in my own mind. I'd come to terms with that much.
I heard his shallow intake of breath, I took advantage of his weakened hold on me, pushing him away and finally breaking from his hold, I began to walk away from him again. I took even fewer steps than the first time before my body was up against a wall again. It wasn't aggressive or hurtful, my body just seemed to do as he pleased. "Is that why you still wear this?" I watched as he pulled up my wrist up where I had wrapped the necklace he had given me such a long time ago.
"Creature of habit," I excused myself. I had wrapped it around my wrist so it wouldn't be as noticeable, the truth was, I hadn't taken it off since the day he had given it to me, except to move it from my neck to my wrist, and even doing that made me cry. Not even when I had left him and had decided to live my life without him did I remove it. This stupid necklace had become a part of me now. I wasn't sure why, but it felt like it was a life line, it kept me sane in a way. The same way, at one point, the locket, watch and ring my dad and brother had given me, were. This stupid necklace had taken their place.
Before anything else could be said, I felt his warm lips pressing against mine, both sets moving in perfect sync. As soon as I realized I was kissing him back, I shoved him away from me as hard as I could, anger coursing through me body.
"Don't you ever do that again," I almost yelled, no longer pleading. I felt the anger filling my eyes, tears threatening to spill over as I undid the clasp from the chain before tossing him the necklace.
I quickly checked myself in the closest mirror, making sure everything was in place before making my way back down the stairs, leaving, Harry to do whatever it is he did after that.
The moment I reached the last step, I felt an asthma attack coming on. The emotions from the night and the, now, missing piece of jewelry that was no longer keeping my company, was finally catching up to me. I tried to find my way through the crowd to where I had left my purse, my chest getting tighter as I struggled to breathe. Within moments, Louis was at my side, asking me questions that I couldn't comprehend and just as quickly as he came, he disappeared.
I clung to the next person that had wrapped their arms around me, supporting me as I was being sat down on a chair, thinking it was, Louis. My breathing began to calm down suddenly, allowing me to finally look up at the person who had just helped me to thank them, still thinking it was, Louis. Unfortunately, it wasn't him, instead I was met by a pair of green eyes rather than blue, which explained how fast I was able to calm my breathing. He always had that effect on me, it surprised me that he still did, after all this time apart. But, just as he had eased my labored breathing, once I realized it was him, it only came back, with a vengeance.
Within moments, Louis was back, shoving my inhaler between my lips pushing down on the button once he gave me fair warning. I inhaled deeply, my lungs finally regaining some oxygen. I took another puff just in case before shoving it back to, Louis, not wanting it in my sight.
"I need to get out of here," I whispered to him, eyeballing Harry, letting him know I couldn't handle the situation anymore.
"Sure thing, love," he nodded. "Stay here, I'll go get your things."
As he did so, I quickly said my goodbyes, making an excuse that I had to catch a flight, while making sure that, Odie was being properly looked after. Since she was staying with, Johnny for the rest of the weekend and I had to get back to, L.A. for a meeting on, Monday, there was no way for me to take her back home myself. Thankfully, Harry didn't make a fuss and let us leave fairly easy.
After making a quick call to my grandfather, he agreed to have a private flight ready in no longer than an hour. The faster I made it back to L.A., the quicker he would be able to start my training to take over his company, which is what he was way too eager to begin. Since, Louis was also due back in L.A., he agreed to take the flight with me.
Neither of us bothered to change out of our ballroom attire, agreeing it was easier to just head straight to the hanger and wait there than run around trying to get everything together. We waited a few minutes in silence before the pilot announced we were ready to take off.
The both of us rushed on, as if we were afraid that it would leave us behind. A stupid notion since we were the only two passengers aside from the staff and pilots.
"Why didn't you just tell him you still love him and make up already?" Louis asked after a devastating amount of silence between us.
I fidgeted in my seat a bit, trying to avoid his question as best I could, but it was useless, he wasn't going to let this go so easily. "Because I don't love him anymore, Louis," I lied and he knew it.
"Uh, bullshit! You literally had a heart attack because you're missing a stupid necklace he gave you," he raised my hand as evidence, reminding me of the stupid, stupid thing I had done.
I pulled my arm back and tucked it between my thighs in an effort to hide the evidence. From myself more than anything. "I'm just exhausted, I haven't slept in a while," it technically wasn't a lie, between the long flight to get here and having to get ready for the party, I haven't even had a nap to reenergize.
"He still loves you too, you know," he spoke calmer.
"Yeah, along with that blonde he was with tonight," I chuckled darkly, turning my head to look out of the window, hoping he took that as a sign that I was done with the conversation.
"She's just someone he hangs out with for publicity, we've all done it," he reminded. "I'm sure your dear old grand-dad has a few men lined up for you when you get home."
"Well, I doubt he needed to take her to his sister's engagement party for publicity. He did that all on his own because they're together. And Max wouldn't do that," I hoped out loud.
"You're an idiot, you know that? You both are," he tossed his pillow at me. "He's doing it to make you jealous."
"Well it backfired," I shrugged. "Just let me sleep." I used the pillow he'd thrown at me to get comfortable.
"Not until you at least, admit that you still have feelings for him," he huffed, pretending to make himself comfortable.
I stayed silent for a long moment before I found myself wiping away tears from under my eyes. "Of course, I still love him," I affirmed, the confession leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. "That's never going to go away, I've tried. He's stuck on me and I can't help it," I let out in a faint sob.
"Move over," he spoke as he made his way to my seat, nudging me a bit.
I moved as he asked, squishing my oversized dress closer together to make more room. He sat down sideways in the small space, putting his arms around me. Although I had Sammy and Chris, Louis was one of the only other people I had learned to vented to and, being Harry's best friend, I felt like there would be less judgement towards Harry if I told him the truth.
After a bit of being consoled, I pushed myself off of, Louis and sat up straight. "I really need to stop doing this with you, it's not fair," I chuckled awkwardly, remembering our last few encounters before my disappearing act.
"What's not fair is that you are sitting here crying over something that can be fixed, so easily. You love him and he loves you."
"But I don't want to love him anymore, Louis. Loving him was torturous and painful and I don't want that anymore. I like this, I like the freedom. I enjoy being able to sit this close to you without having someone getting pissed at me and trying to make me think it's wrong. I don't want to have to worry about how anyone else feels except me. I don't want to give all that I have for someone to discard it so easily because something bad happened to them when that same bad thing happened to me."
"Maybe you guys needed therapy-"
"Therapy or not, the things we did to each other even before, it wasn't healthy. Our relationship was never, ever healthy and this, being apart, its good for the both of us. We both deserve better and we have careers that we need to focus on. Being in love doesn't mean a damn thing if we aren't good for each other.""Well, if that is your stance, don't you think, Harry has the right to be with any girl he pleases without you getting hurt and jealous?" I could tell he was trying to get at something here, but I wasn't getting it. "Think about that.""I was not jealous, Harry can do whatever he wants." I wiggled away from him and grabbed my purse, looking for the temporary phone Chris had gotten for me when I first landed. "I'm going to call my nana Alicia, tell her to have someone meet us when we land and have extra clothes as well," he informed him as I made my way to the bedroom in the back of the plane.He was right. I was jealous of the girl he was with. Although they weren't together, she had the privilege of being his date and she was the one he was going home with, not me. I didn't get to do that anymore. I was just his ex, nothing more nothing less.As I stared at the mirror at the entrance of the bedroom, I was able to see the still intact red painted lips, further frustrating me. wiped away the bright red lipstick from my lips, I couldn't help but remember the feeling of his lips on mine. I'd almost forgotten how it felt to be kissed by his soft lips. But, as wonderful as it felt, it only made things worse, it brought back the memories of what it was like to be with him, all the good and the bad. Now that I had this recent memory that I had to work hard to banish from my mind. I had to start all over again.