Chapter 31: Counting Stars.
¬Phil¬
Week 37, day 2.
The situation we’re in right now is very hard, hard to explain, hard to comprehend and hard to swallow. So I’ll try my hardest to explain so you can understand. Eight months ago Peasnie, Arin and I made a mistake and that resulted in the creation of James. Now it’s not like we intended for that to happen but it happened and none of us know who the father is. But before Peasnie got pregnant I went to the Doctor’s and he said that my swimmers weren’t swimming and the chances of having a child are very low. And when we found out Peasnie was pregnant I knew there would be a high possibility that I’m not the father. Mine and Arin’s relationship is very complex because at first I hated him, then I was threatened by him and then I hated him some more but now we’re best friends because we’re both in this situation together and if James is his he’s going to be around a lot more, if I like it or not. Even though we’re close now, I’m still threatened by him and I hate leaving him alone with Peasnie. I don’t know why but that’s the way I feel, I can’t help it. I think it’s because Peasnie and Arin are more compatible than we are. And Jimmy always tried to fit them together when we were going out as teens. I feel like I wasn’t good enough for her and he was. Everybody thinks that they go together better than we do and I’m scared that one morning she’ll wake up and realize that it’s true and she’ll leave me forever.
Today is going to be very busy because this morning we had a Doctor’s appointment and this time all three of us went; we got a lot of odd looks. Then when we got home Peasnie had lunch and then went out with Melissa to get their hair and nails done. Meanwhile Dan and Arin finished up the nursery while I got the guest room ready and had a shower before heading off to Heathrow airport to pick up Jimmy.
I stood at the arrivals with a cup of coffee and waited for my father-in-law to arrive. I knew he’ll have a few words to say to me, he always does. I kept my grey hood of my hoodie up as I waited in a pair of jeans as it was cold outside now. I propped up when I saw the extremely tall dark haired man coming down the escalator with a hockey bag. Immediately I knew it was him, He spotted me as I made my way through the crowd to meet him. We met up with a casual smile and a firm hand shake.
“Phil, how have you been?” Jimmy asked kindly. I sighed a throaty sigh and shrugged slightly.
“Considering the situation; I’m good.” I said honestly. Jimmy shared a soulful expression with me. He was four inches taller than me and Peasnie is only an inch shorter than me. He’s a big guy, Peasnie’s tall and I’m tall, hopefully if James is mine he’ll be tall as well.
After an awkward moment of sheer silence I showed Jimmy through to the little car that we have. I already put the car seat in the back along with some blankets and Peasnie’s suit case.
“How’s my grandson doing?” Jimmy asked after a whole five minutes of silence in the car, only thing making noise was the radio. It was one of my favourite songs, One Republic, counting stars. I sighed and rubbed the five o’clock shadow stubble on my jaw line.
“He’s good, he’s been hurting Peasnie a lot lately.” I replied honestly even though my words were slurred with tiredness and annoyance.
“Hurting her?” Jimmy asked, taken back by what I said. I felt myself snap inside, I didn’t want to snap at Jimmy but I couldn’t control it.
“Yes Jimmy, he’s hurting her.” I snarled through my teeth, tightening my grip on the steering wheel.
“Phil, don’t worry. He’s not meaning to hurt her.” Jimmy said but that wasn’t what was bothering me. I was angry at myself and I was angry at Arin and I was angry at Peasnie. I was angry because I was in pain. I saw from the corner of my eye Jimmy give me a concerned expression. His hand patted my shoulder kindly.
“What’s wrong, really?” He asked concernedly. I pulled over to the side of the road so I would get us into an accident. My tight grip on the steering wheel tightened as tears formed in my eyes, they weren’t angry or sad but they were frustrated. I inhaled deeply, letting the icy cold air into my lungs and closed my eyes, with my head tilted back against the head rest. I swallowed the lump in my throat and let that breath go. I opened my eyes to see a very pale lighten blurry world.
“Before Peasnie got pregnant I went to the Doctors.” I had to stop to regain my strength. I inhaled deeply and let it go slowly.
“They told me I will never be able to have kids.” I announced to the first person ever. My father-in-law is the first person to know about this, Peasnie doesn’t even know. I won’t tell her ever, especially now; I don’t want to upset her.
“The chances of James being mine are lower than 10%.” I felt my heart sink into a black hole inside my chest.
“Phil, you’re making the problem seem thousands of times bigger than what it is.” Jimmy said bluntly. I laughed through the tears and shook my head in denial.
“Oh yeah? How am I doing that?”
“Phil, do you love Peasnie and James?” Jimmy asked curiously. I wiped the tears away with the back of my hand and nodded.
“With all my being.” I replied shakily.
“Will you love Peasnie if James is yours?” He asked.
“Of course.” I replied.
“Will you love her if he isn’t yours?” Jimmy asked the dumbest questions I’ve ever been asked but I think I know where he’s going with this.
“Yes.”
“Then that’s all that matters. It shouldn’t matter that Arin is there or emotions are running high. Peasnie’s pregnant, she’s going to be emotional and hormonal; you need to stop being a childish prick and start acting like her husband and best friend. As her best friend what are you going to do?” He demanded.
“I’m gonna be there for her no matter what.” I replied softly. Jimmy patted my shoulder and nodded with a casual smile.
“See you were letting your ego and emotions make something as small as that turn into a mountain of problems.” Okay he was right, I was letting my ego and emotions rule my brain. That probably wasn’t a very good thing to let happen. I need to stop acting like a spoiled child and start acting like a husband and soon to be dad. I can’t believe I let that happen.