"Casey where are we going?" I ask, as she drags we through the mall.
"Victoria's Secret." She says, "You and Stabler need to hurry this thing up and what better way to do that, than in lingerie."
"There's nothing happening with Stabler." I say for the millionth time. "I need a dress for my date with Trevor."
"You are not going on a date with Trevor." She says.
"Yes, Case, I am, because Trevor likes me, Trevor asked me out, Elliot just declared in front of all his kids that we're never gunna be together, so I'm going on a date with a good looking guy who likes me." I say.
"But you don't like him." She says.
"I've never talked to him on a person level, how do I know that he's not the one?" I ask stubbornly.
"Because Stabler's the one." She says.
"He might be the love of my life Casey." I say tiredly. "But I'm definitely not his, he doesn't love me Casey, would you please drop it because it physically hurts me to talk about this."
"Liv you should tell him." She says, "Maybe he feels the same way and just doesn't know how to tell you."
"Casey would you please drop it?" I ask, "I love him more than anything in this world, but he doesn't love me, and I owe it to myself to move on and not be hung up on someone who doesn't love me back."
"Okay Liv, where do you wanna go?" She asks.
"Well we're already here." I say smiling, and walking into Victoria's Secret.
Casey and I find a ton stuff. Including a black, laced bra and thong set, that I loved.
"Okay we actually have to find you a dress." Casey says, looking at the three very big shopping bags from Victoria's Secret.
"Where do I even start with a dress?" I ask a little defeated.
"Well where are you going?" She asks.
"Baseball..." I say before I catch myself.
"Why the hell are we buying a dress for baseball?" She asks.
"I meant dinner and a play, I had other plans for baseball but, it's dinner and a play." I say.
"Sounds like you'd rather go to a baseball game with someone else than go to dinner and a play with Trevor." She says.
"Of course I would rather go to a baseball game with someone else, than go to dinner and a movie with Trevor Langan." I say quietly.
"So we should be buying you a baseball jersey instead of a dress?" She asks.
"No Case I need a dress." I say, ignoring the look she's giving me.
I go into a random shop and pull a dress off the rack and pay for it.
"Come on, we're gunna be late for our appointment." She says, dragging me through the crowd.
"Our appointment for what?" I ask.
"Waxing." She says.
"Case I just got my eyebrows done like a week ago."
"Not that kind of waxing." She says.
"I'm going to kill you." I say seriously.
"You and Stabler can thank me later." She says.
"Casey drop it." I say.
"Fine but you're not getting out of this, I already payed." She says.
"Fine." I say reluctantly.
We walk out of the waxing place 20 minutes later, both equally regretting it.
"Have you ever been here before?" I ask awkwardly.
"Nope." She says, "And I'm never going back."
"Good plan." I say.
"I'm gunna go get coffee." Casey says, "You want anything?"
"No I'm gunna go the bathroom, I'll meet you outside?" I say looking at my watch.
"Yeah..." She says walking away.
I walk back around the corner and into the Nike store.
I grab a Yankees jersey and baseball hat and pay for it quickly buy it before finding Casey again.
When I get home Elliot's there, watching a tv show.
"Hey El..." I say softly, closing the door.
"Hey, Liv, how was the mall with Casey?" He asks.
"It was fine..." I say. "I gotta get ready."
"Yeah..." He says awkwardly.
I get dressed quickly and put on my makeup.
I end up wearing the jersey, capri jeans, converse, my hair is in French braids, and I'm wearing the baseball hat.
Elliot looks surprised when he looks up.
"What about your date?" He asks.
"I didn't wanna go." I say simply, "Told him I'd call him later, but I probably won't."
"Liv you didn't have to do that." He says.
"I wanted to El." I say quietly.
"Okay yeah, let's go." He says.
As we're walking through the baseball stadium, Elliot reaches for my hand.
My instinct was to pull away, and not let myself have even the slightest of hope that he wanted the same things I did. But I let it happen. And I told myself over and over again that it didn't mean anything. Friends hold hands and it doesn't mean anything.
We sit in our seats, and Elliot hands me popcorn and drops his arm around me like he did last night.
"I'm really glad you came." He says.
"Me too, this is, this is so much better than anything really." I say smiling at him.
I relax into his arms, just happy to be here.
I'm not sure how he managed to get 3rd baseline tickets to a playoff game but he did.
I have so many different thoughts whirling around inside my head.
Could he ever love me like I love him?Would it work even if he did? Whenever we fight its explosive and hurtful, and we barely recover from it just as friends. Could a relationship handle that?
If he didn't love me, then what was he doing with the hand holding and the cuddling? Was it just an expression of a closer than average friendship?
Even if we ever started dating, we've got everything going against us.
He has an ex-wife and four kids. And I've always wanted kids. I don't imagine he'd be too excited about a fifth kid. I don't think after his marriage he'd ever want to be married again. We're not technically aloud to date. SVU is my home. I wouldn't want to leave and neither would he. Not to mention that I would lose my partner. Elliot's always been my partner. I don't work well, or like to work with anyone else.
And here I go again giving myself hope. Letting myself think about him in a way I'm almost sure he doesn't think about me in. I can't keep doing this to myself. It hurts to much.
He doesn't love me. And I need to put that idea of him, that idea of us out of my mind for good, because it's not going to happen.
I attempt to put the thoughts out of my mind by returning my focus to the game.
I sit there, mindlessly watching the baseball game for awhile, so focused on not thinking about Elliot, that I'm not really paying attention.
Bases are loaded, there are two outs, and the Yankees need one more point to win the game against the Giants.
Carlos Beltran is up to bat...
He hits the ball, right down the middle and out of the park.
Elliot and I both jump out of our seats cheering.
I feel his hands on my waist, and my body dipping back. His lips pressed against mine.
I kiss him back, wrapping my arms around his neck.
"I've wanted to do that for 6 years." He says, with a huge smile.
"I love you." I whisper softly.
"I love you Olivia." He says back.
We look up to see a replay of the kiss cam on the big screen.
It takes me a moment to realize it's us.
"Quite a night." Elliot says with a chuckle. I hear my phone ringing not even two seconds later.
"Benson." I say, answering the phone.
"I told you Liv." Casey says.
"Told me what?" I ask curiously.
"I'm watching the game." She says. "And I told you."
"You did, you told me." I say laughing. "I'm hanging up now."
"Aren't you glad I dragged you into Victoria's Secret and the wax place?" Casey asks.
"Goodbye Casey." I say laughing.
"I think we should go home..." Elliot says.
"We should." I say smiling.
We walk out of the ballpark, and he has his arm wrapped around my waist.
We get up to the apartment, and I pull off my hat, and throw my hair up in a pony tail.
I see Elliot lay down on the couch as I'm walking back to my room.
"What're you doing?" I ask.
"I figured you would want to sleep." He says, sitting up.
"I do, but what are you doing?" I ask.
"Trying to sleep." He says.
"Why are you on the couch?" I ask.
"I didn't-- I just--, I didn't know if you wanted me in bed with you, I didn't know if you wanted to take whatever this is slow." He says.
"El, we said I love you on the first date." I say with a small laugh, "There's nothing slow about this, and I like falling asleep next to you, but this time you're staying."
He stands up and follows me into my bedroom. We lay down and I cuddle up next to him, as he pulls me closer.
I could get used to this.