Part One: Maybe It's Faith's Way Of Telling Me To Grow A Pair.
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Song For The Chapter:
Rainbow by Alyssa Shouse
G
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-Celeste's Point Of View-
Avoiding people has become a habit of mine.
Running from my problems has become a constant thing now. I am a coward, I would do anything to avoid unwanted situations, and now I've found myself in one; Austin is sitting right behind me.
I just had to insist we sit in the middle instead of the front, and now I'm regretting my decision. The senior meeting in the theater hadn't begun yet, so we had to sit down and patiently wait.
Everyone is chatting amongst themselves while I remain as quiet as usual. But instead of thinking about less stressful things, I'm sitting here having a panic attack on the inside.
We haven't been this close to each other in years now I guess. Sure we've ended up in the same lunch line, or sitting at least two rows away from each other during pep rallies but never this close. I always managed to avoid these situations and now we were sitting here less than five feet away from each other.
I took my snake and hawk ring off my finger and held it between my thumb and index finger examining it and zoning out.
"Hey, Cel, you okay?" Marissa asked. I'd met Marissa back in eight grade, and we had been friends ever since. We weren't best friends, but we were pretty close.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." I put my ring back on my finger and pulled out my phone typing in the passcode and logging onto social medias.
"Oh, okay," She said and went back to the conversation she was having with another girl.
I'd never really told anyone about what happened between Austin and I-- the friendship that just kind of ended and didn't talk about. I wasn't comfortable talking about my life and my problems so I just kind of kept quiet. I loved the people I had around me, but I wasn't one to open up to just anyone, it wasn't in my comfort zone.
I put my phone into my pocket and turned my attention forward, avoiding everything around me.
The principle walk up on stage tapping the microphone and welcoming the student body until everyone was silent. He begun a speech about how much we had grown, and how the years flew by before handing the microphone to one of the counselors and the light turning off so we could watch a power point.
As the projector slowly turned on, all the students returned to their side conversations, and so did the person behind me.
Deep breaths, Cel. Deep breaths.
I hadn't hear his voice this close now in years. It was deeper and much more masculine than it was the times I'd hear him talking from a distance.
I took a couple of breaths, and let out a loud sigh, relaxing a bit. I fidgeted with the purple bracelet on my wrist to pass time and collect my thoughts.
"Hey, you okay?" Crystal asked. I'd met Crystal back in sixth grade and we had remained friends until now.
She was one of the most unique people in this whole town. She wasn't "fake" like a lot of people in this school. I guess you could say she had an unique way of doing things. She dressed differently, but that didn't really matter; everyone has the option to be whoever the want to be.
"Yeah, just nervous I guess." I began tapping my foot on the ground and tried to join the conversation.
As always I didn't contribute much to the conversation, just added a few comments here and there and laughed whenever something funny was said.
"Students please settle down," The counselor said. People all around the room yelled at everyone to shut up until the entire theater was quiet and the meeting began again.
As I'd do at any other school meeting, I zoned out as usual. It had become a habit of mine now-- just zone out and time will pass by faster. I payed attention to everything else besides the speaker on stage-- the couple getting a little too handsy in front of us, the kid obnoxiously chewing gum a couple of rows away, small things that people normally never notice.
I refrained from checking my phone since the people in the booth could probably see the light from the screen, and I didn't want to get in trouble on the first day. I angled my phone's screen in a certain way to look at my appearance at the moment.
I normally didn't care, but I had nothing better to do. The meeting happened every year as we got older and it was basically the same thing ever year: GPA, good grades, volunteer work, prom, etc.. It was honestly nothing new.
I messed with the phone's screen; tilting it up and down while looking at my reflection in it. It had become interesting now, and I completely forgot why I was doing it in the first place.
I made funny faces at myself thru the reflection and payed attention to the other things in the background. I can't see much since my face is taking up half the screen, but in the corner of the screen I see his face.
Shit, shit, shit.
He seems to be looking down at me since his head is tilted a bit down low, his elbow rested on the arms rest and a part of his hand covering his face.
He's holding back a laugh.
It wouldn't surprise me if he thought I was some weirdo. My face flushed with embarrassment while--as I saw it thru the screen--he tried to hide his laughter.
I sunk lower in my seat, and put my phone down on my lap, and rested an arm on the arm rest, finally paying attention to the meeting.
Like I'd said before, it was the same things all over again. No doubt half of this class would be able to recite the entire meeting in their sleep.
We all waited as they dismissed us by section before I rushed out as usual. I've never been too fond of being in a room with all these teenagers; I usually felt like punching them all.
"What classes do y'all have this year?" Eliza asked. Her strawberry blonde hair was in a perfect complicated looking braid as usual. She was the cheerleader of our group of people.
I wouldn't really consider ourselves a clique; we had all kinds of people. In my opinion, we were some of them most welcoming group of people at our school. We consisted of theater kids, band, orchestra, and choir people, ROTC members, and so on. I guess I was labeled as an "undecided". I wasn't really apart of any clubs at school, so I didn't really have a set clique.
As we did ever year, we compared our schedules to one another. Luckily, I had plenty of classes with all of them this year, unlike the years before.
An office assistant came on the speaker telling all seniors to report to their first period classes. I didn't really see the point considering we had about thirty minutes left in first period, but teachers shooed us away from the hallway and made sure we all walked to main hallways.
The first two classes passed by pretty fast considering we only were in both for a total of about two hours. By lunch time, I was starving and lined up at one of the many lunch lines in the cafeteria.
We weren't allowed to have off campus lunch so we had to stick with what they had here, or bring something from home. I'm pretty sure it's because half of the student body would ditch, but then again we go to school in the middle of a cornfield. Not really, but the area where the school was built use to be a cornfield.
I sat down next to Crystal who had her lunch in her usual black lunch box and began eating the random food I'd picked out. I sat down and pulled out my phone-- as always, I added small side comments to the conversation and laughed occasionally.
"Have you guys seen the freshmen?" Someone at the end of the table said. I didn't know who it was since I didn't make the effort to check.
"They are so short." Another girl at the end of the table added.
They continued their conversation while I scanned the cafeteria looking at everything around. I did it often, and I didn't know why. I guess I just liked to be aware of my surroundings.
I grabbed a grape off my tray and slowly ate it, as I watched the empty table in front of us slowly begin to fill up with guys and girls. They were all seniors since I recognized some of them thru the corse of the years. Some pulled up chairs to the ends of the table even though there were two perfectly available seats already there. They all talked amongst themselves, and laughed at whatever they were talking about--they just seemed genuinely happy.
I finished my food and threw it away into the trash can that was behind me. I placed my elbow on the table and rested my chin on it looking at the rest of the room. Two figures joined the table in front of us so I looked up to see who it was.
Austin and Lauren.
Lauren is Austin's girlfriend. They had begun dating back in freshmen year, and were still going strong now. She wasn't a slut, or anything like that, she is just "perfect". She hung out with the ratchet girls, as I called them, but she really wasn't like them. She kept her grades up, dressed appropriately, and was just a good person all around. Even her accent was beautiful-- she had this unique accent when she spoke in Spanish that made the language just sound amazing. I was just jealous of her. She also dated Austin which added to her popularity as it weren't already enough.
They sat down together hand in hand and laughed together at something someone at their table had said. I looked away and rolled my eyes.
I shouldn't really care anymore, I thought. I'd given up on him freshmen year, but still found the need to try and talk to him. It was pretty pathetic of me, but I couldn't stand the thought of having a person that once meant so much just walk away.
I am just a weak, pathetic person who doesn't know how to let go of the past.
***
Fourth period, better know as the last class of the day, had finally rolled around. I had fourth period with Crystal, Marissa, Rose, Devon, and a whole bunch of other friends.
It was probably going to be the funniest class of the year since they were all in here. I slid down my seat in the back a bit and waited for the teacher to come back into the classroom after greeting some students. Just to my luck, the seat in front of me was unoccupied so I put my feet on the basket. Normally, people would be annoyed by that action, but no one sat in front of me so no one could complain.
The teacher walked into the classroom, clapping his hands to get our attention and introduced himself as Mr. Thomas. He begun talking about this year, and what to expect from it when someone entered the classroom. I let out sigh knowing that the person would probably sit in the seat in front of me.
"Mr.Mahone, why are you late?" Mr. Thomas asked.
Mahone.
Shit, shit, shit.
"He was probably getting some in the janitors closet before he came here," Crystal added, earning a laugh from the class.
"Haha, whatever, I got lost on my way here," Austin said back to Crystal before apologizing to Mr. Thomas.
While they argued back and forth for a while, I tried to remember how to breath. It all felt like three years ago when Eliza had asked me to accompany her to her speech class; we were casually walking thru the foreign language hallway when we turned the corner an he was coming into the hallway. We almost completely bumped into each other, but I dodged him and we ended up bumping shoulders.
It was back when I actually are more about getting our friendship back. I remember my throat closing up, and feeling like if just been punched in the stomach. I wanted to talk to him, and get he words out but I couldn't, I was too scared and I had no idea why.
"Ms. Macias and Mr. Mahone please stop arguing. Austin, please take the last available seat." He said gesturing to the seat in front of me.
I tried to control myself, if I could I'd run out of this classroom and never come back, but I could do that. I took deep breaths and closed my eyes for a second, collecting my thoughts.
I felt a foot kick me in the ankle from the seat behind me so I looked backwards.
"You okay?" Marisa mouthed.
I shook my head no answering honestly. I wasn't okay, this wasn't suppose to happen, life obviously just wanted to make things harder on me. Or maybe, it's faith's way of telling me to grow a pair.
Classes usually lasted an hour as a half, but this one seemed to never end. If check the clock often just to see what time it was, but it seemed to never change. The small handle on the clock moved slowly until it finally reached 3:50, finally releasing me from hell.
I didn't wait for anyone, instead I ran to the door, and out to the student parking where I promised to wait for my younger sister, Pricilla. I paced back and forth in front of the truck thinking of something to get out of the class. I could switch schedules but that would mean messing up the rest of my day, and honestly I liked the way it was arranged already.
Before I could think of anything else, Pricilla ran up to the truck.
"C'mon, hurry up, we gotta go." I said, unlocking the truck and climbing in.
"Genesis wanted me to give her a ride home," she explained before getting in the truck.
"Well tell Genesis to find another ride," I said, turning on the truck and driving out of the parking lot to the main road that would take us to the county roads. "Plus, I don't like her, she doesn't seem like a good friend." I said, turning into county road 104.
"What would you know about good friends, I mean look at yours and Aus-"
"Don't say it." I warned.
My family knew about our friendship, and how we just kinda drifted apart, but we didn't talk about it much. It wasn't really something I enjoyed talking about freely. It was all in the past, and I should've stopped worrying about it years ago.
I pulled into the gravel road that led to our house, and turned to Pricilla. "Just don't talk about it anymore, that's in the last."
-Author's Note-
I was taught to take my time with things so they come out well. I don't want to completely bullshit chapters and post them just because I haven't updated. I take pride in my work and want it to be somewhat decent.
So, vote, heart, follow, and comment, please.