I toss in the sheets in attempt to fall asleep. It's so cold in my room, but I can't be bothered getting out of bed and changing the thermostat. I probably shouldn't be going to bed now anyway, I can never sleep this early, but my body is so exhausted for some reason.
I hear a knock on my bedroom door and I automatically shout: "yeah," in response.
The door opens and I can tell from the dark silhouette that it's Jason. I left his house about four hours ago, kind of abruptly and not in a great mood.
"Oh hey." I say, resting my head back against the pillow.
"Hey beautiful." He greets, laying diagonally across the bed, his face near mine. He runs his fingers across my head and tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "Is everything alright?" He asks, and my stomach sinks at the thought.
"Yeah." I quickly say.
"Caitlin." He pushes, knowing I'm lying. "Is it because I suggested we continued while Blake was there? Because you kno-"
"No no no, it's not that." I laugh, feeling a little better knowing he thought I was acting weird because of something silly like that. I roll over so I'm facing him and we both study each other's faces.
"Okay, that's good." He laughs as well.
"Come here." I say, patting the bed right next to me for him to lay. He moves closer so his chest up against my shoulder. He leans down and kisses me on the lips, and I tangle my fingers through his hair. Even though we've only been together for a bit over a month it feels like so much longer.
"The brown's almost completely come through hasn't it?" I inspect his hair in the light from the lamp. Half of his hair was bleach blonde when they first moved in.
"Yeah, I'm not sure if I should dye it again." He expresses, running his own fingers through his hair that is now sticking straight up.
"I think you should leave it natural for a while." I smile, imagining him with completely brown hair, which looks good.
"If you insist." He replies, playing with the necklace on my chest. "So what's wrong?" He continues to question. My mind runs through possibilities, but I end up coming to a complete blank.
"Nothing's wrong, I've just been in a bit of a mood." I tell him.
"Are you sure that's all?" He looks at me this time, and I feel guilty looking into those deep brown eyes, hiding the events of Friday night from him.
I nod in response, and smile to reassure him. "But I'm really tired and I'm getting worn out from speaking." I sigh, turning my body towards him and closing my eyes. "So can we just lay here?" I ask.
"Of course." He replies, rolling into his back as I lay my head on his chest. One arm is placed around me, and the other hand is intertwined with mine on his chest.
*Four days later*
"Please tell me you're coming tonight." Chloe urges, her eyes wide in excitement.
"I don't know, that last one didn't exactly go to plan." I think back to the spiked drink, and all the shit that's seemed to stem from that.
"Yeah but it wasn't only bad! I had a great time at least."
"You passed out and I had to get help to carry you up the stairs." I confess to her and she looks at me in astonishment.
"That's how I got in Louis' bed? You learn new things every day. Anyway, you have to come because we're doing karaoke." She attempts to persuade me.
"Fine, whatever, I'll be there." I smile in defeat as she claps silently in excitement. "As long as John's not there." I clarify with her.
"No need to worry about that, he is strictly prohibited from attending this party." She assures me. I don't want to look at that guy, ever again if I can avoid him for that long.
"Okay, okay settle down everyone. I've got your papers back." Professor Armstrong calls out. "You can collect them at the end of class."
"Tonight is going to be lit." Chloe squeals quietly, and I chuckle at her excitement. I look in her direction and my eyes connect with Harry's a few rows back. His face is blank, unable to read the expression on his features, before he looks away as if being caught.
~~
I look through the pile and grab the paper that reads my name in the top right hand corner. I look for the grade and see a B-. I frown in disappointment, feeling as though I could have put a lot more effort into it.
I usually beat myself up if I don't get a good grade. Apparently that's not a healthy thing to do, but I feel like it's my motivation to improve on the next set assignment.
I find my car in of course the furthest parking space, and unlock it from where I am. As soon as I get in the car I Bluetooth my phone to play music on the drive home.
"Hey! When I get chills at night,
I feel it deep inside
Without you, yeah.
Know how to satisfy,
Keeping that temple right,
Without you, yeah.
Pictures in my mind on replay,
I'm gonna touch the pain away,
I know how to scream my own name,
Scream my name.
I love me! Gonna love myself no I don't need anybody else."
I sing the words loudly as I drive down the road thinking about the party tonight. It's at Louis' house again, and it's for Chloe's 21st on Sunday. I'm hoping there aren't as many people this time, although, knowing Chloe, there's probably going to be twice the amount of people.
I pull up in the driveway sooner than expected and kill the engine. I see Blake sitting on the chairs outside their apartment and he smiles once he sees me.
"Hey, you going tonight?" I ask him, locking the car as I walk towards the front door.
"Nah, I'm meeting up with some other mates." He tells me. "Have you um, you haven't told Jason about last Friday night have you?" He questions. I scratch the back of my neck and kick a rock with my foot.
"No, not yet."
"Don't worry I won't tell him anything if you don't want me to, I just hadn't heard him say anything about it at all and I wasn't sure."
"Oh." I simply say. I don't know what else to say really. "I'll tell him tonight." I assure him, though he probably doesn't even care. I nod and walk off, making the situation unnecessarily awkward.
I sigh as I walk through the house and throw myself on my bed, getting out my laptop to study. I haven't been studying as much as I should have been lately. I feel like that has something to do with how preoccupied my mind has been lately with just about everything else.
[So Chloe's party tonight, I told her I would go, you wanna go?]
I send Jason a text before I get into the mindset of studying, and he replies straight away.
[Yeah alright]
[Cool, want to leave at say like, 8?]
[Yeah, Dani coming too?]
[Pretty sure, I'll ask her when she gets back from work in a couple of hours]
[You should come over x]
[I have to study :(]
[Oh yes okay, get to it then and stop wasting this valuable time on me]
I laugh at his text as I turn my laptop on.
[Yes boss]
~~
"Which dress? This one," I hold the pale rosy pink dress up first, which is fitting but not too slim fit, has holes on the waist, and mid-length sleeves. "Or this one?" I hold up the the black dress, almost the same style as the previous one but with sleeves that reach my wrists and a high neck. Both reaching my mid thigh.
"Hmm, I don't know they both look really good." Danielle comments.
"Gee thanks that helps so much." I say sarcastically. I lay both the dresses out on the bed and try to imagine which one would be better for the night. I think of the long sleeves and how they'd be more beneficial to the mark on my arm and the questions that could possibly stem from the exposure of my arm. It's just about healed, and I'm hoping to tell him about it tonight, but to hopefully avoid questions within the first few hours of the night, I'll wear it. "Im going with the black one." I confirm, hanging the other dress back in the cupboard as I slip the black one on.
"Ok, so I know what skirt I'm wearing, but should I wear the purple or the red top?"
"Ooh I don't know, they both look good." I mock, and she sticks the finger up at me jokingly. "You can decide while I put my shoes on."
I sit on the edge of the bed and zip up the three inch black heels that I love. I have white ones of the exact same as well. I look in the mirror and apply a dark plum colour to my lips.
"Just wear the red one." I tell her, watching her struggle to decide in the reflection. "It fits your skin tone really well."
"Thanks," she walks off into her room and I check my phone to see that it's 8 on the dot.
"You've done your hair and makeup right?" I call out.
"Yeah, I'm just about ready to go."
I walk out of my room just as I hear the door open. Jason walks through and it takes him a moment to realise that I'm standing here.
"Danielle's just finishing up now." I say. I look as his eyes widen when he sees me.
"You look amazing." He compliments and I feel my self slightly blush.
"Thank you." I smile, planting a kiss on his lips as his hands travel down past my hips and over my backside. "Nell come on," I call out, leaning my head back as my hands connect behind Jason's head.
"I'm coming, I'm coming." She hollers, stumbling out of her room with a shoulder bag hanging off her arm and her shoes dangling in her hands.
"Ooh I need to grab my purse," I realise, breaking Jason's grip around my waist to grab my purse and phone from the desk in my bedroom.
"You look nice." I hear Jason say to Danielle. I quickly take one last look in the mirror before walking back out and taking the keys from the bench.
"Could someone drive for me, I can't be bothered taking off my shoes." I smile pleadingly.
"I will, considering I'm the only one without heels," Jason points out. "Wait, you're not drinking tonight are you?"
"No, I'll be driving home if that's what you're worried about."
~~
"Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday dear Chloe, Happy Birthday to you." We all sing, as she blows out the candles on her ridiculously big birthday cake. Its raised three levels, and decorated with blue and purple icing. In the middle, the words 'Happy 21st Chloe' are written in chocolate icing.
"Karaoke time!" She yells over the loud chatter that has started up in the room, running towards the karaoke machine.
"Do you want another drink?" I ask Jason, wanting to get out of here before Chloe picks on me to perform a duet with her.
"Sure." As soon as I turn around I collide with something hard, spilling my water all over the front of my dress.
"You're lucky this is black." I comment, looking up and not to my surprise at all, it's Harry. "Of course it's you." I blurt, sounding bitchier than I intended to.
"Maybe you should have more awareness of your surroundings." He remarks. I roll my eyes and push past him.
"Maybe you should stop following me everywhere," I mutter under my breath.
"Excuse me?" He speaks, and it takes me a moment to realise he heard my comment.
"Never mind." I simply conclude, or at least attempt to. I hear a snicker in return and I have to turn around to confirm that it was actually him. I look at him in confusion as a
haunting smile is planted on his face. He shakes his head at me.
"You think I do this for fun? You think I follow you around looking for something to do with my time?" He questions, as if it's the most humorous thing he's heard all night.
"Well you always seem to be there. Either you're the cause of it, or you like to be the one to 'save the day.'" I point out harshly, crossing my arms over my chest. His eyes widen in frustration and astonishment as I stand here, watching him in bewilderment. Does he not notice how he always manages to be around when something happens? It has to be more than a coincidence. "I don't need your help." I argue, which isn't completely true, but I'm sick of him and his tough boy attitude. His eyes narrow at my confession and his face becomes full of anger, which is a little terrifying.
"Gee, I sincerely apologise for happening to witness certain events that, to me at least, look like they need assisting." He confesses. "Next time you're fucking pushed up against a wall before possibly being raped, I'll just walk away because apparently you've got it all sorted." He snidely remarks. I stare at him, an intense gaze of pure hatred.
"What's the hell's going on here? What is he talking about?" I tear my gaze from Harry and see Jason standing behind me. Confusion and slight anger mixed in to form his expression. How long has he been standing there? I bite my lip and run my fingers through my hair in frustration as I think of where to go with my next words. "Caitlin?" He pushes.
"Ahhh, I see. The poor guy doesn't know anything." Harry interjects, his tone thick with playfulness as he pouts at Jason. "Maybe you should pay more attention to your girlfriends li-"
He's cut off by Jason jumping forward, too quick for me to notice, and shoving him in the chest.
"Who are you to fucking speak." He spits, looking Harry up and down in disgust. I jump in just as Harry pounces back, standing between the two of them hustling each other, holding onto their shirts.
"Stop it!" I yell, watching as they stare at each other so intently, a look that could kill. "Back off." I tell Harry, feeling him push against my arm which is holding him back.
"He's the one who came at me." He simply argues, not taking his eyes off Jason. I attempt to push him back further but he doesn't budge, and I look up at Jason.
"You're better than this." I say quietly. He takes his eyes away from Harry and looks at me, taking one last glance at Harry before storming off.
I sigh in defeat and frustration and I look up to see a few people watching the events unfold.
"Did you really have to do that?" I exclaim. His laugh is menacing. I walk off before he can say anything, knowing his answer will just frustrate me even more. I look for a sign of Jason but I can't see him anywhere. Where could he have disappeared to so quickly?
I spot Danielle and some random and I decide to approach her. "Hey, did you see Jason walk past by any chance?" I ask urgently.
"No, I don't think so."
I sigh and turn on my heel, searching for him and hoping to avoid Harry. Where would an angry, maybe slightly upset, 21 year old guy disappear to at a party? My first thought is out the front, the place to get away from everyone.
I head straight for the front door and surprisingly it's closed. I open it and see a few people out on the lawn jumping around and doing handstands. I look around the lawn and the porch but can't see anyone.
I turn around and head back for the door in disappointment, when I see a flicker of light in the corner of my eye. I look up and realise there's a corner to the porch, and I see light protruding from a phone screen.
I walk closer and make out a figure on the edge of the railing, one leg up, looking down at their phone. I can easily tell its Jason.
I walk towards him slowly with my arms crossed. Hearing the sound of my shoes, he turns around when I'm half way to him.
"Hey," I start, just audible for him to hear. He turns his head away from me and moves his foot from the railing so it's hanging like the other leg.
I sit on the railing backwards and spin around, lifting my legs over the other side so I'm facing the same way as him. We both look out into the night, not a great view of the street, but at least the stars look nice.
"There's...." I stop to sigh, thinking of what to say. "There's something I need to tell you."
He laughs. "No shit."
A pang of guilt hits me in the stomach and I feel queasy all of a sudden.
"A few things really." I confess, my voice sounding pathetic.
"So there's more than one thing that you've been hiding from me?" He questions, and I sit there in silence, trying to form the next words that will leave my mouth eventually.
"Well, there's not that much you don't know." I tell him. "You know about the guy who spiked my drink, am I right?"
"Yeah. I know it happened."
"Okay. Well, Harry, that guy you met just before, he-"
"Who is he?" He asks. His eyes are on me this time, and it's a look that makes me feel sad for him. It's as if he thinks there's something going on between Harry and I.
"It's a long story," I start off horribly, making him scoff sarcastically and turn away again. "No! It's not anything. It's nothing like that." I place my hand on his shoulder as I quickly correct myself. "He's just in one of my classes, and we hate each other, honestly. I don't think I have ever disliked someone so much. But he always seems to be somewhere when something happens."
"Like when you were "pushed against a wall before possibly being raped" that I had no idea whatsoever about?" He asks, looking at me again. I look down and tuck some hair behind my ear. "And I didn't even know about it?" He points out, his laugh laced with disbelief and anger. "I'm guessing nothing bad happened though." I can't tell if his tone is threatening or sympathetic. I watch him look out at the view, studying the crinkle in his forehead that signifies his frustration.
"I'm sorry. I really am." A silence follows. "I don't know why I didn't tell you, I just thought that..... I don't know what I thought. It just seemed easier not telling you, but actually it was harder not telling you, it's was such a bad mistake not telling you about everything because I wish I had." I ramble on, stopping when I look up to see him staring at me. He sits there for a moment, before lifting his hand up and wiping a tear from my cheek that I hadn't known was there. "Oh god," I say, wiping at my eyes that seem to be full of tears. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be the one upset." I apologise, but when his hand rests under my chin, wiping another tear away, they start falling at a faster place and I can't control them.
"Hey, hey." He says calmly, moving closer as he wraps his arms around me and I cry into his chest. I want to stop the tears, and I don't even know why I'm crying, but they just keep coming out of no where. "It's alright."
I tell him about everything, from the incident at Evolution, to when Harry beat up John, to the note found outside Danielle and I's apartment, and the final events that unfolded on Friday night.
"So this Harry guy is there a lot, huh?" He asks, his arm is around my shoulders as he looks out. I look up at him and place my arms around his waist.
"You don't have to worry about him." I assure him, watching his mouth thin into a straight line. He waits a minute before looking down at me, and I get the impression he doesn't believe me.
"I hope not," he says. We sit in a comfortable silence, my head leaning on his shoulder and a slight wind making it just that little bit cooler. "Are you alright after the whole John situation?" He asks, breaking the silence.
"Yeah, I'm fine now."
"I will fucking kill that guy if he comes anywhere near you again." He defends me, and I can't help but smile. I go to say something along the lines of 'I think Harry's taken care of it now' but choose otherwise. "I need to know what this guy looks like."
I don't say anything, I just sit and continue to watch the people on the lawn mucking around like children.
"Should we head back inside?" He asks, running his fingers up and down my arm.
"Yeah, we probably should." I agree. As he looks down at me I reach up and peck his lips, smiling into the kiss. "Shit has my mascara run?" I ask him as he looks thoroughly at my face.
"There's just a little bit in the corner, but you still look beautiful." He tells me, leaning in for another kiss.
We hop off the railing and head back inside to the thumping music.
"I think somebody wants you," he announces, nodding his head in the direction of the karaoke machine.
"Caitlin, I see you over there, get your ass up here." I see Danielle on the 'stage' with two microphones in her hands as she calls out for me.
"Oh god," I moan into Jason's shoulder.
"I'll be watching from down here." He muses, pushing me towards the stage. I grudgingly walk up the stairs and stand next to Danielle.
"I'm completely sober, therefore I am going to make a complete fool of myself and remember it." I mumble to her.
"Come on, let's do Bad Romance. We kill it in sing star so there's nothing to worry about," she assures me before laughing. "Everything alright between you and Jason?" She asks as she flicks through the songs, covering her microphone. I look out at the crowded room and see Jason talking to a group of guys and I smile.
"Yeah, everything's good now."