Summary: Natalia's attempts to get Dana food result in a biological mystery, the team have problems with the Faceless Old Woman and Carlos investigates a mysterious hole in a wall.
"I'll be back in an hour." Carlos said, grabbing a lab coat from the hooks and slipping it on.
"Going to meet Cecil?" Jeffries asked.
"No. The Smithwick house called. Apparently there's an enormous hole in their wall that keeps absorbing things, so I'm going to take a look."
"Fair enough." Jeffries laughed. "Have fun, Carlos."
"I don't think I will on this one." The head scientist sighed. "The level of probability that the family has already been absorbed into a completely different plane of existence is too high to be fun."
"Oh." Jeffries' smile faltered a little. "Well I'll jus' say good luck then."
"Thanks, Brent. And I'm sorry."
Jeffries waved a hand to shake it off and Carlos headed out of the door.
~
"Was that Carlos?" Natalia asked inquisitively as she leapt down the stairs three at a time.
"Jus' left for the Smithwick house." Jeffries confirmed. "Somethin' about a hole in the wall."
"He still hasn't asked Cecil on a date."
"We mustn't push 'im, Dr Johnson." Jeffries said wifely . "Carlos can get shy, ya know tha'."
Natalia nodded. "How are you doing?"
"Workin' on some samples from a rock that was found in the undergroun' city. Carlos found it on his clothes. It's a weird 'un."
"How so?"
"Well for star'ers, it doesn't have a definite rock type."
"Well that's....new."
"It's annoyin'." Jeffries sighed. "Cecil's show on today?"
"Yeah, it should already be on. I'll get the radio."
Natalia sped off towards the communal room where the radio was already on, as was mandated when Cecil's show was airing.
"Did you know there's a Faceless Old Woman who secretly lives in your home? It's true! She's there now. She's always there, just out of your sight. Always just out of your sight. Because you cannot see her, you were probably completely unaware that this woman likes to sift through photos of you and your loved ones...."
Natalia shuddered. "That's creepy." She turned around briefly but there was nothing there. She breathed a sigh of relief and brought the radio down to Jeffries, where Ellie had joined him in analysing the rock samples.
"Morning, Nat."
"Hey, Ellie. Brought the radio down."
"The Faceless Old Woman who secretly lives in your home does lots of things. Ever wonder why your web browser's history is filled with Bing searches for - quote - 'pictures of dead wolves,' or - quote - 'the melting point of birds?' Or why sometimes your shower drain gets clogged with organ meats?"
Ellie paled. "How does Cecil know about that?"
"Wait, what?" Natalia's three eyes widened. "That's been happening to you?"
"Well, yes. I thought you guys noticed the meat in the shower too!"
"No!" Natalia exclaimed. "When did that happen?"
"It's been happening for months."
Jeffries exhaled in a whistle. "Geez. I've not noticed that."
"Me neither," Natalia said. "I don't think Carlos has either, or I reckon he would have gone all scienc-y about it."
"Well it hasn't happened too recently. I just put it down as another weird Night Vale thing that just sort of...happens." Dr Green admitted sheepishly. "And that you'd done the same."
"Hm." Jeffries mused. "So you think what Cecil's sayin' could be true?"
"I don't know...maybe."
"So what now...?"
"See if there are more things tha' we reco'nise, I guess." Jeffries turned up the radio.
"retrieve mail, and speak German, and play dead, and all kinds of cute things. She says he's a pretty cool guy, if you get to know him. Oh, and I almost forgot - Dana wonders if any listeners with a good arm can get kind of close to the Dog Park and throw some beans or chips or beef jerky or something over the tall fence? She's very hungry. In fact, it took me a while to get through her typos, listeners. She must be shaking really badly."
"Dana's alive?" Natalia breathed.
She'd met Dana several times when they had first come to the town and the two had become good friends. When the other woman had been lost to the Dog Park, Natalia had been a lot more upset than she's usually admit. The news that Dana was alive made Natalia's heart skip a small beat.
"I'll go to the Dog Park right now and get her some food."
"What?! You'll get caught!"
"She's my friend, I have to try. Plus, you're talking to the best Junior League pitcher in Chicago." Natalia smirked confidently.
"Be careful, Dr Johnson." Jeffries warned.
"Will do." She grabbed her purple leather jacket from the side of the workbench and her keys. Time to go and help her friend.
~
Carlos wasn't having much success. The owner of the house, Greg Smithwick, had already been sucked into the swirling vortex that had formed on their kitchen wall. Carlos, Mrs Smithwick and her fifteen year old son were clinging frantically to various household appliances and wall hangings in an attempt to not get sucked in themselves.
"Carlos-the-scientist!" Mrs Smithwick screamed.
"Hang on!" He cried, still fiddling with his instruments. If he could just manipulate the ra-
"Ahhhh!" Mrs Smithwick's son flew backwards into the black void and out of view.
"My boy!" Mrs Smithwick sobbed.
I refuse to die like this! Carlos thought desperately. I will not perish before I have completed as many things as I can as A GOOD SCIENTIST! Plus I haven't even been on a date with Cecil yet! Or beaten Ellie at Mario Kart!
He viciously twisted another knob on his device and the hole in the wall slowly shrank, much to Carlos' relief. His device worked! That was encouraging. He'd have to make more scientific instruments in future.
Unfortunately, before it closed completely, Mrs Smithwick had lost her grip and fallen into the abyss after her husband and son.
When the hole had disappeared, Carlos slowly let go and sank to the ground, clutching his instruments shakily. He reached for his phone and dialled Cecil's number. It rang out, but Carlos expected that. Cecil's show would still be on. It went to voicemail.
"Cecil, I'm not calling for personal reasons, I'm afraid. There's a strange hole that might appear in the walls of some citizens. It's vital that the people of Night Vale hear this, particularly after what happened in the Smithwick house. They all got absorbed into the wall, Cecil." He sighed to release some of his tension. "If you could get the world out that would be great. Get them to call me if there is one, and evacuate their homes. Thank you. I'll call soon."
He got steadily to his feet and looked sadly at the wall where the hole used to be. He'd have to stop by the City Council on the way home to fill out some 'Accidental Death Witness' forms. Another evening ruined.
~
When Carlos eventually got home, Jeffries and Green were upstairs in the kitchen and he could hear muffled discussion. Carlos was hanging up his coat when Natalia stumbled in the door after him, looking rather frazzled. Some of her clothes looked slightly charred.
"You okay, Dr Johnson? Scientifically speaking."
"I just went to throw some food to Dana in the Dog Park. I got electrocuted but I'm okay, really."
"Electrocuted?" He took a step closer to the girl. She had a slight white streak in her fringe.
Carlos examined it. It had been caused through extreme physical stress. "Are you sure that you're okay? That amount of electricity would nearly have..."
"I didn't feel it that much! It barely hurt at all."
She sounded awfully calm about it.
"Dr Johnson, I think that you should look in a mirror. The physical exertion on your body by the electricity...I think that even a slight increase in the voltage would have killed you." He remarked as Natalia took off her leather jacket. There were blossoming bruises running up her arm.
"Oh my god..." She began to shake, and looked in the mirror at her hair. "How did I not feel that? I mean my pain threshold has always been ridiculously high, but..."
She looked down. There were bruises all over her arm, except for a centimetre circumference around her third eye. She paled quite significantly. Carlos ran to get her a chair and a drink of water.
"Do you mind if I take a blood sample, Dr Johnson? Just to see what we might be dealing with on the scientific side?"
She nodded. Carlos went through the door to the laboratory and Natalia turned up the radio to distract herself.
"Listeners, a lot of you have written in asking for photos of Khoshekh, the station cat, and to learn what became of his litter of kittens. Station Management did not let us keep the kittens, but they have been given away to good homes. Unfortunately, like Khoshekh, the cats are also stuck - floating in fixed points in space - so their owners will have to visit them right where they were born, right here in the station bathroom..."
"Carlos?" She said when he came back with the needle.
"Yes?"
"Can we adopt a cat?"
Carlos wrinkled his nose. "Here at the lab?! The health hazards, the cross contamination, my allergies! The-"
"No, no, one of Khoshekh's floating kittens! Adopt one as a team!"
Carlos thought about it. If he claimed he was going to see the kitten, it would be an excuse to Cecil more often.
"I'll think about it." He promised, smiling at the excited expression the young woman pulled.
"Carlos!" A voice shouted from upstairs.
"Will you be oka-"
"Yes, go." Natalia waved her non-injured hand to the stairs. The moment the man was out of sight, she looked back down at her injured arm and her hair streak. It took all of the scientist's strength to fight her growing tears.
~
Ellie and Jeffries were fighting a small fire in the kitchen. Somehow, to Carlos' bewilderment, their fridge had been set on fire.
"It's the Faceless Old Woman that Cecil keeps going on about on the radio! She lit the fridge on fire!"
"You saw her do this?!"
"Well, no..."
"Then it is not scientifically sound to assume..."
Ellie threw the handheld radio in his direction before turning back to help Jeffries with the fire extinguisher.
Carlos caught it sloppily and held it up to his ear.
"I heard the Mayor was retiring, and I wanted to know if mayoral candidates were required to have faces. I have some good ideas I think would help this town, like one thing I think is that we can increase school funding while still lowering taxes. It's an innovative plan, and I'm gonna build a website that explains it, and other great ideas I have that could help this town. I'm very excited to announce my candidacy for Night Vale mayor. Also, I lit your fridge on fire. It was upsetting me."
Carlos listened to the voice in abject disbelief before turning back to his team, who had managed to put out the fire.
"Just when I thought I'd seen it all..." He muttered.