Rachel's POV
Harry...and Kendall?
Kendall fucking Jenner? I cannot believe my eyes. Harry, all this time, hid this from me. This can't be real. I've heard about PR stunt stories from Harry before...but those pictures..
Those yacht pictures looked too real.
"Rachel?" Jennifer speaks. "Rachel don't be upset. Harry and Kendall are old news, it all happened back in January—"
"Jen and I absolutely hated them together—" Hayley begins but I interrupt.
"You both knew and didn't bother to tell me?!" Both of them knew about her and Harry, knew that I've been wondering about his exes for weeks now, and knew that I've been watching and even admiring his perfect ex on television for months! "You knew everything! Everything! I fucking watched her on TV! I watched her and her family every weekend with you guys! I thought she was the better one of her prissy siblings, and now she's coming here to steal her ex back who happens to be my boyfriend?!"
She's a model, I can't stop repeating in my mind. She's a rich, stunning model.
Jennifer reaches out, "No, we didn't—" but I step up and off the couch to get away from her.
"No. Don't, it's all in the open now. I don't want to hear if he's dated any other famous, skinny, talented people. I'm so...so.." I can't describe my anger. I'm angry at Hayley and Jen for neglecting to tell me something I've openly told them I want to know, and I'm mad at Harry for not telling me, saying it doesn't matter when it does. It clearly matters if she wants him back, and probably has a great chance of getting him.
She's just so..perfect.
"Rachel? Rachel your phone," Hayley calls to me, and I snap out of my thoughts. I snatch my phone from the side of the couch and read I have a few texts, and a missed call, Harry's name in bold on the screen. I can't, I can't face him right now. I will blow up if I see him. I throw my phone back on the couch.
I cannot believe I thought Kendall was my favorite of her siblings. I was a fan, and now she's on her way to steal my lying boyfriend away.
"You all practically lied to my face..." I glare to them both, shaking my head. Our house phone starts to ring, and Hayley awkwardly steps out to answer. I'm not done with them yet.
Jennifer moves off the couch, taking a step toward me. "No, please Rachel, we wouldn't—"
"But you did!"
"Rachel please! We didn't want to lie to you, we just simply didn't want you to freak out like this. We..we know how insecure—"
"I watched her on tv thinking she was amazing!" I scream. "How the hell do you think I feel now?!"
"It's not like we knew she'd come here like a psycho and try to get him back!" Jennifer points at herself and Hayley, who is walking back in the room in silence.
Hayley interjects, "Guys, Ha—"
"I can't believe this, I can't believe Harry, I can't believe you two... I just can't believe this shit."
A knock sounds on our front door, and all three of our heads snap to face it. I recognize the voice of the person behind the door and turn back.
"You told him to come here?!" My eyes glare at Hayley's. I cannot believe this.
"He was already on his way, he called because he was nervous about you! You weren't answering—"
Harry interrupts her by knocking louder on the door and calling out my name. Jennifer tentatively steps toward the door and opens it, and I snatch my phone and stomp further away into the hallway to my room.
"Rachel?" Harry calls for me, and I quickly get to my room. I know Harry is right behind me, his presence is easy to feel. I slip into my bathroom just as Harry enters my room.
He takes a deep breath, and I hear a soft knock on the door. "Rach? Baby please, we need to talk. Hayley—"
"No, leave me alone." My mind races, wanting me to get myself out of this house away from him. I cannot handle talking right now, I need to think straight, which I cannot do with him here. An idea pops into my mind and I quickly scramble in my bathroom for something to wear. I have somewhere to go.
As I change Harry gets more anxious. "Please Rachel, let me explain. Open the door, I can help you. We can talk, your cousins left us alone, they went out. Please."
I ignore him, fighting to not feel guilty for doing so while applying a tad of makeup. I called an Uber, which said they'd be here in about five minutes. I'm getting myself out of here before I make anything bad happen. Harry's pleas for me poke at the wall I'm building against him right now, but I fight as hard as I can. The minute I look decent, I grab my phone and open the bathroom door, finding a desperate Harry right in front of me. His expression changes and eyes open wide with lust and confusion as he looks me up and down, and I walk around him to fetch my purse.
"Where do you plan on going dressed this way?" He questions, lurking behind me as I stuff my purse with a few things before strapping it over my shoulder.
"Out." I curtly reply, turning and walking around him once again out of my room, not daring to look him in the eyes. He comes after me faster as I pass through the living room.
"Hey, hey," he wraps his long fingers around my bicep gently and turns me back toward him. "Don't walk away, and you surely won't leave dressed like this. You look breathtaking, but this isn't enough to wear going out at this time."
I hear what he's saying, but all I can wonder is how he is being so calm when I'm going all raging bitch inside right now?
"Why do you care?"
Harry immediately looks appalled. "Why do I care? Because I love you. You know that, Rachel, don't you?"
When I don't answer the question he always inquires and keep my eyes on his hand that still holds my arm, Harry shakes his head.
I get curious when he digs through his pocket, takes his keys, and throws them who knows where in the living room. "We are going to sit here and talk about this situation. No one is leaving, I want to tell you what happened, just let me?"
"No! I cannot do this right now, I can't just sit here with you right now, I'm about to explode. You don't get that, you don't get how betrayed I feel right now. Just let me go, Harry." I grit through my teeth, pulling myself from his hold.
I hear a honk of a horn and know my ride is here, so I continue to walk away, Harry chasing after me. I exit the flat and find the Uber parked behind Harry's Range Rover, and I walk a little faster to it.
"Rachel! Stop!" He runs to the car as I enter it, closing the door quickly. Harry squints his eyes to see me through the window, the setting sun reflecting on it as he calls my name repeatedly.
"Erm, where to miss?" My driver clears his throat.
I look at Harry, finally meeting his eyes, making my heart ache like I knew it would. So I turn away and look to the driver. "University College London."
"Sure thing," the driver nods, pulling out and away from the house. I turn back and look out the back window as Harry gets further and further away. "I've already taken a few people there tonight, big party yeah?"
"Yeah, huge," I nod, hoping I haven't made a huge mistake, and really hoping there is alcohol at this party. I sure need it.
Harry's POV
"Fuck!" I yell as soon as I get back to the house. I let her just slip away, and I can't follow her because I don't know where the fuck my keys are because I stupidly had to throw them to make my point. And the only way I could possibly track her is on my phone, which I left in the damn car. Now she's out somewhere, wearing simply shorts and a tank top, and I'm worried as hell.
Happy One Month Anniversary to us.
I was going to break the news about Kendall coming to town to her, I just did not know how. Before coming, Kendall told me she was going to be here and wanted to meet up and talk, I didn't know what about, and hearing this urged me that I should say something to my girl. Rachel always wanted to know about my past relationships, but I couldn't bring myself to tell her who it was. Now that Kendall came back to town, the last thing I needed was Rachel finding out from the news.
I wanted to sit her down, obviously not today on our special day or this week since I knew she was stressed for school, and explain to her everything. And especially explain about what happened today...that Kendall called me this morning, and we met up again, another mistake I let happen today. Hayley told me that Rachel saw the news and everything that was said, and I'm shocked and unhappy of how accurate the news was, and even more upset that Kendall really met with me to discuss getting back together. I can't bear to think my love heard that from the news.
I wanted to be the one to tell her everything that happened, and now it's ruined.
I find the house phone and call Hayley and Jennifer multiple times, both not answering at all as I search the living room for my keys. Jennifer pulls through on my fifth call to her, barely on the last ring.
"Rachel? Do I need to come home? We should talk—"
"It's not Rach, it's Harry. She left, she went off somewhere in a fucking Uber wearing the lightest amount of clothing and I'm wondering if you know where she could have gone. Please, Jennifer," I'm begging the girl, and also tearing this living room apart.
I can barely hear Jennifer over the noise in the background from wherever she is when she responds, "I don't know, she did not have plans previously tonight. If none of this had happened, you two would probably be enjoying each other's company right now like she wanted."
"Dammit, I know that, okay?"
"Don't you have the tracker thing on your phone anyway?"
"I left it in my car, and I can't find my damn keys." I tug on my hair, ready to lose it.
"Harry, I—wait," she stops herself. "She could be here."
"Where is 'here'?"
"At school. We're having our annual bonfire, and I remember, she was invited and waited for you to make plans for today to see if she could go. I bet she's here, Harry!"
I sit up from searching under the couch. As I'm about to speak, I spot my keys under the wood table and grab them immediately. "I'm going to go find her there, I got my keys."
"Go! I'll try to see if I can find her, but it'll be hard, nearly everyone comes here and parties on the main campus field."
"Let me know, please. Thank you, love," I end the call, drop the phone on the couch, and bolt out of the house.
Rachel's POV
I've been lost in my own college's party for nearly five minutes now in the soccer field, compacted with nearly every student at this university. I don't know what I'm really looking for in the first place. I don't want to see my cousins, so I know I'm not looking for them. I can't even think straight, the field's speakers are blaring with music and everyone is just talking, dancing, singing, and...drinking.
Good, maybe I'll find the bar first and go from there.
"Excuse me," I push past partying college students. They seem to multiply every minute. I know the bonfire is in the center, with blankets set up on the ground for some who are sitting, but mostly everyone is standing and seemingly choosing to get in my path at a time when I'm angrier than angry.
A drink gets spilled in front of me and someone steps on my heel, pissing me off more. I stomp out of they're way but more people just block my path.
Is it really so hard to just get a freaking drink?
"Get out of my way please!" I shout to the guy in front of me, about to push past him but he turns around and grabs my arm, snapping my attention to him.
"Whoa, hey! Rachel?" Blue eyes meet mine with the nicest smile I've seen in a while.
Well look at that, I found Matthew. I'm not so hopeless I guess.
"Hey, Matthew. I— gosh I'm so sorry for yelling at you, I've had such a crappy night..."
"No, it's okay," he chuckles. "I've been having a hard time getting through the crowd too, I figured I'd just stand here." I laugh as he continues. "You never told me you were going to come, I thought you had plans?"
I comb my hair behind my ear, "Yeah, things change."
"Well nevertheless, I'm glad you're here and that I'm not alone. Care to get a drink? I actually know where the bar is," he says, making us both laugh.
"Lead the way. I'm a little surprised they're letting students drink openly on campus."
Matthew lightly places his hand on my back so we don't lose each other. "Yeah, when I first came to this university and I heard about the bonfire, I asked my mum about that. She told me that it's okay since all are above the drinking age, and as long as we don't destroy property, it's allowed. Today's the only day we can though."
"That's such a big trust that we won't destroy anything," I tell him, finally relieved when I see the bar in sight.
Matthew rubs his chin, pretending to comb an invisible beard. "Hmm, now that you say that, should I be hanging out with you and leading you to this bar?"
I giggle and gently push him to the side as we approach the bar. "Don't worry, don't plan on burning any buildings down anytime soon." Even though I'm raging at the moment..
Matthew picks up another before throwing the one he's been holding in his hands in the trash. I pick up a can of beer and open it, taking a gulp of the drink. Suddenly it clicks I'm chugging my beer in front of my boss, and quickly I stop drinking.
"Don't look so guilty, this is my third one," he smirks as he opens it. "Here we're friends remember? No boss or employee judging allowed, or bringing it up in the work place." Matthew takes a sip of his can.
Wow, if this is his third, his tolerance must be high.
"Speaking of the work place, when am I scheduled? I get its lame to bring up work, but just wondering.." I scoff more of my drink down. Better have these important conversations before I take these beers down.
"Well maybe this Sunday? I'm working then too. My dad takes more of the ownership of the cafe while I'm at uni, though we still share it. Care to work Sunday?" Matthew snatches me another beer, something I was about to do, and I thank him.
I raise my can and we clink them together. "Sure thing." Then we both take drinks, and I've finished my first can, and already my much weaker tolerance is edging up and I feel jittery. Round two of forgetting the horror of this evening coming up.
* * *
"Are you saying you forgot where you parked your car as you sat inside it?! Ha!" I cackle, nearly spilling my beer all over myself.
Matthew and I have been sharing funny stories about when we've been drunk...well, Matthew is doing the story telling, I've only been drunk two times, including right now.
At least I think this is what drunk is like, I don't really remember from last time.
"I'm telling you, stupidest fucking moment of my life! I sat there in the damn thing wondering for ages, then I just passed out!" He finishes off his fifth beer, crumpling the can and tossing it in the bin were standing by. I can't seem to stop laughing.
The both of us stumbled out of the crowd minutes ago, finally finding some place to actually talk and hear each other. Now we're standing by the trash bins, the real popular kids of this party.
"So what were your previous plans for tonight?" Matthew asks me after I stop cracking up.
I down more of my...fourth beer? Lost count really. "Anniversary plans with my famous lying boyfrienddd..." I suddenly feel my tongue feeling numb.
"Relationship drama? Can't help you there, got no luck with those things." My new drinking buddy shakes his head.
"Sameeee," I drag out the word, then take another drink. My vision is off its rocker at this point. I struggle to walk as I go to throw my can away.
"Hey, ya wanna go back to the bar and get another? You can tell me all about it." Matthew suggests.
"Let's go!" I grab my purse from the ground and hold it by the straps, then I grab Matthew's arm for walking support. "Gah, I wanna just leave my purse somewhere, I'm tired of lugging it everywhere I go—"
"Rachel?" I hear a voice from behind me ask. Matthew and I turn around and I find Harry.
"Haaaaarry!" I yelp, letting go of Matthew to stumble towards him.
"I was just talking about youuu and, and about how you are a liar. A big fat liar. You lie to me about your ex model girlfriend—" I trip over myself, landing right in Harry's steady arms, and he holds me upright.
"Baby, don't say that. Are you drunk?" He carefully lifts my chin up so I face those powerful eyes of his:
They really do change color..
"Yes, but shh!" I place a wobbly finger to his lips. "That's not at all what we're talking about. Jus'— just hold my purse," I shove it into his chest so he'll hold it.
"I don't wanna hold it. Matthew and I are getting more drinks just wait here," I try to turn back to Matthew, but Harry holds me in place.
My boyfriend shakes his head. "You're not drinking anymore. I need to talk to you about everything. I'm taking you out of here. Gosh you're not cold? Your nose is red, you must be cold. All the beer you drank, you think you feel warm enough. Let's just go home, love."
"But I want a drink!" I fight defiantly. "Matthew, can you get me one pleaaaase?"
"I don't wanna get in the middle of anything, but I think you should listen to your boyfriend. I'll uh, see you later," he smiles and waves at both of us before heading back into the crowd.
"Huh, that prick actually has a brain," Harry comments, grabbing my attention. "Though not enough brain since he let you drink so much."
I push Harry by his chest, but that has no affect on him. "Matthew is my friend, and I'll fucking drink what I please. Y'know friends, like boyfriends, don't lie to each other. You for some reason wouldn't know about that though."
Harry snakes his arm around me, supporting my body. I wanna know how he even got here anyway?
"Please, love. Let's just go home, and I can make things straight. I got you a coffee in my car because its cold, and it'll sober you up some. I'm trying to be calm right now, just let me take you home."
I struggle, but slide his arm off me. "No! I don't wanna go home with you. I don't wanna just sit there and hear lie after lie probabably..." My tongue gets in a twist, and I start to giggle at myself. "I know for a fact that's not how you say that... but you should get the point."
"Baby I've never seen you like this..." he tugs on his hair. "Come on, at least get out of the cold with me? I'm freezing."
I squeeze my eyes tight in hopes of seeing better, and then open them. Harry is only wearing a button up and jeans, I guess I owe him to get out of the cold.
Even when I'm bitchy drunk I'm still nice.
"Fineeee," I roll my eyes, and let him walk me out of the field to his car.
He helps me in and buckles me up, then entering on the other side. Immediately when he turns the car on, he raises the heater.
Harry picks up a coffee cup and hands it to me, "Please drink it, baby."
I grab it and take a sip, the taste of it reminds me how well Harry knows me by now, it's made just how I love it. I guess he can't know that much though, because if he did, he would know how shitty lying feels to me.
As he drives out of the university, I speak up. "Take me home, not your home. I don't wanna go there."
"But," he begins, though stops himself. "Okay, I will."
We drive home in complete silence, and I spend the time watching Harry's hand that rests on the console of the car, how every so often it starts to move towards my thigh, instinctively I assume, but then he stops himself. When we arrive, Harry helps me down and guides me to the house, and helps me unlock it.
"Can I please explain myself?" Harry questions, but I walk straight to my room and he trails behind awkwardly.
He remains quiet, lurking in the doorway, so I say, "No one is stopping you, go ahead."
I place my purse on the bed and kick off my shoes, looking at the clock to see that it reads ten thirty.
Wonder how long this'll take; I want to sleep.
"Okay, well, Kendall is my ex—"
"I gathered that."
"And just know that everything that happened between her and I was long in the past, before I met you, and none of it matters now. Hayley told me everything that you saw today and heard. All the pictures you probably saw—"
"Oh I saw more than I ever wanted," I gripe.
"It means nothing to me now, she's only a friend. I swear. We rarely talk even." He walks further into the room when I move to grab pajamas from my drawer.
"Look Rach, I was only worried about telling you because I knew that you liked her and I figured..." Harry drifts off when I start to undress right in front of him, changing into my pajamas. As I put my shirt on, I dart my gaze at him sternly to continue.
"I figured you would get completely shocked over the news, and I just never knew the right moment to say it and have a talk like one we're having now."
"Any moment before discovering she is here on her way to steal you from just regular, poor, little old me would have sufficed," I chuck my clothes in my laundry basket and roll my eyes.
When my eyes meet Harry, he's tugging roughly on his hair again, staring at me with sad eyes as he shakes his head.
"Don't do that," my drunk self blurts out to him.
"What?"
"You pull on your hair so rrroughly when you're frustrated, I don't like when you pull it so rough. And you keep starin' at me with your eyes, and they just look so depressed, and it all just makes me feel guilty for being very, very pissed at you." I ramble, still stumbling over my words.
Harry instantly drops his hands from his hair and steps to me, running his hands through my hair which feels heavenly. "Then please don't be angry with me...especially with what I am about to tell you."
"W—What?" I step back a tad.
What the hell is it now?
Harry leads me to my bed and we sit down next to each other. He rubs his hand over the back of his neck tensely, takes a deep breath, and spills it.
"Kendall called me and asked me to lunch today."
My mouth drops, and I feel as though every nerve in my body has suddenly become numb. She's already gone through with her plan.
"Please, give me time to explain, don't say anything yet, please?"
I stay quiet while Harry explains nervously how he had no clue she was coming into town in the first place. He thought that when she called him to spend time together today, it would be just lunch, but he tells me he had no idea she was trying to get him back, trashing me and acting like what I'll call, a bitch.
The pain inside me grows as he keeps talking, and his voice soon becomes quieter as my thoughts become louder and distracting. I can't help but remember those pictures I saw, both my boyfriend and her in bathing suits, cuddling, smiling...and I think of how much better she is than I am. I could never pull off that bikini she wore, or how flawless she looked with practically no effort. She's not better, she's the best you can get, and my self-consciousness that I put away a long time ago has just burst out and I feel overwhelmed in it. I'm drowning in self hate.
I can't compete with her, it's impossible.
I'm making a change right now, I need to be able to get on her level of... well, perfection. My cousins know better than anyone how every time I'd see her on tv I'd rave about her and how just stunning she absolutely was. Never, ever did I imagine I would have to start competing with that. I know Harry is talking, but I can't stop picturing them together, and her, and how everything just changed so suddenly.
"No..." Harry whispers when I notice the pad of his thumb rub over my cheek, and I come back to reality. He wipes a tear from my face, and I hadn't even realized I'd began to cry. I can't even feel this. "Don't cry, love."
I can't even look him in the face, I feel like I'm staring blankly into space, my body dead. I glance at the clock and see it's almost been an hour of talking and self-loathing, and I don't think I can take anymore.
"I need you to leave."
Harry's hand freezes on my face. "What?"
"I need some space, I want time to think. Please, just leave me alone." I finally meet his eyes, and my tears don't allow me to even see, and I can finally feel the tears streaming heavily down my face.
"Baby, I don't want to leave you. You're still not thinking straight—"
"This conversation sobered me up, actually, and I want to be alone," I take his arm in my hand and gently move his hand from my face and to his lap. "Respect my wish, Harry."
Harry remains there for a few slow seconds, thinking, before rising from my bed. He combs his fingers through my hair and presses a soft kiss to my forehead, mumbling an apology before leaving the room. I wait until I hear the front door close to lie back, and contemplate just about everything in hopes I'll just pass out from exhaustion, or hell, even depression.
Happy One Month Anniversary to us.