Chapter 15: The Truth Hurts
The chap is Jolie's story
It contains sexual assault just so your warned~
All Right's Reversed. Copyright. 2011
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"Ian I never knew you could cook like that! Very impressive, I know Anna Grace must love it."
"Oh whatever Sis, I know you are stalling. It's time to fess up!"
"You know, Ian it's not the easiest thing to do!" I said that with a glare, he gave me a sheepish look,
"Sis I know, I'm sorry it's been ten years. I try, but just get a little impatient is all. Come here, let's sit on the couch together. I'll have my arm around you the whole time. I promise no more pushing."
He kissed my forehead pulling me to the couch. I flopped down, he pulled me over so that my back was against him. He put both arms around me making me feel safe.I thought of Greyson for a split second but erased him away quickly. My brother was the best, he knew that it would be easier for me to know he couldn't see my face. The hardest part was the first thing I had to do before telling him what happened, getting his promise. It was a long time ago, I will not drag this into court and have everyone know. and judge me. If it was an issue of other victims or it happening again, I would put myself thru the humiliation. But, I knew without a doubt, it was isolated to me. I can see the remorse in his eyes when he looks at me; however, I still see the lust. He interested has not changed, it's a shame. It would be so much easier for me, if that lust was gone from his eyes. I sighed, it was time.
"Ian, I have finally put this behind me. The nightmares will not happen again. There is no need to worry about that anymore. Why it took this long for me to face it, I don't know. But, I do know it has ended this day. So, with that said I will tell you everything you want to know with as much detail as I can handle; however, I must get a promise from you first."
"Of course, I will promise anything, Jol you know that! He squeezed me reassuring me he meant it.
"You must promise not to tell anyone; especially, the family. You can not confront any that was involved, and you will have to except my decision to keep it a secret. I will not bring charges ever."
That got me a jerk forcing me around to look at him. He looked me straight in the eyes pleading with me,
"Jolie, that is crazy! It's not right. Don't make me promise that. Please Jolie, I will promise not to say anything; but, I know enough to know there should be consequences for whoever it is. And it seems there even might be another person involved? You said anyone involved! This is a serious crime, no matter who they are! It's been ten years for christs sake. You never dated like a normal teenager, you don't even let guys have a chance. Please, I will promise anything but that!"
Of course, I knew this would be his reaction, I looked him in the eye showing him a was not bending with my decision. I started to get up to leave. I grabbed onto me holding me tighter. He looked at me then suddenly started hugging me.
"Don't Jolie! Look, I'm sorry. You are just asking too much...Fine, I promise. But I want it noted, I strongly disagree with this!"
"OK Bro, I will take note of that", I laughed at him which only caused him to slam me back against him, squeezing me letting me know he was unhappy. The tension I felt in his body was intense. But, I guess who wouldn't be at this point. I cleared my throat, erased all emotion so it would feel as I talking about someone other than myself, and began.
"You might not remember exactly when it was, but it was the summer that the Logan's had taken Beth overseas for medical treatment. Brendan moved back into their house to watch over Brittany and little Becks. I was fourteen, not quite ten years ago. Britt was in love with Asher. Of course, everyone knows that. She followed him around everywhere dragging me along with her."
He chuckled. We remember how Asher was horrified when she would do that, it totally creeped him out. I paused until he stopped,
"To this day I will never understand what she saw in someone fourteen years older than us. I mean he was twenty eight, almost thirty! Anyways, Asher had been hanging with Brendan at the Logan's so, she dragged me over to hang with them. We were just goofing around for a bit, then Asher got his booty call from Tarrah, his current slut of the month. So, Asher leaves to go hook up of course, causing Britt to flip out. I tried to make her feel better. I mean we knew she would be history within a month. Asher never stuck to one girl more than that back then." We both snickered at that.
"But, Britt was the dramatic thing, still is for that matter. She took off running down the trails behind the house. I chased her, but she only screamed at me. I was going to be dark soon so, I went back to the house. I would worry about her until I knew she was back home. So, Brendan and I talked for a few minutes, then I went upstairs to her room. I laid on her bed listening to music and fell asleep after a few minutes."
I paused and told him I was going to get a drink and take a ten minute break. He just said ok and stayed on the couch. I went and got a drink then walking out on the deck. The mountain view was so beautiful at his house. It always gave me a peaceful feeling. My mind went back to when I was a little girl, way before what happened. The Logan's were like family. Becks was younger and Beth was sick so though we were like family only Asher and I were close friends with the kids. Asher and Brendan were the same age, as Britt and I were. Brendan and Britt were at our house all the time. They were little my brother and sister. Heck, Britt and I fought just like sisters. Brendan probably helped change my diapers when I was a baby. He picked on me just as all my brothers did, teasing, tickling, and what not. I was always the closest to Ian, because we were like twins. We were only thirteen months apart in age. So, if I got hurt and was upset it would be Brendan that I ran to first. He would dry my tears and make the world all better for me. He always made me feel safe and protected. He was just another brother to me. When I got a little older, he got more overprotected of me. Just as all my brothers did, well besides Asher he only cared about himself. Brendan would get so mad at Asher because he didn't act like a good big brother. So, over the years Brendan was the one I went to for comfort and advise. Him being fourteen years older he was like a cool young adult that wasn't a parent you hated. Every night for as long as I can remember he would lay with me at night until I fell asleep. Not until he went to college did he stop. Then when he was home and still did it. Ian called my name pulling me out of my thoughts. So, I headed back to finish. I began again,
"so, I had fell asleep waiting for Britt to come home. When I woke up, Brendan was there. He knew I was worried about Britt being out on the trails at night. So, he just laid there with me talking to keep my mind out my worries. Somehow the conversation got to me having any boyfriends, you know he was always worrying about boys around me. We talked about how I wanted my first kiss, and he was telling me not to rush. He started sounding upset and sad, so I turned to look at him to see what was bothering him. I tried to look in his eyes but his hair, of course was in the way, so I lifted my hand up to brush it out of the way. His eyes widened like I had surprised him for some reason."
Ian jumps up interrupting me causing me to fall off the couch. I hit the floor and looked up at him, he was pacing with his hands in his hair. I realized then that he had not made the connection that it was Brendan until now. I didn't blame him, I didn't understand myself. Deep down I knew it was wrong but I had always trusted him. He was like my favorite brother other than Ian. I saw Ian's eyes hurt and furious and the same time,
"Seriously? What the f*ck! Brendan? You are telling me it was Brendan? All this time it has been Brendan? This is insane! Hell shit fire! I'm going to kill him!"
I get off the floor and run over to him, I put my hands on the sides of his face forcing him to make eye contact with me. I bore my eyes into his,
"Ian Petters, you promised me! I am holding you to it! What good will it do to kill or beat the hell out of him? Will it change what happened to me? No, just get you put in jail! You are the only brother I turn too and you know that. Confronting him will only hurt me more! Is that fair to me after all that's happened? Don't you see, if you do anything the family will find out and whole town will. He is like my own brother, Ian. What he did feels no different than if one of blood brothers did it! Mom and Dad will blame me and be furious that I never told until now. I will not let this keep tormenting my life. Think, what will the town think? All they will see is Brendan has loved me from birth. Protecting and caring for me always. They will assume it was consensual. That I have gotten mad at him and making this up to screw up his life. They won't believe it happened back then. No, they will just think that we had recently become involved. I beg you don't put me through that, the humiliation and embarrassment to me and to the whole family!"
We were both crying at this point, I could see he was grasping what I was saying. I didn't want him to feel worse but I needed him to understand the consequences. I reached up and wiped away his tears. He crashes me into him hugging me with all his strength. I can't breath but I endure it, I know how he is feeling right now. Luckily, he loosens his hold before I passed out from lack of air. He is crying so hard he is shaking, I try to comfort him which only upsets him more. He thinks he should be comforting me. I just hold him tight until he can calm down. After a while he finally pulls back and looks me in the eyes. With a shakily voice but you can hear the determination,
"I can't promise that he will not figure out I know, Jolie. I hate him and want him dead! I will not pretend to I still love him as a brother and that everything is normal. But, I will not confront him with the these conditions, you are never to leave my side when he is around. You are never to be in his presents without me, you will never ever let him even touch you. I don't care if it will look strange that he is not hugging you and talking to you about miss seeing you and shit. From this day forward you will not let his finger even brush against you, is that clear? Understand? I am dead serious Jolie! You promise me that and I will keep my promise!"
"OK OK, you have my promise. I do not have a problem at all with that."
"Good! One more thing, I want to know if anything happened after this one night. I will not ask how many, I just want to know if it's been more than once!"
I close my eyes and simply nod my head, it was the least I could do. I understand completely what it will cost him to allow him to remain a family friend. There is no chance of him not being at a family function. He is always there. I reached up and kissed his cheek. I could tell he was holding back tears again. So, I walked out telling him I was be back in a few minutes. We both needed to get under control again.
Back on the couch after a nice long break, it was getting late but I think we both just wanted to finish so it would be finally over.
"Ian, I really don't know how to start this, I mean at this point you know that I was raped molested whatever you want to call it. You have learned the who, so are you even sure you want to hear it? And in detail? I mean at this point you don't have to have everything stuck in your head for the rest of your life."
"Jolie, this is something extremely hard for you. You don't have to tell me anything. I have learned today that the truth can hurt and can damage what you think of a person forever. I can understand why you don't trust anyone but me now. I will respect your privacy, I don't even want you to tell me if it's been more than one time unless that is your wish. It is your choice to tell me now, tell me later, or ever tell me. Nothing between us will change no matter you decide. I still what your promises about him and I will still keep my promise. Now with that all being said, to answer your question if I am sure I want to know in detail; I am as sure as I know I can not live without oxygen. Honestly, I need to here it. Jolie, we had nine other siblings; yet, I have never felt like that. It has always just been us. Like they are family but not close. I guess the best way to explain it is what Farah told me one time. With her and Ginny, being twins she said they had this twin bond. That if one hurt they both hurt. Farah had said that Ginny was her other half. We may not be twins, but I feel just as she described. Since as far as I can remember you have always been my other half. I don't remember life before you. I was barely a year old.Not knowing what happened to you for those ten years was hell. It is as part of me is missing. I lost it, and can't seem to get it back. Today, you have made that missing part a little less empty. So, if it is your decision to let that be it, I will be content with that if necessary."
After Ian said that to me, I felt tears in my eyes again. But they were of happy tears, because for the first time in almost ten years I did not feel alone anymore. I was back with him like I should be, he was my twin no matter when we were born.
"I have always wondered how I could describe our connection. I just never found the right words. That was th perfect description, I will be my best."
I paused for a few minutes trying to process what I wanted to say, for him to understand not only what happened but how I felt at the time.
"There is so much I can see looking back at it now, as an adult. I see where he confused me and used my trust for his benefit, because that was it, the trust it was my downfall. I can even see where Brendan did try to not do it, but he just lost the battle. But, I know he was an adult, he knew it was wrong....
Going back to my brushing his hair back . I had probably done that a thousand times before. It was no different for me. But, its apparent Branden desired me for years. When I don't know, and I don't ever want to know. However, he loved me not as a sister for a very long time. When I had touched him, he was not prepared. My concerns were that he was worried about Britt, I was clueless that at that moment there was an intense battle within him. He had grabbed my hand to stop me, but he could not let me go. He confused me, he abruptly asked if I wanted him to be my first kiss. My first thought was gross. But then I started thinking about how it would not be awkward with him. I trusted him and knew he wouldn't laugh at me. He would tell me if I was awful and it wouldn't hurt my feelings. So, I told him yes and he kissed me. It was more than a peck but at the same time was nothing. We were still on the bed of course but when had distance between us."
I stopped because I could feel heat coming off Ian's body. He was sitting like a spring about to explode from being pushed down to hard.
"I can feel your intention brother, you are sure you want this?"
"YES!"
I just nodded and went back to what I was saying,
Britt walked in, and I still don't understand why she got the impression something was going on between us because he laid with me all the time. It was quite normal to see us like that on a bed. But she just was vivid, talking about how she wanted Asher and I am getting with Brendan to show her I can get better guys than her. I was crazy. Brendan and her argued he was furious with her, I was just completely confused. Next thing I know he dragged me out of her room leaving her in there still screaming. He took us to his room. He put some music on, I played on his laptop for a second. We just hung out like normal. But, I started thinking about the kiss. It dawned on me that he could teach me. I mean that one kiss was no more than what I would normally get from him. I mean he mostly would kiss me on the cheek but there were times he had done it on my lips. So, I teased him saying that he was a boring kisser. He had said he didn't want to scare me. That a real kiss is long and usually comes with tongue. So, I asked him to show me how to really kiss. He actually asked me if I was sure about it. My plan was to kiss James Coleman, he was my current crush at the time. So, he had stood up avoiding the bed. That's why I say I can see he was trying to not take advantage but failing at the same time. So, I guess you would say we had a make out session. I won't lie to you, Ian. I liked it. At first it sorta grossed me out. But then it seemed my body wanted to do it. So, I did the stupidest thing I could have ever did. I wanted to learn all there was to know how I guy can go all the way. I think Brendan had actually lost color to his face. This was his point of no return, I think. I had told him I planned to make out with James, him being already seventeen I was sure he had probably had sex. I wanted to make sure I knew the signs so I could stop him in time. So, with me telling him that he seemed to get upset about James. I figured he was getting all big brother with me so I gave him my puppy dog look. I know, I was extremely stupid. We ended up on the bed. He was actually surprised too, like he didn't even realize we had gotten there. He got very upset and told me this is why I needed to stay away from James. That I would be pregnant without even knowing I lost my virginity. I argued back about it and he just started kissing me again. He then confessed that he was in love with me, and that he couldn't let me be with other guys. That it would kill him. I would try to get him to understand we were like sister and brother, he would just start to kiss me again. He said that if I needed feel the same way that I wouldn't enjoy his kisses. So, he asked me if he could prove to me that I loved him..."
I paused again trying to get the images out of my head. But they just kept coming. I took a deep breath,
"Ian, I can't go in detail with this part. I'm going to give the basics. I think, if you just remember that I was fourteen and I loved Brendan. Not the way he wanted, but I loved him, trusted him, and he was always the one to make things better for me.Like, I said I'm not going into step by step detail. But what happened from here was he kept telling me how my body responded to him. That I was young but that my body knew I loved him like a boyfriend. He would show me how my body was liking it and would get really upset when I would start to protest and not want to do something. He took my everything from me that night. Britt knew it, and she said that it's they way it was suppose to be. That I was to be with Brendan and she was to be with Asher. I was to wait until her and Asher got together, then we would tell everyone. I tried and tried to tell her I didn't think it was right. That I was way to young to be having sex. But she just made fun of me. She told me she would hate me and tell everyone I was a slut if I told anyone about it until she got with Asher. It was always about Asher for some reason. How she got my being forced into sex as her way of getting Asher was beyond me. But, my emotions were going everywhere, I was so confused but two people that I trusted with my life said I was meant to be with Brendan. I was just to scared to ask anyone else. What if Britt decided to tell everyone. I was already thought of as the weird one in the family. So, I just trusted them. I'm sure you can guess at this point that it was not just one time. It went on a long time. Even, when I was older and knew it was wrong. I just pretended it was nightmares it wasn't really happening. I had the nightmares so it was easy to pretend it wasn't actually happening. So, not until I left here did I escape. That was my only way of stopping it because I was too weak to do it any other way. I have been able to handle him since coming back. He now knows it was wrong, but he still trying to convince me that he loves me. He wishes I would forgive him and give him a try and a normal relationship. Of course, I tell him it will never happen. He has only cornered me one time else I came back from college. He was drunk, so I guess I just justified it. Britt as you know finally got her wish, and is married to Asher. So, basically we hate each other. We pretend to be friends around the family because she is part of the family. But, I said my peace to her. She said it was probably wrong what she did, but she was just so in love with Asher that she couldn't see it was hurting me. So, that's it, I have told you all. I know you will ask next why three weeks ago this all came back to haunt me. All I will say, is it did not involve Brendan at all. That is all I'm willing to give you at the moment. I'm sure I will at some point talk to you about it, but I can't handle that right now. But, I do promise you that I was not attacked by Brendan or any other person. I was not a victim. I just had a wake up call."
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That was a hard chapter to write!
I'm glad that is over with so Jolie can move on
Let me know what you think
SK