L o u i s a
"The story starts lying in the dark broken and bruised." - Dreaming Alone, Against the Current ft. Taka
How do I tell
Whether it is real
Or it's just another game
Of make belief?
*
It's just another day.
Wake up, get ready, go for breakfast in the kitchen. On most days, Basil will already be down, sometimes getting ready for work, sometimes getting ready to drag me out with him for another adventure.
And I appreciate the distractions of being out of the house but I can't help but wonder if what Sam had told me that evening had any truth to it at all.
We will never truly know if anyone's intentions are pure. Whether they're just a good liar or whether they actually lived through the tales they tell.
All we can do is trust that what they say and do are genuine.
"Are you all set to go?" Basil asks as I walk into the kitchen just past noon.
I'm shocked Basil stayed in the kitchen all morning waiting for me, considering I slept in today. I couldn't seem to fall asleep last night. I tossed and turned and stayed up thinking about everything, until sunrise.
My hand automatically reaches into my sling bag, fumbling for my phone and wallet to ensure I didn't forget them, letting out a small sigh of relief when I found them.
He opens the door and gestures for me to go out. I exit the house, with Basil following from behind me, closing the door as he leaves.
"So, where are we headed to today?" I ask, walking down the now familiar road towards the shops. "Also, you remembered to bring the keys, right? Cause I think I left them on my bedside table."
He chuckles. "I was actually thinking of taking a road trip and showing you around the next town over but you woke up late so there's no time for that now."
"I'm sorry," I reply, my cheeks flushed in embarrassment. "I didn't mean to."
He smirks, ruffling my hair playfully. "I was kidding. There's nothing to be sorry for. Everyone sleeps in now and then," he says. "And yes, I brought my keys."
"Good."
"So now we'll go for lunch at this coffee shop I really like and find a way to kill some time before heading to the fun fair at the fair grounds tonight. Maybe I'll take you to the arcade. We'll see."
"Wait. There's a fun fair?"
He nods. "Yup. It's only here for the weekends."
"Cool."
I steal a glance at Basil as we walk. He has his head down, fixated on the ground, as he walks, heavier than usual, almost like something is weighing him down. His skin is darker now, tanner, from when I first met him. It's probably due to all the time he spent under the sun from his internship. The usual glint in his eyes is gone and is replaced with a very guarded look.
I wonder what happened. But I don't dare to ask. I don't want to intrude.
I wouldn't like it if people asked me how I was doing all the time. And I'm glad they never do. But, I guess, that comes with years of practice, years of constantly pushing people away, years of keeping up with this facade that everything in my life is picture perfect.
And it's far from perfect but I've kept up with this mask for so long that I don't even know anything anymore. What's real? What's not? I don't even know what makes me happy anymore.
I don't know what to do. All I've been doing is going around and around in circles over and over again. Just going through everything I need to. I guess my life has just been an empty shell and I don't know how to fill it up.
"I didn't make a reservation. I hope we have a place," Basil comments, snapping me out of my thoughts.
"Oh, yeah," I reply halfheartedly.
Basil opens the door, going in and holding the door open for me. The aromatic smell of roasting coffee hits me the moment I step into the shop, making me crave the delicious beverage.
"Table for two please," Basil tells the waitress, holding up two fingers.
"Right this way, Sir," she says, grabbing two menus from the counter.
We follow her right to the back, away from the hustle and bustle of the rest of the shop, and she points out our table for us. We take a seat and she places the menus in front of us.
"My name is Emma and I will be your waitress for today. What would you like to drink?"
"I'll have an iced coffee," Basil says.
"Make that two," I add.
"Certainly. Shall I come back for your orders?"
"Yes, please," Basil answers. "Thank you, Emma."
She smiles and walks away, leaving the two of us be.
"What would you like to eat?"
I shrug. "I'm not sure," I reply, flipping through the menu. "The club sandwich seems quite good."
"Ah, but the best dish in this shop is their steak."
"I'll have that then. I guess."
"Yeah, sure. I'll order for you." He pauses, contemplating something. "So, uhh, there's something I probably should tell you," he says hesitantly.
"What is it?" I ask, anxiety starting to bubble up in me.
Why does he seem so nervous about it?
My heart starts racing and I can feel my hands shake slightly. It can't be anything that bad, right? I mean, what would there be? Basil can't possibly be in love with me — we've only just met — and I'm pretty certain he hasn't murdered anyone.
"Well, you see, I—"
"Are you ready to place your orders?"
Talk about timing.
"Yes, thank you, Emma. We'd like two house steaks," Basil replies.
Our waitress scribbles our order onto a pad and reaches for the menus, a smile on her face. "Is that all?"
He nods.
She flashes another smile before walking away. I wonder if it's tiring to keep plastering that huge smile on her face all day when half the people she waits couldn't even bother to be polite to her.
But then again, I guess I do know how it feels. Just not under those conditions.
She gets to go home work everyday and spend time with the people she loves, enjoying life as it is. Will I ever have that?
"So, what was it you were saying?" I ask Basil, prompting him to continue.
"Promise you won't hate anyone if I tell you this," he replies, staring me dead in the eye, his face hardened. "Your parents mustn't know about this. Ever."
"O-O-Okay, I guess," I stammer.
Basil is scaring me. What is so bad about what he's about to say that my parents must not know? On another note, how does he even know my parents?
He takes a deep breath of air. "Troy is my biological father."
What.
"Wait what?" I gasp. "What do you mean? Why have I never seen you before?"
He sighs. "When my parents split up, my mum managed to get the custody rights. So that's why I have been living with my mother. And she forbid me from visiting my dad because of his abusive nature."
"Why didn't you tell me about this when we met?"
He shrugs. "I didn't want to upset you."
"Wait. So did you know who I was when we met back home?"
He nods. "Yeah. I was there to visit my dad. I hadn't seen him for at least ten years. But then, I found out from your mother that he was away and I couldn't really stick around after that because of the internship."
"Then how did you know to stay with Aunt Annabelle?"
"I was chatting with your mother and I mentioned coming here for the internship. She suggested that I stayed at Annabelle's and also that you were coming here for the summer so I would have company."
There are so many thoughts racing through my mind that I don't even know where to start. I don't even know how I feel about this whole situation.
I mean, I guess it doesn't really matter, considering Troy isn't what I would call 'family' but finding out that Basil is his son? I am not quite sure if I feel shocked or betrayed.
"I'm so sorry, Lou. I know I should've told you earlier but I didn't quite know how to tell you."
I shake my head. "It's okay, Basil. I understand. It's fine. Besides, we've only just met. I have nothing to be mad about."
At least he's honest.
There are so many things Basil doesn't know about me. Things that I dare not tell. If Basil knew the truth about me, about what happened in the past, I don't know if he will even look my way.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. There's nothing to be mad about," I repeat softly.
I suck in a deep breath of air and close my eyes, trying to calm myself down, to stop all thinking and feeling everything before it becomes too overwhelming for me to handle.
"Thank you, Lou. But please, don't tell your parents. Your mother specifically forbade me from telling you."
Of course. It's always my mother. I don't even understand what she's trying to do most of the time. She says she loves me and cares about me and yet she treats me like I'm just a maid in the house, like I'm just an outsider. Like I'm not her daughter.
I'm always left in the dark about everything.
When did Mum change from being my best friend to an soulless monster.
Dad, if only you were here. Things would be so different. Maybe I would actually be happy.
"It doesn't change anything, Basil. You are still you."
He gives me a small smile. "I hope so."
"It is," I say firmly. "I didn't become friends with you because of your family. I became friends with you because of your character."
"Yeah, about that," he starts sheepishly, his cheeks tinted red. "That's something I want to work on."
I furrow my eyebrows, confused. "What do you mean?"
"You'll see," he replies, smirking.
The food — and beverages — arrives. Just in time, in my opinion, before our dwindling conversation turned into an awkward silence.
I pick up my fork and knife and start cutting the steak into smaller pieces before bringing it to my mouth.
"Good isn't it?"
I chuckle. "Yeah, it is."
The juicy beef and the black pepper sauce complement each other so well and my mouth is bursting with so much flavour.
We eat in silence, both of us savouring our meals and not seeing the need to make small talk.
I'm still thinking about what Basil said. On one hand, it doesn't really concern me who Troy's biological children are. He has never taken care of me and, in my opinion, he's just a burden in the house. I have no idea what my mother sees in that man.
But on another hand, he is directly related to Troy, the very person who has been abusing my mother and I, both verbally and physically, for the past three years. Do I really want anything to do with him?
I guess, at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter, does it? At the end of the day, we are all just going to die and be forgotten by everyone. One day, we're not going to matter anymore and we'll all just be buried six feet under.
It's inevitable.
Life's just a messed up place. And I wish I could be one of those people who can live their lives to the fullest and genuinely enjoy life but I can't. There are too many things to think about, too many things weighing me down, that I don't know how to be free of.
But what does it matter who Basil is? He's just here for the summer and, if I am going to be realistic, we'll never talk again after. Why would we? We won't be in the same place anymore and yes, we could always communicate via the Internet but who does that?
People drift apart all the time. Just like Basil and I will.
Who am I to him that he will bother to keep in touch with me?
We're just two passersby.
It doesn't matter who his father is.
It doesn't matter.
None of it does.
"Shall we go?" Basil asks when I've taken my last bite.
He has long since finished his food.
I wipe my mouth on the napkin. "Sure."
He stands up and I follow suit, walking out of the small shop.
"Where to next?" I ask.
He shrugs. "We'll see. We've still got so much time to kill before the fun fair tonight. It only starts at 5."
I nod. I nearly forgot we were going to the fun fair.
So we start walking down the boardwalk, Basil leading the way, as if he knows where he's going. he probably does. I wonder what he has in mind.
I can feel myself getting closer to the boy and, for once, I actually enjoy his company. I need to keep my distance before it gets too late. I can't say another goodbye, not again. Not this time.
It doesn't matter who he is, Lou. He won't matter to you in a while. You'll just have to last through the summer. Just a few weeks. You've survived bullies and toxic friends for years. It's just a few more weeks.
He matters, Lou. You know he does.
He matters.
But he shouldn't.
But he does.
[A/N: I honestly don't think this is one of my better chapters. I'm so sorry guys. I also would like to say that there is no incest going on whatsoever. Lou is just very aware when people make physical contact of any sort with her (referring to the previous Lou chapter). And besides, even if they did get together, they aren't blood related, not that I'm hinting anything haha. I think it should be pretty obvious anyway who Lou is going to get together with. I hope you like it. c: Please vote and comment if you liked it. Love you.]