About a few days later, I caught a fever. Or cold, whichever one it was. I couldn't tell. It was too hard to breathe. It was too hard to move.
For a couple seconds, Ciel placed the back of her hand on my forehead before pulling back. "Yikes", she said, "How is it that you've managed to get something like this ?" I shook my head slowly. "I don't know", I replied softly. "I wonder if it was something that I did.." Ciel sighed, slightly shaking her head. "But something like this..." The door to my room opened up to reveal Mizuki standing there with a worried look on his face. "You're okay right ?", he asked slowly, "..Right Yon ?" Even if I was in pain, I gathered up the energy to sit up. Ciel helped me move back so that I was leaning against the wall. I gave him a reassuring smile. "Of course", I replied optimistically, "It's not like I'll...die or anything.." I stopped talking and just smiled at him. I heard Ciel sigh beside me. "Don't push yourself, will you ?", she said. I coughed a little and looked up at them. "Hush", I mumbled, waving a hand, "I.. this won't kill me. You can't kill me off that easily." A sympathetic smile appeared on Ciel's face. I watched her turn to Mizuki. "Alright Mizuzu", she was saying, "Time to go. We'll be late." "But what about Yon ?", he asked her. "We're just going to leave her alone ?" Ciel placed a hand on her neck, trying to think of a response. "It can't be helped though", she mumbled. "I'll come back during lunch and check up on her so you don't have to worry." "Oh alright..", he muttered. I chuckled. "For a ten year old, you sure do worry a lot", I said. He sighed, shaking his head. "That's because if you died, I wouldn't forgive you", he replied. Ciel laughed. "Alright, alright", she said, walking over to me. "We got it, now hurry up. We'll be late." Mizuki nodded. "Bye Yon !", he shouted, heading downstairs. Ciel planted a small kiss on my forehead. "I'll see you later", she said with a worried smile, "Take care of yourself okay ?" I nodded my head slowly, slipping back into my bed. "Understood."
From downstairs, I could hear the front door lock. I was now alone. I took a deep breath and sighed. I couldn't think straight, much or less, even breathe properly. I wish I wasn't alone.
Yawning, I slowly pulled the bedsheets over me and made myself comfortable. It didn't take long for the drowsiness hit me.
I closed my eyes and before I knew it, I fell asleep.
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"You were the one who killed her."
A rage. The feeling of despair. Anger. Hate. Sadness. I drowned in all of them. Loneliness.
"You were the one who killed Mother."
The one who's jealously drove her thoughts to kill. His mother, and her murderer. I'll kill you one day. I'll let you feel the pain and suffering that I felt.
"You're incorrect. Why would I kill her ? My own sister-in-law ? Child, you're delusional."
When no one believed me, I thought it was all over. But something just continued to push me forward. A voice. 'Don't give in to those who are controlling you', it said. 'Keep going.'
I forced my way out of the clan with Oka and Ciel. Because of our choice, we threw everything out of order. Even after what I had done to go against the clan, Grandfather still wanted me as the Heir. Not Sotaru. I find out that the months following after, that I'm being hunted down by two people. Grandfather, and her. One wants me alive, and the other wants me dead.
At a time, I even trusted Sotaru. But it was that 'trust' that nearly killed me. I was careless to believe in the child of my Mothers murderer. But it hurt. 'Trust' meant nothing to me back then.
"You're the one who stole my position as Heir ! You're also the one who's caused Mother to suffer ! Unneeded people like you don't have a place in this world, so why don't we just kill you off ?"
What a [cruel] unfair world.
Even if it was him, I wouldn't hesitate kill him as well. We no longer saw each other as the innocent people we once were. If push comes to shove, then I'll kill you as well.
This hatred that you hold for me. It's nothing compared to the pain that exists in my heart.
I'll make you understand Sotaru. I'll make you understand this pain.
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When I opened my eyes, I was still feeling sluggish. Very. I didn't like the feeling at all. I groaned, slightly pushing myself up to sit. I searched my room for my pendant. Struggling to get up, I walked over to my desk and took a seat on my chair. I opened the pendant and took one of the sweets. The bitterness made me sick. It left a distasteful taste in my mouth once the sweet dissolved completely. I took a deep breath and rested my head on the desk. I was using my arms as makeshift pillows.
This is irritating. I closed my eyes and sighed. What to do.. what to do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Shiori, come here please", I heard her soothing voice call out. Like the child I was, I went over to her, smiling. "Yes Mom ?", I asked, "What is it ?" She, who had been sitting on the bench, gently smiled at me and moved my hair back. We were alone, lingering about in the garden area. We were surrounded by the flowers that she had raised on her own. In her hands a white rose.
While I was sitting on her lap, she gently rested her chin on the top of my head. And around me, her arms. "Shiori ?", she said slowly, "What do you think this flower means ?" She lifted the white rose and held it up in front of the both of us. I curiously looked at the beautiful flower. "Oh I don't know Mom... What does it mean ? Its so pretty !" She chuckled and shifted around. She placed the flower in my hands and covered my hands with her own. They were warm and comforting. "This flower, my dear Shiori, means innocence", she replied. The word 'innocence' echoed in my head. I twirled the flower around slowly to see its perfectly shaped petals. At the time, it meant nothing to me. That word.
I didn't understand what she was doing. But it's to late now. I can't go back.
I could feel her arms slightly tighten around me. "What's wrong Mom ?", I asked. "Are you okay ? Do you need water ? Medicine ?" She shook her head and kept a strong face.
"Shiori...", she said, her voice full of reluctance. "...Someday when mom isn't around anymore, what will you do ?"
I should have realized by the way she had spoken. I should have looked past those words.
"What're you talking about mom ?", I said, resting my head on her shoulder, "Won't we be together forever ? When you get better, we can have more fun together like before !"
Like the naive child I was, that was all I wished for. A place where we could both live happily. To the time before she got sick. To the time when we weren't trapped.
She tightened her grip around me and pulled me in for a hug. "That's right", she replied optimistically, "We'll be together forever ! I'll get better. And when that happens, I'll be able to see you grow up ! We'll be able to do so many things ! Wouldn't that be nice ?" I nodded. She smiled, gazing at the flower in our hands. It was always genuine. Free of secrets.
["Someday, I'd like to see you grow up Shiori."]
In the end, that "someday" never came. I was never able to see that smile again.
The night she was taken away from me, I heard a voice. It was gentle and soothing. Soft.
"Live Shiori..", it said, "Live."
No matter much I cried, I knew that she wouldn't come back. No matter how much I tried looking for her, I knew that I couldn't find her. I was no longer holding her hand. She was no longer there.
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The White Rose. Do you know what it means ?