Gif of Olivia.
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I wanted to say a couple of things before you start reading.
First of all; the story has now reached 3K reads! I see it growing for each day and I can't explain how happy I am! It took me 3 months to get 1K and now it has only taken me like 3 weeks to go from 2K to 3K! Thank you so much for reading it. It really means a lot.
Second of all; WARNING! This chapter contains a lot of depressing things and if you're going through a rough time or have in the past, you might want to skip reading this part. It's not necessarily important for the story itself, so if you don't feel comfortable enough to read about suicidal thoughts/self harming/hospitals/mental illnesses in general, just don't read this chapter. And if you don't want to read it, but is curious on what happens, message me and I'll tell you what happens (less details of course). My inbox is always open and I'll always listen to you if you're going through something tough. Remember that.
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Question for this chapter: Favourite song at the moment?
Author's answer: "Howl at the moon" - We The Kings
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Previously in chapter 31:
"Let me see your wrists."
"What? No." I frowned, feeling insecure.
"That wasn't a fucking question. Show me." He demanded.
"Niall, you're freaking me out." I mumbled.
He threw my shirt on the floor and walked towards me. I crawled backwards on his bed, eventually hitting the headboard with my back. The look on his face scared me to be honest. My heart was pounding extremely hard by now. He crawled up on the bed too and pressed his knees on each side of my right thigh, trapping me between his legs. Then he grabbed my arm and roughly pushed up my sleeve.
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I felt the tears burning under my eyelids as he just stared down at my scars. He slowly traced his fingers against them and gently leaned his forehead against my chin. My bottom lip started shaking. I was so afraid of what he might do. I've always been afraid of what someone would do if they found out. Would they lecture me that it's wrong to harm yourself? Would they tell me to get help? Would they get angry? Would they understand?
"Don't do this to yourself." He whispered and gently placed small kisses along my wrist.
I was slightly crying by now, but I didn't dare to cry out loud.
Don't cry in front of him
"Please stop."
"I can't." I said, barely making any sound.
He looked up at me and this is by far the most vulnerable I've ever seen him. He looked so... hurt.
"You have to, because I can't stand to see you hurting yourself like this. You need to stop, or else..."
He looked away.
"Or else what?" I mumbled.
"Or else I'll start too."
"No you wouldn't."
"I've done it before, so don't you dare tell me I wouldn't do it."
My heart broke. I forced my arm out from his gentle grip and ran my fingers through his wet hair to distract him.
"Why do you do it?" He mumbled and carefully laid his weight upon me.
It only took a couple of second for me to feel like shit. Just a minute ago everything was cool and quiet between us. And now he's seen my scars and I couldn't even tell him why they exist. I was too close to crying out loud and that's the last thing I want to put him through right now. He hates it when I'm crying, so I turned my head towards the window and tried to blink the tears away.
"Olivia, look at me." He said and gently turned my head back towards him.
"I wanna die." I mumbled and the first couple of tears left my eyes, from after been burning under my eyelids for a few moments.
He flipped us over so he could hold me instead of me holding him.
In just a few seconds I was crying hysterically in his arms. I was crying so much that my entire body was shaking and it was impossible for me to breathe normally. He rubbed my back, pressing me upon his chest and told me to calm down.
"Everything's gonna be okay." He told me. "You just need to go see a doctor and they'll help you."
"I don't wanna go to the hospital." I sobbed. "I can fix this myself."
"No, you can't. I thought I could get through it myself too, but it was so bad I needed fucking pills to survive."
"I'm just so scared. You're the first person who's noticed them." I hiccupped.
He kissed my head. "And I'll be the last one because you're going to stop."
"It's not that easy." I said, raising my hand to wipe away my tears even though they wouldn't stop running.
"I know." He mumbled. "I used to self harm as well. But things will get easier if you ask someone for help."
I pushed his arms away and quickly crawled up from his bed.
"No! I won't be that girl who has to ask someone for help to be happy. I can take care of myself."
"Olivia." He sighed, reaching for my hand to pull me back into his arms.
"It's just a lot going on in school right now. I'm probably just stressed. Wanna watch a film? I'll go put one on."
I quickly crawled over his bed and rushed to the living room. My chest was aching and my cheeks were feeling numb from all the crying. I still had trouble breathing and I fumbled with the movie case while trying to open it.
"You have to calm down before we can watch a film." Niall said behind me.
I flinched by his voice because I didn't hear him following me into the living room. He tried taking the case from me, but I pulled away quickly.
"No, I'm fine." I said with a forced laugh.
"Babe, give me the movie and sit down on the couch before you explode." He calmly said, gently gripping onto my elbow.
"No!" I yelled.
He wrapped one of his arms around my waist and snatched the film case out of my hands.
"Listen to me." He said, forcing me to look at him. "You need to see a doctor about this. You're a fucking mess right now. This isn't normal. You need help, whether you like it or not. I'm not just gonna sit here and watch you destroy yourself!"
"Why can't you let me do that? I hate myself and I want to die. No one would even notice if I was gone one day anyway!" I cried, ignoring how ugly I must be right now.
"How dare you even say that?" He asked, slightly raising his voice. "What about all of your friends? Do you think they would just move on with their lives? Fuck no! They would be miserable without you around, just like Franklin and Scarlett would be. They would miss having a sister to eat breakfast with. Your parents would have to bury their child, which is the hardest thing a parent will ever do! And what about me, Olivia? How do you think I would feel, knowing that you ended your life when you were the only reason I didn't end mine? I would forever feel guilty for not helping you survive this!"
I just took a deep breath and started crying all over again, worse than ever. My legs failed to hold me up any longer so he wrapped his arms around me. But I felt suffocated and started punching him so he would let me go.
"Please." He whispered. "Please stop."
"It hurts!" I screamed. Screamed out loud, screamed so much my body were hurting.
Eventually Niall couldn't take it any longer and literally pulled me down to the floor with him. He pressed me against his chest, tighter than ever before. I used all my powers to break free, but he wouldn't let me.
"Let me go!" I cried out.
My hysterical crying wouldn't stop and my entire body was shaking.
For a few minutes I was trapped inside his arms, screaming and squirming to get out of there. This is the worst breakdown I've ever had because I couldn't stop.
Then I heard the front door slamming shut and I panicked even more. I was desperate to get out of the house, away from Niall's strong arms.
"Mom!" Niall called out.
"No!" I yelled back, still crying hysterically.
I heard how something dropped to the floor and then I saw Maura rushing into the room.
"Oh my god, what's going on?" She yelled in panic.
"Call an ambulance or something! Now!" Niall yelled.
"Please, don't." I said in a lower voice and grabbed onto his shirt. "Please."
"You leave me no choice."
Niall's point of view
A hand was placed on my knee, waking me up. My eyes fluttered open as I lifted up my head. My neck was killing me from after I had been asleep with my head hanging down. Mom was sitting crouched down in front of me with a tired smile on her lips.
"Her parents are on the way."
I inhaled and rubbed my eyes. "What time is it?"
"Almost half past two. I didn't mean to wake you, but I don't think you should stay here all night. Let's go home." She said and placed her hand on my shoulder as she got up.
"No." I said, shoving her hand away. "You're crazy if you think I'd leave her here."
"Niall." Mom sighed. "She's safe here, trust me. Besides, she's sleeping right now. Having a mental breakdown like that can be very exhausting."
"Would you leave me here?"
"That's different."
"Why? Because I'm your son and Olivia is just another girl? Guess what mom? I love that girl more than anything, so if you think for a second that I wouldn't take a fucking bullet for her, you're wrong. I wouldn't leave her at this hospital even if there was a snowstorm outside."
"I get it, Niall. You're in love and want what's best for her. But she doesn't even know you're here right now. Let her sleep and come back in the morning."
"I'm staying and there's nothing you can do or say to change it." I said.
"You're only seventeen so I'm still in charge. I forbid you for staying the night here. You're sleeping in a waiting room for God's sake." She sighed.
"Punish me all you want later, but I'm staying. My girlfriend is lying in a hospital bed and I'm going to be here when she wakes up. I'm not going anywhere."
Mom was about to answer when I heard a familiar voice down the hall. It was Olivia's dad. Eventually her entire family stepped into the room, even Franklin and Scarlett decided to join us. I stood up from my seat and Olivia's mother walked up to me.
"Thank you so much for calling us." She said directly to my mom. "We had no idea she felt this way."
"Did you know?" Mr Crawford asked me.
"Not until a few hours ago. I figured it out and that's when she panicked so much we had to bring her here."
He just nodded, placing an arm around his wife.
"I was just trying to convince Niall that your daughter is completely safe here, so we can go home." Mom said.
"And I told her no way in hell I'm leaving this hospital until Olivia wakes up." I muttered, staring at my mother.
Olivia's mom gave me a weak smile and squeezed my shoulder.
"Your mom is right. You should go home and get some rest. You've done enough for tonight."
"Why can't anyone understand that I wanna stay here? I don't care if it's in the middle of the night or that she's asleep. It's my fault she's here in the first place."
They stared at me, and then Franklin spoke up.
"Let him stay. I don't see the problem with him being here, waiting for her to wake up."
Everyone looked at him instead of staring at me.
"It's obvious how much he cares about her. Can't you see how fucking worried he is? You just have to accept that they love each other too much to leave one another."
Franklin's words took me by surprise. I thought he hated the fact that Olivia and I were together. I thought he hated me and would destroy me as soon as he got the chance. But yet he's defending me, standing up towards his parents for me.
"My sister had a mental breakdown and all you care about is that her boyfriend is here? What the fuck is wrong with you people? We should all be here when she wakes up, to show her we love her and that we will support her. Depression isn't something to joke about so we need to take this shit seriously." He stared at his parents. "So don't you dare sweep this under the carpet. Olivia needs help and if you two don't give her that, I'll do it myself. With the help of Niall because obviously we're the only ones who actually cares about her."
"Franklin's right." Scarlett nodded. "Olivia's been through a lot so we shouldn't argue about something as stupid as this."
How the hell would you know your sister's been through a lot?
You don't care about anyone but yourself
I slumped down in my seat again, crossing my arms and leaning my head against the wall. Olivia's family settled down in the waiting room and mom took the seat next to me.
"If you're staying, I'm staying too."
"Why?" I asked, closing my eyes. "You barely even know her."
"She's been around the house awfully lot lately and I'm actually worried about her too, Niall. Everyone in this room are here for the same reason and that reason is that we care about that girl."
I snorted.
"So you're saying that you're here because you're worried about my girlfriend? Or are you just here to keep an eye on me so I don't fall back into an old pattern?"
"Would you blame me?" She asked, and I looked at her. "Whenever you see someone you love be in so much pain, it's easy you begin to share their pain. You'd rather see yourself be miserable than the person you love. Olivia is in a very bad place right now, but that doesn't mean you can pretend to be some kind of hero and take on her problems. That will only lead you to a bad place as well and I can't deal with that again."
"Would it be easier for you if I went back to being a cold-hearted jerk instead? Fall back into that old pattern?" I muttered.
She sighed. "That's not what I'm saying. I love the new you, but please, don't let yourself break again. She needs you to be strong now that she can't."
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