"Mrs. Halter, it was such a pleasure meeting you." I told the woman who was currently hugging me, before pulling away to look her in her eyes.
"The pleasure is all mine, darling." She smiled, as she held my hands. We had stayed at the restaurant for a couple of hours, with me spending most of the time there trying my hardest not to concentrate on the fact that I hadn't stopped bleeding.
I knew what it meant, I've read that it happened a lot in the first trimester of a pregnancy and that some women didn't even know they were pregnant and just thought they had a late period. I also also knew that there was nothing that could be done to stop it.
I wish I hadn't found out I was pregnant yet, It would have been much easier to be oblivious, than to know that I was losing Frederick's child and did not have the means to make it stop.
Because of the fact that we couldn't tell them that I was pregnant anymore, Frederick had decided to instead explain to them what was happening and the reason why.
What I found interesting was how understanding they were of everything. They knew Frederick had been wanting to have a child for sometime now and since it had never been possible with Karlie because of her career, they had known that somehow he was going to find another way. They were just waiting to find out what.
"I really hope everything works out for the best and we have a grandchild soon. The Mr. and I aren't getting any younger." She looked over at her son who stood next to her husband and smiled. Frederick shook his head.
"Mom, Michael has a child." He laughed and I found myself frowning.
"Michael as in your brother who is currently in Germany?" Frederick had mentioned him in passing but never went too in depth about him or his sister.
"He is living in Germany, taking care of our offices there." Frederick explained. I nodded my understanding as I looked back at his mom.
Mrs. Halter leaned slighty over me. "But I still need him to give us a grandchild since his sister swears that she'll never have a child."
I chuckled softly.
"His younger sister Ornella, she's a medical student currently volunteering in Africa for a few months. We are very proud of her, don't get me wrong, but she definitely has some growing up to do." Mr. Halter proudly answered as his face light up.
"Yeah, she's the good one, doing the good work." Frederick joked as his dad's hand rested on his shoulder.
"We have to go, kids." Mr. Halter said as a black SUV stopped in front of us, the driver coming out to open the doors.
"I'll call you tomorrow, mom." A quick hug for both his parents and then they were gone. Frederick and I watched the car drive away in the night until it was too far to see anymore before we got into his vehicle and left.
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"Are you alright?" Frederick asked as he stood fiercely in front of me, not really showing any emotion at all, or maybe just concern.
I smiled slightly as I stood awkwardly in front of him. The night had taken a toll on me and I just wanted to shower and crawl in bed to sleep it all off.
"Are you still...?" I nodded, already knowing what he meant.
"Yes."
"Should we go see a doctor? Maybe they can help."
I shook my head. No reason to go to the doctor when you basically already knew what would be said without a doubt. "That won't be necessary. If any concerns arise I'll call her. Apart from that, I should be fine."
I walked over to the side table by the entry way to drop my keys and my purse, then proceeded in taking off my shoes because my feet were killing me. In the corner of my eyes, I saw him move closer to me which made me unconsciously want to step back.
"Don't do it." I said.
"Don't do what?" He moved closer, I straightened after taking my second shoe off.
"Don't touch me."
"Why not?" He now stood so close that I suddenly felt small standing there in front of him.
"Because I'm fine, I don't need you to comfort me. I'm fine." Why was I feeling so defensive. I looked down to the floor because actually looking at him was out of the question.
"Then you won't mind my holding you for a second." His strong arms came around me as he pulled me in, his body enveloping me like a child with his favorite safety blanket.
I tried though, I tried to get away from his hold but how can you possibly fight off someone who isn't willing to lose, to let go. "Jesus, Frederick, I said I was fine." I mumbled because my face was pretty much lock on his chest.
"How about you let me do it for myself then," he responded. "Relax, Christ, you're like a ball of cement in my arms." I tried to relax my body. We stayed liked that for what felt like a century to me but really maybe a few minutes.
"Are we done now?" I muffled in his shirt. He let me go and some part of me felt bad that even after all that we've shared he and I, I still wasn't really comfortable with him. I felt even worse when I stepped away and noticed my body fully relaxing then.
"I'm kinda exhausted so I should probably head to bed." The awkward silence between us was making me uncomfortable and I wanted it to be over.
He stopped me by grabbing my arm when I walked passed him. "You know it's going to be okay, right? We'll try again next month and this time around, it'll work."
I shrugged nonchalantly, "I know." I answered as I pulled my arm slightly to let him know to let go. He did and I resumed walking, not looking behind me when I heard the door closing and saw Mrs. Winslet coming out of her room.
"Eva? What happened?" She asked as she noticed the expression on my face.
"Don't want to talk about it." I answered as I passed her and walked into my bedroom, shutting the door behind me and as promised, crawled into my bed and covered my whole body with the blanket. I could shower later.
I was in a foul mood and I knew that, I also knew that it would be best not to subject anyone to it, so maybe sleeping it off would do me good. I didn't even care that I was still wearing my dress, I just didn't want to get out of this bed. So instead, I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep. Too bad those freaking period cramps that I hated so much decided to make their appearance. Well if I didn't think I was losing that pregnancy then I definitely was now.
I didn't want to see it again, the blood, the proof of what I was losing. But after bleeding for a few hours, I wanted to wash it all away. So with a heavy heart, I sighed loudly and took a deep breath before getting off the bed and walking straight to my bathroom for a shower that I so desperately needed.
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I couldn't breathe as he kept his hand on my face to stop me from screaming for help. I tired and tried so hard to fight him off of me but he was stronger than me and every second that passed, I felt myself losing energy. "Did you think you could steal from me and get away with it? Everything has a price."
God, his breath smelled disgustingly of cheap liquor and cigarettes as he pressed his body tightly into mine. I was squirming, desperately trying to find a way to escape. "I don't know what you're talking about." I cried. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"My father, you stole my father and now it's time for revenge. I'm going to make you regret to have ever been born." He whispered in my ear savagely before I felt my underwear being torn off my body.
I woke up to Mrs. Winslet speaking softly to me as I felt her shake me lightly awake. "I made you some tea. It's very soothing." She smiled and sat next to me on the bed with the cup of tea in hand. I straightened myself on the bed before taking the cup from her hands and mumbled a thanks before placing on my lips.
I frowned as I noticed the fact that she was still staring at me as if she was expecting me to say something. "What?" I took another sip of the minty tea.
"I know." She answered.
"He told you? When?"
"He walked back in when you were in your room because you left your scarf in the car."
"Oh," I said, placing the tea next to the lamp before getting off the bed. "I need to go shower, I feel disgusting." I smiled a little too hard to be believable at all.
"I'm so sorry, Eva." Her eyes met mine and the sincerity I saw in them almost broke me. It was too early for this. I smiled.
"Nothing to be sorry about, Mrs. Winslet. It happens." I told her as I turned around to head into the bathroom.
"Don't worry, you'll try again next month and this time around, it'll work." She said after me.
"You sound just like Frederick." I yelled out, turning on the water and waited for it to warm up before I got under it.
"Because he's not wrong." She called back.
He was wrong, because the next month came and it failed.
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(Two Months Later)
I stepped out of the elevator and headed towards Ashley's desk with a paper bag in hand. I had stopped at one of my favorite Mexican restaurant to grab some food since I knew I was coming to see Frederick so we could go to the doctor's appointment we had scheduled.
"Hey, Ashley, is Frederick here?" I asked as I stopped in front of the assistant's desk.
She looked up from her computer's screen and smiled at me. "Hey, Eva. Yeah, he's waiting for you in there. He said to just walk in when you get here." She answered.
"Great. I got some food from that Mexican restaurant a few minutes from here." I lifted the bag to show her.
"I love that place. They have amazing food there."
"Hey, there's more than enough food here for three people, if you want to join us." I told her.
She shook her head. "No, it's okay. I'm meeting a friend for lunch once you guys leave. But you should go in there and enjoy." I nodded and then started moving towards his office and leaving her to her work.
I knocked once and then opened the door of the office to find Frederick standing behind his desk. I smiled at him as I walked in with the bag of food in hand. "Hey," I said and sat down in one of the chairs in front of his desk.
"Hey," he whispered and realized he was on the phone as I heard Karlie's voice coming out of the phone's speaker. "Karlie I have to go. Let's talk tonight about it, Ok?"
"Yeah, okay sure, but just think about it. Maybe it'll be best if we tried to have a baby together. Obviously it hasn't been working with her and I feel like I'm ready for that next step with us. I could take a few months hiatus from modeling once I get pregnant." I heard coming from her.
My heart skipped as I kept listening. Across the desk, I felt Frederick's eyes on me but I didn't look back. Instead I kept my face neutral as I listened carefully to every words spoken.
"I said we'll talk about it later." Frederick spoke again. And from the speakers I heard her giggle a little.
"I'm sorry babe, I'm just a little excited the more I think about it. But yeah, you're right, let's talk about it later. I love you."
"Bye," he hung up the phone, his eyes still on me. I smiled as I pretended that I hadn't just heard their conversation, taking the food out of the bag.
"Eva," he started but I shook my head.
"I got lunch from that restaurant you like so much."
"I'm sorry you had to hear this." I finally looked at him standing there with his glasses on. I pinched my nose and kept the smile on my face even though all I wanted to do right then was to cry my frustration out.
I hadn't expected this whole process to take as long as it was currently taking. We had our appointment for the third insemination since the second time had been a complete fail. To be honest, I was starting to doubt if it would actually work and was losing hope. So hearing what I had just heard wasn't really comforting.
"It's not my fault." I said with my voice breaking. I closed my eyes as I felt the tears burning, trying to make their way to the surface.
"I know." He answered as he came around the desk to where I was sitting and pulled me up for a hug. He was so much bigger than me. I rested my head on his chest.
"She was just thinking of other options, that's all in case it doesn't work out. I don't want to keep putting you through all of this. I know it's taking a toll on you mentally."
I pulled away. "Just let me know of any decision you make." I sat back in my chair and kept my eyes anywhere but on him. He stood there for awhile watching me before going back to his own chair. I handed him the food I had purchased for him and fell silent as we ate.
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