Chapter 16:
One week later
Over the passing week, Austin has still been getting feed through a tube, but he's starting to breath on his own. He's gain a pound, but the doctor said he can't go home until he reaches another pound and can feed on his own. He's looking much better, but he's still so little. No bleeding on the brain or any other serious problems...thank god. He's still in the incubator because they don't want him to catch any infections.
"Ali..." I heard Justin's voice I turned around carefully and smiled.
"Hey." I said in a tired voice.
"Did you get any sleep last night?" He asked going on the other side of the incubator.
"Just a little..." I said yawning. He laughed and put his hand in the incubator and rubbed Austin's hair.
"He's awake..." Justin said smiling as we watch Austin move around with his eyes opened.
"He's finally breathing on his own. But he's still getting feed from the tube. The doctor said it might take awhile for him to use his sucking reflex."
"You're gonna get it, aren't you Austin." He said in his baby talk. Austin turned his head toward Justin and started making noise.
"Yes that's your daddy, Austy." I said in a soft voice smiling.
"There's little, Austin...there he is." Jason said in his baby voice too. He had a bag in his hand as he walked in with Lin.
"He's so tiny! He's so cute!" Lin said smiling.
"Yeah, he's got your eyes." Jason said to Justin.
"That's right, he does. Aww...." Lin said excitedly. Justin laughed.
"Hello everyone, my name is Karen and I'm the little man's nurse."
"Hi." We all said at the same time.
"We have some good news. Your doctor said that Austin can move to an open crib today."
"Really? So I can hold him?" I asked smiling.
"Yep..." She said as other nurses came in to help her. She handed me my little baby carefully and I knew what to do...those classes came in handy I guess. He was moving around a little as they brung in the open crib.
"Hey little guy." I said as he held my pinky. Even that made his hand look small. Justin move next to me to see Austin closer.
"You can put him in there when ever you're ready." Karen said smiling.
"Ok..." I said nodding. "You're such a handsome boy. You're mommy's little handsome boy." I told Austin.
"The doctor said we can try to bottle feed him Wednesday at 2:00." Karen said.
"Really? You guys think he's ready?" Justin said as he rubbed Austin head.
"Yeah...it's a try." Karen shrugged. She walked out and I held Austin tighter.
"That's amazing." Lin said.
"Right...I hope he can do it." Jason said.
"Well of course he can." I said touching Austin's nose.
"What's in the bags?" Justin asked.
"Stuff we brought for the baby shower for next week until little man decided to come now." Jason said smiling. Justin waved them to let him see. Jason brought him the bags and Justin opened them.
"Look at this, Ali." Justin opened both bags. One had girl stuff, one had boy stuff.
"We had a bet going to see who would buy the right gender stuff. I won, Jason owes me 50 bucks." Lin said smiling.
"Umm...we never shook on that."
"Yes we did."
"Well I had my fingers cross." Jason said shrugging. Lin punched Jason in the arm.
"You better give me my money by tomorrow." Lin demanded.
"What are you gonna do? Are you gonna beat me up like Stewie did Brian?" Jason said laughing as he massaged his arm.
"Don't tempt me..." Lin said giving him a death stare making me and Justin laugh.
"You wanna hold him." I asked Justin as I looked at him and our son...they look just alike. Justin's eyebrows went up and he started to look nervous.
"I don't wanna...umm."
"You're not gonna drop him." I said shaking my head...he was such a new dad. "Didn't you hold London?"
"No...Lori wouldn't---" He trailed off.
"That should've gave you a sign she wasn't yours right there..." Jason mumbled. Lin hit him in the chest. Justin just laughed.
"Shut up." She said through her teeth like a mom.
"Maybe you should've had a baby, mom." Jason said in his catty attitude.
"Here..." I said moving Austin close to Justin. Justin hesitated, but took him from me and held him carefully. He stared at Austin and smiled.
"He's so little..." He said smiling. Austin started kicking around like he was excited to be with his dad. He made a fit and started pumping it in the air like he was at a rock concert. His eyes opened up wide and he stared at Justin.
"I don't think he likes the fact that you called him little." I joked.
"Well you are. But that's ok, cause when you get older, you still gon have all the honeys like ya dad." Justin said fixing Austin's hat.
"If you look like that...oh yeah." Jason added. Justin looked at Jason and laughed.
"He's sorry..." Lin said.
"No he's not...it's fine." Justin said laughing.
"See he's use to me." Jason said. "How come you aren't, you've known me since elementary."
"1st grade...when you were less catty." Lin said smiling.
"Yeah...but he's always been catty." I said.
"Well it's gonna take me awhile...you came out only two years ago." Lin said sighing.
"Yeah, but you gotta admit you've always known." I said. "No offense." I said to Jason who was giving me a look.
"What do you mean?" Jason said.
"You never had a girlfriend and you're a really handsome guy." I said.
"True...I was surprise though because I had a crush on you." Lin confessed.
"I remember that...yes you almost cried." I said.
"You almost cried...oh my god!" Jason started laughing.
"Yeah so what..." Lin said pushing him.
"I wasn't surprised at all." I said shrugging. Jason rolled his eyes and smiled.
"He's sleep...he's just so cute." Lin said whispering. Justin got up slowly and put him in the crib.
"That means you should get some sleep too." Justin said to me.
"Well I guess we'll see you guys later." Jason said walking out with Lin.
"Yeah...bye, guys." Lin grabbed Jason's bag. "Get your losing items. Maybe the next one." Lin bragged. Jason rolled his eyes and gave us a final goodbye.
"Your friends are crazy." Justin said slightly laughing.
"Yeah...but you gotta love them." I said pushing my hair back.
"Let me walk you to your room." Justin offered. I sighed and kept looking at Austin.
"I'm fine."
"But Ali, you gotta get some sleep."
"Why start now?" I said trying to defuse the subject.
"Ali, come on. Just try to get some rest. It's good for your recovery."
"Justin, I'm fine..." I said a little loud. "You can go." I said in a soft voice. Justin shook his head and brushed his hair back.
"Must you fight me on everything? I'm only trying to help you."
"Well don't. I don't need it. Don't waist your---"
"We need to talk outside." Justin said looking at Austin who was moving around about to wake up. I walked outside the room. Justin closed the door behind him.
"Breath...don't waist your breath." I finished my sentence.
"Ali, you need to rest when the baby rest. Especially in your condition."
"I can't!" I yelled. "Don't you get that I can't sleep. I can't leave this room. Austin...that baby, my son...our son in there is still suppose to be inside of me right now, but he's in there with a feeding tube in his nose. And I can't get it out of my head that's it is all my fault---"
"It isn't your fault...stop fucking saying that." Justin said in a frustrated tone behind his teeth.
"That doesn't stop me from thinking that. We aren't even suppose to be here. I'm not suppose to be standing here aching from a c-section scar. I'm not..." I trailed off and wiped my tear. "I'm not suppose to be worried about him like this...not yet." I sighed calming myself down. "I'm not going into another room to sleep. I can't." I told him. I opened the door after wiping my tears, but Justin closed it back.
"At least take a walk with me..." He said as he kept his hand on mine.
"I can't---"
"Shh..." He took my hand off the door knob and pulled me away from it. We walked to the elevator and the worry began...
"Justin...what if---"
"He's gonna be fine, Ali. You gotta try..." He squeezed my hand.
"Where are you taking me?" I asked more calm.
"Lunch...they have a Wendy's downstairs. Did you know that?"
"No..." I said tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.
"That's cause you've never been outside Austin's room." He said looking at me. "You gotta eat, you gotta get some sleep." Justin told me.
"Justin---"
"And you can't keep blaming yourself for something that happened by chance." He added.
"I know deep down that it's not my fault, but right now my mind is saying that it is."
"That's why you listen to your heart." Justin said as the elevator opened. He took me to the Wendy's and we ordered. I don't have much of an appetite, but I forced myself to eat.
"The doctor said you can go home today." Justin said making me stop what I was doing.
"I know...but, I'd rather stay with Austin."
"Ali---"
"I can be discharged, but I wanna stay in his room." I cut him off.
"You need to get the hell out of this hospital."
"I'll leave when my baby leaves. I'm not going home without, Austin." I said touching my scar that was hurting a little.
"Fine..." Justin said giving up. "You're so damn stubborn." He said shaking his head.
"Are you gonna leave?" I asked in a low voice.
"Not until tonight." He said shaking his head.
"Can you..." I sighed and looked into his eyes with my emotional ones. "Don't ok...I need you to stay." I asked.
"Ali---"
"Please...I think that's the only way I can get some sleep." I said. "The first night you were with me and I fell right asleep."
"Ok...ok I can stay until you guys go home." He said smiling.
"Thank you." I said sighing in relief. I got up and grabbed his hand. "Can you take me for a walk?"
"Sure...just let me take my fries." He said smiling. I laughed slightly. We walked around the hospital outside. It was a real nice spring day.
"Alicia?" I heard a long lost voice say that made my smile go away. I looked up and saw who I hoped I wouldn't see. "Justin? Is that you? Wow, boy you got big...you're a grown ass man." Dad said laughing. He pat Justin on the shoulder.
"Hey Mr. Simmons." Justin sighed as he put his hands in his pockets.
"How've you been? How old are you now?"
"Umm...35. Birthday was a month ago."
"Wow, that's right. February 20th, right."
"Yeah." He had his head down. Dad looked at him and then me and frowned.
"What are you doing here anyway?" Dad asked Justin.
"I should be asking you the same thing." I said before Justin could respond.
"I heard you had a baby...prematurely and I came to see you. Although I still can't understand how you got pregnant in the first place. Your mom told me everything..."
"Didn't realize you even cared. I thought you left the care at the door when you left my mom for Grace." I said folding my arms. Dad just laughed and nodded.
"That didn't answer my question..." He said looking at Justin, but talking to me. "Ohhh...ok I know. You're the asshole that got my daughter pregnant in the first place." He said with a smile.
"I can't change the past..." Justin said scratching his chin with his head tilted.
"You fucked my daughter...you're eleven years older than her. What the hell is wrong with you?" Dad yelled.
"I didn't just have sex with her---"
"Save it...you better be in this till death. No backing down...you better not leave my daughter."
"Just like you left her and your wife?" Justin snapped. "No no...I'm not like you, sir. I'm gonna be there no matter what."
"You better watch it, Justin." Dad said getting in Justin's face. "You can't put this on me...you still disrespected my house and me."
"It's not your house when you leave your wife for another woman. You lose that right when you give up..." Justin said in a calm voice almost scaring me. "Now if you'll excuse me...I gotta go check on my son." He backed up and looked at me.
"I'll be fine." I told him. Justin nodded and walked away.
"What the hell is the matter with you, Alicia?"
"It's Ali..." I said sitting down on the bench.
"It's what ever the hell I named you." Dad said. "I raise you better than this...you've always been a fuck up."
"Tell me how you really feel." I said in a plain voice.
"Why am I not surprised? It was only a matter of time...I knew you would be like this. Having a baby so young."
"I'm almost 24." I said shaking my head.
"You just couldn't resist? Just like a slut...that's all you'll ever be." Dad said shaking his head. I looked up at him with watery eyes.
"Are you done?" I said in a shaky voice. He just looked at me with a face of disagreement. I got up and in his face. "Are you fucking done?" I said yelling in his face. He hung his head down. I backed up and wiped my face.
"Is that what you came here for? To come here and call me a slut? You're just like you're fucking son...so quick to judge every damn body but you can't bend your hand back to point the finger at yourself.
I just couldn't resist? This is coming from a man who couldn't keep his dick in his fucking pants. A man who cheated on his wife for 10 years with several different women and left her for the one bitch he got pregnant. But I'm the slut?
I've only been with one man and I did it because I'm in love with him. And yes I got pregnant...but so what. He's here...Austin Elijah Harris. He came prematurely and I worry about him 24/7. But I love him and I love Justin.
So how fucking dare you come at me like some slut on the street? I'm your daughter...but wait that doesn't mean shit to you because you were never there. You didn't raise me...I'm you're daughter, unfortunately, but you're not my dad." I spat, wiping my tears roughly. Dad backed up.
"I am just trying to help you...you have no idea what you've gotten you're self into."
"Do me a favor and don't...you're the last asshole I need advice from." I said shaking my head. "I have to go check on my son...."
"You mean your sin?" Dad said in a heated tone. I slapped him quick...it took alot to do it, but I did.
"Don't you ever say that shit about my son." I said through my teeth. "I almost fucking lost him...and you come here and say that? Fuck...you." I said pushing him hard.
"Alicia---"
"Shut up!" I said...of course he calls me that while I'm pissed off at him. "I don't ever want to see your fucking face." I yelled.
I walked away as fast as I could and went back in the hospital. I held in my tears with each heavy breath I took while on the elevator. I wanted to scream, but I held that in too. The elevator stopped on his floor and I rushed in hoping Austin was ok...he was still sleep with Justin by his side. Justin got up and walked towards me.
"Are you---" I cut him off by dropping my head in his chest and let out the tears. He held me tight as I let all my anger tears go. Those are the ones that I've been holding the longest. After almost a whole hour, Justin laid me in the bed they put in there and held me close to his body.
"Just get some rest, Ali." Justin whispered in such a soothing voice as he brushed my hair out of my face. I felt my eyes starting to give up on me. They closed completely making my hearing die down. Justin said something, but I didn't hear...I finally let my body rest...