Kou's POV
Still a bit drowsy, I rub my eyes hoping it will help me wake up. I been so stress these pass couple of days that I've been lacking sleep. Rolling around on my twin size bed I reach for my phone to see what time it was. Eleven a.m.? I never woke up this late and I have Nate and Kevin to blame for that.
Just as I promise Nate, I spent time really thinking about his confession. I still couldn't believe that he would confess to me. I mean what does he even see in me? Not only is he good-looking, nice and funny, but he treats me well and is very kind-hearted even though he doesn't show it. He's everything I ever wanted in a boyfriend and more. Yet, when I look at him my heart doesn't beat with anticipation. So after long hours of contemplating I have realize that what I feel for Nate is no other than friendship. Although he can always be there to confront me and make me laugh, I can never see myself as his girlfriend.
I'm honestly scared of turning him down though, I mean I have never rejected someone's confession before. I just assume I would like whoever found me attractive enough to even ask me to be their girlfriend, or even catch their attention. Now I know it's not as easy as it seems. I never thought I would have to turn down someone's confession, I always thought I would be the one heart broken. Now I know that rejecting someone is just as painful as being rejected. As much as I didn't want to hurt Nate, he deserves to know how I feel about him. There are so many girls out there that are much better than me. There's someone who is not only better for him but will feel the same way towards him too.
After finally deciding that I would give Nate's reply to him on Monday at school, I was ready to get some sleep. I was all nice and cuddle up in my bed ready to sleep, and yet it didn't come. Now that I have resolved my worries about Nate, I had another trouble maker on my mind, Kevin. I swear he will be the death of me, just thinking about him makes my head hurt. Ever since he confess to me I have yet gotten decent sleep because he was always on my mind. So I just laid on my bed and stared at the ceiling, thoughts running through my mind.
How do I feel about Kevin?
I honestly wasn't sure. I known him for most of life and I have never thought of him more than a friend. But why is that when I imagine being Kevin's girlfriend it makes me excited and happy, and with Nate there is no feelings at all. Does this mean that I like Kevin enough to be his girlfriend or is this feeling something else? How do I approach these emotions that I am going through when I don't even know what these feelings are?
I didn't fall asleep until 4 in the morning, and once again Kevin was the last thing I thought about before I feel asleep. Having no desire to go anywhere today, I got up, put on a pair of gray sweatpants along with a black hoodie. I strolled to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. I grab my phone on top of my bed ready to head downstairs for brunch. To my surprise Kevin sent me a text.
It read, "Good morning chipmunck. I hope your day is well. I just want to let you know I'm going out of town today and won't be back until Monday night. So I won't be able to see you for two whole days. I'm going to miss you. Remember that I love you."
I read that message over and over again. My heart pounding fast. He loves me. I know he has told me this already but will I ever get used to it?
My phone rang at that moment scaring me. Liz is calling. I slid the answer button on my phone. "Hello." I answered.
"Girl, I been trying to get a hold of you in these past two days. Why have you been ignoring my text messages?" Liz yelled through the phone.
I brought the phone back to my ears. She was yelling so loud I would have gone deaf. "Liz, calm down."
"How can I calm down," Liz continue to yell, "I haven't heard from you in two freak'n days after you left the party with Kevin. Then I texted you like crazy yesterday but you never answer me back. I thought something might have happen to you."
"I didn't even realize you text me, I don't think I got them. Let me check." Liz still on the line I open my messages and check to see if I did indeed receive any messages from Liz. Just like she said, I had over 20 new messages from her. Most of them consisted of, "where are you, answer the damn messages, you better be alive girl or I'll kill you." I laugh while scanning through them, Liz is truly the best. "Liz I'm sorry it's my fault, somehow I must have miss your messages. It might be because I didn't have my phone on me at all yesterday."
"Yesterday? What happen yesterday?"
"A lot of thing have happen these past few days, just not yesterday." I answer walking downstairs to the kitchen. I grab a bagel and spread the cream cheese on it.
"Care to tell me about it?"
After a long pause I finally replied, "Liz I got confess to by Ke-"
"Stop right there," Liz shouted through the phone, "I'll be there in 15 minutes."
"Wait Liz-"I heard a beep noise and the call ended. When Liz puts her mind to something it's going to happen and by the way the phone call ended I'm 110% sure that we will have a lot of talking to do today. Thank god I finish my project and homework during the week, as stress as I have been with my personal life, school is the farthest thing from my mind. Finishing my bagel I made myself a big cup of hot coco and headed to the living room. Since I was waiting for Liz to get here anyways I might as well enjoy the 5 minutes I have left before the storm hits.
Thank god my parents are not home to hear about my problems. They were out of town for the whole week. They left this morning to go visit my grandparents in California, I wanted to go but I had school. One positive outcome to this is I have the whole place to myself.
I have just put on one of my favorite movie, The Heat, when I heard the front door banging. I guess Liz is here, sometimes I wish she would just use the doorbell. I open the door to a Liz dress in sweat pants like my own and a green sweater. Even in plain clothes she still looks gorgeous. "Liz you do know we have a door bell right?"
"I know but using fists works the same. However that doesn't matter right now, we need to talk right now." Liz barged into my house and head to the living room. Sighing to myself I close the door behind me.
I grab a bottle of water from the fridge before heading to the living room. I hand the drink to Liz, "Did you want anything else to drink." I was hoping she would say yes that way I could stall a bit before we really start talking.
"Sit down Kou, and stop stalling for time. I want to hear everything." She said patting the seat next to her on the couch. I guess I can't get out of this one. Dragging my feet I flop myself besides her staring aimlessly at the movie playing. "Kou, I'm waiting."
I turn to face her completely, "Do you really want to know?"
"Of course I do, you don't even have to ask."
"Fine" I huff throwing my hands up, "If you really want to know, on Friday I went home early because not only did random drunk guy try to hit me but Kevin my best friend confess to me."
"Wait what, someone hit you at the party? Who the hell was that bastard? How dare he do something like that to you, you're not hurt are you." Liz move closer and started fussing around me trying to see if I had a bruise or not.
"Stop Liz," I held up both my hands stopping her, "I'm fine. He didn't get a chance to hit me, luckily Kevin saved me in time and took me away. But you did hear me right, that Kevin confess to me."
"Yeah, I heard you. It's about time he did too, I was thinking he would never tell you how he felt."
"Wait, what do you mean by that? I for sure thought you would be as surprise as me when I heard his confession. Does this mean all this time you knew he had feelings for me and yet you never told me?" I didn't even realize I was practically shouting.
"Geez Kou, no need to yell I'm right here. And of course I knew how he felt about you. Any sane person could see how he feels for you. It's only you that didn't notice. The reason why I didn't tell you was because Kevin should be the one to tell you, not me. Anyways, even if I did tell you, you wouldn't have believed me, not unless you heard it right from Kevin himself.
I slap both my hands over my face and muffled my face with my hands, my elbows resting on my knees. "So everyone knew except for me. Gosh I'm so stupid."
I felt Liz arms wrap around my shoulders, she said softly, "Hey, don't call yourself that. You're far from stupid, it's just your inexperience when it comes to relationships. Also it wasn't like Kevin notice it himself. I could tell he was denying his feelings for you, but I heard from Todd what happen the night Kevin was at his house. I think it was thanks to Todd that Kevin even realize his feelings for you were anything but sisterly."
"Still," I said not lifting my face from my hands. I just felt like crying at that moment, "I hate how stupid and slow I am when it comes to relationships. I couldn't even tell that Nate liked me too and now I'm going to break his heart by rejecting him. I feel so bad."
"Wait what?" I heard Liz say as her arm drop from my shoulders and she move away from me. "What did you say Kou?"
I lift my head up from my hands and turn to face Liz. Wiping the tears from my cheeks I cried, "I said that if I was more experience with relationship and was more aware of the things around me then I wouldn't have to hurt Nate by rejecting his confession. If I had paid more attention to not only Nate but Kevin and their feelings then I wouldn't have to bring them pain. Did you know they almost got in a fight yesterday because of me? Me Liz, me." I said point to myself. "Of all the damn people in the world why did they have to fall for me?" I didn't even bother to wipe the tears that drip from my eyes, I just let them fall because I couldn't stop them from falling anymore.
"Oh my poor munchkin come here," Liz said pulling me to a hug and rubbing her hands on my back to sooth me. Instead of feeling relax I cried harder. I hated crying and yet I'm such a crybaby.
I hate myself right now but even more I hate the situation I am in. If I were to pick Nate over Kevin then Kevin would get hurt and our friendship would never be the same. If I pick Kevin over Nate, he would never want to talk to me again. Yet, if I pick neither not only will both of them get hurt because of me, but nothing would stay the same anymore. One of the reasons why I never had a boyfriend was because I was scared of being rejected and hurt by the one I like. Though I never knew until now, how much it pains me to reject another's feeling when I myself am scared of being rejected.
Liz continue to help sooth me until my tears final ceased. I pull back sniffling.
"Here munchkin" Liz said handing me a couple tissues.
"Thuf-kuff" I mumbled while blowing my nose.
"Are you feeling better now?" Liz asked. I nodded.
"I'm so sorry for being so emotional. You know I'm usually not like this."
"I know, but Kou this is what happens in relationships. There is the good times but there are always hard times too."
"That's the funny part though." I said throwing my hands up in the air once more. "I'm not even in a relationship yet and I'm already stress out."
"Relationships have to start somewhere."
I set the tissue box aside and face the T.V. by now the movie was half way over. "Yeah you're exactly right." Liz tuned to face the movie with me. We just sat there silently enjoying the movie neither of us talking.
I was enjoying the movie when Liz tuned to me and ask, "Do you have popcorn?"
"Sure do, I'll go make us some. Is kettle corn ok?" I said getting up and making my way to the kitchen.
"Sounds good," Liz called after me.
I put a bag of popcorn in the microwave and press the timer. While I was waiting I open my phone and saw that I had a snapchat from Kevin. I opened it. It was a selfie of Kevin and what looked like mountains behind him. He was holding up a peace sign and was smiling like an idiot. He was so cute, so I made sure to save a screen shot of it.
"You look happy, what'cha looking at?" Liz asked as she sat on one of the black stools.
"Kevin sent me a snap chat. He's out of town to visit his cousin in Colorado, so he just sending me a couple of pictures."
Liz nodded, took a mandarin from the fruit bowel and started rolling it around on the table. "Hey Kou. I have a question."
"Yeah?" I was a bit concern what the question might be by Liz's serious tone of voice.
"When you're with Kevin are you happy?"
Confused by the simple question I replied, "Of course, why wouldn't I be?"
She stop playing with the mandarin and instead looked me straight in the eyes, "Then do you like him?"
The microwave ding before I could answer. I turn my back to Liz and opened the microwave door. I was happy for the distraction. So I took my time opening the popcorn bag and finding the right popcorn bowl. I needed time to think about my answer. Luckily Liz waited patiently for me to finish what I was doing without pressuring me to answer. By the time I was done and could stall for any more time, I was calm enough to truthfully answer the question.
I place the bowl of popcorn in front of Liz, "I honestly do not know. I don't know how I feel for Kevin. Yes I'm happy when I'm with him, but I have always been happy when we were together. I know I love him, but I don't know if that the love I feel for him is the same that he might feel for me."
Liz nodded taking in my reply. "Then let me ask you this Kou, do you have any feelings for Nate? Do you like him?"
"No, I don't" I said instantly.
Liz stood up and leaned across the table and continue to stare right at me. It was kind of intimidating. "Then let me ask one more thing," Liz continue to say, "Why is it that when it comes to Nate you can tell me instantly you have no feelings for him what so ever, but when it involves Kevin your so hesitant?
I stood still letting Liz words sink in, all of sudden time appear to stop. Liz was right, why is it when it has to do with Kevin I hesitate. Do that mean he means a lot more to me then I think he does? Have all this time I been thinking about Kevin as something more than my best friend subconsciously without realizing it? I brought both my hands to my temple and shook my head, snapping me out of my daze. Too many questions and not enough answers.
"Liz you bring up a good point." I said. I expected her to respond back but when she didn't I continued. "However as of right now your popcorn is done and the movie isn't so it's time to head back to the living room." I grab the bowel of popcorn and walk pass Liz.
"Kou, we're not done here." Liz yelled after me.
I continue walking not looking back, "That's where you're wrong my friend, we have been done with this conversation a long time ago. So I suggest either you come watch this movie and eat kettle popcorn with me or you can go back home. Your choice." I sat down on the couch, and began eating the sweat delicious popcorn. I heard Liz sigh and then huff. That was her signal for: Fine I'll let you have your way, for now. Liz made her way to the couch next to me and we sat there silently watching the moving and eating popcorn, neither of us saying a word for a very long time.
-loveispriceless