(Triggering)
The man behind me smelled of liquor and a cheap cologne mixed into one which made me gag a little as he held on to me, locking me in a way that I couldn't move and barely breathe.
"Please, please I'm begging you, take my purse and let me go, please I promise I won't say anything." I begged as he tightened his fingers around my neck and started laughing evilly into my ear, his breath disgustingly hit my skin.
"Your purse is not what I want from you, sweetheart." He answered. "You see, you've taken something precious from me and the only way to settle a score is for me to take something just as meaningful from you too, it's only fair, wouldn't you think?" He whispered dangerously into my ear as my eyes become even more blurry.
What I wouldn't give to not be in this situation.
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"Hello?" I answered the phone, barely able to keep my eyes open. I hadn't had the best night sleep. A recurring nightmare preventing me from catching even three hours of sleep. This, was why I rarely got drunk. Getting drunk put me in a weird situation of having to work harder to keep the nightmares at bay.
"Are you busy?"
I took my phone off my ear long enough to check the caller ID.
Frederick Halter.
Of course it was. The voice alone should have been a dead giveaway, but my brain was still fuzzy from sleep.
"Frederick, hi." My voice sounding all gravelly as I spoke. I tried even harder to open my eyes to be able to focus on my phone call. He was probably calling to take the money that he had put in my account back. Again, I was very glad I hadn't used it at all.
Maybe he had already found someone else and needed to speed up the process, he had wasted so much time in me. Maybe he was still upset that I was stubbornly holding my ground.
But it couldn't be any other way. I couldn't tell him why I was in such a state the last time we were together.
I was a fighter, once upon a time. Incredibly strong willed and able to hold my own, but that had been before my "accident"; before my identity and who I thought I was had been taken away, and I found myself unable to gain that part of me back.
"Can we talk for a second?" He asked over the phone. I fixed myself on the bed to be able to lean comfortably on my pillows. I heard a car honking in the background and wondered where he was.
"Uhm, yeah, sure, I'm not doing anything." I cleared my throat.
"Okay, I'm coming up." He said. And before I could say anything else, he hang up, not giving me the time to ask if he knew my apartment number or how far along he was, so that I could at least fix the mess that I was before he arrived and saw me this way; not that it truly mattered, but still.
I dropped the phone next to me on the bed and lay back down for just a few seconds while I waited for him to come up, which didn't take long at all. And for the hundredth time, it all left me wondering how much information about me and my life had he really gotten out of all the research.
He was so adamant to let me know he dug around in my life, and my background. I understood why.
We hadn't talked about what he had found out about me and I was perfectly fine with it. Because I knew that if it had been something too big, he would have mentioned it one way or another.
I let out a big relaxing breath and closed my eyes for a second to get my body and my mind working at the same time. I didn't have to look in the mirror to already know what I looked liked and I knew it wasn't pretty.
With curly hair going in every direction on my head and bags under my eyes, thanks to the very many sleepless nights and horrible nightmares that I have to fight through on an everyday basis.
So, I was looking horrible and feeling just about the same. That's what happened when it felt like you were dying in a dream and you couldn't get away. And you were watching someone take away part of you but you couldn't possibly do anything to stop what was happening to you. Even though deep down, you knew it would end up horribly, in the worst painful way possible.
It was as if you were watching a movie, and that movie was your life, and unfortunately it had already been made and you knew how heartbreaking the ending was, but you couldn't possibly fight it. So you kept watching it, over and over and over again.
_____________
The knock coming from outside was my cue to get up, open the door and let the man in. "Hey," I greeted him at the door. He stood there for a moment, his eyes studying me for what felt like an eternity.
I held a breath.
The man looked intimidating without even trying. His being alone had an intimidating factor.
When he was finally done with his assessment, he handed me a paper bag that smelled wonderfully like it had food in it. My belly growled at the thought of being filled with anything other than tea.
"What happened to you?" He asked, simply pushing himself inside my apartment without even asking; and went to straight to the kitchen, opening the exact cabinets for plates and forks.
I watched with every passing second and wondered what I was actually witnessing. First thing first. How the heck did he know where things went in my kitchen? As far as I knew, he had never been in my apartment.
Or had he?
"Horrible night yesterday." I grumbled but didn't think he heard me.
I crossed my arms and bit my lips, trying to rack my brain to figure out if I had ever invited him over. Humh, I didn't think so. I kept my eyes glued on him as he took off his jacket and then started setting up my tiny dining table. I squinted my eyes and thought hard. He seemed simply too comfortable with me.
"Hey, Eva?"
"Yup," I replied, my eyes instantly glued to him.
"Are you going to stand in front of the door until I leave?" He asked, which reminded me that I still had the door opened. "Come eat, you look like you could use some food in your system."
I closed the door and went to sit at the table. "What did you get?" I asked, reaching for the glass of water he had just poured for me.
"Orange Chicken, some shrimp fried rice and some fish fillet, from the Chinese restaurant on W. 30th."
"Oh, No way! This is like my favorite restaurant and you got my favorite meal." I told him excitedly,
Unable to wait any longer to open the containers. "How did you even know I loved that place?"
He cleared out his throat. "I didn't. It's one of my favorite place." He replied. "Dig in before it gets cold."
I didn't fail to notice the fact that he had bought all of my favorites. Unless they were his too. In that case, why didn't he ask me what I wanted to get? Or did he simply decide on what to order on a gamble?
I had some many questions. So many things didn't quite make sense. But right then I was hungry and didn't really care.
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"Okay, Eva, what do you want?" I heard him ask as I took the final piece of chicken off my plate and placed it in my mouth. Pure deliciousness. I waited until I had swallowed it to be able to answer because, I was thought it to be rude to speak with your mouth full.
"What do you mean what I want?" I squinted, sipping on my water to clear out the residue of the food in my mouth.
"What I mean is, you haven't been taking my phone calls." He replied.
"I just needed some time to figure myself out." I wanted to be honest with him but it simply was a hard subject to approach.
"And that is fine, I understand needing some time. We are about to embark on a big journey. There is a life at play here. I'm okay with giving you more time to think it through, now that you know what it truly entails. I'm ready to do that for you_"
"Frederick,"
"No, Eva I need you to listen. I do not like my time to be wasted. So if you do not want to go through with it, let me know so I can proceed accordingly."
"I'm still in." I replied, feeling ashamed of my actions. Not taking his calls was a bit selfish of my part, especially because I hadn't given him a heads up. The man had already paid me a quarter of the money that was agreed upon. I owed it to him to be transparent in all that I did.
"Are you sure?" His voice was stern and sharp.
"Yes, I'm sorry. It won't happen again. I was just dealing with something." I hoped the tone of my voice was an indication of my profound sincerity.
He kept quiet. His eyes fixated intently on me. I held his gaze.
And after what felt like forever and a day, he let out a breath; his eyes softening. I could now finally breathe as well. One million dollars was a lot of fucking money.
"Are you okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"
"Nope, I'll be fine."
"Are you sure?" He asked again. This time, the irritation that had been in his voice was no longer there. So I tried to appease him as best as I could.
"Nothing to worry yourself over." I beamed. His phone dinged on the table. He lifted it off the table to check. A few seconds later, groaned something I couldn't quite hear about people not being able to do their jobs properly.
"I'll see you later. I have someone I need to deal with." He got up, grabbed his jacket off the sofa, placed a kiss on my forehead and made his way to the door. I stayed in my seat. When he was barely outside of the door, he called out my name. I looked up to find him about to close the door.
"Happy birthday." And then the door was closed shut.
If the fact that the rest of my day went seemingly much better than I knew it would, I was sure had nothing to do with him.
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