*Maya's POV*
Waking up and before even opening my eyes, I felt a heavy, warm pressure on top of my stomach. Lucas was asleep beside me with his arm resting on top of me. I layed there, smiling to myself for a few minutes and looking at Lucas' sleeping face.
"This won't last."
I got up out of my bed as smoothly and quietly as I possibly could and I succeeded in not waking up Lucas.
I knew my mom was already at work and wouldn't be back until her lunch break when she came home and made a sandwich then left again.
"You're alone. Lucas is sleeping, your mom is at work and your dad, well..."
I got myself a cup of ice water and walked over to the window in my living room, looking out at the few streets in view of my apartment.
"You're weak, you didn't do it."
I ran my hands through my hair and set my cup down, walking through my kitchen and back into the living room. Checking on Lucas, he was still asleep and I sighed in relief.
"Weak. Can't believe you didn't follow through with it! Lucas doesn't even care!"
I quietly shut my bedroom door and walked into the bathroom, keeping quiet because the bathroom was right next to my room where Lucas was asleep.
"Do it, you'll feel better. You know you will! You don't have to tell anyone. No one has to know, right?"
I opened a drawer slowly and reached for a small piece of tape that was hidding something far more meaningful. A small, shiny, rectangular piece of metal that had been there for a long time!
I pulled the tape up and grabbed the blade, sitting on the edge of the bathtub and looking down at the tiny piece of metal in my hands.
"It won't take long, it doesn't even hurt... unless you do it right. Stop being so weak!"
I flipped the tiny blade around in my hand and sighed. I couldn't do it! I'd done so well as to not use this blade and I know for a fact Lucas would be furious with me if I did! He already thinks I'd done it once since I'd been clean, which I hadn't... but he was literally crying when I lied to him about that!
"Lucas probably won't even notice!"
The little piece of metal was really mesmerizing... the way the light hit it, the way I remember how easily it would slide across my skin, the blood...
Maybe Lucas didn't have to find out... Maybe he wouldn't notice if I wore long sleeves and bracelets for the next month or so...
I let a few shaky breaths out as I moved my hand down and pressed the blade to my wrist.
"Do it! Do it! Do it!"
"Maya!" I jumped at the sudden, loud voice shouting my name. I accidentally nicked my wrist with the blade before dropping it onto the ground, standing up to see Lucas standing in the door frame of the bathroom. "What are you doing?" He shouted.
"Damn it..."
"Lucas I-"
He walked into the bathroom and picked up the tiny blade off the floor and sighed in disappointment.
"Lucas I told you I-"
"Do you know how dangerous this is, Maya? I don't think you do!"
"Maybe..."
"I do." I sighed softly.
"I don't think you do." He repeated. He tossed the blade into the trash bin and turned back to me. "You could bleed out, Maya, you could die!"
"I know."
"You know? Then why do you keep doing this? You don't want to die!"
"Maybe I do, maybe I don't."
"No, but-"
"But what?"
"I don't care!" I looked up at the ceiling and blinked quickly, pushing back tears.
"You don't care- Maya why would you not care? Why would you not tell somebody? Why are you so unhappy?"
"Because it's non of yours or anyone else's business!"
"Lucas!" I shouted, stopping him from rambling on with more questions I didn't know the answers to. "You don't get it! You don't understand what it's like to constantly have negative, fucked up thoughts in your head! You don't! I have them every day! I constantly have thoughts about wanting to hurt myself, about people not caring if I hurt myslef, about people not caring in general! You don't get those thoughts... I do." He was quiet. I waited a few seconds for him to respond, but he didn't.
"That's what I thought."
I pushed past him and walked into my room, grabbing a wash cloth to wipe the little bit of blood on my arm. I sat on my bed and cleaned up my arm, though there wasn't much go clean since it was just a nick, not a cut.
"Maya..."
"Don't Lucas. I get it. I know I'm screwed up in the head, you don't have to tell me." I got up and threw the rag into my laundry basket. Lucas' hands grabbed my upper arms, spinning me around. I looked into his eyes... full of anger, a bit of sadness aswell...
"Maya you're-"
"Weird, crazy, messed up?" I interupted.
"No! You're depressed..."
"What?" I laughed. "That's crazy."
"That's absolutly crazy!"
"Think about it, Maya." Lucas sat down on my bed and gestured for me to aswell, which I did, and he wrapped an arm around my waist. "You're always tired, never seeming to get enough sleep, your appetite has changed... again, and you're saying you're getting negative thoughts. Heck, you practically said you didn't care if you hurt yourself bad enough to the point of passing out or dying!"
"Lucas that doesn't mean-"
"Maya, come on." Lucas rolled his eyes, obviously slightly frustrated. He stood up off the bed, standing infront of me.
"Okay fine... but you can't tell anyone."
"This can't get around to anyone!"
"No, Maya." He shook his head and I laughed in disbelief, standing up off the bed and looking into his eyes.
"Excuse me? This isn't about you, Lucas. This isn't going on in your mind! It shouldn't be your decision or responsibility to tell people!"
"I'm not promising you I'm going to keep this a secret. I've kept a lot of secrets for you, dangerous ones at that... I'm not doing it this time. You tell your mom or I will."
"The Hell?"
"Lucas-"
"You need help, Maya! This," Lucas gestured to my head, "is just as dangerous as this!" He then lifted my wrist, gesturing to the teeny tiny cut I accidentally made when he scared me, and the scars that weren't very visible, but he knew they were there.
"I'm scared." I admitted. He sighed, pulling me into a hug. A few of my tears fell onto his white shirt as he rubbed my back. He rested his chin on my head and squeezed me tight.
"I know, but you need to get better." He whispered.
"I know. I'm just... tired." I sighed. I pulled away and looked down at my hands.
"Of?"
"Crying, being unhappy... everything."
"Maya honey I'm home." My mom's voice rang through the apartment walls and my heart dropped. My stomach flopped and my heart began to beat faster knowing what Lucas was going to make me do.
"Go." He stated simply. "Go get help."
I held my hand out between us and he smiled, taking my hand in his and leading me out to the living room where my mom was.
"Hey, Mom..."
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Please don't take any of Maya's negative thoughts to heart!! like don't apply them to your life, especially the one about "doing it right." :/ it's just what goes through someone's head sometimes when this stuff happens.