27. LET ME GO
Friday Night
3 Hours Before The Charity Event
Julian's emotions were scattered all over the place as he stepped foot in St. Mary's Hospital to meet up with Lance Joyner - an ex that he thought he had cut all ties with.
"Hey, I'm here." After Julian exited the elevator to the ninth floor, he made his way down the hallway towards Lance. He was sitting outside his grandmother's room slouched over in a chair looking completely worn out. "How is she doing?"
"They don't expect her to survive the night." Lance stood from his seat, crying, and threw himself into Julian's arms. "I couldn't go through this alone. I had no one else to call but you. Thanks for coming down. You don't know how much this means to me."
Julian hesitantly wrapped his arms around Lance. This simple embrace felt every bit of wrong, but he didn't know what else to do. He couldn't push Lance away, not at a time like this given all that he was going through. And as a friend, Julian wanted to console him the best that he could. At the end of the day, he felt sorry for his ex. It broke his heart to see Lance like this.
"Can you tell me what happened to her?" Julian asked, trying not judge his ex as he reeked of booze and cigarette smoke. Neither smell had Julian ever encountered while being with Lance; he wasn't a big drinker and he never was a smoker, so this newfound discovery was a little troubling. "How did she end up here?"
"I found her knocked out in her apartment a couple days ago," Lance sniffled. "There was blood on the back of her head and on the kitchen counter. Somehow she tripped, hit her head, and fell. She'd been lying there unconscious for God knows how long." Lance cried even harder, Julian held him even tighter. "I call her at least twice a week just to check in to see how she's doing. When I called her this week she didn't pick up. It wasn't like her to do that so I decided to stop by her place, and that's when I found her. She's been unconscious ever since."
"God, I'm so sorry that you had to go through that alone," Julian replied in a sympathetic tone. "You should have called me sooner. I would have been here for you."
"I didn't want to burden you with my problems." Lance pulled away from Julian, his usual bright blue eyes were now bloodshot and unfamiliar. His red hair was pulled up in a messy bun, looking unkempt. Lance also hadn't shaved in weeks, it looked like. It was almost as if Julian was looking at an entirely different person. "It's been months since we last saw or spoke to each other, not counting that time when you and your boss came to me for help. You were out living your own life, doing your own thing. I just... I don't know. I didn't want to bother you."
"Bother me? Jesus Christ, Lance, if you weren't in the predicament that you're in right now I'd slap you into next week," Julian sighed, touching his shoulder. Lance smiled for the first time all week. He really missed Julian's candidness. "I love Marjorie as if she were my own Nana. You guys are like family to me. You could never be a bother to me. In fact, I'm hurt that you would ever think like that. Just because we're no longer together doesn't mean that we can't still be there for one another during times like this, it doesn't mean that we can't be friends."
Lance began to tear up again as he grabbed Julian's hand, removing it from his shoulder. He missed Julian's touch more than anything, but right now it was too painful to deal with.
"I can't be your friend, Julian." Lance looked down at the floor, hiding his face.
"Why not?" Julian asked.
"I can't be your friend because I'm still in love with you. Isn't it obvious?" Lance brought his eyes back to Julian's face, catching his somewhat shocked expression as he dropped his hand. "I don't know what's going on in your life right now, but I'm still trying to get over you. After all this time apart, I'm still trying to forget you."
"Lance, I—" Julian started.
"I know. I know you've probably moved on," Lance cut him off. "You were always the strongest man I knew; emotionally, you always had it together. But me, I'm not like you. It's going to take more than a couple of months to wash away the amazing year that we spent together. You were the best thing that ever happened to me and the only thing that I regret letting go. I should have fought harder for you."
Julian was at a loss for words.
He didn't know what to say to Lance's confession, so he just stood there staring wildly at his ex while images of Aiden popped into his mind. It's true, Julian has moved on from Lance and although the relationship that he has with Aiden started off a little rocky, there was something there. Julian knew it. He could feel it. So even if he wanted to go back and give Lance another try, he couldn't, because another man had already stolen his heart.
"I'm sorry if I've made you uncomfortable." Lance stumbled back and took a seat. Julian took the chair next to him. "I don't really know what I'm saying at this point. Matter of fact, ignore everything that I just told you."
"How long have you been drinking and smoking, Lance?" Julian asked. "This isn't like you."
Lance chuckled, but there was no humor in his voice. "People change when they experience heartbreak for the first time, Julian."
"You're saying I'm the reason..." Julian whispered, unable to finish his sentence. He hadn't expected to come here to get his emotions jerked around, but that seemed to be what was happening. "I get it, I guess."
"Whatever you're thinking right now, stop thinking it," Lance replied in a stern tone. "I'm a grown man. I make my own decisions and I won't let you take the blame for my poor lifestyle choices. How I've chosen to live my life after you left, it's not your fault. Understand?" Julian nodded, unable to speak. "Do you have plans tonight? Can you stay with me until she... Damn, I can't even bring myself to say the word out loud."
"I'm here with you." Julian grabbed Lance's hand. Sparks were still there, but they weren't as strong as they once were. "I'm not going anywhere."
Lance smiled. "Can you answer me something?"
"What?" Julian asked.
"Have you really moved on? Are you seeing anyone right now?" Lance asked. Julian nodded. "Do you love him?"
Julian sighed, he felt like he barely knew what love was anymore. "It's too early to say."
"You're blushing, must mean you really care for him." Lance smirked. "You always did wear your heart on your sleeve; tough on the outside, soft on the inside. I thought I'd never break down your walls, but I did. We fell in love pretty quickly, too. Wouldn't you agree?"
Julian nodded, smiling at the memory of the first time he and Lance spoke the words 'I love you' to one another. "Letting you go wasn't easy," Julian said. "I'm not immune to pain, Lance. It hasn't been a cakewalk for me since we split. I wish that we could have made things work, but sometimes things just aren't meant to be. Maybe... we just weren't meant to be."
"Maybe you're right," Lance admitted, as much as it hurt to do so. "I know that our story has ended, but this new one that you're starting with whoever it is that you're seeing right now, I can only hope that you're happy."
"I am." Julian smiled, wanting desperately to pull out his phone to call Aiden and apologize for having been so cold. "He makes me very happy, so much so that it frightens me sometimes."
"Sounds like love to me," Lance said. "Anyway, enough about new love and our failed relationship. Do you want to go inside and see her one last time?" Julian nodded, although an emotional wreck himself, he knew that he needed to pay his respects to Lance's grandmother. "I've been talking to her every day but I don't know if she can hear me. She's probably already gone, but..."
"She'll hear us," Julian said, trying to comfort his ex. "Come on, we can say goodbye to her together."
"I'd like that." Lance smiled a sad smile as he and Julian went into his grandmother's room to say their farewells.
. . . . .