It had been a really, really challenging day, and you were physically and emotionally drained. Even your usual escape of a long, hot shower had done nothing for you. The only thing you wanted was your bed and to sleep for days. You leaned against the wall and slowly covered your toothbrush in toothpaste and sighed as you began to brush, watching yourself in the mirror.
You didn't recognize your own eyes; they had no shine and you looked years older than you really were. You shook yourself out of the moment and rinsed your mouth, trying to avoid looking at yourself again since it only made you feel worse. The doctor said it could take up to two weeks to begin to feel better once you started your new medications, but you couldn't help but feel like that would be an eternity.
Finally crawling into bed, you pulled the blankets up over your head and hoped that sleep would come quickly. Bucky had just finished his own shower, but you weren't sure if you would be able to stay awake long enough to say goodnight.
"(Y/N)," he called out from across the hall, "are you okay?"
That was a strange question out of nowhere, and you weren't quite sure what he meant. You pulled the blankets down and sat up, your eyes still closed from the heaviness in them. You hunched over and rested your head in your hands, the risk of falling asleep still very real. "I'm fine, Buck, why?"
You could feel the hot steam from his shower enter your room when he opened the door. He peeked his head around the corner and held out your two brand new pill bottles for you to see, giving them a small shake as he spoke.
"What are these?"
You were far too tired for this discussion now, and you groaned as you attempted to rub the fatigue from you eyes. "Can we talk about it tomorrow?"
"No. I'd rather talk about it now." He disappeared for a few seconds but returned quickly, sitting on the bed next to you while pulling a t-shirt over his head and drying his hair with one of your towels. "What's going on?"
"I'm so tired..."
"Well then just tell me the short version."
"No," you sighed, "I'm so tired...of being tired. I've been having a tough time lately, and my doctor gave me those to help. I'm sorry I didn't say anything to you before, but I didn't really know where to start."
Bucky slid his legs under the blankets and moved next to you; he leaned back and held up his arm for you to lie against him. "Come here, start at the beginning."
"Okay, but you have to promise me that you won't think that I'm blaming you for any of this with what I say."
"Well, that's reassuring," he mumbled sarcastically.
You leaned into him, allowing him to put his arm around you as you began, "this is something that I've struggled with my whole life, Buck. I'm depressed, I'm angry, I'm anxious, I'm tired, and I'm just sick of it. It kinda comes and goes, and when I'm under a lot of stress, it comes back faster and stronger than before. This time, I guess I just couldn't do it without help."
"And that stress is from me, isn't it? From being gone so much, and worrying if I'm going to make it back."
Sitting up quickly, you pointed at him and took on a stern voice, "I told you not to do that. This is going to sound harsh, but it's not about you. This is mine."
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. You're right." He gently pulled you back down against him and kissed your head, "so tell me what you need and I'll do it."
You didn't know the answer to his question; if you weren't in this moment you could probably list a hundred things, but now that it was asked, your mind was blank. A few minutes had passed before you finally spoke again.
"Just be here."
"Where else do you think I'd be?"
"You wouldn't be the first to run away," you sighed. "And I wouldn't blame you."
Bucky reached up and turned out the light, pulling the blankets up and bringing you closer to him. "Well, I'm glad they did. You finally snagged yourself a smart one, babe." You felt a small laugh rumble in his chest as you started to finally fade into a slumber, smiling for the first time all day. "And I'm sure I'm much better looking too," he mumbled as he joined you in sleep.