Based on the song terrible things by Mayday Parade
Past events are written in italics.
By the time I was your age, I'd give anything
To fall in love truly, was all I could think
That's when I met your mother, the girl of my dreams
The most beautiful woman, that I'd ever seen
"Dad, if you don't know how to tie a bowtie, just tell me and I'll have someone else do it. I'm sure Tony would have it done by now."
"Son, just don't."
Steve's tongue was poking out from the corner of his mouth as he struggled to get the tie just right, quietly cursing under his breath just enough to feel some satisfaction but not so loud that anyone would hear it. After countless attempts, he pulled the strip of cloth from around your son's neck and put it around his own. "I can only do a tie if I'm wearing it," he grumbled as his fingers once again began to attempt to maneuver the silk into anything presentable.
The boy laughed, looking past his father to watch in the mirror as he buttoned his vest and smoothed out the material with slightly shaky hands. "Dad, you look more nervous than I do. I swear, if mom could see you now, she'd die laughing."
Steve closed his eyes and the boy groaned, slapping his hand over his eyes and turning away. The joke was a simple mistake, not meant to cause the stabbing pain in Steve's chest that would take hours of solitude and alcohol to quell. Steve slowly opened his eyes and returned to the task at hand, putting on his best stoic front.
"Dad, I didn't mean to...it was a slip. I'm sorry."
~~~
Bucky stood behind Steve, reaching forward in an attempt to teach him how to tie a proper knot. It looked so easy when someone else did it, and even as Steve watched every twist and fold of the material, he just couldn't seem to master it.
"Come on, Buck. We're gonna be late."
"Well maybe if you could do this yourself, we wouldn't be," he mumbled as he pulled the tie tight and looked in the mirror for one final check. "I swear, Rogers, if we're late and it messes up this date, I'll sock ya in the nose so hard you won't wake up for a week. I've wanted to go out with this girl for forever, and she was nice enough to bring a friend for you."
Steve grabbed the tie and shook the knot loose just a bit, convinced that Bucky had pulled it so secure on purpose. "What ya tell her about me?"
"Only the good stuff."
~~~
Steve stood just behind Tony, absently and silently watching as his son walked up and down the length of the garage of the tower, trying to select which car he would borrow to pick up his date.
"Dad, which one?"
When there was no answer, Tony turned around and nudged Steve, giving him a confused look that quickly turned to concern. "Cap? Hey, Cap, what's going on?"
"What?" Steve said with a start, pulling himself out of his own mind and back to the moment before him. He shuffled his feet and straightened his posture, embarrassed that he was so absentminded. "Sorry. Um...how about the red one?"
"Okay? But which red one?" The boy stood at each vehicle, waiting for his dad to look and give an opinion on which was a better fit. "Yo, dad! I said, which one?"
Steve waved his hand dismissively and turned away, knowing that if he couldn't interact fully then it was best to not interact at all. "Have Tony decide. He's better at this stuff..." His voice trailed off as he entered the stairwell, breaking into a run and taking the steps three-at-a-time until he reached the top floor. When he reached the pinnacle, he sat down hard and wiped the small beads of sweat from his brow, resting his arms on his thighs and holding his head in his hands. "Dammit," he whispered. "I can't do this. I can't keep my promise, (Y/N)."
~~~
She said, "Boy can I tell you a wonderful thing?
I can't help but notice, you're staring at me.
I know I shouldn't say this, but I really believe,
I can tell by your eyes that you're in love with me."
"So Buck, which one is mine?" Steve whispered as you and your friend approached them, clearing his throat and straightening his tie for the millionth time. "I mean...not mine, just... you know what I mean."
Bucky laughed and took a few steps towards you, holding out his arm so that you could link yours through it. "Steve, this is my date, (Y/N). And this..." he turned to hold his hand towards your friend, "this is Anna, your date."
"Ma'am." Steve held out his arm for her, but his eyes kept moving to you. Each time you tried to catch him at it, he looked away just in time. His cheeks were flushed and he looked uncomfortable, but there was something about him that drew your eyes to him as well.
Once the date had officially begun, it was hard to watch the movie as a foursome. Bucky was so nice, and so courteous that you felt bad that your mind was on Steve and how much you would rather be talking to him. Your friend certainly didn't seem interested and it actually made you mad that she couldn't see what you were; she didn't realize her luck at being his date.
You looked to your left and saw Bucky engrossed in the picture before him; you looked to your right and saw Steve watching you. That was all you needed. You nodded slightly to direct him to the door, and turned to excuse yourself for a moment, glancing back to see him a few steps behind. When you reached the door you grabbed his hand and pulled him out of view.
"I think our matchmaker got this wrong," you whispered, trying to keep from being seen.
"Yes, ma'am, I do think you're right." Steve had never felt particularly forward towards a lady and never made a move without explicit permission, but in the moment he couldn't help but be closer to you. He pushed you back against the wall for a kiss, surprising even himself with his behavior. After a moment he stepped back, panting and his eyes wide, unsure of the reaction he would get from you.
"Oh," you said breathlessly, "I can tell you're gonna be trouble."
~~~
Now, son, I'm only telling you this
Because life can do terrible things
You'll learn, one day, I'll hope and I'll pray,
That God shows you differently.
Steve was still sitting on the stairs when his son approached, but he wasn't immediately aware. It took a hand on his shoulder and a firm shake to pull him from his memories of you, reluctant to rejoin the real world.
"Dad. You're freaking me out."
"I'm sorry," he sighed, "I'm really sorry. I guess sometimes my mind just takes over." He stood and pulled the young man into a tight embrace that was readily accepted for a change. Having a father known for bravery and stoicism made for uncomfortable hugs growing up, so this was foreign territory. "Forgive me?"
"Of course, dad. It was my fault, I brought her up."
"No. This wasn't your fault. It's on me, alright?" Steve pushed him back just slightly, turning him to admire his appearance. "You clean up good, kid. You get that from me, if I do say so myself. She won't be able to keep her eyes...off of you." He cleared his throat and straightened his stance, looking down onto your son. "Just be careful, okay? Be young. Slow down and enjoy being young. You only get these years once, so don't hurry to grow up."
~~~
I said, "Girl, can I tell you a wonderful thing?
I made you a present with paper and string.
Open with care now, I'm asking you, please.
You know that I love you, will you marry me?"
"What am I gonna do with you, Rogers? We've gone over this how many times now?"
"Buck, just tie it."
Bucky chuckled as he finished the knot of Steve's tie, shaking his head that he still had to do this. "You know, of all days to not know how to do this, your wedding day is probably the worst of them all. Which, by the way," he paused, looking at his work and nodding his approval, "you have yet to thank me for. This whole day wouldn't have happened without me."
"Ha!" Steve scoffed, "this whole day is happening because we snuck out of that movie! You're a terrible matchmaker!"
"Whatever, punk. I let you tag along and you stole my date."
Steve's eyes softened and his expression turned introspective as he looked at himself in the long mirror. This view was different than the day you met; he was a skinny version of the self that he saw now, an unimpressive version that you somehow saw beyond. Thanks to a doctor who took a chance, and your determination to not let him fly that plane alone, both you and Steve were still here, so many years later, finally getting this day.
"She stole me, Buck."
~~~
She said, "Boy can I tell you a terrible thing?
It seems that I'm sick and I've only got weeks.
Please, don't be sad now, I really believe,
You were the greatest thing that ever happened to me."
Tony's hand was on Steve's shoulder as they sat outside of your room, looking through the window as you tried to recover, the doctor wearing a long and fatigued expression. Nat was lying on a couch in the nearby waiting room, keeping a watchful eye on your thirteen-year-old son as he slept with his head on her lap. She took her role as godmother very seriously, but she was terrified that the role was about to become more than just in title only.
"She's gonna be okay, Cap. You two are indestructible, remember?" Tony heard a quiet sniffle come from Steve; he looked over to see Steve wipe his eyes and nod in agreement, averting his eyes to look at the floor. "Steve, you okay?"
"No," he sighed, "but I have to be, don't I? I have a son, I have a team to lead, and I'm Captain fucking America." He stood and walked from the window, pacing behind Tony and wringing his hands together. "When do I get to break, Stark? When do I get to say that it's just too much?"
Tony opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted when the doctor approached, opening the door to let Steve in after hours of waiting. His face was grim and Tony recoiled knowing what was about to be said; he excused himself to sit by Nat, waiting to be needed, hoping he would even know what to do, knowing that things would never be the same.
"Come here, love," you whispered with a raspy voice and barely enough breath in your chest to make it heard. "Sit by me, please."
Steve took a long and deliberate breath, steeling himself for a conversation that terrified him and shook his soul. "I can't do this," he shuddered, his breath becoming ragged and fast, tears ready to spill at any moment. He knelt at the side of your bed and took your hand, pressing his lips firmly against it.
"You have to, baby. You have to do this for him," you said with a cough, your chest beginning to burn and tighten. "You promised me that you would." You pulled your hand away and put it to his chin, turning him so that he would finally look at you. "And you're always honest, remember?"
The dam finally broke and his sobs began to shake his body as the realization of what was happening finally struck him. The reality of the moment stripped away Captain America and left Steve Rogers, a broken man who was losing the love of his life before his eyes.
Tony grabbed Nat's hand when a constant and flat monitor alarm came from your room and the doctors and nurses ran in; his other hand covered your son's ear so that he wouldn't wake from the commotion.
"Let him have good dreams while he still can," he whispered.
~~~
So don't fall in love, there's just too much to lose
If you're given the choice, then I beg you to choose
To walk away, walk away, don't let her get you.
I can't bear to see the same happen to you.
Tony threw the set of keys to Steve, who was leaning into the car window to give one final word of advice to his boy. He didn't want to bring him down, he wanted him to have a good night and enjoy the company he was keeping. But Steve had become jaded towards love, and felt the need to protect his only child.
"Don't fall in love."
"What?" the boy asked, "did you really just say that, dad?"
Steve rubbed his hand on his cheek, clearly frustrated with himself and his own behavior. "Yeah, I did. I'm sorry, but I used to be just like you, thinking that if I found love then it would all be okay and that I would live a better life. It's a fallacy. It's too painful once it's gone, and I just want to spare you this."
"Dad," he began, "would you be the man you are today, the man you are without the pain and anger, if it weren't for mom? Would you prefer to not have all those memories? Would it be better to not have me?"
"Of course not, it's just that-"
"Then just be thankful, remember that I love you, and then trust me."
Steve smiled and finally allowed a small laugh to escape his throat, "when did you get so smart, huh?" He reached in and handed off the keys, watching as the car started with a roar and doing his best to keep his nerves under control. "Alright, no speeding. Obey the rules of the road. No phone!"
"Okay, okay, dad I promise." A hand waved out the window as he pulled away, slowing just a bit when he passed Tony. Steve's mischievousness was clear in his son as he looked at Stark, leaning out the window with a wide grin and a laugh.
"Hey, I'm always honest, right?"