"Concentrate, (Y/N), you can do this. Extend the moment until the hummingbird's wings stop."
You tried to encompass the tiny bird with your thoughts, attempting to control the time in that space alone, but you could feel your grasp slipping and the manipulation starting to expand. It was a struggle to pull it back once it began to grow, but even knowing this, Dr. Banner refused to leave your side as you practiced.
"Bruce, I can't. I'm losing it."
Steve was standing on the other side of the lab window, watching you intently. He had recruited you to the Avengers and it was on him if this didn't work. If Banner couldn't figure out a way to help you hone your powers, he would have to send you away for more intense and focused training for both their safety and yours. He slammed his fist against the window ledge when he saw the doctor break your concentration before your time manipulation grew beyond your control.
"We'll get there, (Y/N). We'll keep working on it until you do, okay? Don't give up on me just yet." Bruce gave you a warm smile and a pat on your arm as you walked out of the lab towards Steve.
"You saw?"
Steve nodded, leaning against the window but not making eye contact. "Yeah, you gave it a good effort though. Really."
He was being kind. That's what friends did; cushioned the blow so when the real hit came, it wouldn't hurt so badly. You knew that your time with the Avengers was limited if you couldn't lock this down. Steve may have been the team's leader, and your best bet for staying with them, but even he could only do so much if you were considered even a small threat to anyone's safety.
"I'm really scared, Steve. What if I can't get this? What if I...what if I hurt someone?" He grabbed your hands when you began wringing them together, making an attempt to support you and calm your nerves. "Please, don't try to placate me. Let me feel this."
"I wasn't trying...I'm not, (Y/N). I'm trying to be supportive. I'm your friend," he said. "Your best friend, the last time I checked." He put his hand under your chin and lifted so you would look at him. "I'm not going to let you fail."
His eyes were so beautiful, so warm and welcoming. It was so hard to be his friend when all you wanted was more; to be able to tell him how you felt without worrying about how he would react. Looking at him now, all you could think about was what it would be like to feel your lips against his, or to feel his arms around you so that your worry could just fade away as he held you.
"I love you, Steve," you sighed, speaking without realizing the words were out loud.
"I love you too, (Y/N)."
Your eyes widened and you felt your heart beating in your chest. You didn't mean to say it, and now you were mortified. He had said it back, but you knew the context wasn't the same as your words were meant to have. Did it really matter anymore? For all you knew, you were days away from being shipped off, so what the hell.
"No, Steve. I really do."
He released your hands and took a step back, but maintained his gaze. His expression changed to shock, then confusion, and finally compassion as the impact of your words went thru his mind. "(Y/N), you can't...I can't...we..." he sighed, frustrated at his inability to get his words out. "You're 19."
"I'm days from 20."
"And I'm 31." Steve raised his eyebrows and rolled his eyes dismissively, "well, 97 if we're gonna be specific. And," he paused, grabbing your hands again, "you're my closest friend. I love you so much, but we can't ever be like that."
You knew that would be his answer, but it still stung. "Yeah, I know. You're right. Of course you're right." You gave him a faint smile and leaned in for a hug. He readily obliged, pulling you in close and holding you for several minutes. You swore that you felt him breathing in the scent of your hair, but in your current frame of mind, who knew if you were imagining it or not. "Steve, this won't change us, will it? I don't want to lose you over this."
He pulled back and held you at arm's length, pointedly looking in your eyes and holding his gaze. "Honey, believe me. You will never lose me over anything." Steve leaned forward for a soft kiss on your forehead and another long hug. "Never."
~~~
You had done a pretty decent job at avoiding Steve for the past week; not purposefully per se, but you weren't seeking him out for any reason. Tonight was your big 20th birthday party at the tower so there was no way for the avoidance dance to continue.
You were just about to run out the door when Steve stopped you, jogging up behind and grabbing your hand. "Hey, where have you been? I feel like we haven't talked in forever."
"I've been busy. Training with Bruce, getting ready for tonight, stuff like that." You pulled your hand away so you could pretend to look for something in your bag to avoid any suspicion or hurt feelings. "I'm just on the way to grab my dress for the party. Did you need anything while I'm out?"
He did look a little hurt after all, but he seemed to accept your explanation. "No. Uh, no, I'm good." He slowly backed away, waving his hand slightly and quickly thrusting it into his pocket, "I'll see you later then."
"Yeah, later," you whispered as he walked away.
When you returned several hours later, you were running late and running to your room to get ready. After the fastest shower of your life, you called Natasha for help with your hair and makeup, barely completing the task before it was time to go. "Do I look okay?"
"He has to notice you. You're beautiful, (Y/N)."
"Wait, what do you mean? Who has to notice me?"
"Steve. Who else would I mean?"
"Oh no, Nat," you laughed, "that's never gonna happen. He shot that down fast. Besides, I have a date."
You walked into the party with Nat but let her go once you spied your date, hanging out by the bar and looking desperately around the room to find you. The poor guy looked completely intimidated by the company wandering around him, and you couldn't help but feel sorry for him. His eyes lit up when he saw you approach, relieved that you were there to rescue him before any of the other Avengers tried to talk to him.
"(Y/N), damn. You look amazing."
"Thanks, Nick. You looked terrified over here."
He leaned in and put his arm around your waist, whispering in your ear, "Thor is huge. And Captain America keeps giving me the eye over there." He nodded towards Steve, but when you looked in his direction he quickly looked away.
"Come on, chicken. Let's go meet the gang." You linked your arm in his and pulled him along, sensing his reluctance. "Nick, don't worry. There's no pressure here, and if they give you a hard time, I'll protect you." You winked as you approached Tony and Clint, patting Nick on the hand. "Guys, this is Nick, my date for the evening. Nick this is-"
"Iron Man and Hawkeye," he said, excitedly reaching out to shake their hands. "Huge fan."
Great, you brought a fanboy to the ultimate fanboy party.
"Okay, well let's move on then, shall we?" You scanned the room, finding the next Avenger in line to be the one you hoped to pass by. "Um, hey Nick, so the next guy might act a bit awkward. We've sort of been having trouble-"
You were interrupted when Steve's hand shot out in front of you, reaching out and grabbing Nick's hand. "Steve. Steve Rogers." Nick's mouth dropped open when he saw him, grabbing Steve's hand with both of his as he shook it violently.
"Oh, man! You're Captain America! Wow."
"He gets that all the time, Nick. Settle down." You rolled your eyes and looked around the room, hoping to tune out the sickening admiration pouring out of your date, as well as hoping to avoid Steve altogether. "Hey, how about a dance?" You pulled his arm harshly and dragged him out to the floor, cutting them both off from the ridiculous conversation about muscles and testosterone and whatever other crap men talk about when they're showing off.
At this point, you threw both shame and rationality out the window, dancing with Nick, pulled against him so tightly that it was hard to breathe. You knew Steve was watching; you could feel his eyes on you from across the room, and they were getting closer. Putting your hands around Nick's neck, he put his hands on the small of your back and tipped you back slightly, leaning forward to breathe softly on your neck. When he pulled you back up, you gasped at the sight of Steve standing right behind him.
"Nick, excuse me, but I think you're done here." He grabbed your hand and led you quickly and wordlessly off the floor and towards the back of the room. He still had your hand, spinning you around until your back was to the wall, pushing you against it hard enough for a breath to be forced from your chest.
"Steve, I'm sorry-"
Your words were stopped by the crushing pressure of his mouth against yours, his body pressing against you and his hands weaving into your hair. His mouth moved frantically down your neck and onto your exposed chest, leaving a trail of wet kisses as you tried to catch your breath. His hands grabbed your waist, and he lifted you off the ground, his weight holding you in place as you wrapped your legs around him. It was startling and exquisite, but everything you had wanted. It felt like time had stopped and you two were the only ones there.
"Steve..." you moaned, his lips returning to yours. You opened your eyes for just a moment, startled at what you saw. "Steve, wait."
He pulled back just a bit to look at you, concerned now by the look on your face. "What? What is it?"
It didn't only feel like time had stopped. It had. And you didn't know how to undo it.
Part 2
You walked amongst the motionless crowd, stopping at each of your teammates, looking at them and feeling an ache in your chest; you had done this and you had no idea how to fix it. Tears began to sting your eyes as you waved your hand slowly in front of Bruce's face; all he wanted to do was help you learn to control this and look where that had gotten him now. Who would you go to for help now? How far did this reach? Did you stop time only here, or was there no limit to it?
"Steve, we need to check outside, see if this is limited to the tower...or...if I did something worse." You shook your head and made your way to the door, Steve following close behind. "What the hell am I gonna do Steve?" The weight of the situation was never lost on you, but at this moment it all came crashing down. You began to hyperventilate, clutching your chest as you tried to catch your breath, failing completely. It didn't feel like panic, but rather something trying to force you to let go of yourself.
"Steve...I...can't...breathe..."
"Okay, okay, (Y/N), here sit down. Look at me." He grabbed your hands and positioned himself in front of you so that he filled your vision. "Let's focus on your breathing okay?"
The edges of your vision started to grow hazy and dark, and you knew that your body was about to release you from the clutches of whatever was happening to you. It was a welcome change from the vice grip that held your lungs, not allowing you to take a breath. Your mind was racing and you struggled to even focus on the fact that it was Steve who was talking to you. You couldn't comprehend what he was saying, and his words sounded more and more distant until finally your vision blacked out and you fell unconscious into his arms.
~~~
Bruce stood at the side of your bed in the infirmary, confused and uncertain of how to proceed. You had been unconscious for almost 24 hours with no signs of waking any time soon. According to Steve, the moment you passed out, the world began to move again, as if you needed to release your grip on it somehow. The best that the doctor could figure out was that Steve was spared because he was in direct contact with you at the time, but that was merely his most likely hypothesis and without proof of any kind.
"I'll get her set up for an EEG to check the status of her brain wave activity. I only hope it's something that I can interpret."
"Thanks, Banner. Call me if anything changes, but I won't be gone long." Steve hesitated a moment, deciding if he should leave your side or stay, but he hadn't left you for the entire time that you were there. Maybe an attempt at sleep would give him a fresh perspective and help to figure out what was happening to you. He leaned down and gave you a soft kiss on your forehead, and another on your lips. "Please wake up," he whispered. "Please."
Steve trudged up to his room, his legs growing heavier with each step, his eyes equally tired and difficult to keep open. It had been a long and confusing 24 hours, and even though he wanted nothing more than to be at your side, his body was betraying him and demanding sleep. When he reached his bed, he made no effort to change out the suit he had been wearing since your party; he threw himself down on the mattress and almost immediately succumbed to sleep that he so desperately needed.
When he woke with a start, he looked at the clock and cursed out loud at himself for allowing sleep to overtake him for eight hours. He jumped in the shower and threw himself together enough to be presentable, but took no interest in anything but getting back to you.
He burst through the infirmary doors and was shocked at the sight that dropped his heart into his stomach. His heart began to pound, loud enough to hear it in his ears, and his breathing quickened. He was filled with anxiety and had a sudden appreciation for what Tony had been dealing with. Steve ran up to Bruce's side and grabbed his arm to spin him around, frantic.
"Where is she?"
"Honestly, Cap, we were hoping you would know."
Steve released the doctor's arm and spun to look desperately around the room, knowing you weren't there, but hoping for some clue as to where you could be. "I don't...I don't know...you mean she just left? When did she wake up? How did she get out without us knowing?"
Bruce reached out to pull a computer monitor into sight, "JARVIS, show us the footage of (Y/N) again, please."
"Sir."
Steve stood in complete silence, unbelieving, as he watched your eyes flutter open and as you regained your awareness of where you were. He couldn't help but have a sense of relief seeing you finally awake, but the feeling was quickly dashed when you removed your monitors and ran from the room. There were no clues here as to where you went, and now he was angry. Angry that he didn't know where to start, and angry at you for leaving without so much as a word to him.
~~~
The news is loving you guys. No one else is.
You had been at the Afterlife community for six months, learning how to control your power, when you heard the news about your team, your former team, and their battle with Tony's creation, Ultron. Normally you wouldn't have access to the outside world, but given your history with the Avengers, you were allowed this one concession. The images of the Hulk in Africa hurt your soul, imagining the regret that had to be gripping Bruce right now; it was his worst fear, causing destruction and harm around innocent people.
You wanted to go back to them, but you weren't ready yet. Your control wasn't ready.
A few days later, worse news came about Sokovia. Your entire team was in danger and it looked like they might not make it through this time. The images were terrifying, seeing the ground ripping apart and knowing that Steve was there caused you physical pain. Knowing that you had left without saying goodbye to him filled your with regret. You had to go, no matter if you were ready or not. There was no way that you could stand by and watch the death of your friends played out on TV. You ran from your room, searching for the one person who could help you, hoping he would agree.
"Gordon, you have to take me there. Right now."
"You shouldn't leave, you aren't ready. Besides, is there really any way for you to help them now?"
"It doesn't matter if I help them or not. I have to be there."
His face was skeptical as he grabbed your hands, and you weren't sure if he was agreeing to help or not. "(Y/N), you could die there."
"I know. And I'm ready for that. Gordon, take me there now, please. Take me to Steve."
He gave your hands a small squeeze and you closed your eyes. When you opened them, Steve was there with his back to you, beheading a robot with his shield. He was alive, and you were filled with relief rather than the fear you should be feeling in the middle of a battle zone. He turned around to survey the scene and connected his gaze with yours. His eyes widened and his mouth dropped open, but his expression quickly changed to one of disinterest, and he walked away without saying a word.
~~~
You had to find someone from the team; you needed to know their plan so you could help. The inevitable conversation with Steve would have to wait. You needed to find something you could use as your weapons; you didn't want to use your power unless it was absolutely necessary. You had worked hard to gain control but you felt anything but confident.
"Nat!"
"Holy shit, (Y/N), what are you doing here?! Where were you?" She ran to you and pulled you in for a tight hug. "Are you okay?"
You pushed away from her, trying to keep your emotions in control as you had been taught. "Nat, tell me the plan. What can I do?"
She nodded her head, keeping her head in the mission. "Kill every robot you see, and get these people to the rescue boats. If we can do that, we might just make it before Tony blows this rock."
You found two metal rods that were light enough for you to use, spinning them over your head to gain your dexterity. "These will have to do." Nat's eyes widened as she looked past you over your shoulder; you spun and impaled a robot straight through, sparks flying everywhere as it dropped to the ground.
"I've got this. Go."
Part 3
Bullets were raining down on your team, with Thor, Clint and Steve right in their path. You steeled your resolve and gathered your focus, though still terrified to use your power away from the guidance at Afterlife. The memory of the night with Steve when you lost control flashed through your mind, but you pushed it away, determined to focus. You closed your eyes and raised your hands in front of you, willing the moment to stop.
When the sounds around you became silent, you opened your eyes and gasped at the sight of your friends, frozen in place. You knew what you were doing, but the sight was jarring nonetheless. You ran to your team, using all of your strength to push them from the line of fire. When you got to Steve, you paused to look at him, not knowing if he could hear you, and not knowing if he would remember this moment once time was restarted.
"Steve," you whispered, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I left, and I'm sorry that I didn't tell you first. I did it to protect you. Please forgive me."
You pushed him clear and ran back to your position, hoping that you had learned enough to bring the moment back to life. Just as you were about to raise your hands, a flash of silver hung in the air to your right; it was so pale that you hadn't noticed it until now when the sunlight illuminated it. You lowered your hands and followed it towards where you had left your team, seeing the haze of a man within it. He must be moving at a speed that was faster than what your powers could catch; he looked determined and was running right into the path of fire. You didn't know this man, but you knew it was the right thing to do to stop him from moving forward.
Once he too was safe, you closed your eyes and hoped that this would work. After centering your powers around you, you laughed at the wonderful sounds of battle coming back to life. You watched your team jump up and look around in confusion, but they were safe, and that's all you cared about.
Steve saw you in the distance and ran towards you, grabbing your arm and pulling you along. "Get on the boat. This thing's about to blow." He stood at the edge of the ramp, surveying the area for any more citizens as the ground began to shake and fall from beneath him. He jumped up and barely made it onto the boat; you grabbed his leg and held him in place as he peered over the edge, watching for Tony and Thor to finish the job.
~~~
"I heard you."
You had fallen asleep in one of the chairs on the bridge of the helicarrier after the use of your powers drained some of your energy away. You opened your eyes to see Steve sitting next to you with his arms resting on his legs and his hands clasped together.
"When?"
He took a deep breath and sat back into the chair, looking at you intensely and studying your face as if he hadn't seen it in years. "When you saved us. You said you were sorry, and that you left to protect us...or to protect me, actually."
"I wasn't sure if you could hear me in that state or not. I figured it was worth a shot since you looked like you didn't want anything to do with me when I showed up."
He was still studying your face, simply nodding at your statement and doing nothing to deny it. "Well, I suppose that's true." A small smile turned up at the corner of his mouth, "you really know how to piss off a man, (Y/N)."
You gave an attempt to return a small smile, but you weren't feeling what you attempted to portray with it. "Yeah, it's one of my powers that I don't talk much about."
"You should probably lead with it before you let a guy stick his tongue down your throat."
His deadpan delivery had you laughing out loud, nearly falling out of your chair as tears rolled down your cheeks. The laugh was so boisterous that the crew around you turned to stare, but you could care less. It was a wonderful sound when his laugh joined yours, but you were both silenced when Fury stepped up behind you.
"Perhaps the gravity of the situation is lost on you two? Could you maybe get it together until we get back on solid ground?"
Steve cleared his throat and straightened in his chair, "yes, sir. Sorry, sir." He reached out and grabbed your hand, lifting you to your feet to follow him as he stood to walk towards the elevator. "Come on, we need to talk."
~~~
Steve was walking fast in front of you; so fast that you struggled a bit to keep up, and you had no idea where you were going. He stopped abruptly when Tony approached, tightening his grip on your hand so you wouldn't leave his side.
"So, Cap, I think we need to talk about-"
"Not now, Stark." Steve raised his hand to Tony dismissively and moved swiftly down the hallway again, with you still in tow.
"Sure, right...gotcha. We can talk later." Tony laughed as he watched Steve pull you along, but suddenly felt a bit nervous when he remembered what happened the last time he saw Steve with that look in his eye. "Figures," he mumbled to himself, "it takes messing with the laws of time for Cap to get any action."
Once you reached the conference room that he was hurrying to reach, he spun you around and pushed you against the door, breathing heavily against you. "Do you even realize how mad I am, (Y/N)?"
"I think I'm getting the idea, yes."
He released you and backed away, resting his hands on the table, hunched over with tense shoulders. "I don't think you do. I didn't want to have feelings for you, if you remember. I told you that we couldn't have a relationship like this. Do you remember that?"
"Yes," you whispered.
He slammed a fist on the table, leaving a dent in the wood that cracked across the width of it. The sound startled you enough to make you jump and recoil away from him in fear. "Then what were you thinking? You know goddamn well that bringing that guy to your party was just to flaunt him around in front of me. You were trying to get my attention, right?"
"No, I wasn't," you stepped forward, now getting angry as well. "I was doing nothing of the sort, Steve. If you thought that was what I was doing, then maybe you have some issues that you need to work on rather than putting them on me. I can't make you have feelings for me, Rogers."
He paused to consider, but still maintained his tense stature as he spoke. "Okay, so maybe I misread that," he conceded, "but then after we...after we had that moment together, and I thought that I meant more to you, you left. You left and didn't tell me where you were going." Steve turned back towards you, his face red with anger but eyes full of sadness, "I was terrified that you were out there somewhere that I couldn't find, and that I couldn't help you. You just...abandoned us. And me."
"Put yourself in my place for just one minute, Steve. What would you have done?" You stepped forward towards him, now only inches away, "if you knew that you could cause that much damage and could hurt the people you loved, would you have stayed?"
"I don't know."
"Yes, you do."
Steve sighed and relaxed his posture for the first time during the conversation. "No, I wouldn't have stayed."
"Steve, I'm sorry about how I handled it, okay? But I was scared, and I knew you would try to talk me into staying. I did what I thought was right at the time." You reached down and took his hand in yours, the other lifting his chin so that he would meet your gaze. "But I'm here now, and I'm telling you, I'm so sorry."
He moved his head away from your hand and looked around the room, as if searching his mind for the answers to the problem. He silently shook his head a few times, but had yet to say anything.
"Steve, spit it out."
He closed his eyes and lowered his head. He took a long and deliberate breath, and spoke with a low and deep voice that resonated through you. "Don't ever do this to me again, (Y/N)." He opened his eyes and held your gaze with a stern expression, "if we're going to do this, you have to promise me."
Your entire body relaxed, so much so that you felt slightly lightheaded as your muscles gave away the tension you had been holding for so long, combined with the fatigue you were still feeling from the battle at Sokovia. "I promise," you replied, leaning against him just slightly, grabbing his arm to steady yourself.
"Woah, hey. What's going on?" His demeanor shifted immediately to worry and protector, standing over you with both hands holding your shoulders. "You okay?"
"Yeah," you said, holding your head and closing your eyes to steady your equilibrium, "just tired. Rough day, if you recall."
"Alright, we can talk about this later." He swung his arm down to catch you behind your legs and lifted you off the ground to carry you to the infirmary so you could rest. "Hey, I don't think I ever said thank you."
"For what?"
"For saving us, and knowing when we needed you," he paused to introspect for a moment, "well, when I needed you." He leaned his head to kiss you, pressing his lips against your hair, "in more ways than one."