If Garnet thought she was being smothered before, she was mistaken. Sean now followed her every move with hawk-like eyes, placed a protective hand on her back whenever they walked outside for any reason, and moved his body as well when she so much as shifted in her seat.
But she didn't care. She was grateful now, where before she was annoyed.
She laid awake at night, wondering if Mayne had been watching her: if he'd seen her workout; if he'd heard when she answered her cell phone walking from the car to the house after school; if he'd seen her stop by the store for tampons and ice cream (a trip that mortified both her and Sean)... the list went on and on. Sean told her nothing was wrong with her, but she still felt dirty knowing someone was watching her. She felt eyes on her all the time, to the point where she couldn't tell if she was just being paranoid or not.
She was tired and scared, and the police were getting nowhere. Though Mayne was close by, he was practically invisible.
And Garnet wouldn't rest until he was found.
***
Garnet sat on her bed, working a calculus problem. Sean lounged on the floor, back against the wall by her door, keeping one eye on her and one eye on his laptop. An upbeat pop song came on Garnet's Pandora station, and she quickly closed the app. She reached for her phone and selected her 'Down' playlist. Skinny Love by Bon Iver came on. She set the phone down on her bedside table and picked up her pencil.
She felt Sean's eyes on her.
"What?" she asked.
"Not feeling the upbeat, happy stuff?" he asked.
She shook her head.
"Why not?"
She rolled her eyes. "I'm not in an upbeat, happy mood," she said venemously.
He raised his eyebrows, surprised at her tone, and she instantly felt guilty.
"Sorry."
He put a hand over his heart. "Do my ears deceive me? Or are you saying sorry?"
She rolled her eyes again, this time fighting a smile.
"Don't get used to it."
"I don't think I ever will."
She couldn't hold back her smile this time. She grew serious again, though, and apologized.
"I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm just a little bit stressed."
He moved his laptop to the side and his face adopted a patient look.
"Tell me about it."
"It's just that...well, I feel dirty. Disgusting. I feel eyes on me all the time. I close all of my curtains, but I still don't stand by windows. I'm terrified all the time that Mayne is watching me. I can't go out and do things because I'm too worried I'll be murdered. I haven't heard from Juliard. I have way too much homework. I have to up my workouts in the winter because of holiday foods, so that takes time. I'm getting maybe four hours of sleep a night and I need nine to function healthily with my diet and exercise routine. Oh, did I mention I could be murdered at any second and I'm being stalked by a psycho?"
Sean looked at her, eyes full of compassion, and shook his head. "I don't even know how to reply to that. I'm sorry, Garnet. I'm sorry this is happening to you." His fists clenched. "I want to kill Mayne so badly for putting you through this."
She clutched her pillow to her chest and he continued.
"You don't deserve this. God, you're the last person who deserves this. I'm so sorry, okay? I'm sorry, and I wish I could make it go away. But I can't."
"I don't expect you to," she said, chest swelling with a strange emotion from his words.
"But I expect me to," he said, getting up and pacing. "I want to protect you. I want to keep you so safe."
"You're doing a great job," she told him, distressed that he thought differently. Sean was amazing.
He looked at her, eyes blazing, and sat on the bed, leaning in. His voice was passionate when he spoke.
"But I feel like I'm not. He's out there and there's not a damn thing I can do about it."
He leaned in even further, lost in his rant. "But I can promise that you won't meet him alone if he ever gets to you. I'll be here. And I'll make sure he doesn't even look at you twice. I'll kil him."
Garnet's eyes watered. No one had ever looked at her the way Sean was looking at her right now. No one had ever expressed so much concern or care for her. Not her parents, her relatives, Jessica. No one.
She looked at Sean and he looked at her and then they were both reaching for each other and, before she knew it, they were kissing. Sean's hands were on her hips and hers were around his neck, her fingers toying with the hair that almost rested on his collar.
And it was amazing.
Garnet had never experienced anything like kissing Sean. Her skin was on fire, her breathing heavier, her body responding to Sean in ways she didn't know it could. Soon he was laying on top of her and her hands were under his shirt, running up and down his back, and his were everywhere and he was everything.
His lips found her neck, and she breathed his name.
And then he was gone, and she was cold, and he was by the door, his hand on the knob.
"Jesus," he muttered. "I'm so sorry, Garnet. Oh my God, I'm sorry, I-"
"Wait!" she interjected. "Why are you sorry?"
He buried his face in his hands. "I just took advantage of you-"
"Trust me, you didn't."
He moved his hands and looked her in the eyes, reading her.
"Garnet...you know we can't..."
"What?" she asked, mortified. "You don't..."
His eyes widened. "Oh, God, no, you're gorgeous and awesome, don't get me wrong, and I would love to go over there right now and pick up where we left off...but I'm your bodyguard. I can't be with you like that, not if I want to protect you the best I can."
His words were worse than blows. But rather than dissolve into tears like she wanted to, she straightened her spine and hardened her heart and her voice.
"I see."
He sighed. "Don't-"
"What?"
"Don't do what I know you're going to do."
"What am I going to do?" she asked calmly and cooly.
"Freeze me out. You're already doing it."
"I don't know what you're talking about," she said, voice even.
"I'm sorry, okay? Can we go back to the way we were five minutes ago?" he asked.
"That's perfectly fine with me," she told him.
She picked up her calculus book and pencil, straightening her shirt and smoothing her hair, then secretly held back tears as she finished her work in silence.
***
Things were awkward, to say the least. Sean didn't back off his protective duty, but he was different. He was stiff when they touched and careful to keep up the act just enough that no one suspected anything, but Garnet knew he was just keeping up the act. She played along in front of people, but was as distant and cold as possible as she could be to someone who was guarding her life.
She was cold and distant, but she missed their playful banter, their endless talk about movies and music and life, the looks they used to share, looks she didn't realize at the time but now knew were loaded with affection.
She missed Sean.
But, at the same time, she was hurt. He kissed her and touched her and gave her just enough time to fall in love with him, then pulled away and claimed he couldn't protect her if they were together.
She didn't see the logic.
He just didn't want to commit.
The thought burned her, wounded her pride, and made her cry every night.
But it also made her mad. She fumed in the privacy of her room when she laid down to go to sleep, after she finished crying. She was so angry that it kicked her into what Jessica dubbed bitch mode.
A week after the kiss, Garnet decided to get even in the only way she knew how.
She called her most attractive male admirer from school and invited him to her house when Sean went to the bathroom.
He returned and wordlessly sat against the wall, reaching for his laptop. Garnet cleared her throat and he looked up in curiosity.
"I have a...friend coming over. Think you could give us some privacy when he gets here?" she asked, voice perfectly innocent. Like nothing had happened.
Sean's eyes flashed and his jaw clenched. He was pissed.
She felt a deep sense of satisfaction.
"Sure," he said, voice calm except for a little shaking.
He was livid.
The doorbell rang and Garnet grinned.
"That's Hunter," she told him pointedly, and went downstairs to answer it.
Sean followed close on her heels and stood close by her when she answered the door.
Hunter Barks stood on her porch. His glossy black hair fell in his icy blue eyes and his dimple showed when he flashed his perfect white teeth. She looked him up and down, taking in his broad shoulders and tall frame, the jeans that hung just so on his hips, the leather jacket he wore.
He was sexy.
Sean stiffened by her side. She refused to look at him, knowing her attraction to Hunter would be gone the moment she set eyes on him.
"Hey," she said in her way, the way that drove tons of guys crazy. "My parents are out, so you can come upstairs."
She led the way, not even turning to look at Sean when she spoke to him.
"We'll just be in my room."
She heard Sean loudly stomp to the living room and smiled. Then she reached her room and the gravity of what she was doing hit her as she opened the door, leading Hunter inside.
"I'm glad you called," he told her. "I've been wanting to get together for a while now."
She just smiled, internally freaking out.
"I thought you were with Sean?" he asked.
She shook her head. "We don't want to start rumors or anything, so we're just pretending we're fine at school. We're not together."
"Why is he here?" Hunter asked, eyes roaming her body as she slipped her jacket off and took a seat on the bed, crossing her legs.
"My parents don't want me home alone after...well, you know."
He took a seat next to her, hand 'accidentally' landing on hers.
"It's a good thing you have me to keep you company, then," he said, looking down at her.
She closed her eyes as she reached for him, keeping them shut tightly as he kissed her.
She really tried not to compare his kiss to Sean's. She fought hard, but she couldn't help but notice that he wasn't as gentle, as careful. He didn't treat her like she would break. He wasn't reverent. He was just as intense as Sean had been, but not... loving.
She squeezed her eyes shut tighter, blocking Sean from her mind as Hunter moved on top of her and slid his hands under her shirt.
Boy, was he smooth.
She knew his reputation, and she knew what she was getting into when she invited him in.
She didn't expect to feel so guilty, like she was cheating on Sean.
She remembered then that Sean didn't want her and her anger fueled her to participate in the kiss. He pulled away to look at her, his eyes appreciative. She pulled him back to her, unwilling to hesitate long enough for her anger to dissipate.
She stopped things from escalating too far, making sure all clothes stayed on and Hunter's hands didn't roam too much.
When Sean knocked on the door, announcing that her parents would be home soon, Hunter stopped kissing Garnet's neck and pulled her up with him, keeping his arms around her.
"What do you say we hang out again tomorrow?" he asked.
"That sounds good to me," she said, knowing Sean would go crazy when she shared her news.
Hunter kissed her one more time and helped her up.
"I should go."
"I'll walk you to the door."
They walked downstairs. Sean glanced up at them and the look in his eyes made Garnet's heart heavy and gave her satisfaction at the same time.
She kept walking past him, unable to back out now that she'd started something with Hunter.
"Good night," she told him.
He slid his arms around her waist and kissed her good night before leaving.
Garnet closed the door and locked it, staying turned that way to avoid looking at Sean.
"What the hell was that?" Sean demanded.
Garnet turned around and looked at him, finally. She kept her expression and voice neutral.
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"I know you were making out up there. I'm not stupid. And he kissed you right in front of me. What are you doing?"
"I'm sorry, but that's none of your business," she replied, voice careless.
She started to walk away, but Sean grabbed her arm and pulled her to him, putting them chest to chest, and looked down at her.
"Like hell it isn't my business!"
"It's not," she said calmly. "You're not my boyfriend. You're not even my friend. You're just my bodyguard."
He released her like she'd stung him, pulling away quickly. He couldn't mask the hurt in his eyes. She turned away and walked upstairs calmly.
But she was collapsing on the inside.