Ashley's POV
"You can't leave me. I don't know what I would do without you.." Her words pierce through me. I hate hurting her.
"I don't have a choice, my whole family is leaving. You know I don't wanna leave you. But what can I do?" I feel the tears building.
"It's all the way across the country."
"I know." I say simply.
"I don't know... I'm not sure if I can live without you Ashley."
"Don't say that Spence." I say wiping away a tear making its way down her cheek.
"I love you." She says trying to hold back more tears, unsuccessfully.
I pull her into a hug trying to calm her.
My dad honks the horn, signaling that it's time to go.
I'm not ready to leave her yet.
"I gotta go." I tell her placing a kiss on her forehead.
"Please Ash."
I don't want to leave her.
Believe me I don't.
But I don't have a choice.
"I'm sorry. I love you too." I say kissing her one more time.
A kiss that I wanted to last forever.
I let her go and walk away.
As we pull off I turn around and I can see her looking out her window.
I know this hurts her more than it hurts me.
She's not used to being away from the people she loves.
I, on the other hand, have had plenty of practice.
The day I left keeps replaying in my head and I hate it.
I hate thinking about the fact that I'm the one that made Spencer cry.
It sucks.
Being away from her sucks.
Most of all, being here sucks.
I've been trying to play catch up since I got here and yeah I'm smart but you try catching up more than 3/4ths way through the semester and see how that works out for you.
You think I'd be used to having to make new friends.
Truth is I hate it.
"Come on Ashley we're gonna go check out the base." My brother says running in my room.
This move was a lot easier for him.
He likes being able to create a new him everywhere we go.
Not me though.
Ugh.
I just fucking miss Spencer.
I'm in school now and school's well it's school.
Boring.
After this period it's lunch.
Nothing I hate more than lunch.
It's where I have to stand like a dumbass and look for a place to sit.
You know like the typical high school everyone is in a group.
Blah.
It just makes everything awkward.
It sucks when you're coming to a new school and you don't know anyone.
I look around at all the tables deciding which group would be less likely to get up and walk away when I sit down.
I decide just to forget lunch and make my way to my next period, Art.
I'm throwing my tray away when...
"Hi." The blonde says as I turn around.
"Um... Hi." I say placing the tray on the tray table.
"You're new here right?" She smiled.
"Yeah. My family and I just moved here last week."
"Well," the blonde starts, turning around to what I'm guessing is the lunch table she just emerged from, getting a little encouragement from her friend.
Guess that means she didn't come over here at her own will.
"Um, I was wondering if you wanted to come and sit with me and my friends?" She bit her bottom lip.
What do I say?
I wanna make new friends but I mean...
Fine.
"Yeah, sure." I say and she smiles.
"I'm Spencer, by the way." She says as we make our way to the table.
"Ashley." She holds out her hand for me to shake.
Really?
I take it anyways.
She smiles as we sit down at the table with a three other girls.
"That's Madison, Jade, and Taylor." She said pointing to each girl so I would know who was who. "This is Ashley everyone." They all smiled.
"So what are you doing after school today Ashley?" The girl introduced as Madison asked me.
"Nothing, just still unpacking and stuff." I'm a little uncomfortable sitting at a table with four people I don't know and this is why I don't really make friends.
"You're coming with us to the beach then." She tells me.
"Um... okay?" I more ask then say. I look over at the blonde who first greeted me and she smiles an 'I'm sorry smile'.
"You don't have to come." She leans over and whispers in my ear.
Cue shiver.
"Uh... no it's um.. it's fine." I croak out.
She's really close to me.
"Okay." She pulls back and smiles once again.
I could get used to that smile.
I laughed inwardly as I thought about how after school when it was actually time to go to the beach Madison and the two other girls all mysteriously got busy leaving just me and Spencer to go.
She said I didn't have to go.
But I wanted to.
The bell rings and everyone jumps up and rushes out the door.
I'm taking my sweet ass time getting up from my seat.
I make my way to my locker and drop off the extremely heavy text book and sigh.
This is gonna be a long hour.
I walk into the cafeteria and the smell alone makes me wanna walk right back out.
Gag.
I scan the room and see a vending machine.
Thank god.
Once I bought my chips and Vitamin Water I head outside.
I'm sitting at one of the benches listening to my iPod when there's a tap on my shoulder.
I look over my shoulder and see a blonde haired girl smiling at me.
She's telling me and making gestures to take my earphones off.
Who does that?
I can't hear her.
My headset is noise canceling.
Yes, I'm fancy.
Besides, everyone knows when someone has their earphones on that they don't wanna be bothered with.
I scrunch my eyebrows and do it anyway.
It would be nice to actually know someone in this school.
"Yeah.." I say to her which makes her smile more.
"Yeah, hey! You're new here right." She said that as a statement not a question.
I nod my head and wait for her to finish talking.
I'm sure she's not done.
"I knew it! So, you like pussy?" She asks causally like she's asking about the weather.
That question makes me laugh.
I haven't laughed in a while.
"Excuse me?" I ask still laughing.
I mean maybe I heard wrong.
"I'm saying you like pussy." She said changing it to more like a statement.
"Yeah…"
"I knew it. You didn't have to tell me." She says giggling cutting me off while she walks around the bench so she's facing me. "I'm Katie. Let's do the whole, get-to know-you-chit-chat later. I want you to meet my friend." And with that she grabs my hand and drags me away.
I let myself be dragged away to the parking lot.
I see that we're heading towards this girl with brown hair who is currently leaning against a car.
" Emily, look what I brought! Isn't she the cutest?" She said to her friend who is laughing.
Um, am I a fucking dog?
"Sorry about her she doesn't go out a lot." The brunette says as she looks at me up and down.
You know, checking me out.
I feel violated.
And my gaydar is ringing like crazy.
"Let's go I'm starving!" Katie gets in the car which I'm assuming is hers since she got in the driver's seat.
But I've only known this girl for five seconds and I already know she's random as hell.
Emily followed her and I'm left outside.
"Ashley, get your cute ass in the car!" Katie yells as she starts the car.
I laughed and got in the backseat, pretty much stunned at the whole thing.
We're at McDonald's now.
We ate in silence except for Katie asking me questions here and there.
You know general stuff, where I'm from, if I have any brothers and sisters blah blah blah.
I answered her with short answers.
I didn't realize how hungry I really was.
I miss Spencer.
We always had breakfast.
Well, she always made me eat breakfast.
I never really cared for it but then I got use to eat.
I haven't been eating breakfast since we moved here.
I never really had the time to and plus there's no Spencer to wake up to every morning.
"So, since you're hot I'm sure you left someone back home." Katie says dipping her fries in her Sundae.
Spencer.
Ugh, let me just say I miss her.
"Yeah, I did." I said with a sad smile.
"Ooh here that Emily, no pussy for you then."
Emily laughs and rolls her eyes.
"I never said I wanted her. You just assumed since I told you she was gay that we would automatically like each other. Besides, I can have you anytime I want and I don't have to work for it." Emily says with a smirk.
Sooo they're both gay.
I guess Katie flew under the radar.
"Oh fuck you, bitch." Katie says laughing throwing a fry at her friend.
"I'm not gay by the way. I just dabble."She tells me.
"Hey, I'm not judging." I say laughing along with them.
"Are you usually this chatty?" Emily asks sarcastically.
Yeah, I really haven't said much.
When Katie's not asking me questions, I am usually just quiet watching them talk.
"Sorry, I'm just really trying to get used to the place. I woke up dreading school I didn't know that by lunch time I would be kidnapped by these two crazy bitches. So, I'm just letting everything soak in." I tell both of them.
"Hey! Just cause I'm friends with this crazy bitch doesn't mean I'm crazy like her." Emily says getting up.
Ok, I guess it's time to go.
"I would be offended if it wasn't true." Katie gets up after her friend and throws her garbage out.
I'm the last one to get out throwing my trash away.
"So, I say we skip the rest of the day and show our new friend around." Katie says and before I can say no we're already in the car on our way to…. I have no idea where were going.
I'm so tired as soon as I got home I helped my mom and brother unpack.
It was around eight when we finished.
Katie and Emily are fun.
They're both a good distraction.
For a second I found myself having fun.
Then I found myself guilty.
I know this move is tougher on Spencer than it is for me.
I should really call her.
I finished up copying Emily's homework and placed it back in my bag.
Both of them gave me their work to copy from since I missed the rest of the day.
The classes I was gonna have this afternoon they already had in the morning.
So, yay!
I made my bed up on the couch and decided I'll call Spencer tomorrow night.
I'm so glad today is Friday.
–
The next day was just as tiring.
More unpacking.
No resting.
I still didn't call Spencer all day.
I know she's probably worried.
I make my bed up once again on the couch and grab my phone to call Spencer.
She picked up right away and practically screamed into the phone.
"Hey baby! I fucking missed you so much!"
"I miss you too baby. Sorry I'm calling so late. It was the only chance I could call." I'm even more tired now that I'm lying down.
She told me that she's happy to hear my voice which makes me smile.
I told her about the move and how I'm still sleeping on the couch since all my stuff hasn't arrived.
"We had great memories on that couch." Spencer says yawning.
I can tell she's getting sleep.
That's that east coast, west coast time difference for ya.
But leave it to Spencer to turn everything into sex.
Even if she is sleepy...
"Mmm. That we did." I say as I position myself to get more comfy on the couch.
We stayed quiet for a while and I found myself drifting off to sleep.
"..baby, I'm sleepy." I tell her trying to wake myself up but I can't sleep is winning.
"Then go to sleep. I'm getting sleepy too."
"But we didn't talk all day." I mumble into the phone
"I know but that's OK. We have tomorrow." I heard her say.
Mmmk. Goodnight baby. I love you." I tell her.
"Goodnight. I love you more baby."
"Baby stay on the phone. I wanna hear you breathing." If I can't have her next to me I wanna at least pretend.
And then my sleep won.
I woke up with my headset still on.
I hate that it makes my ears hurt.
My phone's dead blah.
I looked at the time and I see that I only have 20 minutes to get ready to meet up with Emily and Katie. They wanna take me somewhere.
Don't ask cause I have no clue.
I got ready really fast and plugged my phone into the car charger and headed off to meet them.
On my way to meet them I called Spencer.
"Hey, my phone totally died last night."
"I figured."
"I think making you stay on the phone was the best idea ever." I really think it was.
"Why is that?"
"Because it was the best nights sleep I've gotten since we've been here." I tell her through a yawn.
"Are you still tired."
"No. I think the furniture gets here today." I tell her as I pull up to Katie's house.
She gave me her address after school yesterday and told me to meet her here.
"I miss you." She changes the subject. I really didn't wanna do this with her right now.
I know this is hard on her but I don't wanna make it worse.
"I know baby. I miss you too."
She gets quiet for awhile. I can see Katie coming out of the house and walking towards my car.
"Baby I have to go. My dad is taking us all the check out the Army base today." I lie.
Fuck! I just lied to Spencer.
I didn't feel like explaining this all to her right now.
"Okay baby, I love you."
"I love you too." I tell her and hang up just as Katie reaches my car.
"What up bitch?" She greets me. So polite right?
"Hey." I smile getting out of the car.
"Who was that on the phone wifeeeeey?" This bitch.
"Yeeees." I mock her tone.
"Why'd you hang up so fast I wanted to say hey." She smiles as we walk into her house.
"I told her I was going somewhere with my family. I haven't told her about you and Emily yet." I grimace at the thought of lying to Spencer. I have never lied to her once.
"Is that right. Lying to the wifey about your whereabouts can get you in a whole lotta trouble." Katie smiles. I know she's enjoying this.
"I'm gonna tell her. I just didn't wanna ruin her mood."
Why do I think making new friends would upset Spencer?
She knew this would happen. That I would meet new people.
So why in the hell do I feel so guilty?