*Cough*
"I tried to talk to the teachers." Phil sighs and continues to play with my fingers as we sit snuggled together on the sofa.
My head rests on Phil's chest, my knees brought to my own chest. Phil sits with his legs in a crossed manner. A blanket is thrown over us as we sit together in each other's comfort and warmth. I haven't been this comfortable in a while.
"No matter what, you have to come to school tomorrow. I know it's stupid, and awful, and you deserve so much more time off. I mean, you've only been home for a week, but they're worried that you're getting too far behind. Plus, it's the last school year before uni, and they don't want you to have to stay in longer than you need to." He explains, staring expectantly at me to respond.
My face continues to stare blankly at the telly. Although I don't watch the tv, I instead stare right through the motion picture, not paying attention to anything, "Dan?" Phil whispers, and my attention finally turns towards him, "I'm worried about you." He continues, his eyes glazing over, a few tears falling.
I stay silent, and use my thumb to delicately wipe away the tears that fall down his pale and smooth face. My still somewhat thin fingers move to his fringe where I move some of it out of his eyes, "Don't worry about me." I lightly smile with a ghost quiet tone, "I'm fine." I reassuringly add, and place a soft kiss onto Phil's lips.
He forms his lips into a straight line, his face still reading uncertainty. I know that I'm acting weird but...I've changed. People change, it's a normal thing. I'm still getting used to it just like Phil is. I know that I'm not the Dan that Phil used to know, but I hope that he'll find a way to still like me now.
Phil leans forward, and makes it so our faces are only centimeters apart. Although he doesn't lean in any further, he stays where he is. A new shade of a different color seeming to loom into his eyes. They always change, it's like a never ending cycle. A new speck of gold, or a new splash of green found every moment in his light blue eyes.
Phil stares at me dead on. Our eyes not losing each other's. They lock in place, blue meeting brown. Although mine can sometimes appear as a brownish shade of red in certain light. I wonder what my eyes look like right now. Does my eye color appear differently to others?
Our breaths continue to mingle, and I finally find myself running my hands up Phil's legs to his stomach. Now that he's fully facing towards me, this task is much easier. Then, my hands glide under his shirt, touching his bare skin where I draw patterns, my hands leading up to his chest, "God you're beautiful." I mumble, making Phil shyly meet my sharp gaze, "It's unbelievable how no one has truly realized before." I add, making Phil's cheeks turn a bright shade of pink, "It's amazing. Your form and your stride. The way you act in action, how your actions seem almost bulky yet swift."
Phil lets out a happy sigh, and leans forward, placing his forehead on my shoulder. We don't kiss, and we don't need to kiss. Showing comfort, and love doesn't mean just kissing. It also means being in each other's comforts with no talking, only eye contact, and the occasional hand holding. It may not be much, but it's the world to me. Sweet little moments like this.
"...Dan?"
"Hm?"
"Are we like um...a real thing? Like...boyfriends?" Phil chews his lip.
I think for a moment. Yeah, I've always dreamed of this, but now that it's here...I don't know what to do. But I nod, because I know that I won't have regrets if I say yes. If I say no, then I'll hurt Phil, and regret my decision. I don't regret this one, which means that I'm happy with the choice I made.
I see Phil's lips curl into a smile as he looks up, and pecks me on the lips before continuing to cuddle into me. Our positions reversed from me cuddling him, to him cuddling me. I prefer being the "big spoon" anyway.
~
"Wake up, wake up, wake up!" Jaxon shouts as he hops on top of me, making my groan.
"Jaxon, get off of Dan. You're gonna hurt him." Phil giggles, and grabs Jaxon, picking him up and putting him down next to me.
Jaxon decides to lay down. He crawls closer to me, and places his head onto my chest. My smile widens, and I twirl his blonde hair, "I'm not a sleepy head." I giggle and kiss his head.
"You are a sleepy head, Danny! You were sleeping for a really long time."
Phil sits down at the end of the bed, next to my feet. He places his hand on my shin, and traces patterns on it, "You gotta get up. School starts in 45 minutes." He softly tells me, leaning down and placing a soft kiss onto my lips.
I sigh, "How about." I place my finger onto his chest, "We stay home, and not go to school?" I ask, and kiss Phil again.
"I'd love to, but I have a big test today, and I don't want to flunk it." He sadly says, "I sometimes forget that I'm 17."
"Hey, you'll be 18 in only 2 months. Plus, we have first period together." I bite my lip, and smile warmly at him.
"You need to stop doing that." He orders, and kisses me one last time before sitting fully up again, "No but seriously, you need to get ready since I need to take Jaxon to day care soon." Phil stands up, and grabs Jaxon's still sleepy form before walking out of the room.
~
"I'm ready!" I call out as I trudge down the stares.
I'm beyond tired, and it doesn't help that I got zero sleep last night. Yeah, I did have Phil by my side the whole entire time, but it didn't work like usual. It's like I'm constantly worried, always deeply thinking about something. It's always completely random stuff as well. I think I'm still sick, honestly.
"Babe, where's my homework?" Phil asks from the living room.
Babe?
"I think it's on the kitchen table, and don't call me babe ever again. I hate that." I try to say nicely say, failing miserably.
Phil walks out into the hallway with a slight frown, "Sorry I'm just used to saying it because of Ja-" Phil stops himself mid sentence, and bites his lip while looking down, "Sorry." He whispers.
I slowly walk up to him, and carefully place my hand on his back, making him look up at me. Phil's eyes are big, and glistening. Out of instinct, I latch onto the poor boy in front of me. I get it, I'm not like Jamie, and I know that Phil misses her. I just hope that Phil realizes that I'm not Jamie. I'm...nothing compared to her. The second thought, you know?
My fingers wind up to into his hair to soothe him, whispering sweet nothings into his ear, trying to keep my own awful thoughts to myself.
"I'm sorry, I just-"
"No, I get it. You don't have to explain anything." I tell Phil, and squeeze my eyes shut in pain. A deep, cold feeling spreading throughout my chest, "It's fine."
~
The car ride was silent, although Phil delicately held my hand the whole time. It's like he was scared to crush my bones if he held on too tightly. I seem to keep forgetting how I really appear, getting lost in Phil's remarks instead. It makes me forget the truth, and envision the lie that Phil creates.
~
"I'll be with you the whole entire time, okay? I'm not leaving your side." Phil whispers and kisses my cheek.
I nod, and take the big move of placing my hands on both sides of his face, and quickly pull him closer so his lips connect with mine. I don't know why I decided to be so bold and do something like this in public. It felt like it was vital. Like I needed it. You have cocaine and weed, I have Phil Lester.
"What was that for?" Phil asks with eyes wide, making me smirk and shrug.
"Because." I simply say, and softly run my finger along his jawline, before turning towards the school gates, and continuing to walk in with Phil close behind me.
Phil and I walk into the school-grounds, and we're quickly being chatted up by a bystander of my little move from the gate, "Are you two like a...thing?" The girls hopefully smiles, her bluey-green eyes brightening. Although they're not as bright as her pink, magenta, and purple hair.
I look over at Phil with a loving smile, "Yes." I look back over towards the girl, "Yes we are."
Her smile only widens, "That's amazing. I myself think I'm bi, but I'm too scared to say, so it always makes me happy seeing gay or lesbian couples. It gives me a sense of pride, I guess. It's just knowing that people have the courage and confidence to do something I could never do makes me proud of them." She tries to explain, making Phil and I smile at her.
"I wish you the best of luck." Phil comments, making her cheeks burn up.
"Also, nice shirt." I say, and point to her Free! jumper.
"Thanks." She smiles, "Oh I have to go." She quickly says and runs over to a girl with light brown hair, and another with black hair. The black hair girl being quiet petite and tiny.
"That was nice." Phil tells me.
"It was." I say back, "I hope she can one day be who she really wants to be." I say.
Phil nods, "Me too."
I look over to the front of the school with uncertainty. A hoard of girls, and even some guys form around someone. All I catch is a glimpse of shiny black hair, "Do you know who that is?" I nudge Phil, and he looks to where I'm looking.
He squints as the sun blinds his eyes, "No I don't. Do you?"
I roll my eyes, but smile, "If I knew I wouldn't be asking you."
"Shut up." Phil blushes, and looks down.
~
"If any of you actually remember the class projects the you should've been working on, or brainstorming on with your partner." Phil and I exchange glances with light smiles. It's the whole reason why we started talking in the first place. A simple school project, "That is due in 3 months. So, you still have plenty of time, but it will go by quickly. Trust me. All of the information will be up on the board at all times." Mrs. Jackson kindly smiles.
The bell then rings, signaling that the class period is over. My heart instantly sinks as well. My next class period doesn't have Phil in it. I'll be all alone. I don't want to be all alone. I can make a run for it, right? Basically anything then leaving Phil's side, but I don't think I have a choice.
I swallow thickly, and take Phil's hand with my sweater paws as we walk out of the classroom. Phil insists on walking me to history, and I'm 100% okay with that. It'd be even better if he stayed with me the whole time.
"I'll see you in a little, okay?" He whispers, and pecks my cheek.
"I'll meet you in the canteen." I respond, and Phil nods.
He squeezes my hand one last time, and lets go before slowly walking towards his own classroom, "Love you." I whisper, and walk into the room.
Instantly, everyone's eyes land on me, and I automatically feel my throat tighten under their gazes. My body seems to freeze right at that moment, standing in the doorway, "Excuse me." A deep, and raspy voice says from behind me.
I turn around, and look down, "Sorry." I mumble, and step out of the way.
The boy walks around me, and to the front of the classroom. I then notice that everyone's gaze follow him. They were looking at the boy, not me. A heavy weight lifts off of my chest, and I let out a shaky breath before sitting down in my usual seat at the back of the classroom.
"Everyone, listen up." Mr. Jones calls out, "We have yet another student joining us today."
The boy that stood behind me now stands in front of everyone. He has half of his head shaved, the other have being long, seeming to stop at his prominent cheekbones. His hair's the shade of ebony. His skin is pale, and he's quiet thin, instantly making feel less worried of my state.
You can say that he has a 'bad boy' vibe. I could easily imagine him with the same kind smirk he holds now accompanied by a cigaret. His attire is a black denim vest, and a Misfit torn looking tank top under it. His jeans also being black, and quiet tight. As tight as PJ's which is surprising. PJ's jeans are practically a second layer of skin.
But his eyes. They're a new shade of blue. Dark yet light. A dark ring around the pupil, with a large medium blue ring around that one, then another thin dark blue ring around the medium colored one. His lips are pink and full, his eyebrows perfectly arched.
"I'm sorry. What is your name again? It's Andy, right?" Mr. Jones asks.
Andy lets out a low and happy chuckle, "No, sir. It's Alex, but it's okay. I'm not gonna punch you or anything." He jokes.
Another thing I notice, is how every girl (and almost boy) in the room stare at him just like I do. It's honestly frustrating. I don't know how he lives with all of the attention. It must be extremely annoying.
"Well, Alex. You can go right ahead, and take a seat in front of Dan." Mr. Jones instructs.
My hands begin to sweat as Alex nods, and walks over to me. He sits down, before turning around to face me, "Do you have any important notes that I may need for this class?" Alex asks.
I shrug, "Honestly, I have no idea. I haven't been here in quiet a while." I explain.
"Ah, so you ditch a lot." He smiles, making me snort.
"Trust me, I am way too big of a loser to even consider that." Alex chuckles.
"Same. Although some people always insist that I'm a awful person. These people have also only seen my from afar." He says with almost a sad tone.
"Tsk tsk. It's not nice to stereotype people." I shake my head.
"Sorry to say it, but I'm stereotyping you right now." Alex smiles, making my skin form goosebumps.
I tilt my head to the side with a questioning look, "How so?"
Alex smirks, "Popular, good grades, and a loving girlfriend at your side." He says, making me laugh.
"Popular? Hell no. Good grades? Ehh. Loving girlfriend? Not necessarily-"
"Dan, and Alex. I get that you two want to talk, but you have some note taking to do." Mr. Jones strictly says.
Alex instantly turns around, and begins to write, "By the way, this teacher seems to always have a stick up his ass." I chuckle, making Alex loudly snort, and bury his head in his hands.
That's how the rest of the class period went. It was mainly Alex and I making funny remarks at certain things, creating some banter. Although I kinda slipped out that I was gay somehow. I'm honestly still puzzled by how that happened, but Alex seems to be a nice guy. He can be quiet childish at times, but we can all be like that.
"Hey...I was wondering if I could sit in the canteen with you-" Alex gets cut off by a fake bleach blonde girl, cleavage out, and sluttiness on.
"Hey Alex." Lacey brightly smiles, "I was wondering if you'd like to sit with me, and a few of my friends in the canteen." She 'seductively' says, leaning forward so her boobs are almost hanging out completely. There's a reason why I'm gay.
"Sorry, but I'm good. I'm sitting with Dan, actually." Alex says, and looks over at me with a pleading look which I nod to.
Lacey pouts, and stops twirling her hair, "Whatever. See you around hot stuff." She giggles and winks before walking off.
"Kill me now." Alex groans, making me laugh.
"It's not your fault for looking so damn attractive." I mumble, and my eyes widen at my words. Quickly, I look up to see if Alex heard me. Thankfully, he didn't, "Should we, um go now?" I shakily say, and grab all of my supplies before rushing out of the door. Alex walks close behind me the whole way to the canteen.
~
"I sit over there with Phil, and my two other friends PJ and Chris. I think you'll like them, but I don't know. It's not my say to tell you who you'll like and dislike." I tell Alex, and he lightly smiles at me, "What?" I ask, and look up at him with a shy smile.
"Nothing. I just like how you think, that's all." He says as we begin to walk over to my usual table. Although Alex walks backwards as we continue to hold a small conversation.
"Do you have any hidden talents?" I ask, and Alex's face lights up.
"Hm...kinda. I don't know if you would call it a talent or anything but..." He shyly says.
"Oh come on, what is it?" I smile, but Alex's cut off by Phil sitting next to me.
"Hey." He whispers into my ear, before placing a secret kiss onto my cheek.
He sits down next to me, and Chris and PJ sit in front of Phil, Alex, and I, "Hey." I brightly smile at him.
"How was class?" He worriedly asks, and grabs my hand under the table. I take notice that the grip is a little tighter than usual.
"Oh, um, it was good. I met Alex, and we just kinda talked the whole time." I shrug, a ping of something surging through me.
Phil nods stiffly and glances over at Alex. Chris and PJ seem to be engrossed in a conversation. Although I chuckle when PJ steals a peck on Chris' cheek. It's adorable, honestly.
"So you two are a thing?" Alex asks out of curiosity. Except Chris and PJ become extremely shy at the question, and curl up a bit.
"Kinda, yeah." Chris quietly says. Why are they acting so weird? Alex is just another guy at this school.
"Awh, that's sweet." He smiles, "How long have you two been together?"
Chris' and PJ's eyes brighten up as soon as Alex speaks again. A smile playing at their lips, "Not long. Only about a month, but Chris and I have known each other since we were 8." PJ says, and Alex nods along.
"What is it like to be in a relationship?" He asks, seeming to turn towards me. Phil's grip tightens even more, making me grimace in pain for a bit second, but I compose myself, "It depends on the setting, and how far you are into the relationship, really. Although when it's a new relationship, it's happy and exciting, yet scary and stressful." Phil's grip loosens, and he starts circling his thumb over my hand.
"How so?" Alex questions, and Chris and PJ's attention turn towards me as well with curiosity.
"Well, you're happy and excited for many reasons. You've found someone that's good enough and passionate enough to be yours, and it's a kind of rush. Like, a rush that you get when they fully kiss you for the first time, or you spend the whole day lounging around. Doing nothing but talking. The scared feeling is from the unknown, and uncertainty of a something new. You're still trying to figure out how they'll act, and how you should act. I'm sure that the feeling will go away after a while. Then, the stress ties into the scary feeling, I guess. You're always trying to act your best in the beginning," I smile, "but it goes away. You realize that the person you're with will love you even if you're not pristine."
All of them go silent, and I can only feel how Phil lovingly nudges into the crook of my neck.
"But isn't that a bit cliche?"
I sigh, but smile, "The truths are hidden behind the cliches." I tell Alex.
"Wow, when did Mr. Howell become so deep?" PJ asks with a laugh.
"The shitty tumblr quotes are getting to him." Chris says in fear, "We need to save him!"
Phil reaches for my side so he can begin to tickle me, but I quickly whack him away, "Don't you dare, Phil. I will smack that smug smile right off of your face." I warn him.
Phil continues to smugly smile, "Make me." He lifts his eyebrows.
I put my mouth up to his ear, "I would, but we're not at home." I pull away, and laugh at Phil's widened eyes, "Get your mind out of the gutter." I groan and throw a grape at him, "What I mean, is that there's no room for me to tackle you."
"Mhm sure." Phil smirks and eats the grape that I threw at him.
~
SORRY THAT THIS IS SO BAD DON'T HATE ME.
My writing has been becoming worse and worse help me I'm sorry.
ANYWAY, I've been learning sign language and it's super fun omg. I only know the alphabet, Bitch please you thirsty af, All the best people are crazy, Kiss me on the mouth and set me free, then Now I gotta wash my mouth out with soap/Guess I better wash my mouth out with soap.
Don't ask. -J
Ps- Alex does look like late 2014 Andy Biersack. Just to help give you a visual