I don't know what I was expecting as I woke up, but I definitely wasn't expecting to feel warm breath in my face accompanied by soft kisses. My long eyelashes flutter open, my lips slightly parting. My breath hitches in the back of my throat at bright blue eyes, and my shocked face soon turns into a shy smile with a blush.
Phil places one last kiss to my cheek, seeming to avoid my lips. At the thought, I lick my dry lips, and pull them into a straight line, seeming to remember the way Phil's lips felt on mine.
Phil tilts his head to the side with a puzzled look, "Did I do something?" He asks with his hoarse morning voice.
"No, oh god no." I smile, and wrap my arms around his neck.
Phil smiles and pecks my nose, making me scrunch it up and giggle, "I forgot to tell you something last night."
"Hm?" I sleepily ask, and place my head onto his chest.
"Jaxon loves you." He says, making me smile and let out a heartfelt laugh.
The room becomes silent and I find myself frowning as Phil rubs his arm up and down my back. It's not going to be happiness and sunshine forever. Phil, Jamie, and I are all going to need to talk. Phil and Jamie left off on such an odd foot. I don't even know if Jamie knows about about Phil and I. Phil could've randomly left for all I know.
"What are you thinking about?" Phil lightly asks with concern.
"You and Jamie..." I whisper and slowly sit up, feeling much better after eating yesterday.
"Dan that's- that's-"
"That's a subject that we need to talk about. All 3 of us." I quickly shoot at him, feeling aggravated for no reason.
Phil sits up as well with a worried look, "Okay. I'm sorry for upsetting you."
I sigh, and burry my head in my knees, "No, I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm acting like this. It's just too hard to believe. Almost impossible. You don't know how long I've been feeling so- so useless, and helpless as I was lost in my own thoughts. Thinking about you, thinking about us. How all I desperately wanted was to have you by my side. Although the way that we were side by side was only friends. It was tough accepting that...especially after-"
"The night where I kissed you." Phil finishes my sentence, making me nod and bite my lip, "You have no idea how much I want to take that back. How awful I was to you. I just didn't know the extant on what it would do to you. To the both of us. It was just the way you looked, so content, so happy, lost in everything. You couldn't care less about anything around you except for that star. The star that was you mum, and I swear you've never smiled so brightly, and your eyes have never sparkled so much as you talked about her. It was overwhelming, you took over my senses. All I was thinking was you. It honestly scared me, down to the bone."
"So you did feel something that night." I say in astonishment, finally looking up at him, "You lied to me?"
Phil chews his lip, "No. Yes. I don't know. I was confused. One side of me just wanted to cuddle and kiss you till the end of time, the other side was frightened by the other side. The feared side won, and that's the only way to describe it." He pleads.
"I was suffering!" I shout.
"I didn't know that!" He shouts back, taking in a deep breath, and calming down before continuing, "You hid it. You hid everything from me. Every little feeling." He defends.
"It's my only line of defense besides violence towards myself and others."
"I didn't know this." He says in defeat, "Look, I know that I was selfish. I know that I wasn't the best friend you wanted, but I've never had a true friend. I-I don't know how they're supposed to treat you. I treated you the way that I've always been treated, I didn't know any other way, and I'm sorry about that. You've showed me how a friend should treat another friend, and I can't thank you enough for that."
I warmly smile at him, although it looks more like a smirk. Quickly leaning in, I peck his cheek, "Don't get too worked up from this. It's just a stupid little fight." My smirk turns into a full smile, "We're gonna have to get used to these. Being like this and all."
Phil smiles back at me and nods, "I know. First fight of many."
I snort, "Good luck. I can become a feisty bitch."
Phil laughs at my comment, making my heart warm. Someone knocks on the door and a familiar pair of green eyes show, accompanied by bouncy curls, and a little boy by her side. My heart stops, and I quickly scoot away from Phil by instinct. Jamie must feel devastated. I basically just took her boyfriend from her...
"Hey." She sadly smiles and sits down on the couch her and Phil were sat at not too long ago.
"Hey." I croak with a scared tone, mentally cursing myself.
Jamie chuckles, "Dan, don't act so weird. I know about everything."
My head perks up at her words, a puzzled look smacked across my face, "W-What?" I ask in disbelief.
"What? Do you think that Phil just left me randomly out of nowhere?" She laughs, but stops once she sees my face, "Oh...you did. Well, uh, you're completely off. Actually, I'm the one who convinced Phil to come see you after he...told me how he felt." She thickly swallows, obviously still slightly sad from the whole thought of losing Phil.
"I'm really sorry." I instantly say, guilt consuming me in .01 seconds.
Phil places his hand on my shoulder, making me look at him, "It's okay, alright?" He whispers, instantly calming my worried state.
Yet, I still can't get rid of the pit in my stomach. I feel a dip form in the bed, and look up from the floor to see Jaxon brightly smiling at me, "Hi Danny!" He happily explains, making me laugh.
"Hey Winnie." I smile down at him.
"Are you still sad?" He asks, slightly tilting his head to the side.
I lightly sigh, "I'm still a little sad, but I'm feeling better." I tell Jaxon.
Jaxon pouts, "Are you still sick?"
I grab Jaxon, and pull him closer to me, so he's sitting in my lap, "Yes, I'm definitely still sick." I sadly say. Out the corner of my eye, I see Phil slightly frowning as he chews his lip.
"Why are you sick?" He asks with a quivering lip, making my heart shatter.
"Because I didn't eat my vegetables." I smile, trying to lighten the mood, "So make sure to eat all of them, so you don't get sick." I inform him and bop his nose, making Jaxon giggle.
I can instantly sense Phil becoming happier, and less worried. It's crazy how I can just know how he's feeling. It gives me a sense of pride, knowing that I'll always be closer to him than anyone. Even when he was with the girl sitting in front of me, I was still closer to Phil than she was. I was the one who helped him, not her. I'm the one who protected Phil's son when he was scared, not her. Phil and I just work in synchronization.
Phil scoots closer to me again, and he ruffles Jaxon's hair, "Hey Lion." He smiles.
"Hi daddy." Jaxon responds and hugs Phil's arm, making me chuckle at his cuteness.
"God I'm so happy for you two." Jamie says.
I look over to her, and I'm met with a genuine smile. She's actually happy for Phil and I, and it makes me so relieved that she approves that her ex is dating her own brother.
"I'm going to go to Hailey's for a bit, so I can leave you two alone." She explains and grabs her purse, standing up.
"Hey, Jamie?" I quietly asks.
"Yeah, Dan?"
I open up my arms and Jamie instantly walks into them, hugging me tightly. Maybe a bit too tightly, but she's not used to my frail body yet, "Thank you." I whisper in her shoulder.
Jamie happily sighs, and rubs her hand up and down the small of my back, "No need to thank me. Both of you are happy, and that's all that matters." She explains and pulls away, giving us one last smile before walking out.
"Are you and daddy together?" Jaxon asks me, smiling brightly.
I glance over at Phil who's already looking at me, "Tough question." Is all I say, making Phil scoff and punch my arm.
I laugh, and place my head on Phil's shoulder. He looks down at me and smiles, making a blush rise on my cheeks, "Nice double chins." I tell Phil, making him chuckle.
"You are together." Jaxon happily exclaims, and happily throws his arms in the air.
"Who's together?" Someone happily chirps from the doorway. I look behind me, and see Jasmine holding a tray of food, "Has my otp finally come true?" She asks.
I shrug, "Maybe."
Phil kisses my cheek, giving it away, "Maybe." He says, repeating what I said.
"You two are going to drive me crazy." She says and places the tray on the side table. She brightly when she notices the tray of half eaten food from last night, "You ate." She points out.
I nod, "I did."
"You." She says and points at Phil, "Need to make sure that he keeps this up. No matter how much I love having Dan around, he needs to start eating."
"Trust me, I will." Phil lightly elbows my side.
"I'll leave you to it." She winks.
"There's a child here!" Phil shouts after her as she leaves the room.
~
"I'm not hungry." I groan and burry my head into the crook of Phil's neck.
"Come on, Dan. You gotta eat." Phil says, and moves me so I'm sitting up straight again.
"No Phil. I'm physically not hungry." I tell him in a serious tone.
Phil sighs, "Just take one bite."
I bite my lip, and look up at his pleading eyes. I'm honestly not hungry, but it's not because I don't want to eat. It's just because I'm literally not hungry. Although they won't believe me. I've broken the trust of taking care of myself.
I quickly take a bite, but of course gag as my body still isn't used to eating food quite yet. It's like I've trained my body to gag at it. Phil chews his bottom lip as he watches me struggle, and honestly looks pained at my actions. Do I really look that awful? I new I did, but not to the point of paining somebody from it.
Phil places his hand on my back and pecks my cheek once I finally finish my bite of food, "I'm proud of you." He whispers closely to my face.
Jasmine took Jaxon once again, since he really wanted to see her. Apparently Jasmine's really good with Jaxon which makes me happy. I guess Phil and I have a baby sitter now. For date nights and...you know what? I'm gonna stop right there.
I shyly smile at Phil, and quickly lean in to peck him on the lips, quickly changing my mind. As soon as my lips touch his, I feel the same rush I felt when we kissed for the first time at my house. I cup his neck, and bring him closer to me as we share this moment.
Phil hesitantly kisses my jaw, making me sigh in utter bliss. A certain feeling wells up inside of my chest, making my eyes tear up. They're tears of joy of course, but I'm not happy enough to cry tears of joy. It's something different, and I can't pin point it out.
Phil feels my tears on his own face, and instantly stops altogether. He also backs away, giving me space, "I-I'm sorry. I pushed it too far." He says in fear, burying his head in his hands, "God, I'm so stupid." He whispers.
I vigorously shake my head, crawling over to Phil's side, "I'm not crying because you took it too far." I tell him, and remove his hands from his face.
He keeps his eyes shut, "Then why are you crying."
I bite my lip, because I do know the answer. My love for Phil swelled too much that I couldn't take it. This dark haired man in front of me makes me cry from the love I hold for him. It's the only way I can describe it. I love him way too much.
I shake my head with a smile, and lightly cup Phil's face, placing a soft kiss onto his lips, "That's why." I whisper.
Phil's eyes widen as he realizes what I mean. I may not of had said it, but the point comes across Phil's mind and it's clear. He wraps his arms around me tightly and places light kisses all over my face, making me giggle.
"Manly." He mumbles.
"Shut up, we were having a cute moment." I laugh and smack his chest.
"We have enough cute moments." He groans.
"Wow you really don't like relationships, do you?"
"Not cheesy ones."
I roll my eyes, "No more kisses for you then." I cross my arms and look the other direction.
"You're trying to make another cliche moment you little shit." Phil throws a pillow at me.
"It's the only way I can get them in this place!" I shout and throw my hands up in the air, falling back so I'm laying with my body opposite of the bed.
Phil does the same, and lets out a sigh, "Is this really happening?" He asks, staring at the ceiling.
I look over at him, "What do you mean?"
"Is all of this real. Me being with you. The other day, we were fighting and now look at us. We're kissing each other senseless on your hospital bed." He chuckles at his last remark.
"Got a problem with that?"
Phil scoffs and slowly shakes his head, "Far from."
"Good because you're not going anywhere." I laugh, making him smile.
"I don't know what it is." He says in disbelief as he stares at me, "But no matter how you look, you'll always be attractive. It's frustrating."
"You're just saying that."
Phil rolls his eyes, "I told you, I'm not into the whole cliche shit. I won't lie about something just to get a cute little reaction out of you."
"Okay then. Tell me what's 'oh so attractive' while I'm in this state." I challenge Phil, getting slightly aggravated at him for lying to me so easily.
Phil sits up, but I stay in my laying down position, "First of all, I'm sorry for invading your personal space." He tells me before getting close to my face.
He chews his lip, then kisses my eyelids, "You're eyes are still brighter than can be." He tells me, slightly contorting his face from being exactly what he doesn't want to be: a cheesy person.
He kisses both of my cheeks, "I love it when I make you blush. It gives me a form of acceptance, like I've done something right." He explains, making me blush, "That right there." He smiles, and kisses my cheeks again.
He kisses my lips, "I love it when you kiss me even more." He says, making me laugh.
Phil then moves down to my neck, where he places a soft kiss, and a shiver down my spine following, "I don't know what it is about your neck, but I could stare at it for hours. Especially when you look to the side like this." He tilts my head slightly up and to the side a bit, "It shows your neck completely, and the profile of your face which I can't get enough of as well."
"Now these." Phil smiles and pokes both of my collarbones, "Are hot." I loudly laugh at him, and he laughs along, "No but seriously. I find your collarbones to be highly attractive. Your beauty honestly frustrates me."
Phil places his finger on my chest, "Your heart is extremely big, and full of forgiveness, acceptance, and love." He continues to trail his finger down until he reaches my stomach, "This may offend you, but I honestly miss the little tummy that you used to have, but don't worry, I find your stomach to be attractive no matter what."
He puts his hands on my thighs, "Nice thighs bro. Any guy would be jealous." I smile at Phil's silliness, "Actually, just all of your leg is great."
"Coming from the person who has the best legs for a guy I've ever seen." I comment.
"For a guy? Who has better legs than I do?" He asks in disbelief.
"Jennifer Lawrence."
Phil rolls his eyes, but still smiles, "Whatever."
Phil pokes my hips, "I don't think I even need to say anything about these. They're just...hm. It's hard to explain. I just...they make me...nice hips." I laugh at him, and lightly kiss him once his head is level to mine once again.
"Hey, I'm not done." He says and pushes me away.
Phil then kisses under my chin, "Your double chins are cute."
"Okay now you're just coming up with things." I push his shoulder.
Phil shakes his head, "I don't lie about things like this, but one last thing."
Phil kisses my forehead, "All of the attributes I just pointed out mean nothing to me. Yes, they're a bonus, but all I care about his your personality, and how you act. Not how you look. You need to realize that, and stop doubting yourself when I tell you that I admire your appearance. It's just a comment. It doesn't define why I love you."
My breath hitches in the back of my throat, "Don't make me cry again." I whisper and tightly place my lips onto his, "And I love you too, you numpty." I say against his lips, making him smile against mine.
I hate to think it, but I realized that Phil was unable to say things that he likes about Jamie. Well, other than generic things. Phil has actually studied me. Studied my body, and my actions. He's studied my personality, and my physical attributions. From what I just saw, he's learned to love my physical attributions, along with my personality.
So, as I continue to kiss Phil, and as he slowly lays me down. I know that I won't ever regret what I've started with him. I'll never regret everything that we've done, and everything that we'll do. Because I love him, and he loves me. Our minds are in synch. He is mine, and I am his.
~
Due to @curl_almighty for getting last week's lyric correct, this chapter is dedicated to them.
Ok it seems like Dan and Phil are about to do the dirty, but nah. They aren't. They won't do any of that siNCE I DONT WRITE SMUT AND I'M SORRY IF I UPSET ANYONE BY THIS.
But holy fluff. This chapter was so cute to write I loved it. Sorry if it's a bit boring. I didn't know what to do, and I had family over yesterday so I couldn't really write anything yesterday AND I also wanted to get a new chapter out by Monday.
So take this chapter, read it, enjoy it, whatevs.
In celebration of That's The Spirit by BMTH coming out on Friday, I decided to choose one of their songs.
Hint: Snow
LYRICS OF THIS WEEK-
I feel myself go under, 'cause the weight of it's like
_____ ______ __ ____
Btw, each bar is one word. So make sure that your words fit with how many bars there are. -J