**WARNING** If you haven't read "I Sold Myself to the Devil for Vinyls... Pitiful I Know" this story might be confusing because it is in fact the main male character's POV. I suggest you read it first. But if you don't want to, accept the fact that you might not understand everything right away.
Also, this story is NOT a priority. As far as I'm concerned, you guys already know how this end. So don't expect weekly uploads because it's not going to happen. 8D
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THE SMIRKING JERK
Chapter One
I’m in a car. A black car with leathered seat. It has the new car smell. It’s almost intoxicating how strong the smell is. There’s a man driving in front. I can’t see his face. It’s weird. I have a book in my hands. I don’t see the words but I know it’s a book about a kid who is an unworthy son.
“Bloody hell scamp! Put the book down! You’ll get sick! You know you can’t read when we’re in a car!” Jayden says beside me, looking annoyed.
Wait, isn’t Jayden… no no, that was just some weird dream right?
“Sorry…” I trail and close the book.
I don’t like the book anyway.
“Scamp! You don’t need to listen to everything I say you know,” Jayden says and smiles, giving me a small shove of the shoulder.
I smile at him. I’m glad I’m with him. Just me and my brother! No parents, no Kendall. Just my big brother.
The driver has stopped at a red light, the car stalled behind the white line on the road.
“I know, but usually, it’s better if I do!” I chuckle a little.
Jayden laughs. “You make me sound like a bad brother”
I laugh too. “Trust me Jay you ar–”
I can’t finish my sentence as I feel an impact that seems to shake my body to the very bones. It’s like a punch in the face but on my entire body. And all my muscle contracts as I feel metal being torn around me and glasses exploding the car moving away from its spot, metal colliding with metal.
I want to scream but I can’t. I can’t even hear anything. It’s like I have wool in my ears.
And then everything stops moving and it’s like the time has stalled.
But not for long because everything crashed back to now.
“BLAKE,” I hear Jay yell.
And then I know. I know he can’t come back for me. I know how this ends. I don’t know how I know it, but I know it.
He can’t take me out. He has to leave!
I can smell gasoline around me, and blood and dirt and burned material.
“JAYDEN YOU GOTTA LEAVE,” I yell at him.
“BLAKE!? Scamp! I’m coming!”
Why isn’t he beside me anymore? How did he move away?
I try to reach for the door, to open it but I can’t move my arm. I can’t move at all actually. And everything is squished and I see the faceless driver, head leaning back. Is he dead?
Oh my god…
“NO! DON’T COME! YOU HAVE TO LEAVE,” I cry at him.
He can’t come!
“I’m coming!”
“NO! DON’T! PLEASE LEAVE ME HERE,” I cry louder.
I don’t care about me. I just know that if he comes it will hurt more.
But I see the door open, and I see his face. Worry.
“Come on scamp,” he says and then he takes me around the waist and drags me out of the car.
But I shriek and cry and yell, “NO! DON’T! Leave me here! Just leave me!”
Jayden doesn’t listen.
“I have to go get the driver,” he tells me.
The faceless driver. I’m sure he’s dead. I don’t want Jay to go.
“DON’T GO BACK! PLEASE,” I yell at him, my voice almost high pitch.
“I can’t just leave him there!”
“YES! You can! Leave us all JUST GO! LEAVE US HERE,” I beg, crying.
But Jay doesn’t. He goes and then there’s an ear pitching sound, so loud it’s almost low. And everything turns a weird sort of white, and I want to cover my eyes with my hand but I can’t move. There’s wind blowing in my face, and things flying everywhere…
And when the light stops, everything is almost black, for a tiny fraction of second.
And I’m not on the road anymore.
I’m in our yard, our yard behind the house and it’s on fire. Everything is burning, the tree Jay taught me how to climb, the one where Kay carved her initials and Jay’s on, the bush where Jay always hide to then jump out and scare me to death… everything is on fire…
And Jay is standing right in the middle.
He’s on fire too…
And I want to move, I want to stop the fire, or I want to burn too. If I can burn maybe everything will be okay.
But I can’t. I can’t move. I can’t do anything but watch my brother, shrieking in a way that shouldn’t even be human, his body slowly almost shrinking on itself, turning black like everything else, black and red and orange and blue too…
The way he rolls around, his face an expression of pure pain, I want to die right then.
My face fills with tear and I want this to end, I want to look away, but I just can’t move…
But then, he stares right in my eyes, and it’s like everything else disappears and it’s just his intense gaze staring straight at me.
And I can almost hear him say it, the way he looks at me, I can almost hear, “you did this, you’re the one doing this… it’s all your fault…”
I woke up to my own screams and almost fell off my couch.
The book that had stayed on my stomach while I slept was sent flying away as I was now resting on the stupid floor.
Stupid bloody dream! Good thing my room was sound proof…
I shook my head to free it from the last images, to free it from my brother’s convicting eyes, and then looked up at my wall my eyes resting on my calendar. September first.
What interesting was supposed to happen in September? Oh ya right; nothing.
Life sucks.
I ran both of my hands through my hair angrily and got up from my couch in one quick jump.
Running would do me some good.
I put on my sweatpants, grabbed my iPhone and headed for the treadmills… always on the treadmills.
Running away, always running away, but never truly moving.
School was awful, it always was. Time was dragging on forever. And I always felt crappier after I had the dream so today was not a good day.
What was the point? Was there a point at anything? My brother was dead, it was my fault… and she…
No point.
When the last hour arrived, I didn’t feel like going. I didn’t feel like going to school at all anymore actually. Maybe I should just be homeschooled for the rest of the year. Maybe I could go back to England. Stay with my aunt. Evelyn, my younger cousin who felt every bit like a sister, would love it. And I could see Kendal more often.
Josh would be pissed though… We were supposed to go out tonight actually… But I was just putting a damp in his life anyway… Josh was a happy person, and I… I wasn’t. He didn’t need that. No one needed that.
No one wanted that.
So I skipped. The tracks were empty so I ran for a while, but then students started to arrive, so to not get in trouble, more than I already did, I headed to the lockers took a shower and contemplated just going back home. There was less than fifteen minutes left before the final bell would ring anyway…
I was walking in the school hall, when someone grabbed my arm.
Stacey.
How unpredictable, I thought and rolled my eyes in my head.
“You look a little sad Blake. Why don’t I do something about that?” she asked me, her hands sliding south.
Wow this was sad... could she really have less self respect?
Whatever, I put on the cocky mask back on my face and dragged her towards the library. Those seminars were convenient but I hated to go in that library… well not hated it just hurt me to do so…
“Shouldn’t we go to your car instead or something less… you know…” Stacey said in her high pitch voice.
Why did bitch always have high pitch voice, that’s something I wondered…
“I just had my car clean” I said and Stacey broke into a loud giggle as I pushed the door of the library open.
Alright, stupid much? That wasn’t even funny.
“I’m not sure about this… Are you sure we won’t get caught?” she whispered to me way too loudly.
Did she want to make a scene?
Maybe it was because people hadn’t believed her when she had told everyone she had sex with me. Assuming what we did was sex. I consider it more like… Well really nothing… she might be a whore but she had nothing surprising up her sleeves.
Sex with Stacey was one boring ride, but would always work if you were desperate… And apparently I was…
“Don’t worry …” I said and gave her one of my usual sexy half smiles. I was sickening my own self right there.
I just had time to get a quick glance at the girl sitting at the counter, to distract me, before Stacey took that opportunity to stick her tongue in my mouth.
Lexi…
I was eleven years old when I moved in this town with my parents.
They were famous artists, my mom, a writer, my dad, a musician, pianist, but most of all a painter.
My older brother Jayden had just died from a car accident.
My parents were completely heart broken… We all were. Jayden shouldn’t have died…
And they couldn’t live in our house in England. They had sold it, saying the back yard gave them too many memories… hard memories to deal with everyday.
We could have moved back to New York with dad’s family but that city held too many memories too. We lived the first years of our life there… Jayden and I were born there… He was buried there now.
My parents needed a new place, needed something different, something that wouldn’t bring back Jayden everywhere they looked.
They had chosen this city because it was where Josh’s family lived. My father was best friend with his father. Josh was almost like a brother to me. Actually, when we were younger people often thought Jayden and Josh were twins. We were close with Josh because when his mom had died, when he was still a toddler, his father had send him to us, while we were still in New York so he could take care of things, and try to mourn I think. I wasn’t born then, but it had brought my brother really close to him, and because of that we went to visit Josh often.
But it was a real shock for me. I was going to go to school, which I never had. And I was a loner and I missed my brother.
Well it wasn’t only missing… it was so much more actually… I felt guilty. I still do. My brother’s death was my fault. If I hadn’t gone to this exposition with my parents, we wouldn’t have had to meet at the restaurant, and my brother wouldn’t have been in the car.
I kept telling myself that I should have been the one in the car. I should have been the one to die, and not my brother, not my big brother that everyone loved, that made everyone laugh. My brother; everyone’s favourite. He had left so much more people heart-broken then I would have had. And if I had been the one in the car, Jay would have known what to say to my parents to make them feel better, what to say to make them stop cry at night. If I had died instead of Jayden, Kendal wouldn’t be completely destroyed. She wasn’t the same, she could never be the same anymore. She wouldn’t have lost the love of her life. She wouldn’t be scarred for the rest of her life. She would be happy with Jayden.
If I had died instead of Jayden, things would have made more sense for all of them. Things would have been easier. Because Jayden deserved to live more than I did. Because Jayden was suppose to live. Because Jayden was always the best.
But my first day at school, that’s when I saw her for the first time. A little girl surrounded by a group of people, laughing.
Everyone seemed to try to get her attention.
I just keep staring at her. She was so beautiful with her long brown hair curling, brushing against her green dress. I don’t know why, but I automatically thought she must be a ballerina. My parents had taken me to ballet a few times, and she looked like one of those dancers, she looked like she belonged on a scene or somewhere magical. And she seemed so happy… I wanted to be that happy; I wanted to be happy with her, laugh with her…
But I didn’t try to talk to her… I was way to shy. And I wasn’t stupid. I was never the favourite. Why the hell would she want to talk to me? There was no reason for her to talk to me, and even if there was I had killed my brother. I made everyone sad. I made everyone cry. Why should she talk to me, the one who only made people sad?
So I just walked inside the school looking at my feet.
Still, my little heart twitched happily when I saw that she was in my class.
And I almost had a heart attack when she sat at the desk next to mine.
“Lexi, sit beside me,” one boy had yelled.
“No, no, she has to sit beside me,” another boy had shouted but she just ignored them all.
“They would all annoy me, and I think you need company more,” she had said to me, like she needed to explain her actions, looking at me for the first time in my life, smiling.
It wasn’t just a little smile, it wasn’t the smile I only had lately, the sad “everything’s alright when it really isn’t” smile. It was a genuine smile, one that warmed up my chest and didn’t make me feel like I wasn’t worth shit. One that, for one second, didn’t made me think I was just trash and I should be dead. It made me fell… hopeful?
Once I had asked my brother how he knew he loved Kendal, and he had told me it was her smile. He had said that, to know if you love someone, you had to wait for their smile. If their smile made you feel like it was the only thing in the world, like it could be the last thing you’d see and be happy, like you could cross rivers and mountains to see that smile, that’s when you knew.
Call it faith, love at first sight or stupidity, but when I saw her smile, I felt like I knew.
And I couldn’t find my voice, couldn’t come up with something clever to answer so I just stared at her, nodded and bent my head over my desk.
The teacher had asked me to introduce myself but I started to babble, worried that with my left-over British accent she wouldn’t like me. I would sound smug right? So I just stood there, sounding like a fool, and silently begged the teacher to let me back to my place, back to the girl in the green dress.
I was such a loser! She would never talk to me if I kept acting like that!
Maybe if it had stopped at that, maybe if it had only been the smiling deal I could have found a way to move on, though knowing my self I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have but, there was also that one time in our Art Class. The teacher had asked us to draw the happiest place on Earth for us.
I had drew a sky, a sunset sky with clouds and all, the kind of sky that could be the Heaven people said Jayden had gone too. Because where Jay was, that would have been the happiest place for me.
We had all put our drawing on the board.
The teacher had started to pick on mine, we didn’t know which belonged to whom though, starting to say how this wasn’t a place on “Earth”.
Little Lexi had stood up, in the middle of the class and had started to go on about how just being on Earth was constricting and that if you asked birds they would probably tell you that was their happiest place and that the person who had drew this just wanted to be free and didn’t want to be stuck and restricted.
She had gotten a detention because of that.
But she had still stood firm about how, this drawing was her favourite and the teacher was just being unfair and jealous.
She was being stubborn, like I found out she always was, but I liked it. I liked the fact that she didn’t bend when she believed in something. And I liked the fact that she had stood by me, even without knowing it. I wasn’t use to that.
And there were so many other little things, like the songs she would hum during class, old songs, classic sonatas even sometimes, the books she read right in front of the teacher, not giving a crap about what he could be thinking. She didn’t care about what people thought. Most of the time, she seemed in her own little bubble world, and it was like it was impossible for anyone to be accepted in it. Maybe it was that “you want what you can’t have” thing, playing tricks with my mind. I mean I wasn’t even talking with her. But there was something about her, something I couldn’t even explain to myself. I could stare at her all class long, imagining how it would be if we were closer, how it would be to spend time with her, laugh with her, talk with her…
But over the years I never got to talk to her. I was always either way too shy or she just simply didn’t notice my attempt.
And I quickly realized she was always staring at the same boy, her friend Alexander.
Alex didn’t look anything like me. He was dark; brown hair, brown eyes, tan skin. And she obviously liked him and I wasn’t him and she would never realize I was there…
At first I thought I could hang out with Alexander, find out what she liked about him, maybe even hang out with her because she was always with him and that’s when I found my new calling.
Sports.
I used to be more artsy. I used to play the piano. I used to paint a lot. I even have one of my paintings in my room, but painting didn’t unwind me the way sports did.
I had so much anger and frustration built up in me and letting them set free in a field was an amazing feeling. When I was running my thoughts were clearer, my worries pushed away in the back of my head.
Since I couldn’t seem to ever stop training and running, I quickly became better than all the other boys, even then Alexander. I was friends with him, but for some reason that never got me to hang out with Lexi.
Still, in my young innocent mind, I still believed I could have a chance with her. I was patient. She looked like she cared about Alex, but maybe I had it all wrong? So I wasn’t going out with any other girls, ignoring every one of them. Anyway what was the point? I liked Lexi; no other girl.
But time went by and, at some point, for some idiotic reason, being good at sports meant sleeping with the hot girls.
Though I wasn’t doing that. I loved Lexi and... god, I’m such a wuss... but I only wanted her, and I wanted to do it with her for the first time. No one else.
But then, at the end of ninth grade, right before our summer vacation, I think Lexi was going on vacation somewhere, Hawaii I think... and she was going to be away for a while and before she left to get in her bus, she did the first thing that started the long line of actions that would completely shatter my heart.
She had grabbed Alex around the neck and she kissed him.
But like serious kissing, not just the quick chicken-peck on the lips. No eating face tongue action though but still... And just like that, she had smiled at him, and then gotten in her bus and left him there. Every guy had ran to Alex. Of course. Everyone had a crush on Lexi at least at one point in their lives.
Alex had a weird expression on his face at the beginning, but then when he had seen everyone around him he had became smug.
I had just stood there, unable to so much as breathe, holding my backpack in my hands, and they were shaking with the force I was squeezing it.
“Did what we see happen just happened?” someone had asked. I couldn’t try to recognise whose voice it was.
“Sure did! I told her not to do that in front of you guys; I know how you’d all get jealous!” Alexander had answered and I had gritted my teeth together.
“What do you mean? We thought you didn’t go out with anyone? That wasn’t a spur of the moment? You kissed her before?” someone had asked and my eyes had filled with angry tears.
“Oh, we did more than that!” Alexander had said smugly again and then his parents’ car had come into view and he had just left.
No...
I had seen my dad’s car waiting for me but I couldn’t move.
It couldn’t...
“Hey Blake! Are you alright?” Mark had asked, running towards me.
I had blinked a few time, looking in his eyes, but I couldn’t answer.
Please no...
“Your car’s there...” he had whispered and then I had run, faster than my legs had ever run to my father’s car.
When I had gotten home I cried all night. I had cried like I hadn’t cry since my brother died.
I cried like a effing girl but I couldn’t help it.
All I kept hearing in my head was “we did more than that” and I wanted to die thinking that she had been with Alex and not me. I wanted to throw up. And I cried. None-stop.
What was the point? What had been the point of hoping for something that would never have happened? She didn’t care about me and she had been with Alex and I wanted to kill him. And I probably would have had if I had stayed there that summer.
But like every summer, we went to England to see my mom’s family.
We used to live there, so it was like going back home in a way.
I always missed my cousins. Especially Evelyn. I called her my kiddo, and we were BFFFF. I knew that sounded stupid, but she was like the little sister I never had.
And there was Kendal.
Kay.
Kay loved my brother. My brother loved Kay. Jay and Kay. She had loved him ever since she had known him. She called him her only true love. She was in the car when he had the accident. She had survived though, with barely a broken bone.
But she was heartbroken. More than heartbroken actually. She was completely shattered.
So was I.
I had always seen her as my big sister, no other way. She always knew what to say to comfort me. And I think that because I reminded her of my brother I comforted her in a way.
One night, when we were both lying on my bed, talking about Jayden, I told her about Lexi. I told her how I loved this girl who was completely oblivious to me, how desperate I was. I told her about what Alex had said, and how sick it made me feel. I told her everything and I cried again.
And she had held me in her arms, and for some reason, I don’t know why, maybe it was because we were both heartbroken, because we were both half of ourselves and needed someone to feel whole again, because I reminded her of Jayden, because I was the same age he had been when he had died, like she was picking where she had left, maybe because she had the same brown hair has Lexi at that moment... but for some reason we kissed, we kissed and then did more than that...
I don’t want to say I regret it. I always cared about Kay. Maybe loved her even, but it was a light bulb compare to the sun.
But it didn’t end after that first night.
I was a teenager after all. I was fifteen. Kay was nineteen though. But I think that she really was trying to find a part of Jay in me. Like unfinished business.
We dated for the summer.
Still, it felt like I was betraying Lexi. And she felt like she was betraying Jay. Me too... We both cared for each other, in some way, but we cared for some one more.
So we ended it. We were never meant to be anyway.
After the summer, I went back to the States.
But I hadn’t thought about the fact that by sleeping with Kay, I had unleashed a beast.
I wasn’t stupid. Lexi had kissed Alex, and they had done more than that. She was already his. And I was a lone mending heart.
I wasn’t surprise to hear they were dating. So I did what every other guy did.
I became a jerk. I slept around.
That’s how the first round of Blake the player started.
I slept around to forget and make myself feel better.
And at the same time I found another one of my callings... hiding who I really was behind a mask of arrogance... Kinda poetic... I did use to be more artsy...
I found out that I was great at being a jerk and for some reason all the girls fell for that.
But sex was just another way to unwind because other than that I really didn’t give a crap about any of these girls. I was trying to forget, to feel better but it never worked. I mean, I would have liked to like one, maybe even love, but I couldn’t because none of them was her... hell I was barely even able to just freaking perform sometimes. Because they weren’t who I wanted. And my brain knew that and it obviously communicated with my penis. But still, the girls gossiped around, saying we had done all sort of kinky stuff and I let them. They could have their fun, I didn’t give a crap.
And then there was Shawn’s party. That night she had broke up with Alexander. For one millisecond I thought I could have a shot... I wanted to tell her the truth. I wanted to tell her everything. But I was too scared.
She had been all over Fred and I had interrupted that. But then she had rubbed herself on Shawn and that had been the end of it.
I had punched Shawn.
Lexi was mad.
I could still hear her words as clearly as if she was speaking them.
“You’re an egocentrically, hopeless drunken loser who fucks with any girl stupid enough to fall for the hot guy! No one will ever love you because you’re just a dick! A heartless, no-good-to-love, stinking dick!”
Those words had been the end of the stroll...
That night I had a car “accident”. Left me in the hospital for two weeks. Ribs broken. Arm broken.
Last time, she had crushed my heart, she didn’t know she was. It wasn’t aimed towards me. So it wasn’t that bad. Because, at the far far back of my mind, I still had a little hope I guess.
But that night, she shattered it all. That night, that’s when I knew I could never have her. Ever.
Usually, that would have been enough. I would have had enough shit for one life right? Well not lucky Blake. No, for some reason the Universe really seemed to hate me.
The doctors had wanted to take scan of my head because I had a concussion in the impact.
Standard procedure.
Bloody standard procedure…
AVM.
When they had said that I thought they were talking about an AVM or some crap and I was confused…
Arterio-Venous Malformation.
Long story short it meant I had a bunch of blood vessel—in my case it was in my brain, lucky me—and that they made some sort of short circuit preventing my brain from having all the nutriment it needed. I was the cause of my headaches.
Why did I have that? They didn’t know. But they did know they had to do something about it.
Apparently I was lucky that they had found it. If not treated it could blow up in my head or something. But tricky part now. Playing in the brain, surgery in the brain wasn’t the most awesome thing to have happen to you. I wonder why? They offered a Gamma treatment instead. I would pretty much do the same thing and apparently I should be okay with that. And truthfully I didn’t want to have my skull open.
Because if they operate what about complications? Things like memory lost, personality altered… things I didn’t want! Things that could happen with the way it was placed in my head. I didn’t want to lose any of my memories… I could lose Jayden if I did… or Lexi… I wanted to forget her… but not like that… I didn’t want to take that chance…
The opinions were different. Some wanted me to just get rid of the crap. But if the doctor said it was okay, it should be okay right? And the doctors didn’t encourage the operation.
Josh wanted me to just take everything out, he said if I lost my memories or if anything happened he would be there to make me be me again, but truth is I didn’t want that, didn’t want to take a chance.
So I did the Gamma treatment. Everything went well…there was still this nagging feeling, there always would be one, but I did feel a sort of relief subsequently.
And afterwards, I left for England, like I usually did. But I missed the states, and like some drug addict, I missed her.
So I came back.
I was depressing though...
I was worrying about my head because I still had headaches—the doctors said it was normal though, that it would take time to be fully recovered, years actually— and I kept thinking about her, over and over again.
And then one night, while I was looking at the stars in the cemetery close from my house, I heard a girl cry. Emily. I talked with her. The guy she loved was dead. And somehow, she thought I was mourning my love too.
And I think I kinda was...
But I told her she was wrong. I told her that I meant nothing for the girl I did love. And that it was too late.
And that girl, who was crying for her love, and trying to comfort me, for some odd reason told me “Well then, move on”
So that’s when round two of Blake the player had started.
And that brings us back to this lovely seminar...
The second she closed the door behind us, I pushed Stacey away for a second, because there were things I didn’t allow.
“I already told you that! Don’t kiss me!”
“Why? God, you’re so weird sometimes Blake...” she said, shaking her head, in her high-pitch voice, and I really wondered what I was doing here.
She started to unbutton her shirt slowly while I kept asking myself this: What am I doing here?
I didn’t love Stacey. I wasn’t even close to liking her. I didn’t need this or want this. This was Clark and Shawn’s department. I should stop doing this, trying to be someone I was not because the girl I cared about thought I was this way.
It was ridiculous and stupid and quite frankly a big waist of time.
Was this what I wanted to be?
Truth is, I wanted people to not care about me, if I were to… well…
But if I did…
Would I want people to remember me as the jerk who did it with anyone? Would I want Stacey at my funeral going on and on about how me and her were so close and she was the last I had been with…
And damn it, I didn’t want this, I didn’t want Stacey.
I didn’t want to be here.
I wasn’t going to stay here.
I hadn’t even realized this but Stacey had taken my shirt off during my mental rambling.
Wow, I was like the chick right now, this was wrong.
I needed to get out.
Now!
“Listen, Lexi—”
Holy no!
Oh no, crap, bloody stupid crap effing no!
Did I just say Lexi’s name?!
Holy crap!
When I looked in Stacey’s shocked and hurt eyes, I realized I really had.
Holy crap!
“What did you just say!?” she said her voice hitting a new high, one only dog could hear.
Okay, that wasn’t a big thing right? A little speaking lapses! Didn’t Stacey and Lexi kind of sound the same?
“Listen Stacey!”
Okay, this wasn’t working. Her face was getting tomato red and I just knew it was a question of seconds before I got a slap in the face.
I didn’t want a slap in the face!
Damn!
She ran towards the door.
I grabbed my shirt off the floor and ran after her.
I might not like the girl but I didn’t enjoy making people cry... not on purpose. Plus if she heard right, if she heard Lexi, I was in deep deep brown waste…
“Aw, come on, I didn’t mean…” I said behind her but she was already out.
And that’s when I saw Lexi behind her counter grinning like a kid who had got the perfect birthday present.
What the hell?
I seriously didn’t need this.
Couldn’t she just keep her constant ignoring of me even though it hurt me?
I didn’t need to hear her words again! Heartless no-good-to-love stinking dick...
That’s what she saw right now, that’s why she enjoyed this so much...
Her words just kept echoing again and again “egocentrically, hopeless drunken looser, heartless, no-good-to-love, stinking dick...”
“What are you staring at?” I asked her, my voice rude.
“A public humiliation” she answered, grinning even more.
She thought I was a dick! Then I would give one!
Back with the arrogant and cocky mask.
“That’s funny, I thought you were drooling over my perfect body” I smirked.
For one second, anger flashed into her eyes. Ya, be the one mad for once, I thought dryly.
“Oh ya baby you got me. I can’t stop myself from staring at you fake creatine boost up body” she said and rolled her eyes at me.
Ya... should have guessed she answered something like that. And I was mad!
But still, I felt some kind of high with the simple fact of speaking with her, really speaking with her... Like the drug addict I was... I was such a ridiculous wuss…
“See, wasn’t so hard to admit,” I told her still smirking.
“If you’re too dumb to realize it by now, I was using sarcasm,” she answered me, and then looked down on her book.
What!? No, no, no. It couldn’t be over yet! I wanted more! I hadn’t had enough!
It was like as the expression; give him a hand he’ll take the arm. I was getting a little and I wanted more and more and more...
“Am I making you uncomfortable,” I asked in a desperate attempt to keep talking with her
“No I’m just finding this old decrepit encyclopaedia more interesting than you, sorry,” she told me.
That hurt a lot…
Just leave it alone Blake, I thought dryly. She doesn’t like you, she’ll never like you, just stop it! Stop it before it destroys you.
I darted out of the library, putting my shirt on.
Why couldn’t I just move on!?
“Well well, usually you look happier when you get out of that library...” Alexander, who was walking towards a bench, told me.
“There was a little misunderstanding...” I trailed off.
You know as in I mentioned the name of the girl who loves you, I wanted to add but I didn’t.
“What sick perverted thing did you want one of these poor girls to do,” Alex inquired, while he laid down on the bench, smirking and shaking his head in fake disapproval.
I snorted. “We can’t be all saints like you Alex.”
“Oh well well, I’m not always a saint...” Alex trailed off and took his iPod out of his pocket smiling at some private joke, I felt.
Alright, WHAT THE HELL!?
Why did this day have to keep getting worse and effing worse!?
Did I need that reminder!?
Did I effing need to know that stinking bastard had everything I had ever wanted and pushed it away!?
Did I need to know that!?
No! NO! NO!
I didn’t need any of this! I didn’t need to think about him with her and her with him and... EFIING HELL!
At that moment all I wanted to do was punch him in the face. I wanted to beat him up, to broke all his bones and drag him around the school and scream something like “That’s what you’ll get if you go anywhere NEAR Lexi!”
I wanted him dead!
I ran out of the school, to not beat him to death.
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A/N : Well I hope you enjoyed this. Uploading this POV is not my priority so mommy don't want to hear no whinning alright? 0_0 ;P And it will be slow because Blake's depress in the beginning and I don't like having to be in that state of mind for too long... he's pretty miserable.. :/