The next few weeks pass by in agony. Gerard refuses to go back to work, claiming he never knew the feeling of this kind of freedom because right after high school, he threw himself into university. I love that he's painting more and drawing and generally seeming happier but he doesn't clean and he won't listen to me. I can't pay his rent on minimum wage. I can barely pay for the cigarettes he chain smokes even with a discount. I don't know how he expects me to fix all of his problems.. And I know that he's been drinking again. I can taste it on his tongue and smell it in his clothes. He denies it but it's unmistakeably recognizable. I still care about him, I just don't have the time or the energy to deal with it. I tried so hard and he just won't listen to reason so I stopped. I stopped trying because it was useless. It made my heart sink in my chest because I knew he wasn't right, he wasn't doing well and he just didn't want to admit that he was defeated, or at least that he felt that way. He didn't want to get back up. He liked being down. It makes me upset but between working every shift I can at work and going to school every day for a chance at a better job down the line, I don't have any time to deal with it without getting too angry because I'm so tired I can't regulate my emotions properly. Half of the time that I leave, I'm either over boiling with anger or crying from the exhaustion of dealing with him. It's killing me.
-
My eyes are puffy and red as I shuffle to work. I wipe my eyes, warm tears coating my hand as I open the door. I spot Ryan, who'll be finishing his shift as I arrive. He's busy with a customer, talking about the watches on the counter. The man in a leather suit leaves the watches alone and pays for his cigarettes. I unzip my sweater, adjust my name tag and head behind the counter. Ryan gives me a wave of hello as he finishes with the customer. The bell dings as the man leaves and Ryan turns to look at me. Instantly, his smile falls and he approaches me.
"Are you okay? Did he hurt you or something?" He asks, touching my cheeks and examining my face to check for any signs.
"No," I reply through shaky breaths.
"Why are you crying?"
"He won't listen to anything I say. I don't know what to do," I choke out, fighting more tears.
"I thought you told him that if he didn't get a job or start helping out in some way that you'd leave him to figure it out himself," Ryan recalls.
"I meant to but I couldn't. I'm kinda scared to tell him in case he gets really mad or if I actually have to leave him. I shouldn't be scared but I am," I explain.
"Oh come on, you're like super bad-ass, you can do it," he encourages, though it doesn't change any of my emotions towards this.
"Don't you have anybody you could ask to help you with this? His mom, dad, brother or sister or something?" Ryan asks, staring into my eyes as though I'm a helpless animal.
"I could call his brother but then I would be disrupting his life entirely because he's probably busy," I say, thinking about Mikey and Fletcher and Pete.
"I think you should bug his brother now before you have to bug him after to home Gerard," Ryan laughs. I smile and sigh.
"Yeah, I guess you're right."
"Do you want me to give his brother a call for you?" He asks and I nod almost immediately.
"Okay well what's the number?" He asks, pulling out his phone. I give it to him and he dials it. He stands around for a few seconds before anyone picks up.
"Yes, hello. Is this Gerard Way's brother? I'm a friend of Frank's. Yeah, they're both okay. But Gerard's being a stubborn asshole and he's stressing Frank out because Gerard got fired and he doesn't want to get a job and Frank can't afford rent because he's still not done high school and he can't really get a good job that pays more than minimum wage without any experience and Gerard won't listen to reason and-... You'll be here in three hours? Really?! That's great. Thanks," Ryan says in conversation. He hangs up and looks at me happily.
"Sorted. He'll be here in-"
"Yeah, yeah, three hours. Thank you for doing that," I thank and hug him.
"Any time. But look, I've got a hot date in 5 minutes so I need to go. Might stop by later to check on you. Okay, bye," he says and runs out. I head towards the cash and look around for anybody else. The store's empty so I pick up a magazine and start catching up on celebrity gossip. This is going to be a long night...
~
I lock up the store and head home. A few streetlights are out and the streets are full of thick fog. I get to the apartment and as I unlock the door, I catch inaudible voices shouting at one another from the other side. I push open the door to see Gerard and Mikey fighting. Gerard's in the kitchen and Mikey's on the couch. Both of them stop shouting and stare at me immediately as I close the door behind me.
"Oh, uh, hi," I say awkwardly as I walk in.
"So Mikey tells me you called him to complain about me. Telling him I need help. Why the fuck would you tell him that? I'm fucking fine. In fact, I'm dandy," Gerard shouts at me.
"I told him that you wouldn't get a job and that we can't afford rent," I mumble, looking down to the floor.
"I don't know what to do with you anymore! You won't get a fucking job, you're always awake when I'm not! You barely talk to me except for when you want more cigarettes which you don't even bother going outside to smoke anymore so even if we don't get evicted for not paying rent, it'll be because everyone else complains about the cigarette smoke because it's a building policy. Trust me, I checked," I shout back at him, feeling so much anger in me that my hands are shaking.
"Wouldn't it be so much easier to just kill me, then? If I'm causing you so many problems," Gerard suggests mockingly. It would be, but I can't, I love him.
"Look, Gerard, he's just a kid. You made him grow up in a matter of months. You've overburdened him with all of the things even you couldn't handle and you have no right to do this to him," Mikey says calmly.
"I can't do this anymore," I whisper, my voice cracking. I head into the bedroom and pick up my backpack, filling it with a bunch of my clothes and probably some of his in a rush. Tears start streaming down my face as I grab my stuff and run out of the apartment. Footsteps follow me down the stairs and outside.
"Frank! Wait!" Gerard calls, slightly out of breath. I stop in my tracks, my back still turned to him.
"Don't you remember what we promised each other when I gave you the promise ring? That we wouldn't get scared and run? Well this is you getting scared and running! Why are you running? Please. Just stay. I've forgiven you time and time again. I have a video of you admitting that you fucked Ryan and I replay it every time I'm without you to remember that I once wasn't good enough for you and sometimes it motivates me but other times it just makes me sad and recently I haven't been able to shake off that sadness and I don't know what to do, Frank. I don't want you to go," he cries.
"Delete the video. Half of the problem is solved. Forgive and forget. Isn't that what they say?" I reply, swallowing the lump in my throat.
"Frank... I still love you. Can we just start over?" he pleads, his voice shakes with sadness.
"I still love you, too but I can't," I reply, not turning back. I continue walking down the street, shedding a huge weight from my shoulders.
"Goodbye.." I choke, knowing I'm too far for him to hear me but needing to hear the words escape my lips.
I walk until I'm at my real home, with my mom. I knock on the door, and take a step back. I wait for awhile though nobody opens the door so I sit on the stone step and wait. It takes awhile before she comes home, her boytoy driving her car as they pull in. She sees me and walks over. She's wearing a bright red dress with lipstick and a purse to match while Matt's wearing a suit. They must've been on a date or something. Too bad I'll be ruining their night.
"Frank, are you okay?" She asks, bending down to lift my chin so she can see my eyes.
"Yeah, I'm okay. Can I- can I move back in?" I ask.
"Of course you can, honey."
~~~
A few months pass by of me living at my mom's and finishing high school before I decide I want to find a place to live on my own and work for a year before deciding what I want to do with my life, professionally, she welcomed me back though I disobeyed her many times and in many ways. She forgave me and let me cry on her shoulders.
I head into the coffee shop and stand in the line, staring down at my mom's old bejewelled phone that she lent me. It's my turn, I order, pay and pick up my order within two minutes. I turn to leave and spot a flyer shouting out "ROOM FOR RENT" beside the door. I take a sip of my coffee and read it. "Looking for a roommate who'll pay 30% utilities and 300$ a month. Furnished room with huge windows and a walk-in closet. I'm a quiet, employed person looking for someone quiet and also employed. If interested please call" followed by a phone number and a few photos. I punch the phone number into the phone and press dial.
"Hello?" A familiar voice answers. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
"Hi, I'm calling about the room to rent. It sounds nice, and surprisingly cheap, what's the catch?" I ask, jokingly.
"Frank? Is that you?" He asks, and I bite my lip.
"I know I'm not exactly always quiet but I can work on that. I have a job so I mean, there's that and yes, my name is Frank. You must have caller ID or something!" I joke around nervously.
"Oh.. Um. I-I could show you the room if you'd like. Are you busy right now?"
"Nope, what's the address? I'll be right there, assuming it's close," I respond. We set it up and I get on the next bus in the direction. It's only a few blocks away. I walk up to the new apartment. Leaning against the door is Gerard with messy, black hair and a book in his hands. I psych myself up and approach him.
"You must be Gerard, I'm Frank," I introduce myself, holding my hand out for him. He looks up from his book with a confused look on his face.
He nods his head and shakes my hand before opening the door. He leads me in and tells me to take off my shoes. I kick them off and follow him across the room.
"So over here we have the kitchen with an oven and sink," he shows me by opening and closing the oven door and turning the taps on then off. He leads me down a small hallway with a door at the end and three others leading to it.
"So this first door to the left is the art supply closet," he says as he opens it and flips on a small light, illuminating all of the canvases lined up in order from tallest to shortest and buckets of paintbrushes and pencils and various other things. We move forward a little and he shows me the bathroom, which is a decent size with a nice warm red accent wall behind a mirror with dark grey counters. The bathtub has sliding frosty glass panels to convert it to a shower if one pleases. We continue the tour onto the next room across from the bathroom, on the right of the hall.
"This would be your room if you were to move in." In the centre of the room there's a bed and a foot chest. There's a light brown dresser against the wall and I find myself opening the top drawer as I move in.
"Over here's the walk-in closet," he opens the sliding doors and pulls on a little chain to turn on the overhead lightbulb. The closet's big enough to fit an entire king sized bed in it. I don't even think I have enough clothes to fill this. He pulls the chain again, as we exit the closet, then the room. He turns to the door at the end of the hallway and opens it.
"This is my room," he says, leading me in.
We stand around for a second or two as look around.
"The room's yours if you want it," he offers.
"I do want it," I say with a smile. He goes to open his mouth to say something but I kiss him instead, pushing him onto his bed. I straddle his waist and close my eyes deepening the kiss for a second before pulling back and sitting over him.
"You said you wanted to start over, here's your chance," I tell him with a smirk.
"You didn't really forget me?" Gerard asks, concerned and excited.
"How could I, you're a mind fuck, babe."
-----
La Fin