It's been a few weeks since we lost our baby and Zayn hasn't been himself. He hasn't been eating, doesn't talk to anyone or he's up in our room. He has been using vacation time for work but it's running out quick. When I'm at work Louis often goes and checks up on him during his lunch. I don't know what to do, whenever I try to hug him he flinches away.
I've googled about miscarriages and what they can do to the mother, reading the stories were heart breaking. Walking up to the front door hoping Zayn has came out of the bedroom and is eating. But I know he hasn't, since I walk in and it's silent, I put my stuff down and call out Zayn's name but hear no response. I walk upstairs and see Zayn still under the duvet where I left him this morning. I walk over to him and sit next to him rubbing his back
"Zayn, baby, have you been here all day?"
"I think" he said in a barely audible voice.
"Come on let's get something to eat." He nodded slowly and I helped him up. When the duvet fell off him I saw how skinny he has gotten.
"Zayn this isn't healthy, you have to start eating more." He didn't say anything but let me drag him downstairs to the kitchen. I sat him down at the island and made grilled cheese sandwiches for us, I gave him his and he just stared at it till he started picking at it. When I finished mine I saw that he only ate half of his and was staring at the plate. I walk over and hug him, when he gets in my arms he starts to cry quietly. I hugged him harder and whispered sweet nothings in to his ears and rubbed his back.
"Harry I don't feel myself. I feel empty like part of me is missing, I don't know how to explain it but I can't and don't want to feel like this anymore. I want it feel whole and myself again." He said after pulling away.
"I know baby, I'm so sorry. I wish I could do something but I don't know what. I want you to be happy again, and not see you starving yourself. Zayn this not eating things is going to make things worse. And I know that I don't know what you are going through but I need you to be healthy so we can try again. Try to make you feel whole again and everything go back to normal." He just stared at me for awhile then nodded, I hugged him again and picked him up taking him to our bed room. I set him down on the bed and he crawled into the duvet. I changed out of my work clothes and got in to bed with him pulling him close falling into a sweet sleep.
~*~
The next morning I saw Zayn walking out of the shower brushing his teeth. I got up and walked over to him.
"How are you feeling?"
"Fine, have to go back to work cause I ran out of vacation days." I just looked at him then he walked to the closet getting ready. I took a quick shower and got out seeing Zayn fixing his hair almost done getting ready. I quickly got dressed and did my hair. By the time I was done Zayn was down stairs eating, I walk down and see him walking towards the door.
"Hey I thought I could drive you to work then pick you up?"
"Sure" he said and giving me and sad look. I grabbed an apple and got my keys. We walk to the car and get in. By the time we get to the university Zayn is almost asleep.
"Zayn are sure that you have to go today?" Seeing dark circles under his eyes.
"Yeah my boss emailed me saying I have to come in." He leaned over and kissed me. When he pulled away he put his forehead up against mine and smiled weakly at me. I kissed him again and he got out of the car walking up to front doors.
I watch him walk through the doors looking miserable. I really need to fix this, I can't stand to see him like this anymore. It hurts him and me to much. I need to get my old Zayn back.
~*~