TWO CHAPTERS LEFT
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JUSTIN'S P.O.V
I was panicking now. I wasn't sure as to what there was left for us to do. One by one we were quickly being taken down by either Hell or Heaven. There had been a few of Heaven's army who agreed to listen to what we had to say as we fought and believed that we had no intention of fighting them and so almost obliged to fighting along side us however they had no idea who, from Hell, were one of us or who were an enemy. None of them wanted to disobey the orders they were given anyway.
Our numbers were quickly dying so by every second that ticked past, the more responsibility was handed over to myself and the few hundred who remained on the side of Vic and Kellin. To me, that seemed like rather a handful to say and really ought to be shortened. With many dying and even less going strong, there were also those who gave in to cowardice. I witnessed those ones myself. They'd be met face to face with the sword of the foe and in the split second between sharing the light of this world and abandoning their temporary freedom away from Hell on the battle field to going back to being nothing more than a mere soul whose met death one time too many, they would cry. Cry for it to stop. Cry that they didn't want to die again. Cry that even though there was no matter of importance left of their non-existent existence, they feared what they'd meet if they let death capture them for a second time.
I don't blame them.
And so they'd oh so willingly hand themselves over to the ones who only moments before were oh so willing to not give a damn about them and wipe them off the face of the earth, just to spare their own lives that were no longer dependant on or required the use of oxygen. To have a will and mindset as weak as that would be something that I'd feel shame for regardless of the situation. If I were in such a state that I'd wouldn't even let hesitation confront my decision before I surrendered my loyalty to the ones who had already fought and already died just to bathe in the selfishness of saving myself for a reason that wasn't quite visible, then I doubt I'd feel as though I'd be worth the effort of saving.
After all, the cause of this battle was for a single Angel to be saved. That wasn't me though, so for what need would I need saving if I were less than a centimetre away from the tip of a blade? The traitors who gave freedom to their narcissistic driven, sudden duty of rescuing themselves were not that one Angel therefore they shouldn't need saving either. The knowledge that they were putting their absent lives on the line for this Angel and the agreement of setting foot on the battlefield showed commitment that they obviously couldn't keep. That didn't deserve saving.
Baring that in mind, those were the Demons that I went for. The instant I made eye contact with a deserter, my sword would be flung and they wouldn't be there to make eye contact with no longer. I chased and hunted them down because they filled me with so much hatred that it was enough to fuel me no matter how many wounds I collected along the way. These scars would be a momentum of the time that I was of use for once.
I wasn't sure how my mind had spurred such thoughts of self loathing desire to pity myself whilst I avoided dying just so I could stay 'alive' for someone else's sake. Maybe the moment a friend really, truly died right in front of my very own eyes, something clicked. A trigger that hadn't been set off before and to be greeted as a new companion along side the determination to kill.
Or could it have just been the beginnings of insanity because I was pretty certain that no one was dead yet. We were all here. All fighting. All wanting something. Those were very much human traits. We certainly all weren't alive but maybe not quite yet dead either.
That meant that Jack wasn't dead. No, of course he wasn't dead because once you've stopped living then the only ridiculous consequence is that you don't meet death rather you are left to face the unknown worlds of above or below where pain and torture will follow you and the people dearest to you. Jack was just taking a temporary break from that.
As much as I let myself attempt to devour the convincing words I'd conjured up in my own head, I knew all too well that Jack in fact was dead and there was nothing temporary about it this time. Maybe he'd come back and maybe there'll be a day where we're all sitting in the pits of Hell, laughing about the time that I thought Jack had died for me and that it was all a huge, staged lie because that sure would be nice. Slowly I felt myself longing for when I was just a new, unrecognised inhabitant of Hell with three friends and nothing to find myself to be pessimistic over and when I didn't have to run through the recent memory of one of those three friends dying over and over again in my stupid head. Slowly I felt myself feel tears start to prick at my eyes but I was done with crying because the traitors cried and I wouldn't be a traitor.
Even so, with all the words that were just plain, old words floating around my head, I still had enough of that stupidity to actually believe that Jack may be alive because really, we were all in the same state he was so if we were the same as him then he was the same as us and the truth was that we weren't completely and utterly dead which just had to mean that he wasn't either.
It wasn't enough though because I knew, I knew that he was dead and there would be no repeat of the unfortunate occurrence in the little mishap that Gabe experienced because Jack was dead and there was no taking back death. No third chances this time because we'd had too many second chances.
Jack wasn't dead yet.
Jack was most definitely dead.
One of them was the truth, one was just myself trying to keep away the guilt influenced insanity and my gut instincts told me that the latter was the one I was to be convinced by because as stupid as I was born and destined to stay, the tiny bit of common sense that was hidden somewhere within me knew that he was gone and I had to just fucking deal with it.
"Justin?"
And if I couldn't accept that fact then I obviously hadn't got a strong enough will and I must have just been too naïve and someone like that didn't belong in a war.
"Justin?"
Someone such as myself could even possibly really deserve the fate of a second death if I was so infatuated with saving myself from the thoughts that I was responsible of my friend's death.
"Justin?"
Because in that sense I was trying to save myself, wasn't I? When that happens then I suppose that makes me just as bad as the traitors who I would adore nothing more than to be the ones unconscious on the ground instead of Jack or could that just be me hoping I'd be the one to fall unconscious without any notion of opening my literally lifeless eyes again.
"Justin!"
I was pulled out of my thoughts by a certain friend who in fact was still standing and not as dead as the other. Gabe had hold of my shoulders and was in front of me, looking me straight in the eye. From the looks of things he may have been there for quite a while trying to shake me and grab my attention but for a while I was just too lost.
"What's gotten in to you? We're in the middle of a goddamn war!" he shouted in my face. How ironic, using that term to describe this war. In all honesty, any hopes of giving a single fuck about this war had flown out the window because I remained an insignificant soul of an even more insignificant battle for two very significant beings. I wondered what it was like to be them, to actually have a reason to even blink. I guess my reason to blink right now was to prove that I was still here, so I could still fight, in order to protect their safety so that they remained having a reason to blink.
"Well, excuse me. I was in the middle of goddamn grieving over my friend's goddamn death!" I spat back in his face. His expression wouldn't change though. I suppose it was then that I started to get that he was hurting too. That all my thoughts didn't quite matter as much as they made themselves to by being at the forefront of my brain. Jack had been Gabe's friend too and for much longer than he had been mine. Gabe was just better than I was at, well, everything which included staying strong for the sake of others' around you.
"If I wasn't so concerned with keeping you, Kellin and Vic alive then maybe I'd stop a second too to wallow in the loss of a friend but since we failed in keeping him alive then all we can do is to carry on with trying to keep the ones who are still alive, alive," he said with so much sincerity that for a moment I stopped blaming myself for Jack's death. I think it could have also been the way he said 'alive' that had me thinking that there was still purpose in fighting, even if I wasn't to be significant enough to be someone fighting for.
"You are someone to be fighting for because I'm fighting for you," Gabe said, meaning I supposedly voiced my thoughts aloud, "I still kinda hate you but I still kinda love you."
"And I'm still kinda annoyed that you tried to kill me but I'm still kinda sorry for the reason you had for wanting to kill me," I said whilst ducking as an arrow flew above our heads. Really, this war seemed like nothing to me now. Just something I wanted to end and destroy because it ended and destroyed someone I cared about and I wouldn't let it destroy another.
"I guess I apologise for that then but we'll talk later. Right now, you need to stop crying," he said whilst using his thumb to wipe away the tears that were in the process of coming to a stop, "and take charge of our small army because you're our leader which makes you pretty important." Until he had awaken me from the cruelty of what was known as our own minds, I hadn't even payed attention to the fact that I'd been kneeling on the floor and crouched over, sobbing into my hands. Gabe stood up and held out a hand for me to grab onto, a friendly gesture that both of us knew was a small acknowledgement of forgiveness to really emphasis that we were more than a friendly gesture all together. That in itself was something important, extremely important because only moments ago I managed to fuck up twice but here I am, standing hand in hand with the one who is truly the most important to me which is why this war was worth something again. It's a realisation of the importance of the love and support of those around you, whether they're with you or not, they're there and they're what's worth fighting for.
Of course, my mind wouldn't so easily be turned around to simply suddenly agree that I'm worth much importance to the point where I could actually influence this war myself or that what had happened to Jack wasn't entirely my fault of which the blame and guilt had to be directed at me but I did understand that there were good Demons who needed a role of importance to guide them and fortunately or unfortunately that was me.
I would stick by my word of not being a traitor however I would be a traitor to my thoughts that had made me believe I was nothing because I'm something, something important. Something, or someone rather, who would be a traitor and fall in the hands of good to help those who need help and gain vengeance on those who needed to be taught a final lesson.
I was sinking back into my old mind set, the mind set that was just simply Justin.
"Come on, let's go fight like how we're supposed to," Gabe smiled beside me and we were back it into battle although only for a couple minutes because we came to a pause when we became aware of the fact that for whatever reason, Demons here and there were just disappearing. Luckily, none of those Demons were ours but we just stood there in fascination as Demon after Demon just vanished and there was nothing left to remember that they even stood in the place they were put with a look of horror as their final expression.
After a couple hundred of them had just gone, it stopped. No more disappeared and the fighting was set to continue just as it had before but looking around, I noted the more wary presence of those I was up against. I carried on raging forward but payed attention to those around me, in case more were to disappear. Gabe looked at me and sent me a mental question, asking if I knew what had just happened but of course, I couldn't form an answer.
It was apparent that no beings of Heaven were caught up in that and were all perfectly safe of that happening to them but still, no one knew why.
I'd been too distracted and had almost forgotten about Lindsey all together but when she stepped out in front of me with Hayley and someone else who I quite frankly had given up all hope on thinking would even stand up again, I was just taken aback.
"You're a dick, Justin, but this war is bigger than we are so working together is the only option we've got left," Lindsey said, blocking off an offence.
Only some of her words partially made it into my brain, the others just didn't seem to enter at all as I just stared at the man in front of me with slick black hair and a determined grin on his face.
"What? Surprised to see me?" Jack asked, almost laughing at the dumbfounded expression I must have had plastered onto my face.
"I.. I just.. I thought," I was at a loss for words entirely.
"Hey, Justin, don't worry about it. The ends of the arrows were coated in some kind of paralysis poison. To be honest," he swung his sword forward, "I'm just shocked that it," and threw a dagger at a distant enemy, "wore off so quickly. Besides, "and lashed his sword at another, "a few arrows aren't enough to kill me," and then he just smiled.
I suppose I must have reflected that smile of pure relief but that smile changed to yet again a look of confusion as Demons began disappearing again. More than last time, in fact. Curiosity started to play a big factor in the confusion and so I looked around for the Sins and if they were still fully in tact but when I looked at them, they just appeared worried and I knew that they knew exactly what was going on. Everyone had momentarily aborted their current concerns of stabbing the Demon in front of them or slicing the Angel beside them and so I watched on at the Sins, or Franceschi and Way to be exact.
Being blessed with no talent or skill whatsoever, I miserably failed at trying to lip read but I saw Franceschi point upwards at the sky and so my gaze followed the direction his finger travelled in to see that the sky was in fact breaking. It looked like a plate that had cracks in but cracks that couldn't be fixed with tape or glue, no, these cracks were permanent and would keep growing larger until finally, it just all collapsed. I was caught between confusion and wondering if this would effect the humans of this Earth in any sort of way.
I felt a presence beside me and saw Barakat standing there with Gaskarth, their attention also turned upwards at the sky. They were smiling in a way I had never seen a Sin do so before, it wasn't due to sarcasm or a sadistic smile or a smile from just being a dick, they were smiling because of genuine happiness and maybe even pride and achievement. I looked around and saw that almost all the other Demons who weren't fighting along side us had vanished, only a few remained now. By the looks of things, they wouldn't be around for much longer either.
"What's happening?" I asked the two good Sins beside me who I actually really trusted. We owed a lot to Barakat, after all we wouldn't have found Mike if it weren't for him or have gotten a slightest hint towards the war that we were currently held in, despite the fact that none of us actually took the hint that something as great as a war would take place. The thought entered my mind as to whether the humans would ever find out about this, all the children who have History lessons about the Second World War, The Cold War, The Battle of Britain, they were all fascinating topics but how could they compare to a war between the dead and further dead, Heaven and Hell, pure evil and astonishing good? The answer was that they could, but in no way that measured enough. Would this war even be remembered and told to future souls who have yet to pass? The lucky ones? That's something that I'll just have to wait to find out.
Barakat looked at me and then Gaskarth, then to me, to Gabe, then back to me, "What's happening is that we're winning."
~~~
Hai, so only two chapters left, huh? I'm honestly really happy with how far this story has actually come so thank you so much for that.
Just a little note that I've started a new fanfic called, 'Poor, Unfortunate Soul' which is also a Kellic so if you're interested then please go ahead and read it. I'll be forever grateful.
Thank youuu, ily.
~ Amu