"O sleep, O gentle sleep, nature's soft nurse, how I have frightened thee, that thou no more wilt weigh my eyelids down, and steep my senses in forgetfulness."
LUCY
My whole body was numb. I had felt like that ever since the moment I woke up that morning. From waking up in a room that wasn't mine, realizing I had slept in Clayton Hugh's bed, to the hug we shared, and all the way up to meeting his family. Heck we were driving away from his house and to my own and I was still numb. All I felt was a tingling sensation everywhere.
"We are going to have dinner with the Hughs tonight, Lucy." My dad broke the tense silence.
I was so lost inside my own head that I didn't hear him. He had to repeat it louder to get a reaction out of me. "What?"
No, no, no. That could not happen. I never wanted Clayton to see my face again. I already had the idea of switching out of chemistry class to a different one to avoid him entirely.
"No, daddy." I whined. "Please no. No. Just no. I can't."
"Why not? All of us are extremely happy you are okay, and we wanted to celebrate that. Plus the Hughs are a very nice family." My mom chimed in.
Were they really that oblivious? Could they not see the pain written all over my face? No - they had to have. At least mom had to have, I went to her last eye appointment and her eyes were perfect. Or maybe it was me. If I pulled the corner of my lips a tad touch lower, deepening my frown, and stopped blinking back my water works, they would have seen the fear. Humiliation. Heartbreak.
If it were any other house - even the President's - there would have been one less emotion running through my body. The heartbreak was not caused firsthand by Clayton at all, but with him in mind, and every other wild thought, I was self destructing.
"Please, no. I'm, um," I quickly thought of something, "tired. Really tired."
There was a silence, and by the focused look on his face through the rear view mirror, I could tell he was thinking.
"Then that's good! You can walk yourself to the Hughs again for dinner!"
I groaned, bumping my head into the back of my mom's seat, in turn making her groan as well. Despite that, my eyes remained on my feet-- my sock covered feet. The last time I wore socks were ages before - maybe as far as a month previous. So the only logical reason where those socks came from was from the same owner of the gym shorts and t-shirt I was wearing.
Humiliation passed through me for the hundredth time, cursing my leap of faith last night with wearing Aunt May's revealing present. But when I thought about it, wearing Dumbo printed pajamas wouldn't have been any less embarrassing. That would have been worse.
"Someone shoot me and put me out of my misery."
- - - - - - - - - -
My brother Jacob was always a very calm person. He was tidy, organized, and the epitome of a perfectionist. So whenever I wanted to clear my head or distract myself from the world, I went through some old planners of his. A few were from his high school years, one from his freshman year in college, then the most important one of all.
It was camouflage, funnily enough.
He didn't mean much when buying that particular planner. Jacob only thought it was a cool pattern. I would have known because I was there with him strolling through a Dollar Tree.
12-7-13
Go see Lucy at her cross country meet at Hindenburg High School.
I remember the seventh of December that very year. It was the day I won first place - the last time I played a sport in school. Running was something I had always done since I was small, but unlike my parents, I hated it. I didn't want to spend my mornings outside jogging, yet alone in the heat of the afternoon racing against other girls over a course of four miles.
So after my last meet, I had planned on going out to a big dinner with my whole family, since Jacob was driving in from college.
12-8-13
Talk to the family about the decision.
The decision.
The thought made me close the planner shut to admire the beauty of the metal stars pinned on the front of it. His decision was just as beautiful as the shimmering stars on that planner; yet just as dangerous as the real ones burning up above.
Once my mind was clear enough to at least stand up from Jacob's bed, I placed the planners I read through back in the correct box, then headed back to the modern times.
- - - - - - - -
The time was here. In the dark the clock of the car illuminated, taunting me every block we got closer to Clayton's house. My mom had picked out my outfit, but only because I did not have the energy to skim through my closet. It was cute nonetheless; a flushed pink color with lace decal at the skirt. When I put it on my anxiety lessened. That didn't last long though.
For the first time I had a real chance to take in Clayton's home away from home. I had known he lived in my neighborhood as of a few months back, but never did I know which street he lived on, yet alone household. Yet when my dad pulled into the cute house with the yellow window sills, I realized I had passed by his home every day. I even recognized the touch of yellow multiple of times, always thinking it was bold and interesting.
He was so close yet still managed to be far away.
"Alrightio, darlin'." My dad turned around to send a toothy grin. He was enjoying this all too much, but that was only because he thought I was trying to be funny or something. Who knew what he thought; he only figured I wasn't scared to death.
I mean facing the boy you have been holding a crush on for years isn't scary at all. Especially when you walked to his house with bed hair, drooling, and little to no clothes on. It would be a walk in the park, actually.
Oh, wait - no, it wouldn't be. Exactly why I was shaking in my flats as I moved slowly up the steps leading to the Hugh's front door. The yellow from the shingles matched the door, and while any other time I would have found it adorable, the blinding color was making me sick.
I stood there, clenching my stomach, in hopes something would go wrong and the dinner could be cancelled or rescheduled.
"Are you going to knock?" My dad nudged me.
I huffed.
"Fine then, I will."
With every knock to the door the quicker my heartbeat sped.
One, two, three, four...
Please don't throw up, please don't throw up, please don't throw up...
The inevitable did happen though, and the door opened. The very blonde I was hoping wouldn't be there held a large, welcoming smile.
It was Clayton, and he looked as handsome as ever. He was wearing a lavender button down with khaki pants, and besides the fact that shade of purple was my favorite color, I found myself having to catch my breath. He had that smile on his face; the one entirely too perfect that made my lips remain shut in shame.
"Hi, Lucy." That smile. Gosh. "Mr. and Mrs. Walker." He bobbed his head, acknowledging my parents, yet his gaze never left mine. He made my insides constrict. "Please, come in. My parents are setting the table right now."
He was so polite; everything I had ever dreamed about. When I fantasized about the moment our parents met, I had imagined it a lot like that. Other than the whole sleepwalking drama earlier that day, that is. Plus the fact he and I were no where near girlfriend and boyfriend. Also my urge to vomit wasn't in my dream either.
I gulped, my fingers clinging onto my dress skirt. "Okay."
I thanked my lucky stars that the Hugh household was chilly so my blazing cheeks could cool off. Adding red to an extremely pale girl only lead to an even more embarrassing situation.
Sure enough Clayton's parents were in the dining room: Mr. Hugh placing down utensils while Mrs. Hugh put out a bowl of what looked to be a type of stew. When they heard my family their eyes flew up, blinding me with striking shades of blues.
"Hello, Lucy!" Mrs. Hugh wasted no time to trot around the table and grab me in a hug. I have never been a fan of touching, but when you smell like Mrs. Hugh, you could grab me anytime. She smelled like sugar cookies. The kind with rainbow sprinkles. "So happy to see you again, and so soon." She laughed, prompting me to snort out a fake one. I sounded like I was dying. "Glad to see you are doing good now."
Up next was Mr. Hugh, and unlike his wife, he felt hugs were awkward. Well, with how he put it, he explained in this long speech how he was horrible at giving hugs and that a fist bump would be better suited. I understood him on a spiritual level.
After the welcomes dinner was dived into rather quickly. I made sure to seat myself down after Clayton sat just to make sure I was in the farthest chair away from him. Mrs. Hugh shortly described the menu, and the fact I was going to eat Norwegian food was taking my mind off Clayton.
"So, Lucy, how are you feeling?" Mrs. Hugh asked politely, picking at her food with a fork. She had such gorgeous blue eyes; a mirror image of Clayton's.
My stomach sank at the thought.
Keeping my eyes low and away from the boy diagonal to me, I answered, "I am doing. . . okay. . ."
Another silence fell over the table; the subtle munching on food the single disturbance. The awkward level surpassed that morning by a long shot. I had never felt so uncomfortable before. If it wasn't showing in my body language or my vague answers, I wasn't sure how else to get the message across. All I wanted was to lock myself in my room and cuddle with my hamster. I wanted to erase every memory of today and go on about my life without Clayton Hugh seeing me as that-girl-who-sleepwalked-to-his-house.
"Well I am really glad you are doing okay." The voice made me visibly shake. So much my fork tattered against the plate. All eyes flew on me.
I stared hopelessly in between my parents, desperately wanting them to understand me, but instead they held the same confused looks the Hughs were giving me.
Clayton cleared his throat so he could continue. "Can you tell me more about your sleepwalking?"
I tried so hard not to glance at him. Too hard. Yet I still failed in doing so.
Our eyes connected momentarily before I decided his plate of food was much more comforting. "Um. . . It started when I was. . ." My throat was growing dry. My insides were suffocating me. If I had known it would be that hard to talk to your crush, then I would have never made that birthday wish.
"Oh my God," I suddenly blurted out, the pieces coming together.
The birthday wish.
The confusion on everyone's faces was hard to miss by then, so I quickly got up and excused myself. Mr. Hugh pointed out the powder room and I graciously headed in that direction.
I needed space. That was what I needed.
So as I entered the cramped restroom, I froze in front of the mirror, only breathing. It felt so calming to stand back and just breathe. It had to have been an hour tops since the last time I truly did so.
Once I was calmer, I repeated the words of my birthday wish in my head.
I wish for Clayton Hugh to realize I existed and remember my name.
What a little trickster Fate was. My simple wish was construed to this awful mess. If there was one thing I knew, Clayton certainly knew I existed and knew my name by heart by then. Well, my name or by a ridiculous nickname like sleepwalker girl or something.
It was like my tenth birthday all over again. I had wished for a puppy, and what did I get? I got a stuffed animal puppy that only had one eye since my brother thought it would be funny to pull off one of the buttons. I remember being so upset and throwing a tantrum, only to end up with no puppy of any kind. My parents took back the stuffed animal and threw it away because of my attitude, and thinking back on it, I wondered how fun that puppy would have been if I have it a chance.
A chance...
A small smile glossed on my lips. It was fleeting, but definitely there.
Sucking up my stomach of nerves, I took a chance and headed back to the dining room. My entrance took everyone by surprise, the small talk Clayton and I's parents created dying down for a mere moment. I managed to curve the corner of my lips upright, then sat back down with poise.
"So, um. . . I heard the baseball team is playing George Ranch next Friday. Are you ready for that tough game, Clayton?"
J.K. would be so proud of me not stuttering or tripping over my words. That deserved a Sonic milkshake, so I duly noted that while maintaining eye contact with Clayton. It was such a thrilling thing yet so small. I looked tons of people in the eye per day, but never had I gotten such a skyrocketing adrenaline feeling in my gut. A portion of it was me feeling sick to my stomach, but the thrill was there.
"Hopefully," Clayton answered me with a tentative smile.
He was a true baseball prodigy, and there he was, sitting there with a shy, humble front.
I licked my lips, my smile growing. "I ha-ave no doubt your team will win."
Despite my stutter, his own lips widened. "Thank you, Lucy. . . I appreciate that. Really - I do."
The night went from there. It was easy, breezy, and beautiful - the complete description of a Covergirl cosmetics product. Sure, I was awkward at times, but so was everyone else. I learned a lot from that sit down. Not just the fact Mrs. Hugh could cook a mean lapskaus and and swede puree, but that talking to Clayton wasn't all horrible on my end.
"It was great having you all over, officially, this time." Mr. Hugh chuckled when raising his glass of wine. The adults raised their own wine as well, while Clayton and I settled for apple cider. "May this be the unconventional start of a great friendship, yeah?"
"Mest sannsynlig," Clayton spoke in Norwegian.
I felt like a fool not knowing what he said, but by the kind expression on his face, he had to of agreed. And the idea of becoming friends with Clayton Hugh was music to my ears.
"We can only be friends if you come to my game Friday, though." He smiled cheekily.
"Sounds like a deal," I readily replied.
And to that we clinked our glasses.