"That's how I like to see you," I smile, walking towards Billie who was sitting on the curb of a California street with palm trees swaying around him. "In my dreams, safe and sound."
Billie's head was hung down towards the ground. His hands were clutched together and a single foot tapping on the street. He had has black skinny jeans on with his dirty Chuck Taylors and a maroon tee.
Upon noticing that he wasn't really psyched to hear that I had arrived, I decided to apologize.
"Hey Billie, I'm sorry about earlier." I stopped when I got next to him and remained standing, to see if he would make a move. "I was just taken by surprise."
He barely moved an inch.
"Billie?" I ask softly, rustling my fingers through his hair. Immediately he smacked my hand away and huffed. I took a step back in shock. "Are you serious right now? Speak to me!"
He kept twiddling his thumbs, intently staring at the pavement.
"Get over it Billie! I was taken by surprise, I was nervous...it's not my favorite situation to see you when I thought I was in control of my actions."
His head flung up in my direction with widened eyes that seemed to be in disgust.
"You are so full of yourself, you know that?"
I was beyond confused and completely caught off guard. I took a few steps back to help myself see the whole picture.
"Excuse me?"
"You really think I'm pissed about earlier today? That's all you see? You think I'm still insulted? Oh fuck me!" he remarks.
I took a second to look around.
"Am I missing something here? Why else would you be acting all edgy?"
He quickly rises on his feet. It scares me a bit, causing me to step back some more.
"I just caught a glimpse of what was going on in your reality...just recently."
I sighed, let down that this was what he was going to be fighting with me about.
"Yeah, first off, thanks for fucking telling me about your trip to the hospital earlier."
He turned around and began pacing around, hand mustered through his hair and the other in his pocket.
"I was going to tell you tonight...."
"Sure!" He sasses me.
"Is that all your angry about?" I questioned in innocence.
He let out a laugh.
"I fucking wish! You want to know what I'm angry about?"
Billie could be such a sweetheart. He could care more about a person than the average someone would ever know. But he was protective and domineering. Yeah, those can be sexy traits...but when he's playing big brother, it can be a little annoying, to say the least.
"Oh of course, why else am I here?" I crack.
"Oh cut the bullshit, Layla!" He dramatizes. "I'm pissed because you deliberately disobeyed me!" His squeaky voice exclaimed.
"What the fuck is this? The Lion King? Who are you for me to disobey? I'll tell yah! A figment of my imagination, that's who!"
Billie's face was enraged with anger and annoyance by my words.
"Have you yet to acknowledge the fact that I am as real as---"
"Here we fucking go again!" I whine while spinning around. "It's the same shit every time I see you now! Someone's angry at the other and we beat around the bush about 70 times a visit. I get the picture! I got it yesterday, the day before that, I get it today and I'll fucking get it tomorrow! Save your breath!" I roll my eyes. A few bare moments go by and I decide to follow up my little rant.
"I miss just relaxing with you," I continue with a heavy heart. "Giving you light kisses and talking to you sweetly. Can we get back to that? Is everything your about to say something we've already covered? If so...then forget it!"
That sounded pretty good, right? I lingered my way over to the curb and plopped down with a deep breath, covering my face with my hands.
"You can't dismiss me that quickly," I hear Billie continue in a calmer voice. "I'm disappointed in you, Layla. I'm so disappointed because there's something you could have avoided."
"Is this about the drugs?" I reply, bringing my face up from my hands. "I wasn't even sent to the doctors because of that. My mom saw me faint, that's how I got there. How I got here. I'm in the hospital right fucking now. They're watching me as I speak. Probably freaking out about my wave lengths or some shit because you nearly gave me a heart attack!"
Billie sat down beside me, massaging his hand on my shoulder.
"I told them the truth. I told them everything. Doesn't that count for something, Billie?"
He shook his head in denial.
"You can barely go a few hours without popping a pill now, Layla," he resurfaced. "Your black outs didn't even start until you took those shits."
I'm so fucking emotional in my dreams. I sniffled back my pain and tried to keep myself together.
"What did you expect me to do, Billie? I needed to see you. I still do."
"I expected you to be strong, Layla. That's all I ever wanted from you."
I took in another deep breath, grabbing Billie's hand as a source of comfort.
"They're going to send you to Boston for a more intense rehab/therapy, if the drugs keep up...which they will," Billie calmly reveals.
"What?" I ask in surprise.
"Your parents will be watching to see if your drug abuse continues or not, and it will, because now you rely off them to sleep. Your body requires a higher amount of melatonin now, because of them. You won't be able to sleep without them. So you'll be sent to a better place for more intense care."
"Oh come off it!" I plead. "They're just sleeping pills."
"A lot of people die because of them. They're body grows immune to their normal dosage, so they take more, and more...and before you know it...they're dead."
He had a point. They sound so innocent and cheap, but many musicians, actors, and other celebs have passed on because of them.
"Oh..." I respond.
He tightens the grip on my hand and makes a little moan.
"Sweetie, just promise me you'll try to sleep on your own. And get rid of the Adderall. I can already tell that you're losing weight hun. You don't need that. You're beautiful."
His eyes gleam and I can tell that he was being completely honest with every word he spoke. This is the Billie I love.
"Thank you, Billie," I appreciate.
He grins softly.
"Yeah, just being honest," he winks. "And don't worry about earlier. That was weird for the both of us."
I nod my head in agreement.
"Definitely. I passed out in my room again, which is weird, 'cause lately when I do, I have visions of you."
"How many times had you passed out today?"
"Three. Two being visions of you..." my calm voice trailed off into anticipation to explain to him what I had saw. "And oh my God you need to hear about these right away!" I freak out.
"Oh God...please tell me I wasn't being an asshole," he begs.
"Uhhh...."
He lets go of my hand and whines a bit.
"How bad was I?"
I squint my eyes and tilt my head.
"Uhhh....well..."
"Just tell me!"
"Pretty awful, to be honest. At least, at first you were."
"Shit!" He groans while biting his lip. "Tell me everything."
"Well, it's a continuation of that whole phone business."
"Oh yeah! Did you ever figure it out?"
"Sort of? Listen...it started with you pretty much flipping your house upside down looking for your phone. You and Adrienne were fighting, since you accused her of taking it. After a while, she finally gave it back to you and you saw the messages."
"Okay..." Billie nods. "Now, give me the hard version."
"What do you mean?"
"That wasn't that awful. Sounds like another day in the life. Tell me how bad it was, I need to know."
"Can I spare you the details? Just know it was a little rough and move on."
"How can I make it better if I don't know what I need to improve?"
"Fine. Well, you were pretty much swearing and cursing Addy out of stealing your phone. You treated her so badly. She tried to tell you of how fucked up you had been over the past few days but you didn't buy it. Your kids moved out temporarily because they were sick of going home to your house, you trashed the place a few nights in a row and even brought some whores home. She took your phone away when you started texting me, because she thought I was another whore you were trying to hook up with, basically. After a while, she gave up and stormed out."
Billie started rubbing his temples to try and comprehend the words I was saying. He appeared so disappointed in himself.
"Aw fuck," he groaned. "Why the fuck would I do that?"
"Well, it brings us to my second vision. Once you recognized my name, you tried to call her back and apologize. She sent you to voicemail, so you attempted to explain how your dreams brought you confusion, and the only way you could avoid them was getting drunk shitless. It was a pretty sad thing to see, because for the moment being, she hasn't forgiven you."
"Fuck fuck fuck!" He cursed in agony. "What happened after that?"
"On the next Jerry Springer!" I cracked. "I really don't know yet, Billie."
Everything about his body language suggested how upset he was. He rose from the ground and started pacing around some more, muttering to himself throughout it.
"I'm going to lose her," I hear him mumble nervously.
I walk up to him and hug him from behind.
"No you aren't. It's going to be okay. We're obviously under someone else's control here, and I really doubt they'd be that sick to split you and your wife."
He jerked around to face me.
"They were sick enough to get you on drugs and sent to the hospital, lose your friends and your relationship with your parents...they'll be sick enough to fuck me over too."
His eyes grew teary and filled with despair. It killed him to realize that he was such a monster in reality.
"I tried to text you back, once I figured out it was really you," I change the subject. "But your number was out of service or something. Just missed it."
"It's hard to believe we're getting closer to solving this mystery," Billie choked up. "I really want to believe we are trapped. Give up the fight, yah know?"
"We can't think like that, not now," I remind him. My eyes peer into his, catching a glimpse of his soul, or so it seems. His rosy lips puckered out in a pout, nearly begging me to come in for a kiss. It took a lot of strength to resist my temptation in such a difficult time.
"Be strong with me? I can't do it on my own" I suggest kindly.
He takes my arms and wraps them around his shoulder for me.
"For you, anything." He smiles lightly, coming in closer to tap our noses together. Perfect. I love this fucker.
Unfortunately for us, a loud clank noise went off in the distance, causing us to separate a bit to help understand where it came from.
"What was that?" I asked curiously.
"Let's go find out!" He snatched my hand and began running with me. A few minutes later and Billie had come to a conclusion. "My house is over here!" He shouts.
"Where?" I call back. Abruptly he stops and points over to his house. "Here."
Another loud clanking noise came from inside.
"Who the fuck is in there?" He questions nervously.
"Let's go find out."
The two of us, with our hands joined together, make our way inside cautiously. Then sound of pots and pans slamming against a wall grabs our attention and causes us to make our way towards the kitchen. What we saw there made the two of us gasp in alarm.
For the first time, both of us were having the same vision of Billie's reality.
"What the fuck am I doing?" My Billie asks while watching his other self drunkenly throw all of the pots from the cabinets at the wall. "Hey! HEY!" Billie yells to himself, trying to get him to stop. "Cut that shit out! Are you fucking serious?"
But just as it had happened in my dream from a few nights ago, real Billie couldn't hear him. We were just convenient observers, watching from the sidelines. Real Billie took a huge gulp of whiskey and continued to freakishly rummage through the cabinets. His hair was spiked up crazily, and his skin was tinted a light red. He moaned and groaned while aggressively tossing everything in his way.
My Billie released my hand and moved forward in attempt to gain his attention.
"He can't see or hear you, Billie."
"I know," he answers. "But if you can make him drop his mac n cheese, maybe I can get him to quit being a douche bag."
The moment he gets in front of him, he swings back his arm and punches him right in the face. Real Billie didn't fall over, but he stumbled a bit and used his hands to help aid his pain.
"SHIT!" Real Billie moaned.
"That'll teach you a fucking lesson!"
I giggled at the mere fact that Billie had just punched himself.
"Now clean this shit up, you dick!"
Although he didn't hear what was said, it appeared that he was getting some common sense knocked into him...literally. Dragging his legs across the floor, drunk Billie tripped his way into the next room, knocking the house phone off the wall and into his hand. He aggressively punched in some numbers and waited for someone to pick up.
Cute Billie and I exchanged glances, trying to figure out what he was doing.
"Adrienne?! Is that you?" He slurred. "Why the fuck did you disconnect my phone?....What do you mean I don't need it? I fucking need it right now!" He slammed his fist against the wall. "No I'm-I'm not fuckin drunk nah," he stuttered. "Now, you connect my phone again right now you bitch or else I'll call the fucking cops!"
Cute Billie wasn't looking so cute anymore...he cringed upon hearing his real self call his own wife a bitch. He shook his head in a denial, disgusted by everything he was watching.
"Hey! HEE—EEEY! LISTEN! You be-bet-better come home to-tonight! Yah hear? And if muh-my phone isn't co-connected in the next thirrrrty minutes, there's gunna be some prob-problems. Gah gah gah got it?"
"I'll kill him," cute Billie states dryly. "I'll fucking kill him!" He makes a move to run to him but quickly I grab his arm and hold him back,
"That's you, Billie. You can't kill yourself," I remind him nervously.
"I oughtta! I oughtta kill myself! I'd rather be dead than live his fucking life!" He chokes up in anger and distraught.
Drunk Billie, barely able to hold the phone, keeps spitting out insults at Addy.
"I fucking try to apologize and you ignore...ME? You ignored me?!" His eyes are nearly closed from his lack of energy and stability. "You send me to voicemail? Like I'm a child? Fuck you! Fuck our kids! Fuck Green Day! Fuck everyone! But yah can't fuck me you whore!" And with that, drunk Billie dropped the phone and nearly passed out right there.
Cute Billie's eyes teared up after holding on to every word. Slowly he made his way to the phone and picked it up, placing it against his ear to listen. I walked up to him, trying to hear in on what was going on.
"Billie? Billie?!" Adrienne called from the other end, knowing that Billie had drunk a lot and probably mixed some drugs with it.
My Billie sniffled consecutively to try and remain calm.
"Addy?" He spoke. "I miss you."
"Billie? Where are you? I'm coming home right away!"
"I don't deserve you."
"Please...please tell me you're okay." She's crying from the other end, probably scared that he overdosed or blacked out in his house all alone.
"And I promise I'll do whatever I can to change," Billie continues.
"Hold on baby, I'm on my way."
She hung up.
"I love you."