My head began pounding as my eyes flickered open unsteadily. My room, which I had once loved and found myself proud of, became a reminder of the disaster I was living in. I laid in bed for a little bit, not caring it was already 11:30. It was weird to imagine that just a week ago, my optimism was literally shooting out of my ass. It was as if my whole body went through this transition of change that brought me nerves, paranoia and fright...but it also gave me the most genuine hope and happiness that I could ever have wished for. At this point, I wasn't sure which was worse.
Last night was the most beautiful experience of my life. If I could, I would trade every moment of my reality for that dream to go on forever. Nothing else mattered beside the two of us. Maybe that wasn't just because of the fact it was a dream. Maybe it was because we were in love. Whatever the case, it was perfect.
After 15 minutes of dwelling in bed, I dragged my ass down the stairs and made myself a cup of coffee. A note from my parents laid on the counter.
Layla, we're out grocery shopping. Be back in a couple of hours! Love, mom & dad.
I chuckled slightly upon reading the note, proceeding to crumble it up and throw it out.
"Lots of love," I say sarcastically.
Once my coffee had finished brewing, I made my way outside to take a seat in the sun. Birds were chirping, bugs were flying...I could barely keep my attention on any one thing before getting distracted. It was hot outside, but the shivers were crawling through my spine. My phone had buzzed occasionally, making me jump each time.
After a while I checked the messages to see that Danielle and Damion had sent me texts.
Danielle: Heyyy, how you feeling? Are you okay?
Just looking at it and noticing she had reached out to me made me nervous. Did she really care? Why is she asking if I'm okay? Is she trying to suggest I'm sick? That I'm a lost cause? There was no way I was answering her. A second later I opened up Damion's text.
Damion: Layla!! It's been one whole day and I'm just checking up on you to see how things went. Did they work? Let me know when you get a chance, hun.
I half smiled upon reading Damion's text. It was rather sweet and he was just making sure that the pills worked. That's all. He wasn't accusing me of anything. Nope. He was good. He was all right with me.
That's when I remembered the Adderall. Maybe that would curve my distraction and anxiety enough to get me through the day? It had only been an hour and time seemed to be dragging by. It felt as if I was counting the hours that I could see Billie. There was really no reason not to take those pills, I bought them.
Would Billie be upset if I did? I don't want to make him angry, but I like seeing him care about me. The last thing I want to do is hurt him, but it's not like I have any choice here. I need this. This will help me. Yeah, it'll help me.
I made my way into my house and upstairs. I grabbed my little container and pulled out an Adderall, accompanied by a glass of water.
"Bottoms up!" I chugged it down and smiled. Everything is going to be okay.
.* * *
"Why don't you want to eat dinner?" My mom asked for the third time.
"Because I'm not hungry...? Did you not understand that the past few times I've said
it?"
"What's with your sass recently? I didn't ask for that!" She continued to egg on.
"Well I didn't ask to eat but you keep trying to shove the idea down my throat!"
"That's because you need to eat, Layla. It's not a matter of opinion, it's a matter of health. So eat dinner!"
I turned away and began staring at my front door, visualizing all the textures and patterns that the crusted paint had formed. Such an interesting contraption.
"Layla, what did you have for lunch today?"
"A peanut butter and jelly sandwich, geez."
"That's a lie! We didn't have any peanut butter until we got back from the store."
"Well, maybe I made some! Maybe I crushed the fuc—damned peanuts and added some butter to make some bitchin peanut butter!"
I refused to look at her. For no reason at all I was steamed and insulted by the fact she thought I was starving myself or something. I wasn't trying to, it was completely unintentional. It was a side effect of the Adderall. I knew what I was getting myself into, but I forgot to think of some good excuses on skipping a meal here and there.
My father came out from his bedroom and noticed the tension between my mom and I.
"What's going on here?" He demands.
"Your daughter refuses to eat," my mom explains.
"Layla? Care to explain?"
"I'm just not hungry. Why would I want to stuff food down my throat if my body doesn't need it?" I attempt to clarify.
"Well, that's never stopped you before," my dad remarked.
That comment alone irritated me beyond measures. I wasn't skinny. I wasn't fat. I had to work to stay in shape, and eating the slightest bit of junk food would immediately show on my body an hour later. Usually I didn't care. I put myself in charge of my food intake and control. It wasn't easy, but I try to eat healthy. My father was never the one to shy away when he thought my eating habits were getting out of hand. He was always the first to let me know of his disproval upon me eating an extra cookie or a double scooped ice cream. I had myself together, but whenever he mentioned anything about my eating...it killed me inside. He has no right. No right to try and tell me I eat too much or too little. Matter a fact, he can stay the fuck away from my life with food.
"Stay out of it," I hiss.
He rolled his eyes and glanced at my mom.
"She's been weird all day. You look miserable, Layla, really. You seem too steady and spacy on random things. You haven't been eating. It literally looks like life challenged you to a fight and you got kicked in the ass. What's got you?"
I blinked a few times and turned my head back towards the door.
"Staring at that door as if it's your only way out of here," he continues.
"Shut up," I mutter.
"Excuse me?" He retorts.
"I said shut up," I get louder. "Leave me alone, I don't need your shit right now."
"Layla," my mom started off in a worried voice. "Please talk to us. Please tell us what's wrong," she begged.
"Could you stop assuming that something is wrong? Nothing is wrong! Nothing!"
"You've been acting weird since last week, and I just can't figure out why!" My dad goes on.
"Do you need to go back to the hospital, Layla?"
I got up from the couch and smiled, making my way to the closet in the living room. There were a few hooks on the closet door that held my car keys. I swooped them off, with the largest and fakest grin I could pull, and casually walked out of the door.
"I love my parents I love my parents," I repeat to myself speeding along the interstate highway. "I love my parents, they just don't understand."
A week ago, my parents were my bread and butter. We'd go out for ice cream on Sunday nights, kayaking with my dad on a sunny afternoon, or shopping with my mom when it was too hot to hike outside. They had their moments of course, but they were people I truly looked up to. I found comfort in them. Lately, they pissed me off more than anyone else. Simply because they denied me of my dreams.
There was nowhere else to go in this shit town besides that reservoir. It brought me the upmost relaxation and happiness. The sun hadn't gone yet, so I basically sped my way to the lake so I wouldn't miss it.
Upon arriving I was stunned. The sky was a mixture of pink, orange, purple and light blue. There was a little sandy spot on the shore for swimmers, so I pulled out a spare towel from my car and laid it down while blasting some "Macy's Day Parade".
Everything was beautiful here. If only Billie could join me, he would be astonished by the colors of the sky. I began singing along to his sweet voice.
"Because I'm thinking of a brand new hope, the one I've never known, 'cause now I know, It's all I ever wanted."
"That's a lovely song, Green Day, right?" A voice called from over me.
I quickly flung my head over, and what I saw brought me this overwhelming feeling of numbness. At this point, I was really thankful I had taken the Adderall, or else I'd be panicking right about now.
"Uh...yeah" I hesitated. I began to get fidgety, tossing my fingers through my hair and patting down my fluffy sunflower shirt.
"Layla, right? Can I join you?" He asked with this charming smile and a voice as smooth as silk. It was the man that Billie had warned me about. He was wearing khaki shorts with a long sleeved red flannel shirt.
"Um, yeah. I'm surprised you remembered, honestly. No one ever remembers my name."
He steps down from the grass and joins me on the sand.
"How could I forget the name of such a beautiful lady?" He grins.
It was a curse that he was such a cutie, because apparently he was also stalking me? I don't know...it sounds weird to even think about it like that. He seems to sweet and nice.
I smiled as a response to his comment.
"What's your name?"
"David," he answers.
Carelessly I extend my hand out to him to shake.
"It's nice to officially meet you, David," I lighten up.
"Likewise, miss!"
There were a couple minutes of silence between the two of us.
"Did you catch the sunset tonight?" He asked.
"Yes, oh my, it was beautiful! I'm a sucker for nature like that. I find it so stunning!"
"I'm glad you agree. I live around here, and I come out every night to see the sunset. I was sort of hoping I would see you again, after that one night when you were in a rush."
He began sinking his hands into the sand beside me. His eyes were focused on his lap, and then he faced me.
"Why did you have to leave?" He smiled sweetly.
I sighed lightly and tried to force a grin. His warm tan coated over his muscles so perfectly. He had this look of beauty, and it hadn't made sense on why he attempted to talk to me.
"I had to get back home," I tell him. "If I'm ever here alone, it's usually because I need to get away for a little while. Seeing another person reminded me that reality was waiting for me."
I tried to avoid eye contact to help stop me from blushing. You think I'd be used to this by now, with Billie and all, but it was quite the opposite.
"Everything okay back home?" He asks sincerely.
I definitely could not tell him about my dream situation. Hopefully we wasn't going to pry me for answers if I give him a vague response.
"My parents and I haven't been getting along lately, but it's okay."
"Not really," he replies. "You can tell me whatever you want, you know. You can talk to me, Layla."
I raised my eyebrows in confusion. Was he serious? He must be mad!
"I don't even know you, David."
"That's the point. To me, it's a lot harder to open up to people who you know really well. No one wants to be judged, seen differently, lied to or become vulnerable to someone you're close with. When it comes to strangers though, there's really no preconception. Everything is genuine and we can truly offer some help. You'll get a different point of view than what you're used to, as well."
David had some good points, but there was no way I was going to open up to him like that. We had just met. Maybe if I were going through some drama with my best friend I'd tell him, but what I had in store would sound like a symptom of insanity. No way.
"I appreciate you willing to listen, but it's just stuff you wouldn't really understand. Thank you though," I smile.
"Yeah, no problem," he smirks.
Seconds later his phone began going off.
"Hey Pat!" He answered. "What's up bro?...Nice....Yeah I have a printer...When do you need it by?...Seriously? Fuck.....No I can do it, swing by as soon as possible I'll have it waiting...aight, see yah."
He placed his phone in his pocket and took a deep breath.
"A bud of mine needs his resume printed. I live literally a few minutes away, could you wait for me? I want to keep talking with you."
Something about him brought me a little hope for the real world. He took me away from the dread of my day and gave me something to look forward to.
"I'll wait for you," I assure.
"I'll be back," he smiles while standing up. He then runs into the distance.
I like him. Not like in a weird crush way, but I like his company. I'm glad I ran into him today. He made it worth it.
The water was rippling at the seam, sparkling in the leftover sun from the sky. The more I stared at it, the faster it seemed to get. My head started spinning and my eyes tried desperately to keep up, but it left me in more pain.
"Fuck," I whined while grasping my head to help ease the pain. My eyes closed naturally, to help stop the craziness. Unfortunately, things only seemed to get worse. My body grew really numb and spiked in soreness every so often. I laid on my side to aid to it....but it didn't help. I let out a few screams.
"Help me!" I shrieked. "Help..."
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