Free of the confines of the office, he wanted to run to Poppy, but how could he explain it all without telling her everything? She couldn't know.
Instead, he headed back to his dorm, walking in to find his friends all asleep, all their beds filled. He pulled back the curtains to his own, finding Alix curled up asleep in it, having fallen asleep whilst crying.
He swallowed thickly, carefully climbing in bedside her, trying not to stir her but he knew that would be impossible.
"Lijah?" She whispered, lifting her head from his pillow, and pulling him in close with a tight grasp. "I thought... When Harry came back with Cedric and you weren't there- I thought-" she started choking up, tears filling her dark brown eyes.
"I'm here, Al..." he soothed. "I'm ok..." He thought back to Cedric and squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm sorry about Cedric, Al... I- I don't think I could have stopped it even if I knew it was coming."
Alix lifted her head from his pillow and put it on his chest. "Was it quick? Did he feel any pain?"
He swallowed thickly and nodded. "He would have felt nothing, it was quick."
He could feel the girl's body shaking as she silently sobbed against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, holding onto her tightly, a hand rubbing up and down her back to soothe her cries.
They lay there like that for a while, Elijah dared not move, just wanting to be there for Alix as she had been there for him all those years. His thoughts wandered though, through the vivid flashbacks of the night which had been on a loop in his memory since it happened.
"Who did it?" She asked dangerously, and Elijah knew what that meant.
"Peter Pettigrew." He breathed, keeping his arms around her protectively. "But, he's untouchable right now... Just brought back the Dark Lord."
Alix frowned, rolling down the sleeve of Elijah's left arm, studying the Mark. "Did it hurt?"
He tensed when he felt her lift the material, just wishing he could forget it was there. Once again he nodded, looking down at the jet-black ink that now stained his arm, watching carefully as Alix's dark fingers gently ran over it.
"Was- Was my father there tonight?" She so quietly that he nearly didn't hear her.
"Yeah... They all were but three. One of them is right here in this castle, so he told us. I wasn't told their names though, just that they'd be dealt with accordingly."
"So he's... My dad... He's a Death Eater again?" She stuttered.
Elijah nodded slowly, "I think most were there out of fear rather than loyalty, Al. You should have seen them all.. Begging for forgiveness..." he shuddered at the thought, "I think your father was there because if not, it would have cost him his life and your whole families lives. No one had a choice if they wanted to live."
Alix was quiet for a while, letting it sink in. I was never going to be easy, but when was anything these days?
"Do Sirius and Remus know... About you?"
"Everyone does... My parents, Dumbledore, Sirius and Remus." He murmured, intentionally leaving a few names out, he didn't have the energy to explain it all tonight.
"Shit- What did your parents say?" She asked still looking at the Mark.
Elijah shrugged, "James had me by my neck the second I walked in, and Lily was just there until he needed defending." He sighed heavily. "Sirius blamed... his brother, Mr Grey. Remus seemed shocked.. They both did. I just-"
"- Do you ever feel like Dumbledore is no better than Voldemort?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean.. What's changed since the last war? What's changed to help those who fought beside him? People like Remus? What about my parents and Sirius? He doesn't want change, it feels like he just wants things to stay the same, only fight when necessary.. And yet he has his band of loyal followers who he calls upon to do the dirty work. But because he fights for a good cause his actions are excused."
"You can't turn on Dumbledore, Elijah."
"I'm not going to. I'm just saying he needs to get off his high horse and get in the trenches every once in and while," he grumbled, looking down at her with a soft smile.
"Al..."
"Hm?"
"Thank you.." he whispered.
"For what?" She murmured, moving her head so she could see him.
"Everything. I never thought I'd have a friend... Let alone one as good as you. You really are my Watson, and I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you."
"Shut up..." Alix laughed, hitting his chest with a gentle slap. "... But you're welcome. I'm glad we met on that faithful detention in first year too. I hated you until then.."
"Yeah, but I won you over with my impeccable charm and incredible good looks," he smirked.
"No, absolutely not. And it wasn't your humble attitude either... You didn't have to have detention, that Ravenclaw was making fun of my hair. You punched him in the nose."
Elijah grinned at the memory, "And I'd do it again. Earned me my second Howler from my dad."
Alix snickered, rolling her eyes. "I thought it was your first?"
"No, it was just the first one I got in the Hall, I opened my first one away from the castle. Day a few days after the sorting..."
"If I haven't already told you, I think your father deserves Father of the Year..."
"I don't know... Kind of makes sense now, I guess. All the signs were pointing to me being a Dark Wizard, right? And they knew the Prophecy, they probably thought I'd hurt Harry."
"Don't you dare be defending them... Prophecy or not, you're their son. If anything all they did was give you the right to be a Dark Wizard."
"I'm not saying any of it was ok, I'm just saying I have a slightly better understanding of why now.."
Alix let his words sit for a little while before sighing heavily, "You can try to compartmentalize this all you like, Elijah, but a parent is meant to be caring and loving, not making their child hate themself."
Elijah didn't reply, though he knew it was true, but it helped him deal with it a little bit and for that he was thankful. He held Alix a little closer, neither of them sleeping, but just laying in each other's company.
When the sun started to rise, he turned to his alarm clock, letting out a heavy sigh, and slowly moved himself.
"Where are you going?" Alix asked, sleepily lifting her head from his chest to let him move.
"Dumbledore."
"Now? It's early morning."
"I know, I told him I'd be there early, plus I want to shower and get out of these clothes." He murmured, covering his mouth as he yawned and then rubbing his eyes. He was tired, but he was terrified of falling asleep and reliving everything again.
Getting up slowly grabbed a towel and change of clothes before heading to the shower, which, did make him feel a little more human. As he left the bathroom, Alix was up and making the bed.
"You don't have to leave, you can stay.. get some sleep." He said with a frown.
"I'm going to get some sleep... I'm gonna join Jay. I don't think I can sleep alone at the moment." She admitted, chewing nervously on her bottom lip.
Approaching her slowly, he pulled her into a tight hug, "I'm going to see Nik before I come back up, but I'll be back, I promise. I just need him to know I'm ok. I'll be back later, I'll bring you up some food."
"I don't wanna eat," Alix whined into his shoulder.
"I know, but you have to."
She groaned in response, holding onto her best friend for a minute longer before letting him go.
He watched her slip into her brother's bed and slowly stir him from his slumber, as he headed out of their room and to the common room.
"How was it?" He heard a familiar voice call from a dark corner of the room.
Turning to see Amber sitting by the window, studying.
"How was what?" He asked, raising a brow.
"It. Him. My father told me you joined him... Us."
Elijah swallowed thickly, narrowing her eyes at her as she continued.
"I've not got my Mark yet, but father says the Dark Lord was very happy with my work. Putting your name in the cup, feeding the papers information."
Elijah felt a wave of anger wash over him like waves to a rock, but he couldn't say anything without planting a seed of doubt in the other's mind about his loyalty.
Clearing his throat he nodded, "So you're the one I thank for being part of the tournament, is it?"
Amber smirked, "Was relatively easy, to be honest."
The boy studied her carefully, he'd read articles on her father, knew about his high status and rumors he'd overheard from conversations his father had at events and in his home office.
"Well, thank you again, Yaxley." He sighed, turning to walk out of the common room. It was going to be hard to be undercover and live with the serpents. He was certain that by the time the new school year came around, they'd have a fair number of young Death Eaters amongst them, he'd have to keep his act up.
By the time he arrived at Dumbledore's office, he was all over the place again but stepped inside the office after a minute of trying to calm himself.
It was quiet in the office, unlike hours before when it had been chaotic with everyone's emotions high and unpredictable. This time, however, Dumbledore was alone, sitting calmly behind his desk scribbling away a letter.
"Elijah," he greeted, "I trust you are well rested?"
Elijah didn't dignify the question with an answer, simply took the seat opposite and looked at the headmaster expectantly.
The headmaster sighed but continued, "I know you may be feeling-"
"Like a fish out of water? Overwhelmed? Like a rabbit in a serpent's den?"
"Yes."
"Just a little... But you don't need to pretend to give a shit, no one else did."
"Emotions were high last night, Elijah. Please try to understand. Please know you have people in your corner fighting for you."
"I'm done understanding and giving excuses for people. I got this far on my own, it's nothing new."
"Do you think this will make it easier?" Dumbledore questioned, putting down his quill and clasping his hands together. "Pushing people away so it may soften the blow when something happens?"
Was he that readable? Was it obvious to everyone around him? He'd have to get better at it.
"Nothing will soften the blow, but nothing will hurt them, I can protect them... But if they hate me then they won't want to protect me. They won't get hurt trying to help me."
"You're wrong, Elijah. If you don't think Sirius and Remus will ever willingly let anything happen to you. They'd both give their lives to save yours. All those present last night would."
All those present. There was no way James or Lily Potter would break a nail for him, let alone give their lives. Perhaps only on orders of Dumbledore would they lift a finger.
"If you say so, Professor." He huffed, it felt childish, but the alternative was arguing or faking his belief in the other's words. Neither seemed like something he wanted to do.
"Very well. I need to know I can trust you, Elijah. I know this is a lot, I'm very aware of the toll this will be taking mentally, but I meant what I said last night. I wouldn't ask this of you if I didn't think you could handle it."
"Trust me or don't, it doesn't make a difference to me, but you do trust me. Or you wouldn't have asked me. I've proved myself time and time again, no? Harry's first year, second year, last year. You knew I knew where Sirius was, but you knew I'd wait to tell Remus. You knew I'd figure out Remus was a werewolf and waited to see if I'd tell my friends. I've passed all your tests, so you can either take my actions at face value or not."
Dumbledore gave a slight nod, failing to meet the boy's eyes. Something must be wrong for him to avoid eye contact.
"This isn't going to be easy, I fear. Rewatching your memory last night, I have no doubt you'll be seeing a lot more like it in the near future. He'll challenge you each and every day, and you'll have to be strong enough to handle it."
Elijah nodded, "I know. I will be" He'd have to be if he had any hope in hell of saving his family.
Letting out a deep breath, the Professor opened the drawer to his desk, passing Elijah over an envelope.
"This is the address you come to if you need help, it's been approved by Sirius and Regulus to use Grimmauld Place as the Order's Headquarters. It's not been in use by either Black brothers since their parents passing. Inside the envelope are instructions on how to gain entrance." He informed him, peering at the boy as he took the envelope.
"I must stress how important is that you tell no one about this. Not even your friends."
The boy nodded, stuffing the envelope into his pocket. "Got it. Secrets safe with me."
"Have your friends asked about what happened last night?"
"They were all asleep when I returned, sir. But when they are awake and ask I'll make sure they believe I'm on Voldemort's side, you needn't worry."
The headmaster looked over the boy as if trying to spot a tell that the boy was lying, but seeming satisfied he moved on.
Lying to powerful wizards was something Elijah had great practice at, and it was only going to serve him well moving forward.
"I also need you to attempt to make amends with your parents. It's the only way you are all going to be able to trust each other."
"Absolutely not."
"Elijah-"
"I won't trust them either way, all this is going is making them feel more at ease. They don't deserve that if they can't see that I'm not trying to protect them and Harry from everything I've done-"
"You need to speak with them, Elijah. This all needs to be water under the bridge. You all need to move past it."
"All due- actually no... fuck that, no respect given, I'd rather take on the Horntail again than speak with my parents. I'm not about to forgive and forget, not even for war. They don't want to trust me, that's on them."
"How do you expect we will win the war if we are fighting amongst ourselves as well as fighting our enemies?"
"Figure it out, I guess. It's not my problem, I've got bigger issues."
"You can't tell me you don't want to try and make things work with them, Eli-"
"Stop! Stop acting like you give a single fuck about me!" Elijah snapped, getting up from his seat and angrily pacing. Since when did Albus Fucking Dumbledore give a damn about his family affairs? "You know nothing about how I feel! Of course, I want my parents to care about me, it's all I've ever wanted, but they don't want me! They've not wanted me since they heard that prophecy. They won't ever trust me, or care for me and I know that. I've come to terms with it, but it still stings... You're asking too much. I won't go back to begging for them to want me. They don't. They won't ever want me."
"Elijah.." Dumbledore's voice was much softer now, "Your parents do love you. You know that don't you?"
"They don't." he breathed.
"We show people we love them differently-"
"I don't need you to explain to me the relationship. They kept me in their care for this war, your orders I suppose?"
Dumbledore said nothing, but that was fine his silence was loud and clear.
"And Remus? Conveniently arrived the summer after my parents discovered I was the Heir of Slytherin, so I'm assuming he was under your instructions too?"
Again, silence.
Figured. Still, it didn't stop the ache he felt. He had been right about Remus then. Sirius? He had been in Azkaban, he claimed not to know much about Elijah when they met, so was he in on it too? Did Remus tell him? Had this been one long play? Was any of it real?
The boy slumped his shoulders, "You don't get to ask me to beg people to care for me, sir. If they don't want me by now they never will. I've got my own little family here.."
Perhaps. But all this was making his head spin again, he just wanted answers. He needed to know he could trust someone. Anyone. Otherwise, what was all this for? It would be better for them to just obliterate his mind and tell him what to do. No pesky emotions would get in the way then, he could just be exactly what they wanted him to be.