Becky stared blankly at the ceiling that night. She cant believe she had committed something unacceptable in front of her child. She admitted she lost her cool and pushed Freen harshly. She didn't think about the consequences of her actions and now she's suffering from guilt.
She was crying, sobbing was inaudibly concealed in her pillows. Her face was buried into it as she let the thing absorb her guilt.
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! She exclaimed. She keep blaming herself for being too overdramatic and too insensitive. She blame herself for not letting the other woman speak. And now this happened.
"Babe?" Charlotte knock on the other side of the door. Stirring on her bed, Becky fix herself pretending not to cry but the remnants of the tears still left coats on her cheeks." Babe i'm coming in okay?" Becky didn't respond. She is too tired to open her mouth.
After the inquiry, the door opened revealing Char in her pajamas. She has a towel on her head and a lotion in between her fingers. " Babe." She cooed wanting to get answers. But Becky refuses. " Babe I just tuck Finley to bed na." She added. " Don't cry, it's okay. It's gonna be okay." She assured rubbing Becky's back wanting to give her encouragement and understanding.
"I fucked up babe. I'm so fucked up!" Becky whispered lifting her head a little. " I made a mistake. I shouldn't have done that. I should have let her explain."
Charlotte sighed. Becky was right, she was against the fact that Becky exploded but this is not the right time to blame her best friend for it. She came here to comfort the woman, not to rub her the truth. " It's okay baby. I understand. I admit that what you did was unjustifiable but I know you were just carried out by your emotions. It's fine na. It's gonna be fine."
"But I hurt Freen, Lottie! And Fin saw it! She saw me hurting her mother and now she will hate me forever for that! She saw me hurting the piece of her! You don't know how much it hurt when she told me she hate me Cha. It stung my heart! It hurts here!" Becky was weeping a little, but this time her sobs get louder and louder. Her pain heightened as she carry the intensity of her daughter's statement.
"Dont cry anymore. I hate seeing you cry. Don't cry na." Charlotte rub the small figure in her arms letting Becky feel the comfort she needed. Her head rested on Charlotte's chest feeling the other woman's rapid heart beat. " I already explained to Fin what she saw, but you yourself need to talk to her okay? Just give her time. Give her time to analyze her words and assess her emotions. Right now she needed space. All that we can do today is make her feel safe and comfortable in here."
"What should I do char? How can I amend things with her?" She asked.
"We know how attached Fin is to Freen now Becca. And we can't do anything to stop that, nor pull that invisible string away. You can't force your child not to be attached to the woman. So let her be, be there to guide her and support her. Not to take her away."
Becky was confuse about Charlotte's statement. She find it so hard to unravel each words. " What do you mean?"
Charlotte pause. Lips pursing into a thin line before opening to speak. " Give her a chance Becca. This time set aside your emotions, set aside the grudge, let it be the time for Fin to feel her mother closer. And if it gets any better then you can both talk about your feelings. As adults, as professionals, and as wives."
.......
"Here." Freen handed her the milk tea. They just finished picking Finley and now all three of them are seated on the swing. Fin felt distant to Becca, she was maintaining a safe distance between her mother and her deciding not to touch in any way possible. She was attached on Freen's hips the whole time and Becky's heart clenched at that.
"Thank you." She whispered softly. Freen only smiled. She felt happy that Becky agreed and finally turn on the same page as her. But this time Freen is more cautious, her heart was slowly losing hope of mending things with Becky. So she lessen the glimmer she felt or else it would cost all of what's left in her.
"Okay mai?" Freen asked Fin softly. Becky watched the two of them and witness how her daughter smiled genuinely, but it faded into hues when she made an eye contact with her mother. "What do you wanna do baby?"
Fin paused. Her mind wandering of possible things they can do, Becky on the other hand remained silent afraid she would ruin this moment for her daughter. " I wanna go to the beach." She exclaimed, her eyes screaming pleads of hope igniting a source of great affection from both her mothers.
"Beach?" Freen repeated. " Are you allowed to go?" She asked. Fin made a quick glance towards her mother before looking away.
"She can go Freen. I haven't taken her to the beach once, so i'm letting her go with you." Becky replied. At that moment Becky saw how Fin smiled widely, her eyes sparkles like she won the lottery and her hands seemed to hug her mother but she is too good in handling her emotions.
"Are you sure?" Freen asked. Becky nodded her head. " See that baby? Mommy give me permission to take you na. We're going to the beach."
"With me."
"Ha?"
Freen look at Becca confusingly. She didn't know the woman would also go.
"I said i'm coming. Am I not allowed to go?" She asked.
"No of course not!" Freen curtly replied shaking her head a little.
"What?"
"I mean yes! Yes you can come! Absolutely!" She corrected wanting to disappear in that very moment.
"Okay." Becky replied.
Without any further inquiries and demands, Freen drove both of her women towards the beach. Becky was in the passenger seat while Fin settled quietly on the back. As they surge through the highways, Freen felt a great satisfaction having both of her girls in her car together.
She dreamt of this. Wished for this and now it's finally drawn to reality. She badly wished to have Becky sitting in the very passenger seat while she drive for hours to take them away from the city, to take them somewhere nice. And now it's finally coming into surface.
The radio started playing, a romantic harmony of asheu's music. Home. She felt home just by being close to this people, she felt so much at home just by feeling them close, by being by their side and nothing else.
Becky remained silent. Observing the roads they were taking and she realize this is far from the city, far from their house. How can Freen know so much of England when she's not even living here? She inquired yet her lips failed to form words. She glance on the rearview mirror wanting to check for her child and found out she was asleep. Her head was tilt on her side in an uncomfortable position, Becky reached behind fixing her daughter's head. Suddenly, Freen stopped reaching back to help her wife.
"Let me." She exclaimed tracing her fingers on Fin's face. When their fingertips accidentally touched, the electricity ran down strongly on both their bodies making them pull away.
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean—" Freen stopped midway. She was nervous and afraid that Becky would react harshly with her touching the woman causing her to lean a little closer and their noses bumped.
For a moment the world around them seems to disappear, like only the two of them existed. Like nothing else matters.
"I—uh..." Becky stuttered. Her heart beat eraducately.
"Sorry." Freen whispered and started driving again.
Once they reach the beach, Becky roamed her eyes around. It was an elegant beach resort. The owner must be rich, the exterior of the resort is elegant, with a beautiful silver carved letters on the gate then the owner must be far rich.
"Is this it?" Becky asked.
"Yeah, let's go." Freen replied. She went out of the car first before surprising Becky by opening her door. " Let's go." She repeated beckoning Becky to come down.
"T-thank you." Becky exclaimed slightly blushing from the sudden acts of service. Once she was out, Freen opened Finley's door and slowly tapped the little girl's shoulder whispering softly on her ear.
"Baby." Freen cooed rubbing Fin's hair. " We're here now tiger. Wakey wakey." She exclaimed. Fin stirred on her slumber, her face contorted as she adjusted to the light.
"Is this the beach?" She asked.
Freen nodded. " Yes baby, come na. We're going inside now." Finley nodded but refuses to get down on her own feet. Freen who love her daughter willingly carried her in her arms as they walked inside. " Can you hold on to mommy for a while babe? I just have to sign something over there."
Fin opened her eyes a little looking at her mother, with no other choice. She nodded her head as Becky extended her arm to take Fin. Becky held her daughter tight wrapping her close to her chest as she sigh in bliss that she got to hold her daughter again. Fin on the other hand, sniffed her mother's scent. It is a mannerism she develop when she missed her mother. And Becky smiled widely noticing that.
Freen came back towards their direction with a sheepish smile on her face. The people were also looking at them as they walked inside the resort. There were not a lot of people, so when they reach the shore Fin freely ran away inhaling the soft breeze of the air and the smell of the sea.
Beach. Becky's favorite place in the world. It was her wished to come back to the beach again but her work don't let her to. The last time she's been on the beach is with Freen and her parents, and now she's in the beach again with the same person four years ago.
"She look so enchanting." Freen whispered watching her daughter safely from a distance. " Beautiful." She added.
"She's my little energy booster." Becky replied. " She's so beautiful." She added admiring her daughter's ethereal beauty. Freen nodded in anticipation not taking her eyes off her daughter.
"Mommy! I wanna go there!" Fin pointed at the little cottage that's made of glass in front of the beach.
"Let's go na." Freen replied. Before she can take Fin away towards the cottage, Becky stopped her wrist pulling her back depriving them to go.
"You can't go there Freen. We don't know if that cottage is even taken or not." She retorted, Freen plastered a soft smile and ignored Becky's words.
With no other choice, Becky tail them behind walking towards the cottage. "Freen we can't get inside. Look at that!" She pointed to the description. Owner's escape. " That cottage is the owner's territory. We can't go in. We will be sued."
"Then let's break the rules. " And with that, Freen twist the door open revealing a hug interior and a lot of seats facing the beach inside.
"Freen! You're gonna get us killed you id—"
"There's a kid here Rebecca. Watch your mouth." Freen replied cutting her off.
Becky just sighed, she settled on the couch near the door inhaling fresh air. Fin and Freen stay on the balcony playing with whatever they are playing while laughters elided on the room.
"I'll try to walk for a while." She announced and received only an okay from the other woman.
The scorching sun touched her skin, it wasn't painful. Only enough for her skin to redden a little from the heat. She was busy roaming around enjoying the view she see when she heard voices behind her.
"Mrs. Chankimha!" She heard a woman yell but she paid no attention. She can't be the one looking back because she is persistent that Freen and her are divorce. Yet she is curious if someone else would look back. "Mrs. Chankimha!" The voice repeated and this time, Becky stopped in her tracks.
She dumbfoundedly look at the woman. " What?" She asked.
"Mrs. Chankimha... We finally meet you."