𝓒HAPTER TWENTY-SIX.
You Know, Sometimes We Get So Caught Up In Our Own Struggles That We Overlook The Fact That Others Might Be Hurting Too. It's Like Thinkin' Someone's Living The High Life, But They Could Be Wrestlin' With Their Own Issues Under The Surface. So, It's Important Not To Compare Our Lives With Anyone Else's—Everyone's Got Their Own Battles To Fight.
- 𝒥uan Collins
𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐂 𝐈 | VOLUME ONE.
❝ RESILIENCE. ❞
[ HARLEM, NY ]
She lay on her bed, her gaze fixed on the stark white ceiling, enveloped in a sea of white. As she contemplated her thoughts, she nervously chewed on her bottom lip, questioning the authenticity of their connection. Even though their time together had been brief, she couldn't shake the feeling of attachment towards Juan. He held one of her deepest secrets and accepted her for who she was. It was a dream come true for her, finding someone who didn't judge her for her lack of sexual activity or her inability to conceive. The reality of her situation hit hard; she had undergone surgery that left her unable to bear children. The news had sent her spiraling into depression initially, but she had come to terms with it, accepting it as a part of her life's journey. Despite her desire to talk things out with Juan and try to salvage their relationship, she couldn't shake the feeling that he wasn't taking her seriously. It pained her deeply, knowing that she wasn't the type to chase after someone's affection.
Turning her head to the side, Jade noticed Yolanda lying beside her, both facing the same stark ceiling. Deciding to push aside her own thoughts about Juan, Jade chose to be there for her grieving friend. She reached out, sliding her hand down to meet Yolanda's, offering silent support as tears streamed down her face. Though Yolanda's expression remained impassive, her eyes betrayed the depth of her sorrow. "I hate him, Jade. I hate Malik so much," Yolanda finally uttered, her voice thick with pain. Hearing these words, Jade felt a pang of sadness surge through her. Yolanda's anguish was palpable, especially as she expressed her hatred towards her own twin brother. Witnessing Yolanda's pain weighed heavily on Jade, her own face contorting into a mask of sorrow as she fought back tears.
"It's his fault, and whatever trouble he got himself into. Now, Leon's not here anymore and I just, I just feel like—" Yolanda's words began to falter, hinting at self-blame, but Jade quickly hushed her, refusing to let her shoulders bear the weight of guilt. Yolanda's tears flowed uncontrollably, her attempts to stem them futile as she wiped them away. "It is not your fault, I won't allow you to blame yourself for this. Nobody saw it coming," Jade reassured her, moving closer and enveloping Yolanda in a comforting hug. Yolanda, overwhelmed with emotion, clung to Jade, her tears dampening Jade's cheek with their heat. With her family slowly crumbling, arguments escalating, and her parents barely communicating, Yolanda longed to escape from the pain that surrounded her. She felt as though she couldn't bear it any longer. "You were the best sister to him."
"Jade, Juan's not a good man either. You need to be careful. I don't want to see you get hurt next. Please, promise me you'll stop messing with him," Yolanda pleaded, pulling away from the hug. Tears welled in her eyes, her face etched with sorrow from the pain she had endured. Jade felt a pang in her heart at Yolanda's words. Though she couldn't deny that she still harbored some feelings for Juan, she also understood that Yolanda only wanted what was best for her. "I can't bear to lose you too," Yolanda continued, her words a warning. A tear trickled down Jade's cheek as she finally accepted the truth: she deserved better. With a solemn nod, she replied, "I promise." Yolanda enveloped her in another hug, and Jade felt a sense of relief wash over her as she let go of Juan. She knew it was the right decision for her own well-being.
As they shared another emotional hug, Jade couldn't shake the feeling of hurt that lingered within her. It wasn't just the pain of letting go of Juan, but also the realization that their relationship was truly over and she needed to forge a new path for herself. Accepting her fate, she embraced Yolanda tightly, feeling the weight of her friend's grief and the pain of her family falling apart. Yolanda's tears mingled with Jade's own, a shared moment of sorrow and acceptance. For Jade, it wasn't just the shock of Yolanda's brother's tragic fate that weighed on her, but also the crushing realization that the future she had envisioned with Juan would never come to fruition. She mourned not only the loss of their relationship but also the loss of the dreams and plans she had once held dear. Despite the pain and heartache, both Jade and Yolanda were grateful for each other's presence and support in their time of need.
*****
Opening a duffle bag, Cain quickly stuffed it with money and a heap of clothes, his movements rushed and frantic. He was aware that they were closing in on him, but he also had another mission to attend to in Jersey: reclaiming Emauni, spurred on by a call from his longtime associate Ronald, with whom he had done business in the past. Meanwhile, Wayne sat on the living room couch, silently observing the scene unfold before him. Levi lent a hand, assisting Cain in packing his belongings into the bag, while Serena, her eyes wide with nervousness and fear, stood nearby, her arms crossed tightly as she fretted over the possibility of Cain being apprehended. Tjay, standing at a distance, was overcome with remorse for what had transpired with Malik and the tragic outcome of his involvement. The guilt weighed heavily on him, as he had harbored genuine affection for Malik, akin to that of a brother.
"I'm gonna need to lay low for a while. They're definitely plotting revenge, and the cops might reopen the case. I'll head to Jersey, get Emauni, figure out a way to bring her back home, and then I'll keep a low profile there. I'll handle my business from Jersey for the time being," Cain explained, finishing up packing his bag and zipping it shut. He turned to Serena, who appeared uncertain about everything. "I want to come with you, Cain," she said nervously, pulling him into a hug. Cain sighed, feeling torn. He loved Serena more than anything, but he knew it was safer for her to stay behind. "I want you to come too, but you know it's not safe. Stay here with Levi and the family. They'll look after you, especially since you're expecting," he said, his gaze drifting down to her belly as he gently placed his hand on her stomach. It had only been a few weeks since they found out about the pregnancy, and they wanted to ensure everything was done right for the baby's sake.
Serena understood there wasn't much she could do or say; Cain was right, it was safest for her to stay put. Placing her hand above his, she felt a connection to their baby growing inside her. Cain leaned in, planting a kiss on her lips as they shared one final hug. He then turned to Wayne, and they embraced as well. "I'm proud of you, always have been. You never failed me, you're the best son I could have ever asked for," He whispered to Cain, his words not as low as he intended, as Tjay, standing nearby, overheard. The realization stung Tjay deeply; no matter what he did, he felt he would always be seen as inferior in his father's eyes as long as Cain was alive. The favoritism was glaringly evident, even to strangers. With a sense of hurt and resentment, Tjay turned away and walked off without even saying goodbye to Cain. Cain scoffed at his attitude, while the others ignored it, as if they were accustomed to such behavior.
Cain bid Levi farewell with their customary handshake, urging him to take care of the family and the house while he was away. Despite everything, Cain felt no remorse for his actions. Deep down, he knew he was a pure monster, indifferent to the consequences of his deeds. Selfish and driven by his own desires, he cared only about obtaining what he wanted, regardless of the cost. Without a second thought, he walked out the door and got into his car, driving off towards Jersey. Meanwhile, Tjay observed the scene from his room, feeling a sense of relief that Cain was gone. However, he also knew that there were now tensions between him and Malik. Torn between wanting to pay his respects and fearing disrespect, Tjay contemplated the situation. Realizing that things had gone too far, he made a decision. Pulling out his phone, he dialed Celeste's number, determined to put an end to it. "Hello?"
*****
Entering the familiar jazz bar where he had first met Angela, Malik allowed the soothing sounds of the instrumental jazz to wash over him, calming his frayed nerves. It was a refuge away from the chaos and negativity that seemed to surround him. Here, amidst the gentle ambiance of the bar, he found solace in the memories of Angela, even as he accepted the possibility that he might never see her again. Yet, despite this acceptance, the weight of his emotions remained heavy on his shoulders. The comforting atmosphere of the jazz bar eased his mind, offering a respite from the turmoil of his daily life. Surrounded by regular patrons who were neither involved in street life nor affiliated with any gangs, Malik felt a sense of safety and anonymity. Making his way to the bar, he ordered a strong drink, a departure from his usual habits as he sought to numb his pain, having already turned to weed for solace.
Dressed in a black hoodie with the hood pulled up, Malik obscured most of his face from view, leaving only his profile visible to those directly in front of him. Accepting the drink from the bartender, he wasted no time in downing it in a single gulp, the fiery sensation of alcohol coursing through his veins. Despite the burn, he found comfort in the numbing effect it provided, prompting him to order another without hesitation. As he sat there lost in his thoughts, a familiar voice pierced through the ambient sounds of the bar. "I'll call you later, ma. I'm on break, I'll call back when I'm done with work. Please, just don't tell the family anything." The voice stirred something within Malik, causing him to furrow his brow in confusion. He dismissed it as a trick of his mind, choosing to focus on the jazz performance unfolding before him. Meanwhile, a woman slid onto a chair two seats away from Malik, placing an order for a non-alcoholic Pina Colada. Despite her proximity, Malik remained facing away, his attention fixed on the stage, seemingly lost in his own world.
"We already know your usual, Miss Angela," teased one of the bartenders, prompting a chuckle from the woman seated nearby, not far from Malik. The mention of the name sent a jolt through Malik's heart, causing it to skip a beat. Could it really be her after all this time, he wondered, despite the nagging thought that she was a prosecutor? In that moment, he couldn't bring himself to care about the potential consequences as he slowly turned his head to gaze at the woman. She appeared engrossed in her phone, unaware of Malik's scrutiny, but the feeling of being watched nagged at her, causing her to look up and meet Malik's gaze. Instantly, her heart sank as a wave of emotion washed over her. As Angela quickly gathered her belongings and made a hasty exit from the bar, Malik felt a surge of confusion wash over him. Without a moment's hesitation, he leapt out of his seat and followed after her, determined to understand the sudden encounter.
Angela glanced nervously over her shoulder, confirming that Malik was indeed following her, his footsteps steadily closing the distance between them. Before she could make it far, Malik's firm grip on her arm halted her progress, pulling her to the side where they could speak privately. Angela felt a surge of fear grip her as she realized the gravity of the situation. Despite her attempts to remain composed, the uncertainty of revealing the truth to Malik weighed heavily on her mind. She was scared of the potential consequences of divulging information to someone she barely knew, scared of jeopardizing her reputation as a prosecutor, and scared of getting entangled in a situation she couldn't control. The decision to reveal her identity to Malik suddenly seemed fraught with risk, and Angela questioned whether it was the right choice after all. With her heart pounding in her chest, she braced herself for the conversation ahead, knowing that the outcome could have far-reaching implications for them both.
"Fuck's wrong with you?!" Malik's voice rang out in frustration, his anger bubbling to the surface as he struggled to comprehend Angela's fearful demeanor. He couldn't understand why she was acting as if she were scared of him, and a wave of paranoia washed over him as he wondered if she had discovered his affiliations, leading her to avoid him. In reality, Angela was simply overwhelmed by the prospect of revealing the truth to Malik and becoming entangled in his world. Over the past weeks, Angela's busy work schedule had kept her preoccupied, causing her to miss the opportunity to encounter Malik at the bar. Despite her lack of knowledge about Malik's true identity, he had already developed feelings for her, and her sudden avoidance only fueled his determination to find her. "Look, I think it's best if we just forget about what happened," Angela attempted to close the conversation, hoping to avoid the uncomfortable truth. However, Malik's grip tightened, pulling her back to face him, unwilling to let her walk away so easily.
"Why? Did I do something wrong?" Malik's voice wavered with a hint of sorrow, his eyes searching Angela's face for answers. As Angela met his gaze, she couldn't help but notice the change in him, the pain etched into his features like he had just suffered a heartbreak. His once warm demeanor now replaced with a coldness that sent a pang of guilt through her. "I just don't know anything about you, and I don't think I'm ready to get into something serious," Angela confessed, her own past traumas and fears clouding her judgment. Memories of Wayne's manipulation and control loomed large in her mind, leaving her hesitant to open herself up to love again, especially with someone she barely knew. The weight of her pregnancy only added to her uncertainty. Malik released her arm, the news weighing heavily on his heart as he realized that Angela didn't feel the same way about him as he did about her. Despite his disappointment, he couldn't fault her for being honest.
The hurt etched on Malik's face, coupled with the sense of defeat that seemed to hang over him, left Angela feeling a wave of guilt wash over her, tears welling up in her eyes. "I'm pregnant, Malik. That's the truth," she confessed, her voice trembling with emotion. As the words sank in, Malik felt a strange sense of relief wash over him, as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Perhaps it was the unexpected good news in the midst of turmoil that brought him a moment of peace. "But, I'm not keeping it." However, Angela's next words shattered that fragile peace, her revelation causing Malik's expression to crumble back into heartbreak. It seemed that no matter what, he couldn't catch a break. His heart felt heavy with the weight of Angela's decision, leaving him at a loss for words. Angela could see the pain written all over Malik's face, and the realization of the impact of her decision weighed heavily on her, mirroring his anguish in her own heart. The intensity of his pain was palpable, filling the space between them with an overwhelming sense of sorrow.
"I'm sorry, but I can't," Angela murmured, her voice heavy with regret as she gave Malik one last sorrowful glance before turning and walking away, leaving him to wrestle with his emotions alone. Despite the ache in her heart, she knew she couldn't allow herself to open up to a man, not now, not ever. As she hurried back to work, she fought to keep her composure, refusing to let her tears betray her resolve. Meanwhile, Malik remained rooted to the spot, watching Angela's retreating figure with a mixture of sadness and resignation. His mind raced with thoughts and pain, wondering where he had gone wrong to deserve such heartache. Unable to dwell on his emotions for too long, he took a deep breath and accepted the harsh reality of his situation. He was alone, unlucky, and uncertain of what the future held. Deciding to drown his sorrows, Malik returned to the bar and ordered himself another round of drinks, opting for something stronger this time. As he nursed his drink, he couldn't shake the feeling that Juan had been right all along, a bitter pill to swallow for his wounded ego. Despite the turmoil raging within him, Malik knew he had to bide his time and gather more information before seeking revenge on his brother.
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❝ — BEYOND THE WALLS
OF INTELLIGENCE, LIFE IS DEFINED.
I THINK OF CRIMES WHEN I'M IN A
NEW YORK STATE OF MIND. ❞
- N.Y STATE OF MIND, NAS.
ALBUM; ILLMATIC. 1994.
[ OPENING SEQUENCE— ILLMATIC I. ]
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Amidst the cacophony of ringing telephones and overlapping conversations, Angela returned to the lobby after her break, steeling herself to face the demands of another busy day. With determination in her step, she resolved to push aside the recent turmoil and focus on the tasks at hand. Life demanded resilience, and she couldn't afford to dwell on what had transpired. As she made her way towards her office, Angela's attention was diverted by the sight of Wilson beckoning her over to the meeting room. With a curious furrow of her brow, she approached the room to find Shawn and Terrence already inside, surrounded by a flurry of files and photographs spread across the table. Angela's interest piqued, wondering what urgent matter had brought them together. "What's going on?" She inquired as Shawn took a file from the table and handed it to Angela, who opened it to find it was regarding Emauni.
"It appears our young friend managed to escape, triggering a complaint from her foster parents. Allegedly, she fled with the assistance of a former foster child named Renell Sanon, also known as Roki," Shawn explained, delving further into the matter. Angela reacted skeptically, flipping through files revealing Roki's extensive history of criminal behavior, including drug use, violence against foster parents, and school fights. Despite this, Roki had never been sent to juvenile detention due to connections that helped her avoid it. "You've gotta be kidding me. What else do we know about Emauni? Has she been located? And who exactly is Renell, and why hasn't she faced consequences for her actions?" Angela questioned, eager to piece together the puzzle of Emauni's escape.
"It wouldn't be surprising if Emauni managed to escape and found her way back to Wayne. Unfortunately, without sufficient evidence, we can't arrest him on that basis, especially considering his knack for covering his tracks. Renell, on the other hand, is a well-known stripper at Lucky Honeey's club in Jersey, frequented by affiliates and businessmen. She's practically the face of the establishment. While we can intervene since they're both underage and still in the system, the question remains: for how long? Their birthdays aren't far off until they become legal," Terrence explained, laying out the situation and his concerns. Angela disagreed, asserting that regardless of their age, they both needed to be apprehended for their crimes.
"Renell's involvement in underage stripping at the club is alarming, especially considering her criminal history and reputation," Angela emphasized, her frustration evident. "At just seventeen, she's already caught up in a lifestyle that's more suited to a seasoned adult, not a child. We need to delve deeper into her background to understand what makes her the face of the club and how she's connected to Emauni. There's a strong possibility she has valuable information on the dealers and affiliates operating in the area." Angela paused, gathering her thoughts before continuing. "As for Emauni, it's disheartening that we have to consider it a closed case for now. But we can't afford to let it slip through the cracks. Even though their birthdays are approaching, we can't allow their lawyers to use age as an excuse to evade justice. Wayne may have powerful connections, but we can't let him get away with everything. We need to ensure this case doesn't get dismissed. Wayne needs to face the consequences for once, instead of always coming out on top."
Everyone supported Angela's perspective, acknowledging that they had more pressing cases to prioritize, so it wasn't a farewell to Emauni's. Despite this, they sensed Wayne's temporary victory, but it wouldn't last as he wasn't prepared for what was to come. "Let's delve into the case of Leon Kingston," Wilson proposed. "A recent incident involved the tragic death of a young boy in a car, while his brother emerged unscathed. It appears to be linked to gang-related conflicts, according to reports from their neighbors." He then handed another file to Angela, who gazed at the innocent face of the deceased child. Though she couldn't quite place it, there was something familiar about him. It deeply saddened Angela to witness the loss of young lives; they deserved justice in every possible way.
"Do we have the name of the brother?" Angela inquired as she continued to study Leon's files. Shawn handed her another file, and Angela's heart sank as she opened it. "Malik Kingston, eighteen years old, affiliated with Scar," Terrence explained. "Our investigation suggests a connection to Wayne; they both work for Sosa. We suspect Scar might also be under twenty, but we lack a name to establish identity." Angela's heart shattered with each word from Terrence as she sifted through the files, unable to believe who she was seeing—until she confirmed her suspicions. It was best they went their separate ways; Malik's gang affiliations, particularly his enmity with Wayne, made it necessary. Now, anger surged within her, directed at herself for letting him into her life and, worse, for becoming pregnant by an eighteen-year-old. She was disgusted and betrayed, her breathing slowing as she processed it all.
"Are you alright?" Wilson asked, placing a comforting hand on Angela's shoulder, snapping her out of her thoughts. She reminded herself of her surroundings, surrounded by suspicious colleagues, and nodded, attempting to lighten her mood. However, Shawn had already seen through her facade; he sensed there was history between Angela and Malik, even suspecting him to be the father of her child. He now had something new to report to Sosa. "Yeah, I'm fine, just feeling a bit drained," Angela brushed it off, setting the file back on the table. She couldn't bear to delve into more information about Malik; each revelation seemed to only bring more surprise and pain. She was completely left shocked.
"Leon's funeral—we'll be there, but at a distance," Terrence proposed, suggesting it could provide opportunities to glean new insights. "Everyone's attendance is mandatory; I want you all by my side." Shawn and Wilson agreed, seeing the potential in the idea. For Shawn, it was a chance to steer the team away from Sosa's case—he was only paid to keep Sosa's name out of the picture; the rest didn't concern him. With a federal angle to his work, he aimed to bring down criminals, something Sosa wasn't aware of. Angela, on the other hand, felt conflicted; she didn't want to risk encountering Malik at the funeral. She swiftly left the meeting, heading home to confront her feelings and figure out how to move forward. After all, she couldn't afford the truth to come out. She'd risk losing her respect.
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©𝐆𝐈𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐔𝐃𝐄
PRESENTING; — ILLMATIC I.
𝓒HAPTER TWENTY-SIX.
Nas once said ; Time is Illmatic.
A phrasing to emerge through illmatic. — that death is all around you so you shouldn't waste a minute of your time on earth, while acknowledging that time is always moving forward and it's easy to get stuck in a rut in your life.
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— 3/05/24.
Thoughts on this chapter?
Can't wait for school to be over,
so I can finally be done with this book once n for alll!!💕
Stay tuned for the next chapter, & til next time!
- sincerely, gianna. 𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪