«The tree has feelings you know», Luna said with that feathery voice of hers. Even if she was angry she wouldn't raise her voice at me. However, she didn't really get angry, ever, come to think about it.
I sighed and tried to be more careful placing the ornaments, «so you've said», I muttered, «which is why we are out here in the cold doing this instead of inside... where it is warm».
Luna smiled while watching me be more gentle. Then she handed me another sparkly one shaped like a diamond. «It is better to let the trees stay where they are, it is their home», she replied and began digging through the dark blue bag we had carried with us. There was a large golden star embroidered into it.
«What about us? Why couldn't we stay were we were?», I complained and stood up on my tiptoes to put the sparkly ornament further up on a different branch, «you know, where it is warm». I tied the bright yellow scarf around my head one more time, protecting half my face from the cold. My lips had chapped and I cursed the winter for its relentless effect on my sensitive skin.
Luna's eyes widened and her lips curled into a smile, «I found it», she beamed and showed it to me, «if you're cold I can use a charm to-»
«No», I protested, then my heart dropped at the sight of the glass bunny in her hand, «no magic», I whispered, not able to take my eyes off of it.
«She loved this one», Luna smiled again, twirling the bunny in her grip, «see how the light reflects off of it when I do this?».
Just like she said the light flickered onto us as she twirled it. It was beautiful. I felt nauseous all of a sudden.
«Just put it up there», I whispered and cleared my throat, «don't break it».
Then the rustling of trees behind us startled me. I instantly looked over my shoulder, my heart hammering against my chest.
«Oh, it's you», I breathed in relief as I finally laid eyes on my father. For a moment his necklace had nearly blinded me as that too reflected the sunlight.
«Thought I'd find you somewhere in here», he pointed out and walked over to my sister. A smile appeared on his face as he observed her put the bunny on the tree. «Girls», he then said-
«Yes?», we unintentionally replied in unison.
«Let us do something different this year, hm?», he suggested, placing his arms around the two of us. I frowned and stepped aside, his arm sliding off. He didn't seem to react.
Luna gazed lovingly at him, «like what, father?»
Xeno's lips formed into a soft smile, but there was something to it that I hadn't seen before. As if he was nervous. «Well, a christmas party, of course», he spoke with forced confidence.
I raised an eyebrow, «since when do we attend parties? You don't even like people, Xeno».
Luna was beaming with joy, «I like parties».
He smiled at her visible happiness and ignored my lack thereof, «I went to the Ministry to apply for more capital. You know — like we talked about? We have to expand in order to increase our audience. If we deliver more and people read more, then we will earn more, see?»
Stars twinkled in Luna's eyes, her pale face accompanied by rose coloured cheeks.
«And?», I challenged.
«And I met with Lucius Malfoy», he continued, making my stomach churn, «he might be willing to invest in The Quibbler».
«He won't though», I pointed out, fairly confident in that.
My father shrugged his shoulders and embraced Luna in a hug, «does not matter, he invited us to his christmas party at the Manor. Said that if he cannot invest, then there probably will be others of his elite who will».
My mouth was slightly agape at the whole thing, «and you believe that? He is not just inviting you to make fun of us? Of you?»
They both sighed, making me feel alien to this family. Why did I have to feel so left out? So ordinary in the midst of extremely peculiar?
«We have to take the chance», he simply replied and Luna let go of him.
«I would love to dress up and go to a party», she pointed out and gave me the sweetest smile, «aren't you glad? Your friends will be there».
I frowned at her, «aren't you not? Draco made you fall off a fucking broom».
Xeno laid a hand on Luna's shoulder, «nothing good comes from dwelling over the past, my dear. What matters is now, and what is to come».
She smiled and seemed to agree without hesitation. I rolled my eyes.
«Fine», I drawled and left the two of them to finish decorating the tree together.
-
My father knocked on the door. Luna grinned at me before nearly breaking her neck as she gazed upwards to take in the sight of the manor. «It's huge», she whispered, «too large for such a small family, don't you think? You could get lost».
I sighed and refrained from answering, instead I made sure my dress was alright. I had chosen a red one. It was tight fitting, a little short, and therefore quite the opposite of our school uniform, which was partly why I chose it. I was tired of feeling like a grey church mouse. But I was cold as all hell.
«Welcome to the Malfoy Manor», a little houseelf spoke up as the door opened, «the Master will be delighted to see you».
Luna's eyes crinkled at their sides as she smiled at it, her face bright with glee, «hello», she said softly. But it didn't take long till I saw the worry appear in her eyes by the sight of how poorly the elf looked.
However, without further ado we followed the elf inside. He hadn't given us a name, but I didn't mind. I always found it best that way. A name always made things more emotional.
By the way Draco had always behaved, I wasn't entirely surprised to see a houseelf in such bad shape.
He took us further into the house, and eventually we stopped in a large living room that bounced with music and chatter.
The three of us stood there like idiots. My father and Luna were dressed like they were going to a carnival or as if they were working at the circus. While all we saw in that room were grown men dressed in suits and similar dark outfits. Some of them had women by their sides, while most did not. I probably should have chosen black too.
«Welcome to our home», a sweet voice interrupted my spiraling, handing my father a glass of what I instantly recognised as firewhiskey, «I am Narcissa Malfoy, pleased to meet you». At least she had chosen something else than black, as she wore a stunning deep green pencil skirt with a white blouse.
Xeno nodded in acknowledgement and accepted the drink, «Xenophilius Lovegood, these are my daughters, Luna and Leonie».
I cleared my throat, «Leo», I corrected him and sighed, «can I have a drink also?»
Narcissa scanned me up and down and offered me a smile, «you must be Draco's friend. They're all in the library next door. He will have plenty of drinks to share, my lovely».
I fought the urge to roll my eyes and immediately left their side to head for the library. Grateful to get away from the men dressed in suits. Luna lingered by my father, undoubtedly curious to engage in talks about The Quibbler.
Stopping in the doorway to the library I leaned against it's frame as I folded my arms over my chest, my glittery heels doing wonders for my height for once. The boys were all dressed in black trousers and white shirts, mirroring the entirery of the men in the room next door, sitting in the most boujee group of sofas and armchairs I'd ever seen. The green velvet looked incredibly soft from where I was stood.
«What must a girl do to get a drink around here?», I asked loudly to get their attention. All of their eyes lit up as they saw me, both with joy and surprise, clearly not expecting me.
«Leo», Draco said and quickly scanned the room for what I assumed was a houseelf to do the work for him. But when he found none, he poked Blaise, «get her a drink».
I headed towards them, carrying only a handbag with my essentials safely inside. «Why is this the first time I am in your house, Draco?», I asked and gazed around the extremely large library, covered in books from floor to ceiling.
«You've never asked», Draco shrugged.
«We're here every year», Pike pointed out and crossed his legs, swirling his drink in his glass. He sounded almost proud, and so I concluded Pike did not live lavishly at home.
Blaise cleared his throat then, handing me a glass of peach coloured bubbles. I smiled and ignored how awkward he was, taking in my fit as he returned to his seat quietly. «I can handle my firewhiskey, you know», I pointed out as I too sat down.
«Celebrations demands bubbles, Leo», Draco grinned, reminding me how we'd already gotten to New Year's Eve, «how has your christmas been?»
«Fine», I replied, «where is Pansy?», I glanced over at Blaise, «Granger?». Taking a sip of my glass, I felt my throat warm quickly. They were strong bubbles alright.
«The mudblood isn't welcome», Draco spat, «and Pansy was needed at home».
I arched an eyebrow, «okay? So what happened to going to Rome?»
Draco shrugged, «father has been quite busy lately, so there wasn't time».
I glanced to my right. Blaise was chewing on his bottom lip, staring into his glass with longing. I felt kind of bad for him. But there wasn't a fibre in my being that thought he wanted to talk about it all. At least not to me.
We continued to chat, and the hours passed by swiftly. I was feeling tipsy after another couple of glasses, politely declining the firewhiskey as the bubbles did well for my mood. I was surprisingly happy to be there. Luna stayed by my father's side, which made it easier for me to let loose and not worry about her.
Luckily, Blaise had gotten more comfortable as time ticked by and the alcohol flowed. He was smiling and laughing, and for a little while there things felt kind of normal.
That was, until he asked me to step outside on one of the balconies for a moment. I had mostly accepted his request due to the obvious opportunity to smoke.
«I wanted to a-apologise for what I said», he stuttered, staring into his glass. I wasn't sure if it was nerves or alcohol restricting his speech. «You know, at the Halloween thing», he added.
I had already lit my cigarette, clutching to a white fluffy blanket I had thrown around my shoulders, «that's quite a few weeks ago now».
Blaise sighed and placed his glass on the marble railings next to mine, «I know, but I haven't found the chance to... speak to you about it in private».
«I suppose I am sorry I said what I said too», I muttered and watched the smoke coil around us. Hoping it wouldn't trail inside as we had left the double glass doors open.
«Thank you», he whispered and cleared his throat as if he hadn't meant to do so, «I also know you were clear to me about what you wanted and didn't want. I just-»
I held up a finger, «no, we're not having that conversation. And there's no reason to. You moved on. We moved on».
«But tell me why, Leo? Why was I not enough?», he asked then, his voice trembling with uncertainty. I had never seen him so frail, but I blamed it on the alcohol. I approached him, lifted his glass and then poured its contents onto the grass below.
«You shouldn't drink more», I pointed out coldly as I looked into his eyes, «and it was never about you».
Instead I handed him my cigarette, raising my eyebrows as to question whether or not he wanted it.
He took it, «I just don't understand». He inhaled, tried not to cough and handed it back.
«Are you and Granger not a thing anymore?», I asked, happily taking the cigarette and placing it between my lips.
Blaise exhaled and fidgeted with the sleeve of his shirt, «yeah, we are. We've written each other all christmas. I just wish-»
I shook my head, blowing smoke out my nose like a frustated dragon, «no. We leave it at that, okay? We're good. We're friends. And the two of you are good too. Right?»
He nodded, albeit reluctantly, «I guess», he sighed, «I need... I should go get some water in the kitchen».
Agreeing with him I let him leave, not feeling like we accomplished anything at all.
I leaned against the railings, once again repeating the ritual of slowly killing myself with cigarettes. The smoke covering me like mist.
Just as I had pressed the burning end against the hard surface of the railing and thrown the end off of the balcony, two men came out talking amongst themselves.
«You should know better, Lucius», one said, his voice gruff with annoyance, sounding as if he had been heavy on the whiskey all night.
Lucius Malfoy huffed, wholly unaffected by what I assumed was criticism, «I know exactly-»
They both stopped talking the moment they noticed me standing there. I offered a small smile, but stayed put. Draco looked quite a lot like his father, I thought. I had, obviously, seen him before. But only in passing. He raised an eyebrow at me, and turned to the other man.
«Give me a moment, Travers», he said calmly and ushered his friend back inside. In his hand he too had a glass of firewhiskey, and by the colour of his knuckles he was clutching to it quite desperately. But I didn't have much time to wonder why.
«Evening», I said and raised my chin. I was wearing heels, but the senior Malfoy still had quite a few inches on me.
He approached me, his steps a little wobbly and not as diligent as I imagined they had been earlier on. «Leonie Lovegood», he pointed out in confidence, as if he had waited very long to say my name out loud.
«I prefer Leo», I smiled, «I was just heading inside. Nice to meet you, Lucius».
He tutted his tongue, «so soon? I haven't even gotten the chance to talk to you», he stopped in front of me and looked down at me with a darkness in his eyes that made my stomach twist. Or maybe it was just the alcohol fuzzing my brain.
«They're waiting for me», I pointed out and stepped forward and to the side, only to have the man mirror me and block my way. I furrowed my eyebrows, «what are you doing?»
Lucius' lips curled in an arrogant way and I wanted to punch him for it. It didn't suit him very much. «Be a pet and humour me for a moment? It is, after all, only polite to talk to your host isn't it?», he pointed out, bringing his glass to his lips and shooting down more whiskey than necessary. Afterwards he licked his lips, his eyes taking in the sight of mine.
«Respectfully, Lucius-»
«I prefer Mr. Malfoy», he cut me off with a wink and a smirk wide enough to make me vomit.
I sighed, «step aside, please».
Instead he stepped forward, forcing me back agaib towards the railings. I peered over my shoulder just to figure out whether I'd survive if he somehow ended up pushing me over. It was, unfortunately, quite far down. It would be an instant death, if I was lucky.
«Leo», he spoke with a poisonous tone, «you must have inhereted all of your beauty from your mother», he brought a hand up to my chin and grabbed it tightly, «and perhaps the grit too». He tilted my face upwards, his awfully close to mine.
I looked at him with disgust as I pulled away from his grip, «do not speak of the dead», I hissed, «now, let me pass».
Lucius laughed, taking another step forward, my back then fully pressed against the railings. «Why are you in such hurry? We have another good hour before the New Year count down», Lucius said and leaned down closer to me, «one can have a lot of fun in an hour», he purred. His lips brushing against my ear.
I clenched my fists and my jaw, knowing exactly in what mood his whiskey had taken him. «I'm not interested, Mr. Malfoy», I replied dryly. He lifted his head again, and I stared into his eyes to prove I wasn't intimidated by him.
Still he didn't wipe the grin that haunted the side of his lips, «so much fire in you, isn't there? Do you bow? Do you bend? For a man?». His eyes dipped, this time to the heated rise of my chest above the squeared neckline of my dress.
My insides were on fire then, and not the good kind. The smell of the whiskey on his breath made me nearly throw up on his pretty shoes. «Let me pass», I hissed, craning my neck to peer past him, hoping to meet someone's gaze and maybe they would come to my sweet rescue. But all I saw was the flow of the ridiculously expensive black curtains by the door.
«So stubborn», he whispered, «I am sure I could break you in an hour... On the other hand, I think I'd only need thirty minutes».
«Fuck off», I replied, ignoring how my heart threatened to burst out of my chest. I pulled the blanket closer around me, covering what I could of my skin, and tried to slip past him again, but to no avail. Lucius had me trapped by his taller figure.
«Such nasty words from a sweet girl», he purred again. I was tempted to grab and pull his long white hair that annoyingly matched my own.
I frowned, «I have no problem telling your wife about this».
Lucius's smile finally faded. But I wasn't too sure I was happy about it after all.
As he lifted his hand to cup (or maybe slap) my cheek, he was stopped mid-air.
«I think that's enough», a dark voice spoke with utmost urgency, yet calmer than most. Deadly and smooth, all at the same time. And I would've recognised that voice anywhere.
Shivers went down my spine.
Lucius sneered at the man holding his wrist and yanked it agressively out of his grip. «Severus, why aren't I surprised? You know how to perfectly dampen any party», he muttered and sent me a glare before scurrying back inside like a dog with its tail between its hind legs.
I hadn't realised I had been holding my breath till then. I let it go as Snape scanned me to make sure I was still whole and unharmed, and when he found nothing he looked at me with discontent, «what are you doing here?»
«What are you doing here?», I countered, chugging down the glass of bubbles I had brought. It made me hiccup.
He seemed to weigh his words, but then chose not to answer my question, «did he hurt you?»
«No», I snarled, «and I can take care of myself, thank you». Another hiccup.
«Have you taken your-»
«Yes», I hissed, «of course, but you know-», I hiccuped again, «just as well as I do that I am doing quite well with my Occlumency now».
Snape nodded but refused to compliment me or agree, «it is important you keep your walls up here. Believe me. Take my word for it».
I frowned, not bothering to ask why as all I wanted was to return to the library to see my friends, «I don't need your instructions. I can handle myself». A fourth hiccup and it was getting on my nerves.
Snape narrowed his eyes at me, «how much have you had to drink?»
«None of your business», I snarled, «get out of my way».
He grabbed my wrist as I walked away, and my face fell as the look in his eyes was anything but cruel. «Answer me honestly, Leo», he spoke quietly, «did he hurt you?»
I shook my head, «no», I said, cursing under my breath at the next hiccup, «I'm fine».
At that moment I realised I had truly fucked up. Big time.