Zade
Its been three weeks since my discharge from the hospital and I was feeling much better physically. I was back to normal basically. Day to day you wouldnt think my girlfriend had stabbed me and tried to kill me over some money. It still hurt bending down and doing little things like tying my shoe laces but for the rest, I was able to maneuver.
My mind has probably never been clearer than it has right now. Leaving behind the drugs, pills and alcohol was the best choice I have made. It was fucking tough growing up which I guess is not a good enough of an excuse to be an asshole all round.
Growing up, I had to mature quickly. Being dragged from one foster carer to another was shitty and I worked my ass off to get my little sister up and the fuck out of there. My friends were terrible I guess, I saw quick and fast money. Maybe I was the terrible friend your parents warned you against. The "wrong crowd". I had survival on my mind and feeding my sister and that landed me in jail. I couldnt even speak to Zara while I was away because I was worried she would clock the state I was in so fast and she would now be worried.
Zara took on a lot of my emotions. But jail was so fucking depressing. I went into zombie mode almost. Couldnt get up off my ass and felt like ending it but the only thing that kept me going was that Zara would have nobody left. Its pretty easy to be on drugs on the inside, probably harder on the outside funny enough. Picked up the worst habit to cope and the minute I stepped out, I attached myself back to Veronica and we made bad decision after bad decision. It was Zara actually who knocked the sense back into me with her silly friend and her bat.
Zara and I had the same habit of attaching ourselves to someone and that took over. It was almost how we survived.. shes done it forever with her boyfriend in the past and so have I with Veronica. Trauma bonded and attached each other to more trauma.
Its like we couldnt live peacefully, we had to cause drama to survive and feel stable. Thanks to my fucked up coke head parents. Zara doesnt remember much, but I do. I was 4 years older than her. They were neglectful pieces of shit.
I was proud of Zara, she had done well for herself. Apart from losing that good job because of her infactuation with Kain. I saw the way she looked at him, as if he was her hero or guardian angel. She spoke about him constantly, mostly pissed at him funny enough. I saw the way he was with her, weird actually seeing someone love the most important person in your life. But both were too childish almost and too absorbed with themselves.
I did not know Zara going to meet up with Benji wasnt known to Kain. When he asked if I had seen her, I told her she went out with some old friends she reconnected with. Zara stomped into the penthouse pissed yelling I should mind my own business.
How was I supposed to know? I couldnt keep up with their drama. Their friend Rose I think has yapped my ear off about their weird friendships and it was concerning how co-dependent they all were on each other.. Funny because all my life I attached to having problems with being poor. Seemed like they came from more fucked up parents and backgrounds. I saw Zara fall into their world. It was even weirder seeing my sister in designer and living high quality life. She pulled her nose at my choice of restaurant (it was a food truck) which made me laugh but also concerned.
After their argument continued for the night, she made Kain sleep on the sofa before he stomped off himself. His brother I think came to tell Zara, Kain had gone to London for work or fashion or something. I couldnt remember his name, but he seemed to be very sympathetic towards Zara. I wondered if he had a thing for her. She swore they were just friends when I asked her. Nothing ever happened between them.
Even without Kain here last few days, his friends were alive and kicking in this penthouse and would often be around. I picked up a lot of things such as Julian seems to be the most sensible one. Kain's brother was very emotional. The one that looks a lot like Julian seems to be floating around in happy spirits and having a good time was his motto. He was inlove with himself. It was odd almost to see sarcastic rude Zara whose fuse ran short in this, yet comforting. She found herself almost a little family?
Zara felt guilty about meeting up with Benji. She had blocked him all over and I think Kain demanded this. She told me she was never going to see him again which was odd because Benji has been part of her life forever? He was always going to be her fall back guy which was sad.
"One habit you need to kick..." Zara says as she held up my packet of cigarettes.
"What more do you want from me woman." I say and she rolled her eyes. "Im sad youre not going to be here anymore."
"My new apartment is ready? I have to get back to work." I tell her. "Your boyfriend will be happy to see the back of my head."
"Shut up." She sighs as she sat down on the sofa. She wore his hoodies and jumpers when he wasnt here.
"I have had a lot of fun irritating him with my presence I have to say." I say laughing.
"Well, if he returns from London that is... hes being a big baby." She sighs as she just sat back on the sofa. "Zara if you cry again I am going to lose it." I tell her
"Shut up. I am going to be actually happy to see the back of your head." She says and I laugh at her. We went yesterday to move my stuff, didnt have much here anyway. It was all furnished and a nice place in Brooklyn. I have not lived alone which is sad to say given I am 26 this year, ever.
"So whats the plan? Be sad?"
"No... Hannah should be here soon. Were going to binge watch Married at First sight Australia. Maybe I should move there and go on that show."
"Good luck with that." I say getting up. I did not particularly want to see Hannah, it was best I avoided her actually. I felt a little bad because she was honestly so nice and fun to be around but the last thing I wanted to do was lead her on and get myself attached to her knowing damn well I am not in a space for a relationship right now.
"You hear Hannah's name and you run off." Zara says annoying me because it was true.
"Your funny friend doesnt bother me." I say picking up my keys. I had picked up my car yesterday as well and it was sad to say goodbye to the place where I shared with Veronica. I was convinced that lunatic was the love of my life but maybe we get more than a few loves?
"Bye sis. Thanks for everything. Dinner at my place Sunday. Every Sunday." I tell her and she nods. I kiss the top of her head and leave before she starts crying again. She has always been emotional, couldnt control them either.
I walk out the penthouse and bump into Hannah.
"Ouch." I say bending over.
"Oh my God... are you okay?" Hannah says concerned. I stand up straight and smile making her frown and slap my arm.
"Thought I hurt you." She says
"Need a little more than that? Maybe the bat?" I say and she rolled her eyes. "Thought we moved past that?" She asks. I was too distracted by how she looked to even hear her for a second. Hannah was a beautiful girl and I dont think she knew it? She was stunning all over, her tanned skin always shining. Her perfect face, her lips were probably my favourite and the faint freckles spread across herbutton nose. Her hair was pulled back showing her face more.
"Earth to Zade?" She says
"You look beautiful today." I say. "Sorry you are just so mesmerizing?"
"Shut up." She says rolling her eyes hiding the blushing she was doing. I press the code in for the door.
"See you around Hannah." I say as I walk over to the lift. She watches me for a second before I hear the door closing behind her. Stay focused Zade. Focused. I slipped up and I do not think Zara knows that when her friend and I shared a bed, it got a little hot and steamy.. I was an injured sad little lamb but she made me feel better. She was slightly intoxicated but she kept pushing herself on me and I couldnt take it much longer before my lips found hers and my fingers travelled over body, in between her legs. She covered her mouth scared her friend might hear what her brother was doing to her best friend.
Hannah didnt seem to be very experienced in the world of boys. Shes never had a boyfriend before and it wasnt all that shocking but what shocked me was that she then mumbled shes never had sex before. I was too injured to go the full lengths with her anyway but damn did I want to..
I lied to Zara about going home. I drove about 2 hours and parked my car, getting out and stretching. Visits in prison arent any fun. Veronica used to come all the time... to the point that we had gotten our marriage certificate and she was allowed conjugal visitation. Never told Zara that, probably will never tell her Ive been that dumb. Ive set enough bad examples for the girl.
The least I could do was visit my wife in prison.
Veronica appeared in the room, in her dark grey jumpsuit and sat down. Her bright red hair was pushed behind her ears and was falling down. Her face bare as she chewed her bottom lip. It was like she stripped down of everything she loved, the make up, big eyelashes, Vee loved dramatic hair colours. Probably only thing she could control in life.
"I was praying and praying you was alive." Veronica says.
"You cant kill me off that easy baby." I say and I watch her eyes pool with tears. I know life was sad for me but fuck... was it sad for Vee. Her life had been a series of unfortunate events and sometimes I wondered how she powered through.
"You shouldn't have come here." She says as she takes a deep breath.
"Hey you did me a favour?" I tell her. I wasnt sure why I felt compelled to make her feel better. "Zara forgave me on my deathbed? I got my sister back."
"Shes too forgiving. Just like you." She says. "We fucked up big time Zade..."
"I know... we make stupid decisions together." I say sighing. "Thats why we cant be together no more."
Veronica just looks at me like I slapped her in the face. "I cant lose Zara again..." I tell her. "I cant play these stupid games anymore."
"Which is me?" She asks. "Im the problem right?"
"Vee.." I say but she shakes her head. "My whole freaking life revolved around you. Made you my family when I had none."
"So did I." I tell her. "What did we end up with? Drug problem and hurting my own fucking sister.. you nearly fucking killed me Vee." I snap at her. "That would have destroyed Zara for the rest of het fucking life. I messed her up enough."
"Oh please.. Zara is better off without you. Look how well she did for herself whilst you were gone." She says. "And when you returned you broke her heart.. brother of the fucking year."
"Maybe you'll be better off without me too then?" I say as she just stared at me. Her emotions shut off as she now stared at me blankly. All I wanted to do was pull her in over the table, tell her we will be fine and that I love her. I want to tell her that she was my fucked up stability in a sense...
"You're dead to me Zade. I never ever wanna see you again." She says before she gets up. I sat there for a while as she had gone, just staring out.
With out her I just felt a sense of aloneness. Shes always been by my side and now I had to figure this out all alone... I knew it was for the best... yet it hurt goddamn for the worst.
Three weeks went by and I had sort of adjusted to the new life I was living. Ive become obsessef with investment and I had an idea to start my own business. I have bought a club on a good deal and was in the midst of renovating the place.. I wanted to get Zara on board and make it into like a family business. She had experience managing a restaurant she could do this next?
Ive asked her to come meet me at the location as I was going through some stuff.
"Seems a little early for the club?" She says walking in. I was sat by the bar filling out paperwork. I had just signed some paperwork to get my divorce through. I put it below the others as I get up.
"Welcone to ZNZ." I say and she just stares at me confused.
"Ive bought a club." I say and she nods. "I see..." She looked around and sits down at the bar. "This is exciting. Free booze?"
"Not for you because this is our club. Z and Z." I tell her and she just frowns. "Ive put shares in the club under your name. Its going to be our family business."
"Zade... thats so freaking cool." She says as her eyes litt up.
"Right? I need your management experience here." I tell her. "Were going to get this right."
"Its lke a purple dark arabian theme running here." She says looking around and I nod. "Yeah. We will do sisha, drinks, some food... good music, DJs."
"Im so happy, look at you business man." She says and I nod. "Yep..." I say. "Trying to make a name for us. Were set to open in a few weeks.. were going to have to promote it and everything. Im in the process of hiring staff but I thought you can be in charge of that as manager and co-owner."
"I know just the right people to promote this." She smiles. "Rosie has like a gazilion followers and all you need is the picture taken of the rest here having a good time and its game on."
"Look at you business woman." I say and she laughs. "Im so hiring Hannah, so she can quit that shitty job."
"What? Why?" I ask confused.
"Whats your problem?" She asks folding her arms. "What experience has she got?" I ask.
"Stop. You like her and when her nerdy pretty self is around you are unable to control yourself so you dont want her around."
"I dont want your friend." I say
"Well she doesnt want you either. She went on a date actually last night." She smiles. "And looked like she had a great time." I just blink a few times trying to understand why that bothered me so much.
"Okay? So?" I shrug. "Hows your the boyfriend?" I ask.
"Yeah good." She smiles. "We have just been chilling this whole week since hes come back from London. Havent gone out much, just cooked and chilled." She says. The two had a thing apparently where they just spent days on end in bed or the sofa. Didnt wanna know the rest to be honest.
"Still hiring her Hannah by the way." She smiles picking up the stack of papers. "All this paperwork." She says. "So who did she go out with?" I ask her but she doesnt respond as she stares at the paper in front of her.
"Youre married to Veronica?" She asks as she looks up.
"Yeah well no... soon not anymore." I say and she just stared at me as if I told her I hate her. "You married the woman that came to you with the idea to kidnap me, hold a gun to my head and extort money out of my boyfriend?" She says as the tears start streaming down her face.
"We literally got married so we could fuck whilst I was in prison?" I say. "You fucking liar."
"Zara..." I say but she got up throwing the papers everywhere. "Fuck. Zara." I say but she had stormed out. I thought it be easier to move on from this but she seemed to be still visibly hurt over it.
I sigh and pick up the papers. "Great." I mumble to myself. I let her calm down and go about my business. That evening, I thought to go see Zara and talk to her as she ignored my text messages. It was kind of easy tracking down where Zara was. Her friend Rosie, who I swore her name was Rose followed me on Instagram and that girl post her day to day minute to minute life. She posted a picture of her and Zara on the couch on her story. Thanks to the internet I guess.
Getting into the George Henry building was a whole fucking mission. You had to be on a guest list and then they let you in if youre not a resident. Then they memorize your fucking face and name. Living here for a while, they just got used to my face I think so when I walked in I was greeted and smiled at which was a whole different response to the first morning I walked in without Zara. The place had a whole country club, gym, spa's, pools and all sorts of services. I could tell the staff I want a crazy flavour ice cream that is sold in Boston they will go find it.
I head into the lift and press 84. It took a freaking while to reach all the way to the top. As I got out, I saw Kain's brother outside as he was staring at his phone.
"Hey." I say as I walk up to him. As if I startled him, or caught him doing something he wasnt supposed to do, he looked at me and quickly locked his phone and pushed it into his back pocket.
"Whats up." He says.
"You good man?" I ask and he just nods. "Yeah. Family drama." He says. "Dont I know it." I say and he just chuckles. He pushes the code in for the penthouse and walks in with the little beep sound following us.
Zara's laughs were heard throughout the penthouse as we entered. She was on Kain's lap and the two seemed to be play fighting. Rosie was laying on the sofa and music was blaring through speakers.
"Hey." Rosie says as she yells out for Alexa turning the music off.
"Hello." I say smiling at her. She was a pretty girl, your typical blonde hair and blue eyes. Prim and proper, probably screamed if something wet touched her. Kain sees me first and stops making Zara look up. She just looks at me and frowns.
"Usually if I ignore text messages that means I do not want to talk?" She says. Zara's had an attitude since the beginning of time.
"Can I talk to you for a second?" I say. "Stop playing." I tell her as she just stared at me. Kain's eyes on me as if he was going to do something about me telling Zara to get up. The only thing I liked about him was his seriousness about Zara for the rest he was one idiot asshole and I would happily beat the sense out of him.
Zara sighs getting up and walks out to the kitchen and I follow her over. Julian was in the kitchen and seemed to be mixing a big batch of margaritas.
"Rosie's favourite. Don't ask." He says and I nod. "Wasnt going to." I tell him.
"Have you divorced that woman?" Zara asks folding her arms.
"Im literally filing for it." I say. "It takes a long time to get divorced Zara."
"Well talk to me when youre free of her." She says. I guess all her anger about the situation was directed soley at Veronica which was sad because they had a relationship?
"I can help with that?" Julian says. "The firm has a team that specializes in divorces. I can get them to literally wrap it up in 5 working days."
"Whats the name of the firm?" I ask him.
"Reynolds & Reynolds." He says and I nod. "Ive searched up for an attorney and turns out thats a popular one. Expensive one. Probably most expensive one." I tell him and he chuckles. "Never lost a case?" He says.
"Do you work there?" I ask
"Yes, I am planning on going to Law School soon." He says. "I can sort it out inhouse."
"Great. Thanks Julian. Her name is Veronica Read. I am sure Zade here will provide you with all the details." Zara says accepting on my behalf. Julian nods. "Consider it done." He walks off with the big jug and cups.
"Having links within your friends seems useful." I say and she nods. "Bye Zade."
"Stop being so child-ish." I tell her.
"You didnt even tell me you got married." She says to me. "Im your sister. Only sister. Didnt even fucking know."
"It honestly wasnt a big deal? It wasnt like I proposed we literally did it so she could come visit me?"
"And not once did I get to visit you. She wouldnt even tell me where you were." She says. "She came first though right?"
"I didnt want you to see me like that. In that state in that fucked up place." I tell her.
"My choice. Not yours. You just left me for two fucking years and spent it having conjugal visits and getting married. Then you choose her over me again when you came out." She says as she starts crying making me feel even fucking worse.
"Fuck Zara I messed up. A lot. I know that. Do you not think I know that?" I snap at her. "You think I dont fucking sit here filled with regret trying to make it up to you? All you remember is the bad stuff nothing fucking I done for you."
"I suggest you stop yelling at her." Kain says appearing in the kitchen. I was already on ten and him talking to me right now wasnt helping.
"How about you shut the fuck up for once." I tell him. "And mind your own fucking business and not my families."
"Oh youre family now?" Kain says.
"Stop." Zara says standing in front of Kain pushing him back.
"Oh you think your her family now? Buying her a couple purses and shit and you think thats what makes you family?" I laugh.
"Sure as hell not kidnapping my own sister." He says.
"Stop. Can you guys fucking stop." Zara says. "Come out behind my sister big guy." I tell him.
"No. Stop." Zara begs as she tries to push him backwards. His friends run into the kitchen.
"Dont let me catch you slipping up big guy." I say walking past them and out this place before I did something Zara would never forgive me for.